TTC #1, cycle 13 and fed up! Whose with me?

Really well put @Theawkwardblonde

@CurbsideProphet sorry you’re having a tough time. I think it’s normal to worry about these things but it is easy to catastrophise and that’s not helpful (although I was definitely doing this not long ago). The job situation must understandably be causing a lot of extra pressure. I’m not sure if it helps in this situation but I always like to try and remind myself that worrying about the situation doesn’t change it. It doesn’t make it better normally only worse.

I’m doing ok. DH finally got SA done last week (we’ve been waiting since October to get an appointment). Should get results this week. I’m going to contact the dr this week for another appointment to try and see what our next steps are. I’m 3dpo so probably naively trying to be positive. DH is working from home till June so I’m hoping this will be positive for us as he’s normally works away and having him here definitely helps my mental health.

I’m still having a lot of anxiety about work colleagues announcing they’re pregnant though. Think that’s both due to pressure at work and being left to deal with it alongside the upset of a pregnancy announcement. On annual leave just now so this has settled but sure it will amp up once I’m back. Not sure how to deal with it. I literally was up for the day from 3am a few weeks ago convinced someone was pregnant based on nothing...

@thislittlebird hope the appointment goes ok.

@CurbsideProphet I can understand your trepidation and that definitely makes sense. You need to protect yourself but also give yourself the best possible time whilst going through it. I hope you're class goes well and do ask abut when the counselling can start when you next speak to the clinic!
@thislittlebird best of luck using the monitor. I've heard good things about those!

Oh and I should add, my body is also being a bitch. AF just decided to be an asshole and change for the last few months. I flipped out last week and booked the fertility clinic appointments earlier than I’d planned because I feel so out of control of it all, at least I’m doing something.

Started using CB fertility monitor today, hoping that will help us

@CurbsideProphet this is really relatable. We have our first fertility clinic appointment on Feb 8th, my AMH test and scan Jan 28th, and we’ve been watching some modules and filling in forms for a while this weekend. We aren’t as far down the line as you yet (not sure what the scans and tests will show) but there’s just so much uncertainty around it all, it’s not easy.

I’m the same though, I don’t want to imagine it will work in case it doesn’t but as @notyetamumbuttrying said, catastrophising is easily done and I have to pull myself out of it with some CBT exercises because it’s a vicious circle.

How were your previous fertility clinic appointments?

The doctor was quite clear about success rates for my age and AMH so I'm frightened to let myself feel like it will definitely work when there's more chance that it won't, if that makes sense?

I know I'm definitely struggling with the lack of control at the moment - my body isn't doing what it should, I don't know how many cycles until I start, I don't know if it will work, I don't know what will happen with my job.

Too many things for my brain to compute! Ideally I would get out on furlough so I could just concentrate on the IVF for a few months. Most of my colleagues were put on it last spring (and are now back) but we've not heard what the plan is yet.

I've got a zoom yoga class at 7.30 which is good. I suppose they call it Blue Monday for a reason 😬

@CurbsideProphet hiya 👋🏾 ok thanks! You? Hope you've calmed a bit now. Sounds like your catastrophizing which is understandable but not good to do. You need to think of all the positives out if it, like you're going to get a baby at the end of it (hopefully). You should be offered counselling as well I thought?! You should take them up on it as they guide you on how to cope during the process.
I hope the work thing gets sorted that sounds stressful! Have You tried mindfulness techniques to help with the anxiety?

How is everyone?

@notyetamumbuttrying
@Theawkwardblonde
@Rosie189
@thislittlebird

I have to call the IVF clinic on the first day of my next period to find out if I can get started (restrictions on numbers due to covid). If I can then I'll be off for more bloods and scans, and to find out what protocol they're planning for me.

I'm struggling massively with it. We've had to do lots of online forms and watch "education modules". It's been very stressful. DH feels worried for me and what I'll go through. I feel worried that I'll go through all the injections (needle phobe that I am) and then on the day there won't be any eggs to collect. Or that they'll put eggs and sperm together but nothing will happen.

Neither of us wants egg or sperm donations. Neither of us wants to adopt. We've had half conversations about making big life changes if we try several rounds of IVF without success. We might even move. We bought this house to be our family home, but if there's just the two of us...

I'm also waiting for work to finish reviewing the service I work in. I might need to apply and interview to stay, right in the middle of IVF... Worst timing 😩

@thislittlebird defo try chasing that up then as its standard tests before a referral. Good luck!

Thanks for the welcome @Theawkwardblonde!

Useful to know, they have not offered me the transvaginal scan yet @notyetamumbuttrying, not sure why, it's been hard to speak to the same person with the current weird system my GP surgery has in place. Grapefruit juice is on order and EPO is here to take once my period is here again, so I am hoping I will be able to improve it for the next cycle later this month.

@Theawkwardblonde yeah I can imagine!
Yeah we have, just so annoying that we haven't had any offers yet. Been on the market since mid September. Reduced by 10k on Boxing Day so hoping to get lots of viewings this month!
Oh gosh yeah I bet. Ppl mean well but I'd love to say eff off to a few of them 😝 I'm hoping we'd have at least started ivf by the time we move so that I can waddle around pregnant within months of moving in 🤞🏾

@Theawkwardblonde oh bless you! Is it a lot of Covid cases then? Ooh nice having a home gym set up. We're still in a flat so can't do much with our space. We're on the market though and hoping to buy a 4 bed so will have plenty room for a home set up then. Can't wait!

@Theawkwardblonde yep, much better! I'm still going to be optimistic and hope we can start at my next cycle. Seeing as their short I get two in March so hoping the end one is the one we can start on!
It's defo hormones hun, pms is rife with me. All rational thought leaves my mind and I'm a head case for a solid week! Could eat everything in sight and also bawk at things too. I'm a delight to be around, just ask my Dh 😆
How about online exercise classes? I'm looking into them. Don't fancy pounding the streets in freezing weather! Is there any let up with work do you think?

@thislittlebird it's a transvaginal scan to see your womb and ovaries look in check. It was ordered for me at the same time as the bloods so had it all within the month.
It prob was this thread with what to drink or it could have been the ttc 12 months one which I set up. Grapefruit juice is the one for ewcm. Also evening primrose oil tablets have been known to help too.
@Theawkwardblonde I'm 3dpo I think and ok at mo. I only go crazy once hormones kick in and I get pms which is about 6-7 days before I'm due on. Can't believe how messed around you've been with all this. So shit! I hope you fair better with the nhs. I've also recently found out that the 6 month wait was only because of Covid delays after the first lockdown so hopefully they'll be no delays and I'll start within 18 weeks, as that's the guideline times.

...or maybe it was on another thread with some of the same guys, I'm thread blind tonight

[quote notyetamumbuttrying]@thislittlebird yeah you always have to get the print outs and look for yourself as their normal isn't always normal annoyingly. I'm glad his SA was good though! Have you had a scan done yet? I had that and bloods before being referred off the back DH's bad SA.[/quote]
Yeah, I have learned this lesson (and only partially it seems, because I have no print outs yet, but I will get them once this next test is done). No scan yet, what scan did they give you? Because my period was weird and late last month it's all out of whack so I can't redo the 21 day test until my periods have worked themselves out again. Hoping I'll be able to do it in February and in the meantime we'll keep trying, and then I'll call the doctor again once the results are in and see what's next. Probably a good thing to have a slight delay as I'm worried they'll put me off because of the big cover rates in London right now.

I've ordered myself a CB fertility monitor to try because I couldn't turn cheap OPKs (at least I couldn't many months ago and gave up bothering) but my body does seem to think I'm ovulating, and I get some or all of the signs most of the time EWCM/mittelschmerz/ovulation migraine. Need to work on my EWCM and have been reading tips in this thread about what to drink, which was helpful.

Hello everyone. Not sure if anyone can help me understand something with my body.

(4-5days before period which is Due 28th)
DECEMBER 20th (before faint +) I check my CM and it was a Glob of clear thick stretchy mucus, like I was ovulating🤔 but see I would’ve ovulated already around the 12th of Dec. thought nothing of it. So December 22nd my bf randomly told me to take a test. I laughed and threw the test box back at him. lol.. I then was like what the hey I’ll take it. After peeing on the stick I looked and saw a hard neg line so I got up washed my hands and looked at it again and there was a faint line. I gasped!! Sooo I took 2 more right after drinking water to make me have to pee again. Those came out faint positive. The next day (Dec 23rd) still faint lines. December 24th tried to get a blood year they said don’t waste my money just do a test. Ensured them I did, showered the nurse my test and she CONGRATULATED me on the faint line indicating I’m for sure preg. Dec 25th-28th I STOPPED getting the faint lines & completely negative. I’m very tuned in when it comes to my body, especially my lady parts. During all this I was checking my CM. NEVER EVER bled. Not once, not a lil, no clot, no pinkish/brownish spotting, NOTHING but clear & white. Breast are heavier, frequent urge to pee, tired.. that’s about it that’s Clear. I get a negative blood/urine test from Hospital. Even did a ultrasound yesterday (Dec 31st) It’s January 1st and still no period. Could it have been a chemical pregnancy with just no blood?

P.s no UTI , STD , KIDNEYS good , blood flow to ovaries are good etc

@thislittlebird yeah you always have to get the print outs and look for yourself as their normal isn't always normal annoyingly. I'm glad his SA was good though! Have you had a scan done yet? I had that and bloods before being referred off the back DH's bad SA.

Thank you for the welcomes @CurbsideProphet and @notyetamumbuttrying!

@notyetamumbuttrying he has had the SA, yes. It was frustrating because we had them in the summer and the doctor didn't give us the results, the receptionist just said "they're fine" and being novices we didn't ask for a follow up call, but should have. After leaving it for a little while I quizzed them again and one of mine (21 day test) was borderline so I need to redo it, and his was actually fine. I think my borderline is likely fine because I had to take it on a Monday and not on day 21 (a Saturday) but I'll be happy to speak to the experts about it all in the near future, and will make sure to take it on the nearest day this time.

Welcome @thislittlebird 👋🏻