TTC after MC - August 2020 (Thread 9)

@scrambledeggy 😂😂 thank you! It could be, at this stage I'm well aware anything is possible. I've had months with all the symptoms and a bfn so I've told myself never to assume anything again.

My scans booked for 21st aug. By my ovulation dates I think I’d be 5+5 by then. By my cd1 mc dates I’d be bang on 6 weeks. Is it too soon to see a heartbeat? Should I ring and try to delay it by a week? Or would they scan me again a week after if too early x

@MrsK21 yes definitely will ask the epau about the aspirin. But as @Northernsoul90 says I am on a low dose SSRI for depression/anxiety so maybe I wouldn’t be ok for it anyway. I will check my instructions for my meds and see what they say just for curiosities sake.

@scrambledeggy I loved teaching too, unfortunately all the paper work and observations etc made it less enjoyable for me xx

@2020wish I will probably test on Thursday, but with not a symptom to sniff at, I don't know if it's worth the heartache. Have to remind myself every time is different. I still have a fair bit of CM so I'll cling to that.

How are you?

@chloedancer897 please don't be so hard on yourself. I don't know if you've said before but have you thought about counselling? I think MC takes such a toll and sometimes you just need to have extra support.
Coincidentally I just read this blog about fertility tests and it said this about egg reserve tests:

It is important to remember that these tests were developed to inform IVF treatment and not your natural fertility. Many women with low ovarian reserve will conceive without any problems whilst others with a good ovarian reserve may take time and need fertility treatment.
There is no doubt that tests showing a good ovarian reserve are reassuring
but they do not guarantee a baby. Equally a poor or impaired ovarian reserve does not mean you will struggle and need fertility treatment. Therefore it is not generally advised to have these ovarian reserve tests unless fertility treatment is already required. Instead, they can be used to predict response to treatment and guide dosing of medications.

Obviously you'll be concerned about it, but it suggests it isn't a marker for natural fertility. I know your doc didn't make you feel confident, but you should take your own confidence in your incredible body.

@MrsK21 it's great Provera is working so quickly, even though it might be a heavy one. Sometimes the heavy ones are more satisfactory in a weird way 😂 you know where you are I suppose

@scrambledeggy we were having counselling prior to lockdown. It might be a good idea to see if we can get back to that. Thank you.

@Bl0ndi3 I'm sorry to hear you had such a horrible night Have no experience with the CB digital OPKs, but at least you seem to be quite regular, which is more than I can say for myself. I was with DH 6 years before we got married, but I wanted the marriage more for the party than anything else. Parties seem like such a world away from what's going on at the moment!

@scrambledeggy good that you feel comfortable speaking to your head like that, I'm not sure my supervisor would be so supportive! Sounds like you've had an interesting career, I LOVE teaching so if I can't get a job as a lecturer I'd happily give something else a go.

@Pancakes7 I have to keep changing my ad settings to stop getting targeted adverts about pregnancy because it feels like taunting...

@HappyVibes I agree, convincing yourself you have more control than you have can conversely lead to feelings of guilt that you did "something wrong". Trying to enjoy life regardless is the way to go.

@MichT4 Odd thing to say to a stranger over the internet, but you are very welcome to my achey boobs! Could the lack of pain conversely be a sign of something good?

@chloedancer897 Have you had counselling in the past? It sounds like you are in a lot of emotional pain, and you deserve a chance to just let it all out with someone whose job it is to help you make sense of everything. If you've got kids already, then even by your own terms you're far from a failure. You never know where you will be even a few months down the line, something (BFP or not) might take you by surprise and make you feel better about yourself. I wish I could do more, just hope things get better soon

@Pugprincess I probably am not sleeping well enough, I do find that tough but I particularly didn't sleep last night because I knew I'd be testing today and then I got up at 5.30 and tested and couldn't sleep again after. I do yoga usually 2-3 times a week. I've contacted an acupuncturist for some treatment but other than that I'm pretty much sure I'm giving up. My husband has just asked if we should stop trying. My question is, how do you just stop? I'll always know when I'm ovulating so how do I stop thinking about it. It's all I've thought about for 3 years

@chloedancer897 oh darling 💔 my heart broke for you reading that!

Stay strong honey! X

@HappyVibes @Bl0ndi3 I use CB digital and prior to mc I would start doing them around cd14/15 as I would always ovulate on 19/20 but I'm going to start earlier this cycle as it might be different this time as it's my first proper cycle post mc. I think i will start around CD 10 - the only downside of the cb ones is they are so expensive! I just find them easier than deciphering lines though. Xxx

@Pancakes7 It's such a horrible feeling, people announcing their pregnancies around you - I'm considering deleting social media again (I did straight after mc in June for a couple of weeks) as all the announcements are a lot to handle. I hope you are okay- just know that you aren't alone in your feelings. Sending hugs 💕 XX

@MrsK21 Thank you!! I'm glad the provera seems to be getting things going 🤞🏼🤞🏼 fingers crossed for a good cycle for you this month and a lovely bfp at the end of it 🙏🏼 xxx

@chloedancer897 Im so sorry that you are feeling this way - you are absolutely no less of a woman although I have also felt this way. It might be worth speaking to your GP about the way you are feeling for support in terms of the emotional side of things? Xx

I really wish I wasn't contraindicated for aspirin! Just a heads up to anyone on an SSRI for anxiety/depression they can be contraindicated so double check with your GP before taking - I was all ready to start taking it and then found out it was in increased bleeding risk with the meds I'm on. I hope you are all having a good start to the week I'm really trying to have a positive outlook and start the week fresh! Just done a Bettina Rae yoga and will probably take my dogs out for a long walk!

@2020wish ok. Not sure what to do now 😅 maybe I could try and speak to a different gp at my surgery. Problem is the surgery’s midwife is saying the same too. I do believe what your saying though and @Bl0ndi3 it makes total sense to me. I hoping if I don’t take it then least the pom juice and calc Fluor might help things and my better diet. It’s hard because after one MC they can’t really prove if it was my bodies fault or something with the baby. But I don’t want to suffer another mc just to be heard! In my mind prevention is better than cure x

@chloedancer897 I’ve been exactly where you are, even suicidal with it at times. Very dark days. Your body can do it, keep trying. Can you do some of the yoga or something to relax you as I know from my experience I think my brain was almost stopping it happening because I wasn’t settled in my life at all. How’s your sleep patterns, do you get 8 hours a night at least? X

@scrambledeggy sorry been meaning to reply to you. At your age I was still living with my mum 😂 we decided at 27 to rent a flat and was there for 4 years, at 31 we finally bought a house after working 12 hour days every week for ages because we was desperate to get out of the flat (bad neighbours) and wanted more space and garden. We haven’t bought an expensive house but we moved really quite far from home and family to get more value for money. We married at 28 while we were still in the flat. Now finally trying to have a baby at 32. I feel like most of my twenties was spent stressing about what order to do things in (house, baby, wedding). Like others say it does all come together somehow. They say you make a plan and God laughs lol and it’s kind of true, I planned to have kids by 28 latest. For the longest time we were going to stay renting and looked at private rent houses but my worry is stability, I have anxiety and need to feel settled. Nothings ever guaranteed though. My husband lost his job straight after new year. Then lost another with covid. Nothings ever perfect. X

@chloedancer897 I'm so sorry you're feeling so down. This journey is so hard! You're no less of a woman, it's just taking a bit longer, sending you a big hug xxx

@Bl0ndi3 I've had those dreams too and I wake up feeling so distraught! Though last night I had a dream I suddenly had the cutest little baby so when I woke up I was sorely disappointed...

@Pugprincess my consultant advised aspirin like @Blondi3 said from early pregnancy for next time. She specifically said "baby aspirin" which is a low dose daily one. Could you speak to EPU for a second opinion?

@Northernsoul90 CD5 already! I'm glad you are onto a new cycle and it's not a gazillion day cycle now. Hopefully it's a BFP soon so you don't need to compare AFs.

Update from me, the evening starting taking Provera (Friday) I've had brown spotting which I think is old blood? yesterday we went for a hike and the spotting was more red blood like. I reckon when I finish my Provera, I'll have the heaviest AF ever. Since taking Provera too, my temps have been all over the show, way below coverline and just generally making no sense.
The brown spotting is how my mc started so it's not giving me the happiest of memories right now, but roll on CD1 in a few days time!!
I've got my OPKs, wee pots and supplements ready to go :D

@chloedancer897 :( flip now I’m crying . I’m so sorry u feel this way. I wish I could help u feel better :( this journey is an extremely hard and trying journey to be on. Xx

@Pugprincess the first doctor I spoke to said for me not to take aspirin for the same reason but they followed it up by saying it wasn’t her area of expertise so she couldn’t advise me to take it she also had never heard of progesterone being given either. Being a nurse myself and The amount of times I’ve had to correct a doctor on the ward or offer my own research has taught me to do my own research. So I rang said doctor back to explain I was going to take it on my own accord and to make sure it was noted on my file incase I’m admitted to hosp for any reason. Ended up speaking to another doctor in the surgery and first thing she advised me was to take aspirin from my BFP. Lol so conflicting . Then during my scan last Thursday the midwife asked me had anyone spoken to me about aspirin after having miscarriages and she was pleased to know I was already on it and said aspirin and high dose vit d is what the recurrent miscarriage clinic will put me on anyway for precaution to try. What I will advise is to make sure u aren’t contradicted for taking it and that ur doctor or midwife is aware ur taking it.
X

@MichT4 when are u testing

Thank you everyone. I just feel very hopeless. The MC gave me a little sliver of hope but now the months are marching on and I'm not further on. I've tried everything. I'm on all the supplements. I've seen a specialist. I ovulate like clockwork. We DTD all over fertile week. I've cut everything out of my diet. I haven't had a coffee in 5 weeks. I'm doing everything but it's not working. I feel like my body has failed me and I've failed my family. I feel like a waste of a woman. Like I can't even do the one thing we were put on this earth to do. I'm miserable all the time and I'm making everyone else miserable. My husband is past himself. My kids know I'm suffering but they don't know why. I cried all morning and then finally got some sleep at around 8. I haven't slept at all. I don't think I can do this anymore. It's too painful. I'm suffering too much because of it

@Pugprincess the doctor who did my scan and confirmed my miscarriage said to start taking aspirin as soon as I get a positive test again. She explained that the pregnancy hormones can thicken your blood and that can make it difficult for blood to get around the tiny structures developing so the aspirin can help in early pregnancy x

@HappyVibes I am going to use OPKs first just to look out for some Progression and then switch to the CB. I used it the cycle we conceived for the first time so I really rate it! I got low and then peak the following day DTD that day and the following day and caught. That said it's expensive so I don't want to waste any sticks by testing too early with it.

@MichT4 😂😂 I just couldn't get back to sleep because the heartache didn't stay inside my dream!! It's like my worst nightmare OH leaving me and impregnating another woman 💔😂 also his new girlfriend was heavily pregnant which meant he had also cheated on me and I mean that's just the worst dream ever!
As per my reply to Happy I used CB digital the cycle we conceived but I knew when I likely ovulated so could tear accordingly also I ordered it late in my cycle so I think when it arrived it was cd16 or something and I got low that day and then peak the next day!

I've got 30 OPKS coming this week so I want to use those first and then switch to CB digital but not sure at what stage I should swap? Maybe when/if I start seeing a bit of progression?

Aww @Pancakes7 I know what you mean. Last Sunday I was really down and hubby’s grandma told me she had knitted baby a cardigan but she would keep it for the next one. That got to me. I would keep drinking decaf as caffeine is awful for fertility xxx

@scrambledeggy Yh I’m a teacher but I did supply the last 5 years but now doing a one year teaching assistant role. Just wanted a job that wasn’t so stressful but still working with kids. Just rang head and he’s ok with it he says. Think he was a bit shocked though 😅 probably wasn’t expecting it so soon.

@MichT4 yes please do! Not feeling too bad. Had a funny turn again yesterday morning with lots of palpitations. Will take it easy today though. Did some yoga to calm myself down.

@HappyVibes thank you 🙏🏻 aspirin is usually prescribed to women who have recurrent mc I think, it thins the blood so helps get blood supply down to uterus.

So docs called back. She says she’s spoken to midwife and they can’t advise aspirin as you don’t normally take it until 12 weeks? I don’t think that’s right myself. I don’t have much faith because she had to google what calc Fluor was... advised me to stop the progesterone cream too based on things like needing to be advised from a specialist but I think I’m going to ignore that and continue. What have I got to lose by trying? It’s only a low dose. I hate how the docs all say different things. I think sometimes you have to ignore them and follow your own gut because I mean look at that nurse telling Hayley to wait and then she pushed for her stitch and thank goodness she did! I don’t really trust them completely to be honest, like my scan on last mc saying it had gone but was still inside me?! Anyway, she’s calling the epau to book me an early scan so I will get a call back today about that. I’ve also rang my headteacher and told him so he’s aware, chances are I will be time off when we go back school for the scan x

@Bl0ndi3 oh my god, when I have dreams like that about OH I literally cannot look at him 😂😂. He's on an upward slope having to make it up to me for something that happened in my head.

I haven't used CB Digital yet, but I think you use them with FMU once a day. I think if you use alongside cheapies, some of the ladies then do another later in the day once the cheapies get darker, but I don't know for sure.
Maybe order some OPK sticks - they are about £13 for 75 or something, you can pee on those as much as you like!

Hiya, I'm finding it hard to keep up as this chat moves so quickly. My son keeps me busy. But I'm happy to see some BFP and progressions happening for some of you, that's great!

Randomly my mother in law mentioned my decaf tea and it set me off crying. So random it just hit me. (They got me decaf tea as I drink that when I'm pregnant) I think it just caught me off guard. Anyway this morning after nothing since Friday, I woke to some spotting. I guess that's me still recovering? (mmc, smm Friday 31st July) I'm feeling so desperate to be pregnant again. My friend who I met through NCT with our sons is also trying. I'm so scared if she gets pregnant before me, I know it'll upset me. I hate this situation!!

@Bl0ndi3 my cycles have always been so regular but after the MMC my cycle length was 36 days which is crazy long for me. So I also am doing what you’re doing & testing early with OPK just not to miss anything as I have no idea where my body is up to, so this feels like it helps a little with understanding my body again. I’ve just gone straight in with using the CB advanced from CD8. There is a little table that tells you what CD to test on, dependant on the length of your cycle. But, that might be difficult for you to know with the MC. Good luck 💫

@VP91x Which clinic did you get your scan done through? That's definitely something to look into! Sorry that your day out didn't go well 😣 so exciting about your puppy though!! 😍 xx

@HappyVibes welcome to the thread, and sorry for your losses. I love your ideas about the positive mind - I'm trying that now but I do have some major failures

@scrambledeggy I think I've missed a bit of this, but I'm glad you are feeling better today! I'm jealous of your sore boobs. I've had them every month, whether AF or bfp and currently nothing. I keep shaking and hitting them a bit hoping I get something, but nope 😂

@Pugprincess I know, I'm hoping to get a picture today. So I'll send that over if I do. How are you feeling? It's nice to tell people and like you said, it's good to have a support group. I told 2 people last time because I had to really, and now I'm having to have difficult conversations to tell family it happened and then I had another MC and that's tough. I only plan to tell my other sister now so it's only my family that know, but it was hard to tell her yesterday when we were having such a lovely day.

@VP91x how exciting that your pup is arriving! Are you all ready for him? Here's my chart, nothing of note, just an inconsistent chart with none of the key signs that I can hang my hat on 😂

xx

@Pugprincess thank you lovely. It sounds like you’re one of the very inspirational stories right now hehehe, CONGRATULATIONS 🥳 I have read a few posts on here mentioning aspirin - may I please ask what this is intended for?

@scrambledeggy thank you doll. It’s hard when we have had journeys like we all have in this thread to remain positive all the time & ofc we all have our wobbles...we are all humans.

I just gather that this journey of TTC we are not in control of as it’s our bodies doing the work - so this stuff that we can control (our mind, our thoughts, our words) I do try & work on. We all deserve to have light & positivity in our lives - this journey is bloomin emotional & tough, so alongside this, it’s nice to still have that conscious effort of feeling good about life.

Bearing in mind I’m currently waiting for the positive OPK - maybe my approach/vibes will differ when I’m in my 2ww which is when I find that 1 day feels like 1 year haha

@scrambledeggy we're not even engaged haha but marriage isn't high on my list it's always been house, baby then marriage so I'm fine with that. I do want to get married once we have a baby as i want the same last name as my child even joke with OH and say I'll just legally change my name to his if you won't marry me 😂

For now though I'll just focus on the baby part of my life plan. I wanted a baby or at least be pregnant before I was 30 and unless I get a BFP before 6th September that ain't happening!

Had a rough night and basically cried myself to sleep after talking with a friend about it all and woke up with bags on the bags under my eyes. Also had a dream that OH had left me for somebody else and got her pregnant and the feeling stuck with me when I woke up!

Got a dispatch update for my OPKs, I'm CD7 according to my normal cycles so should get those by CD10. I don't normally ovulate until around CD18 but I'll start testing straight away so I don't miss anything if my cycles have changed due to the MC.

Could anybody advise me on OPKs I have used them before but found them confusing so I got the CB digital one which I love but don't know when is best to use that without wasting loads of strips ☹️😂 what do I do and when should I start using the CB digi one? TIA 😘

@VP91x sorry your day out sucked 😩 yes just monitoring myself this week to hopefully pass the chemical pregnancy stage. I have a cb digital to do next Sunday when by my calculations I’d be 5 weeks.

Docs just called back and I’ve told her everything she’s just going to speak to midwife now and call me back xx