Trying to conceive baby No 1 over 40

@Catconfusion Thank you so much - I’m going to screenshot that post to read every time I feel a bit defeated by the statistics. It’s so true and for every negative story there’s ten more success stories. xx

@Tweaker You are my new Zen role model and you are absolutely correct to be that way. xx

@MyOtherProfile Thank you! People can be so insensitive sometimes, but I reported the post and mumsnet moderators are seriously efficient in removing them! And thanks for the positive story too :-)

@October1979 no problem at all. In my case I had a weak line on the Sunday, a negative test on the Monday and the bleeding started early hours of Tuesday morning.

I was definitely talk to your doctor about progesterone. I was prescribed progesterone with my son after two mcs. I also called my doctor this time and got it prescribed. I don’t think it would have made a difference this time but who knows, maybe my son wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t taken it. It’s not common practice to prescribe it but if you look up the research and show your doctor, hopefully they’ll prescribe it. It’s a cheap medication as well so shouldn’t be a problem.

For now rest up and do whatever you think will make you feel better. I watched some Netflix and had some chocolate. To be honest it hit me again yesterday and I suddenly felt really sad but it’ll be ok. It’s not an easy thing to deal with. Xx

(And to the one or two people popping on this thread to say pointlessly unkind sht like ‘Why leave it so late?’ some of us weren’t fortunate enough to meet our DH/OHs until later - I was 39 - so PLEASE kindly f*k off ;-D)

Stunned anyone would criticise. I didn't meet dh til quite late and got pregnant quickly at 37 and 39, smooth pregnancies and both children are teens now.

Really wish you ladies all the best. Hope your good news is just around the corner.

@Geriatric1234 and @Tweaker it’s so overwhelming at first with all the negative information online. Having a mc is also really daunting. Don’t let it put you off though. Pregnancy loss is generally very common and even if you have one in your 40s, doesn’t mean it’s age related or will keep happening. Once pregnant and you get past the 12 week scan and screening tests the chances are great that all is well. Most chromosomal issues will either lead to mc or be picked up on the scan/screening tests in the first 12 weeks. The rarer ones might come up on the 20 week scan or lead to a late loss but this is uncommon.

I think the increased risk of still birth is more to do with gestational diabetes and preeclampsia being more common. When I looked at the increased risks of these conditions with age it wasn’t that much more likely. In fact they only screen women over 40 for gestational diabetes if there are signs. I didn’t have either of these issues and my consultant made me feel confident they could be managed if I developed them.

I just think there’s a real disconnect between the media and what it’s actually like to be pregnant over 40. None of my doctors were worried about my age or concerned something would go wrong. I had growth scans but was told it was an extra safeguard it was unlikely an issue come up on them.

Try not to worry, I know it’s really hard and have totally been there. Once you’re pregnant you’ll feel better, especially once you feel the baby move. I really hope we get some more bfps on this thread! Xx

Hey @October1979 I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m absolutely gutted for you. I haven’t spoken to the doctor yet but I might arrange an phone appointment. It’s a good idea to get it on record that it’s happened.

So I had a mmc, an early one a bit like this and then I had my ds. A sticky one may be just at round the corner. I got really depressed after my second one as I thought there was something wrong with me. Now I’m in awe of what my body did to produce my baby. It is really sad and of course you’ll grieve for it but it seems your body really wants this. It’ll happen, I’m sure of it! Xx

Exactly - 'the first step on a very high ladder' is a good way of putting it. If I just focus on the wanting-to-have-a-baby bit then I'll feel ok, just worried about my chances. If I think about the whole journey I freak out a bit....I suspect that if I saw a positive on a pregnancy test I would initially be ecstatic then the fear would kick in.
I have to wait two weeks as that's the next available appointment. It is frustrating, waiting, but I completely understand that there are way more pressing things for them to be dealing with so I'm philosophical about it. I'm going to really go for it this month whilst I still have hope!

Thank you @Tweaker! Gawd it feels good to know other people have the same internal conflicts! Getting pregnant feels like the first step on a very high ladder, one that I’m quite scared to climb. Given I didn’t meet my OH until late, I’d always operated on the basis I wouldn’t have kids so this feels pretty wild!

Blood tests tomorrow to check my MC doesn’t have obvious reason. Mine was at 6.5 weeks so was sad but not too traumatic but I certainly don’t want to have endless MCs.

Why are you having to wait two weeks if they already know results? That feels unnecessarily beaurocratic! And especially unkind given what the receptionist has told you. I’d just be worrying, even if there’s probably no reason.

It is so stressful. Feels good to vent to others who get it!!

@Geriatric1234 I can completely relate to your post. I feel so indecisive. One minute I think about the positives - lots of women my age (41) get pregnant, what a joy it is etc. The next minute I think of the possibilities of things going wrong. I've had a m/c so I know how upsetting it is. I don't know how I'd cope with another, or god forbid anything even more distressing. I have also been back and forth about the vaccine - it's like a game of tennis in my head! I think I'm particularly disheartened atm as I really 'felt' pregnant last month and the disappointment of af arriving was palpable.
I have had day 3 and 21 (well, actually 24) tests and the Gp is calling me about them in two weeks. The receptionist told me today that all it says on the system is 'borderline.' Borderline what I don't know! Sorry too for the negative vent but I just want to say I can relate!

Good luck today with acupuncture @October1979. Crossing everything for you!

Having a bit of an internal scream today.

Tonight I have acupuncture, which is also for period pain.

Tomorrow eve after work I have blood tests - getting AMH, Vit D and Thyroid function checked. DH getting SA done next month. Also getting scan just to check my fibroids aren’t going to be an issue.

Am taking Omega 3, ubiquinol and high-value prenatal with top notch folate.

But I feel WEIRD. I feel like I’m at a strange for in my life where I am working towards one goal but not sure what’s going to play out as the messages to woman over 40 are so mixed. We’ve already decided we don’t want to go down the IVF rabbit hole now as it’s just not our bag, but my head is overwhelmed with what I should/shouldn’t be doing.

Should I take DHEA?? That can have a negative impact apparently if it’s not needed. The place I’m getting tests done aren’t testing me for progesterone as I fell pregnant first time (Nov 20).

But I also feel nervous if I do get pregnant because I feel so down about the statistics for chromosomal issues. I have had two friends have stillbirths in past year (one was 34 years old and one 38, so not related to being over 40, just nature) and I feel like my anxiety IF I even get pregnant again may be off the charts. When can we even relax once pregnant?

And is anyone else scared about not being able to be vaccinated for COVID?? Obviously we are not a group that can afford to wait until September to start trying but....

AAARGHHHH I dunno. This is such a negative message I know but I just feel so bloody anxious about every result.

Thank you in advance for just reading this and letting me vent!

All the above aside - I absolutely believe healthy pregnancy over 40 is statistically more probably than not. It just takes 9 months of holding one’s breath!

xxx

(And to the one or two people popping on this thread to say pointlessly unkind sht like ‘Why leave it so late?’ some of us weren’t fortunate enough to meet our DH/OHs until later - I was 39 - so PLEASE kindly f*k off ;-D)

@October1979 all my fingers and toes are crossed for you hun!

I've just read through this thread, fingers crossed for you

@October1979 it could definitely be more diluted samples giving the weaker line. Until 48 hours have passed they might not look any darker. It’s so tough at this stage. Virtual handhold! Xx

@October1979 I echo what @Catconfusion says. Only time will tell but it's definitely a good thing you are getting positives now. Wishing you all the best for those darker lines XxX

@October1979 it’s so difficult to say at this stage. I’d say it’s looking good as the lines are not always dye stealers at this stage. Does it look darker than yesterday? The threshold level of hcg on the monitor might be quite high. If a pregnancy implants late it can take a while for hcg to show in samples. All you can do is keep an open mind and maybe test again in a couple of days. Above else try not to worry or get stressed. Thinking of you and hoping for a stronger line in a couple of days. Xx

They're still obvious positives, OP. Much the same as yesterday's and it hasn't been very long at all. The strength of positives varies quite a bit at this stage. I know we'd all like to see very dark lines, and I can't guarantee everything is okay, but I don't think there is reason to worry at all.

@October1979 that's definitely positive. Congratulations!

@Shadow79 I couldn't read your heartbreaking story and not say sorry for your loss Best of luck to you x

Thanks @October1979, I'll have a look at eBay first, I think £249 is a little excessive to get a brand new one