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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

7 months trying, not coping well

59 replies

Gardenlady543 · 09/08/2020 13:10

Hi all,

I’m a long time lurker, first time poster. We’ve been trying for 7 months now, it looks like it’s another no go this month. I’ve been tracking from the start, I’m using ovusense, I’m inputting that data into naturalcycles as well and I’m using the CB fertility monitor. I’m confident we’re hitting all the right times because it’s consistent across all the devices. Despite that every month it’s the same disappointment, I’m at that time again now and each month it is getting harder and harder.

My Gp has done my blood tests, all were normal and my AMH is 17.3 (I’m 35 so that is average). My partner has his semen analysis this week. No matter what the result I am now pretty set on paying privately for IVF, we ideally would like more than one child, and so freezing embryos would give me reassurance for when I’m older in the future. I’m thinking of arranging a discussion with the local clinic and hopefully a scan as the final bit of the work up from my side.

I’m sure people have had much harder times than me with this, but I’m at the point where I can’t be around families and even the mention of pregnancy or babies on tv is making me upset. I’ve come off all forms of social media as I can’t cope with the, “I got pregnant posts”, it doesn’t seem to be easy for many people, but nobody ever talks about the struggle etc. Does anyone else feel like this?

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Weswoo · 14/09/2020 08:43

@Gardenlady543 you may wish to head over to the infertility boards, lots of lovely ladies with good advice about the reality of IVF. Best of luck xx

@mini84 TSH is best under 2.5 for TTC - mine was slightly higher and I was dismissed by the GP. Unfortunately you have to be persistent!

Original poster
Gardenlady543 · 14/09/2020 07:02

@mini84 that’s interesting about your TSH, did you have your T3 and T4 done at the same time? My friend has an ever so slightly high TSH and was diagnosed with subclinical hypothyroidism and is on levothyroxine. If you really wanted to know your AMH then you could pay a private clinic to have it. I was lucky that my Gp isn’t really clued up on this stuff so just took a list of what I wanted doing to the nurse.

The fertility doctor said they would start a week of meds to suppress things from day 18 of my cycle (that would be in around 2 weeks time if I did it this cycle), then two weeks of meds to stimulate and then they retrieve the eggs, add the sperm and after around 5 days look at implanting. So it takes about 4 weeks from start to finish. I’m sorry to hear it’s a no for you as well this month, I wonder if you have lost your optimism as I have, after so many months of negative results, I don’t expect anything else really. I just don’t think it’s going to happen, I’m fit and healthy so there must be some reason the egg is either not getting fertilized or not implanting. I got quite down around when I got my period and told my husband I don’t think I can manage another 3 months of disappointment, with the school age thing I feel it’s better that we try now when the baby could still be June/July time if we’re successful, but my husband has said he wants to try naturally for one more month which seems like a good compromise I guess, I think I might try my CB fertility monitor but no other monitoring this month. One of my friends got pregnant after a couple of months of trying and she had started trying at the same time as me, we’re now getting closer and closer to her due date and I find it devastating. I just want it to happen now :(

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mini84 · 13/09/2020 16:51

Hi @Gardenlady543
Sorry to hear AF has arrived again. It's such a frustrating journey isn't it. No news also for me.
Good to hear the scan didn't show concern.
Are you happy to wait the 3 months? How soon would they start the preparation for IVF ?
I've never thought about the school age part ( but I was born towards the start of the school year) So does that mean will you not try now for the next few months? Or just if you have the choice with ivf you will wait?
I had my day 21 bloods last cycle - thyroid (TSH) was high but doc wasn't bothered ( although I am) and said if it was at a level to be concerned about I wouldn't be ovulating. Progesterone levels confirmed ovulation. Didn't have AMH as they wouldn't do it until another 6 months down the line.

Original poster
Gardenlady543 · 10/09/2020 07:35

Well AF has arrived for another month unsurprisingly, I felt good this month as I had twinges on day 9, but once again absolutely nothing. I had my ultrasound, there is a small fibroid which changes the shape of my uterus but the clinician said it is considered within normal limits, I have a AFC of 34 which I understand is good for a response to IVF but could mean there would be a risk of ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome. We met with the clinician, at first she said we could keep trying and maybe try tracking, I said I have tracked the whole time we’ve been trying using ovusense, the CB fertility monitor and natural cycles, I know we’ve hit the right time every month and still nothing. I said I’d feel better if I at least knew there were eggs frozen, even if we only tried one cycle of IVF and froze the other eggs. I said I’m worried because I want more than one child and if this takes several years then at my age another child is out of the question. She said as it’s a private clinic it’s up to me. I’ve pretty much decided that this is the route I want to go down, my husband has his heart set on a September born child (we were both born late in the school year and struggled being the youngest). That would mean another 3 months of what I’m going through, which I’m finding too hard, it would also be pinning all our hopes on it working, which it might not.

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Original poster
Gardenlady543 · 17/08/2020 19:29

@Weswoo Smile thanks, I’ll just have to wait to see what the specialist says now.

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Weswoo · 17/08/2020 17:43

@Gardenlady543 AMH of 17.3 is great - those you have read about who are higher at the same age could well have PCOS. I was sent away to try for another 3 months naturally by a private IVF clinic when my AMH was 6! It is good to get things checked so you have the full picture but you are still well within normal range of how long it takes to conceive

nasiisthebest · 16/08/2020 21:34

I had 7 years of fertility treatments and pregnancy losses. I coped by thinking that I will get pregnant someday but this month is probably not my month. I never tested early because that made me anxious. When receiving pregnancy news (I've had friends with 3 babies born during those years) I gave myself two or three days to grieve and after that I had to become happy that at least there would be someone's baby to cuddle and see growing up. It was worse for me when people hid their kids away. If it never was going to happen then I'd want to be a favourite aunty. It was so hard, so much harder than fertile people can imagine. So many years. But in the end it's worth it.

Please keep in mind that most, most women do get pregnant someday. It might not come naturally, and clearly not in the timeframe you wanted, but you have to stay positive. The chances are that it will happen for you. You still have years left where you can ttc or have treatments. You're such a long way away from staying childless, still so many options and time left.

mini84 · 16/08/2020 21:33

@Gardenlady543
Glad you are feeling better about it and it sounds like you have a good plan.
Thanks for the info, really helps.
I have day 21 bloods tomorrow morning.
I think I'll give it another 2 cycles and then look at ivf.

Original poster
Gardenlady543 · 16/08/2020 20:44

@mini84 apparently over 35, means 36 in terms of when they’ll test. I was lucky that my GP allowed me to have the tests as soon as I asked. I wrote down a list of what I needed and the nurse sent them all off for me.

Day 3 is LH, FSH, TFT's, testosterone, DHEA, sex hormone binding globulin, PRL.

Day 21 (or 7 days before expected period of cycles are not 28 days) is progesterone.

My gp also agreed to the AMH which was helpful.

Now I just have to wait for the private scan.

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Original poster
Gardenlady543 · 16/08/2020 20:36

I just checked back into this thread, I’m feeling a bit better now I’m over AF. I feel that the BFN/AF time is the worse. My husband had his sperm analysis last week but we’re still waiting on the result. I have a US scan booked in September with a private clinic and then we meet with a specialist to discuss all the results and options. All the talk of people with AMHs in the 30’s who are the same age as me has me worried, as mine is 17.3, it makes me feel that it’s really important I get professional advice as soon as I can.

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Original poster
Gardenlady543 · 16/08/2020 20:33

@Scubalubs87 thanks for the lovely message.

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Scubalubs87 · 13/08/2020 12:31

OP please don’t feel that you’re alone in the way you feel. Trying to conceive my first was the most probably miserable year of my life. It was the closest, I think, I’ve ever come to depression and I’m pretty sure I had a panic attack at work at one point. I was so tightly wound with anxiety I was struggling to cope. I know my husband was starting to really worry about me. When friends got pregnant, I was so very happy for them but I would come home and my heart would break for us and I was so very worried that we would never get our turn. It was beginning to consume me and I didn’t like who I was becoming.

It ‘only’ took me 13 cycles to conceive, so in the grand scheme of things, and other people’s far more arduous journeys, within the realms of normal and not too long. But it was tough. So very mentally tough.

I reached the 9 month mark before I wasn’t prepared to watch and wait. I needed to know that I was being proactive with investigations, and putting the wheels in motion if something was wrong, to feel more in control of my anxiety. I went to my GP and was referred for scans and blood tests and I was due to have our first appointment with an NHS clinic the month after we conceived. I know people tell you not to stress; to relax and it will happen, and it makes you want to rip their head off. But, for us, I’m certain stress was our biggest roadblock. The month we fell, we weren’t trying to conceive. We were drained. We knew we had the clinic appointment coming up so we gave ourselves a break that month. We barely had sex except for the night we got drunk at wedding. And that was it, we fell. I’m sure the fact that we had both relaxed was a massive factor. After all that, I conceived my second on the first try when I’d mentally geared up for long haul again.

justkeeprunning5 · 13/08/2020 12:29

I would recommend the BFN podcast, always a few Interesting nuggets of info to take away. Also check out This is Alice Rose on Instagram. She does some cool mindset stuff on fertility / how to deal with pregnancy announcements. Makes you feel less ‘alone’ if nothing else.

It’s hard to wait knowing that things do decline over time but it is not like it drops of a cliff at 35, it’s still gradual and sounds like your results are strong.

It’s worth calling round some clinics to see what tests are offered.

Had the lap as I had a Dermoid cyst in one ovary when they found endo. then another lap as had 2 endometriomas in another so they assumed it had grown back which it had. Apparently after the surgery I should have been as good as new for 6 months but Unfortunately didn’t have any luck when TTC naturally after each

As you were able to get pregnant I can see that they would be reluctant to do a lap and dye on the NHS, they do not tend to offer it to many people. Mine was private. I am So sorry to hear about your MMC, that must have been really horrible.

They were the result of one round of reasonably mild drug levels so we were very lucky although the remaining ones are not as great quality as those used so far but as they say, it only takes one. I know some places do packages of mild stimulation where you effectively do embryo banking over a few months and then transfer, but that maybe more for people with lower AMH to concentrate on quality rather than quantity.

Worth looking into packages with people like Access Fertility if you decide to go private. We were lucky to get ours on the NHS but packages can work out decent value if you need a few transfers.

mini84 · 13/08/2020 12:11

@sweetpea2000 yes let's keep in touch. Ah I know. And all you see is pregnant ladies, and announcements...My due date was my birthday and sil announced her pregnancy 2 weeks after my mmc and her due date....my birthday what are the chances!! Ive never told them but it was so hard.
Onwards and upwards. One day it WILL be us!
Have you listened to bfn podcast? I started listening from the start.

sweetpea2000 · 13/08/2020 11:54

@justkeeprunning5 - were those results from just one cycle by the way?

sweetpea2000 · 13/08/2020 11:52

@justkeeprunning5 - thanks for this info. My GP was reluctant to do any tests for at least 6 months after my MC, on the basis that we had got pregnant. I'm reluctant to wait for NHS and have to push for it, so am happy to go privately, but it doesn't seem like most fertility clinics do it (I may call some up and ask).

My partner's semen analysis was strong, and my AMH was 30, so similar to yours. It sounds like you got great results from your cycle. This is the hard thing about waiting to try naturally for longer at our age - you know your fertility and responsiveness to future treatment is declining at the same time. It makes it much harder to be patient!

What lead to you having the Laparoscopy? I wanted to have the HyCoSy just to cover all basis and check my tubes, but the clinic said that probably wasn't necessary since I had conceived. I just want to know everything I can.

Congratulations on your success and also great that you have more in the freezer.

sweetpea2000 · 13/08/2020 11:45

@mini84 - I also found out at the scan, and it was devastating. I can't stop thinking where we would have been - six months by now : /
What is just as hard is the time taken to get back to normal - those months when we could have been trying. It's so hard! It sounds like we're in a similar situation so perhaps we can keep in touch?

justkeeprunning5 · 13/08/2020 11:31

@sweetpea2000 you should be able to get progesterone tests on the NHS (2 blood tests across your cycle) to give you an idea of your levels so worth pushing for that. And for them to do across a few cycles of they offer that.

Regarding the AMH it is something that indicates how successful IVF maybe (although not an exact science). Mine was 35.1 when I was 34 (last year) and to give you an idea I got 17 eggs, 16 fertilised (ICSI) and I got 6 blasts from that. 2 used up (one failed one worked) so 4 frozen and waiting if we decide to go again. Not everyone gets some to freeze but many do, and it’s nice to know you have some there to use in the future.

Something we learnt along the way was that SA can be hit and miss from month to month. We had one awful one and then advised to have another a few months later and it was a lot better. Things like illness can have an effect on results so always worth pushing for a repeat if you can.

Also I have endometriosis but have no painful symptoms - so that can happen. They would have me down as unexplained but when I had a lap my tubes were stuck to my other organs. I did have endometrioma cysts On a scan on my ovary which is an indication of full on endo maybe there, although rare without pain. Worth keeping this in mind if they try to put you down as unexplained as it is a frustrating (lazy) diagnosis as you feel there is noting you can do to try and correct it. If you have private health cover through work etc they will often put it right for you.

Best of luck to those trying and as October said, if you can afford it I would pay the money for some private tests. You can then go armed to the NHS with it if there is IvF funding in your areas. What I regret the most is the months waiting for appointments and tests to come through, wish I’d thrown some money at it earlier to have saved my sanity.

mini84 · 13/08/2020 11:29

@sweetpea2000 sorry forgot to tag you

mini84 · 13/08/2020 11:28

Thanks good to know. So you went to the clinic for the tests and they followed up with a zoom after? Will the clinic not do the progesterone or thyroid?
Thyroid issues run in my family so I too want to get that checked now. Didn't realise it could have an impact.
I too had a mmc and it was an awful shock and as much as I so want to be pregnant each month I also start panicking about going to the scan again and getting bad news.
I also wish I'd started earlier. Hindsight is a wonderful thing huh.

sweetpea2000 · 13/08/2020 10:51

@mini84 I found Manchester Fertility really helpful - defo recommend them. It was £395 for both of us, with a 30 min (Zoom) consultation with a doctor and written report.

I've been trying since the start of the year but had a MMC in May, which confirms I ovulated. I'm concerned about the thyroid as I know this can contribute to MC. But I know the cause of MC is not investigated unless they're recurrent.

The thing with being over 35 is that you don't feel you have time to keep trying and then explore all the avenues. I am really beating myself up right now for not starting sooner. I naively didn't realise it could be this stressful or that it wouldn't just happen right away. I have three big sisters who all conceived easily within a couple of months in their mid-to-late thirties and that was all I knew.

I wish I had just visited these message boards a few years back to understand what it can be like!

Lovebug06 · 13/08/2020 10:48

Hi op. I am the same, 7 months trying for number 1, although I had some medical issues to deal with that I had to sort before I could start trying, so it feels longer. The bit I find hard is there are so many pregnancies at the moment. I know people will think that if they are trying, but I'm seeing multiple scan pictures a week on social media. I also have a few members of family and friends pregnant all of which were unplanned or conceived within a few weeks, which makes me feel rubbish. My MIL, dm and dsis all fell quickly straight away too. Im constantly asked when I'll have a baby, as if it's that easy! AF was 2 days late Last week, I couldn't help but get excited, that has never ever happened, it started as I was meeting a pregnant friend, it felt so cruel.I feel for you op, but the more the you stress the more itll effect you.

mini84 · 13/08/2020 10:28

Thanks @sweetpea2000
I will look that up, I'm not far from Manchester (moved up from down south!)
My gp would do day 21 blood test after 12 months of trying even though I am over 35 (thought it was 6 months for 35+?!)I think this test is to confirm ovulation? I didn't ask about thyroid.
Sound like your GP is the same. Fingers crossed for good news in the mean time

Wecandothis99 · 13/08/2020 10:26

After a year trying I tried SMEP and fell straight away, it's awful waiting but worth it in the end

sweetpea2000 · 13/08/2020 10:16

@mini84 - most private fertility clinics will do this. I just googled it. I'm in the South East but ended up going to Manchester (Manchester Fertility) as the clinics near me still weren't doing face to face appointments because of COVID. They fitted us in within a couple of weeks.

Like I said though, the semen analysis is helpful, as is the anatomy scan, but the AMH and AFC counts are really only indictors of how well you would respond to IVF. I can't find anywhere that will do the blood tests to check you are ovulating and check thyroid.