7 months trying, not coping well

Hi @sweetpea2000 where did you find the couples MOT? I'd like to have this, just for peace of mind while continuing TTC and then if we do go down the ivf route it's already covered. Thanks!

@October2020 - thank you for that post. You’ve given me something to think about too. I really appreciate you sharing your experience.

Hi OP - I can emphathise and am feeling very similar to you, after six months trying and a MMC at 12 weeks since I started TTC. OFC this means it has only been three true cycles despite being 6 months.

Though I do appreciate it's very early days in terms of TTC, I didn't realise until now, the decline in fertility after 35.

This is what makes it harder to have patience and relax - knowing that time is more limited than if you were younger.

(Basically I believed this was scaremongering because of the 'French birth records from the 1700s' argument, despite the fact that there are plenty of other studies that back up those findings. I wish I had never read that article in the Atlantic! It's obviously not that simple that you can just plan for 3 children spaced 2 years apart in your late 30s!!!! But that's another story).

I have a question about tests... we went for a couples MOT which involved semen analysis (all fine) and ultrasound scan (all fine anatomically) plus AMH and AFC. From what I understand, AMH and AFC are really only meaningful as indicators of how you would likely respond to IVF, rather than your chance of natural conception. My AMH and AFC scores were high, and the doctors recommended to me to keep trying for another 4-6 months (so about a year total) before considering IVF.

It's disappointing the clinic didn't test thyroid and progesterone. The GP wants me to wait longer to test these since we did conceive, but I'm worried about having another MC if levels aren't right. I'd like to have these checked privately but can't find a clinic that does it - presumably they do AMH and AFC as it enables them to pitch IVF?

Anyway, I - like the OP - am not keen to shortcut to IVF, but did also wonder if it might give a better chance of conceiving again in the future, if I am able to get multiple embryos, rather then trying to fit in two cycles of trying.

Can anyone advise on this? And is there a way to get those tests normally performed by the GP privately?

Your words will resonate with a lot of us. It’s so hard to know what to do for the best. Wait a bit longer or go for IVF. I’m at 2 years trying now and I had repeat investigations which again just showed polycystic ovaries everything else is normal and I ovulate every month. Even during lockdown spending more time at home together - it didn’t happen and it was having a massive impact on my mental health. I made a decision in May when clinics reopened that I was going to pursue IVF. Last month was our last try - even went on holiday “relaxing” - didn’t happen (shock). I’m currently on the pill and start injections end of August. IVF is by no means easy way to pregnancy - I have read a couple of books to educate myself and over on infertility boards is usually takes a few rounds for most couples. I do feel very alone at times, even with these boards and social media support + partner obviously -it lonely journey. It’s okay to cry cos it’s shit - but be kind to yourself too xx

💐
You sound like me a few years ago.
To reassure you, the fertility consultant actually said it’s normal for ttc to take 1-2 years.
We paid privately to see her and found out my AMH was really low... 6.3 when I was 31. I had a laparoscopy five months later which showed twisty tubes so it would have been a miracle had we conceived naturally.
We started ivf the next month and had twins so I am v grateful for ivf! That said, I wouldn’t rush into it, it’s worth having all the investigations completed first, ivf was hard physically and emotionally.
Hope it happens for you soon

Very happy to talk it through with you. We ended up paying privately for a surgery i needed as the NHS wait list was nearly 9 months (and actually would have been cancelled because of covid although we didn't know that at the time). It cost us nearly £3000 but by that point, 3 years in, I couldn't even consider waiting another 9 months.

We don't spend money frivolously and I felt (and still feel) it was the best money we spent. I will have this baby before we would ever have got the surgery on the nhs, let alone the IVF.

I honestly find the well meaning "it takes a lot of people some time" approach to be totally unhelpful, even though I know it is well meaning.

I totally understand how you feel. We tried for two and a half years without a hint of a positive test.
I had tests and an operation to check everything and it was all normal... Next step IVF.

It broke my heart every month when my period came!

But I'm am now 38 weeks pregnant with a little boy. No help from doctors just happened one month.

Please don't give up, if all test are fine then I'm sure it will happen for you. Have faith xx

Didn't want to read and run - just wanted to highlight that per the stats the average amount of months TTC at your age is 9 months. Bear in mind that's the average so there will be plenty that take longer!

I'm on cycle 8 now and am nowhere near thinking about ivf just yet as I know I'm well within the realm of normal. I'm sure it will happen to us both before we know it xx

So many of your words resonate with me - I am lucky enough to be almost 7 months with my first via a second round of IVF following almost 4 years of trying, 2 operations and three months of Clomid. I have endometriosis.

As others have said, IVF isn’t something to be rushed into. It is expensive, exhausting and emotionally draining and you really want to make sure it’s something you need before you jump in.

You’ve had the basic tests and they look positive, I’d be tempted to have a private scan to check your ovaries etc (can check for PCOS / endometriomas that could indicate endometriosis) and also get your progesterone / FSH checked. You could probably get this for a few hundred at a private clinic. If that all looks good I’d be tempted to try until you hit the year mark at least as it does take some people a while. I’ve had friends who have taken 2 months but most have taken around a year. You don’t want to start on IVF if a few more months could have done the trick.

In the meantime you can research into clinics and options so you can press the go button when you are ready. It always helped me to have a plan of action in my back pocket. I’d be surprised if they took your money before you’d been trying at least a year if all the tests come back well.

I’d look into some coping mechanisms to help you with the pregnancy announcements. They really hurt but you have to learn to make your peace with them otherwise it will eat you up and you will potentially loose friendships. Easier said than done I know.

I’d also recommend visiting the infertility boards for advice, there are some very knowledgeable people over there.

Haven't read all the posts, just yours.
I am currently pregnant with an IVF baby. I followed the rules exactly - didn't worry at all for a year (80% get pregnant within a year), then went to the GP for tests which were all perfect, knew that 95% get pregnant without other support within 2 years. I used ovusense and ovulation trackers etc but I persevered with the 'it is just taking us time' approach.
Long story short, after nearly 3 years (remember that NHS referral takes months), we found out that I have a uterine abnormality that makes it impossible for me to have ever conceived naturally. No tests except the ultrasound would have shown it.

Luckily, we did IVF and got pregnant first time. We also have 6 frozen embryos ready for another go in the future (NHS pay for storage for a year and then we need to store them after that).

With hindsight, I wish I had had the tests done earlier. We could have afforded to pay for them (consultant appointment privately was about £250 and ultrasound not a huge amount more). We waited and waited and it destroyed my mental health - every month of a supposedly healthy cycle, all the timed sex, all the normal test results.... it honestly nearly destroyed me. IVF was the EASIEST part of our journey to conceive and I say that knowing that ivf was bloody hard too, but at least we knew what we were up against and we knew the odds etc.

Whilst statistically at 7 months you still have time, if you can afford it, just have the tests done. Being told it will probably happen and it's probably fine is NO comfort when you're anxious and that's without the stupid 'just stop stressing!' comments. If all the tests come back fine then you can carry on trying for a bit longer naturally - you haven't lost anything except some money. If they don't, then you've saved yourself the heartache of many more months of trying.

When I found out I was infertile, I honestly cried more for the wasted years of trying and the damage to my soul than I ever did for the actual diagnosis of infertility. I really wish somebody had given me permission to spend a few hundred quid so much earlier on to find out, but instead all I got was 'stop stressing' 'have you tried not thinking about it' and 'it takes loads of people a long time'.

PM me if you want to talk through the nhs/private process - I don't know anything but I know quite a lot now!

I think women spend so long worrying about an unwanted pregnancy that when we're ready we expect it to happen almost instantly. It can lead to obsessional behaviour quite quickly, the temping, charting, vitamins, timing everything, endlessly peeing on sticks, holding them up to the light, squinting at them from every angle. It's all consuming. I still find it hard to have sex for the enjoyment of it even 5 years later thanks to the PTSD.

Gardenlady543

my husband works away so we have to plan everything unfortunately.

This is probably your issue. Chances are you're not having sex before you ovulate. There's basically a 12 hour period of fertility/egg viability.

That being said, I am 2 years in and 1 miscarriage down, so I do understand the hurt, frustration and loss of control that you're feeling. I know people who fell pregnant first go and people who took 3 years, 20 years, so conceive. It's so wildly varied that you can't really predict what your journey will be.

I empathise OP. I really do. It took 4 years to conceive my second.

We had every test under the sun and fertility treatment. It seemed utterly hopeless. Every month when AF came I would die a bit inside. Then one day out of nowhere it happened.

I know these types of stories can be frustrating to hear, but my main point is not to rush into fertility treatment. It left me with PTSD. It's very invasive and I for one felt like a piece of meat being churned through a money-making conveyor belt. I thought it would give me all the answers but it just seemed like every test led to yet another that was going to give us the answer but it never did. But I was so desperate I would have done anything and found a way to pay for it. anything.

I know that's just my experience and for others it helps them achieve the family they long for but I wish I'd been able to think more clearly and waited a bit longer. I hope you are successful soon x

When I looked at the stats, 84% of couples fall pregnant in the first year of trying, and of the 16% who don't, half fall pregnant in the second year - we were one of them, which is why I know the stats. So while I know it's not much fun waiting, if your fertility tests are normal, there's a good likelihood you'll be pregnant in the next 18 months.

Hey OP - there’s an invisible boat and I’m sitting in it with you.

We started ttc August last year. We did have a positive test in Dec but an early mc followed and there’s been nothing since. My sister got pregnant in Feb and so have other friends, all got babies due soon. It’s been very, very hard and regardless of what someone else said, it’s very much a struggle.

Your feelings are valid and normal. Don’t let anyone tell you different.

Hi @Gardenlady543 I totally sympathise with you and 100% know how you feel. I’m 36 and we’re ttc #1 - we started trying last September and still nothing. My sister has recently announced her pregnancy and while I’m so so so happy for her it is really tough sometimes when she sends me her bump photos and scans. This month we had totally convinced ourselves it had worked, but AF just showed up today (6 days late - the longest cycle I’ve ever had) and we were both just gutted. It feels so disheartening and as silly as it sounds I just cried for ages when it showed up. My mind started jumping to IVF... then what about adoption... but the other posters are right - ttc can take time so don’t give up yet!

Last month we had our first GP appointment about this and have some tests booked in for September. However her message to us was to relax and stop obsessively tracking everything. It’s much easier said than done, but I think it’s sound advice.

Basically my advice is don’t give up! Be kind to yourself, allow yourself to be sad when you feel sad, but remember that it’s normal for it to take time so try and relax a bit on all the tracking xxx

I know from experience that each month you’re not pregnant is like a a little chip at your heart but like others have said 7 months isnt actually that long. It’s a long time in life yes but it’s really only 7 gos at something which isn’t a lot. We were trying seriously for about a year and a half before getting a bfp.

I would suggest checking with your dr to see if you are ovulating if you haven’t already and as you’ve said your partner will get a semen analysis then you can reassess.