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Original poster

TTC journey after a late pregnancy loss

80 replies

Greenbks · 10/08/2020 13:43

Hi everyone,

I am 30 years old and live in London. My husband and I lost our son at just under 5 months in February this year. He was born alive and we got around an hour with him on my chest while his heart beat. It has been the most difficult and heartbreaking experience of our lives. I’ve turned to Mumsnet several times since for support.

Prior to losing my son, I had a mmc around 8 weeks in August last year and a chemical in early 2018, but we weren’t ttc when I had the chemical.

This is cycle number 5 for us. I thought it would be easier to conceive since i became pregnant (three times before) after the first try. It’s becoming frustrating after so many losses but in July I decided to do some research and noticed my luteal phase was short (where it wasn’t before) and could mean I had hormonal imbalances. So I have been eating healthy and have lost a bit of weight to aid a healthy pregnancy.

I’ve seen and have been keeping up with several threads which exist for ttc after a miscarriage and had even joined several after my mmc in August last year, however I just don’t feel like they fit what I’ve been through this time. Please don’t get me wrong, my mmc was devastating but I picked myself up, went to the gym, socialised carried on working etc and felt better soon after. This time, I am in a very dark place and even if I find myself pregnant, simply getting to 12 or 13 weeks will not ease my mind due to losing my son at almost 20 weeks.

I suspect there are women out there like me who unfortunately understand this anxiety and may want to join this thread to vent your fears, symptom spot whilst trying to conceive (🤞🏽 For us all) and finally have a healthy pregnancy.

I am 7dpo in cycle 5.

OP posts:
Original poster
Greenbks · 10/08/2020 14:19

@Daffodil21 thank you for suggesting the book. No need to apologise, sounds like the part about the way you think about ttc again may be useful to me, especially since it’s getting me very down and I’m becoming a tad obsessed. so will check it out!

OP posts:
swearymary100 · 10/08/2020 14:12

I don't know whether this is helpful, but I want to give you hope.

I had two early miscarriages & then my daughter was stillborn in the second trimester. She died in the womb.

I had a bicornuate uterus, polycystic ovaries.
I couldn't conceive without Clomid & my cycles are all over the place.

My fourth pregnancy was high risk due to hypertension & I bled significantly & repeatedly throughout my pregnancy. I was at the antenatal assessment unit twice a week every week from 19 weeks pregnancy. I had steroid injections & they did everything to keep him going as long as possible.

My beautiful boy was born 5 weeks prematurely by emergency c-section & although tiny at 4lbs 10oz, he was fit as a fiddle!

He's currently sitting on the sofa, aged 9, & I adore the ground he walks on!

My fourth pregnancy was so very stressful & I never felt confident that we would make it, but we struck lucky.
The pregnancy journey after multiple losses/still birth is a hard & emotional road, but just keep going.
I think we get very wonderful children when we face such a hard journey to get them!
Keep hopeful & keep going Thanks

TTCarainbow · 10/08/2020 14:00

Oh love. I'm in the same position after a late loss early in the year. I'm sure your previous boy felt so loved.

A late loss felt very different to me. I got to spend time with my tiny but absolutely perfect baby. We left with a memory box instead of a baby, and our baby was buried in the smallest coffin imaginable.

I just found out I'm 5 weeks pregnant and am terrified.

Daffodil21 · 10/08/2020 13:59

It's probably more for MC rather than late loss, thinking about it. Sorry I should think before I post

Daffodil21 · 10/08/2020 13:54

Hi @Greenbks I'm so sorry to read this, I can't imagine how tough that must have been. I can't really offer any support. I've not had a late loss myself (2 early ones, which broke me enough tbh so I can't even fathom a later one). Have you ever read 'it starts with the egg'? I'm reading it just now and it has so much useful info in it for recurrent loss and many other things. It may help they way you think about TTC too (it has for me)

Thanks