TTC 35+ Thread 4 Cougar and Silver Fox Club

I’m not sure I’m even going to make it to testing tomorrow... feels like AF may be lurking in the wings... ☹️

I think my DH was slightly surprised by the ‘specific timing’ element of TTC. @Tiletiletile1 and @Hayleywoody82.

I sat him down and just said ‘look, you want us to have a child? This is what it takes.’ We also talked through the pros and cons of him knowing when I’m ovulating but also how important it was to me that I didn’t feel like I had to hide it to make his life easier. At the same time we agreed that we’d really try not to DTD if one or both of us really didn’t want to, we’d try not to add that pressure (not always easy)

He was always more sure of wanting a child then I was so I knew he just wouldn’t doubting the decision just not expecting the reality of it.

I’m glad we had the chat early it made this cycle much easier and more productive!!

[quote Parsleyrose]@mouldygrapes Hope you have a lovely time off and enjoy your meal!

@Tiletiletile1 I'm really sorry to hear that but don't give up hope! Our GP was saying to us that it's not an exact science and there's no way of knowing for sure the 'perfect' day to DTD. I can really sympathise with you though... TTC is not as much fun as I thought it'd be.

@SnowWhite1985 I'm sorry to hear about the BFN - but it's definitely not over yet!! CD19 would be pretty early to get a BFP.

@claireb707 but so positive that your partner is getting a SA. Even if they find something there are likely lots of things he could do to improve it, and so much better to know.

Touch wood AF still hasn't showed up for me. I realised I'd miscounted my days and I'm actually CD32 today, which is still a day longer than my longest ever cycle (since I've been tracking) - and that previous long one was the month we moved house so super stressful. Weirdly the longer it doesn't show the less positive I get - the more I think there's something up with my cycle rather than being pregnant.[/quote]
Indeed, we suspect it's his side of things there is an issue with (undescended testicles not rectified till after the ideal fix period). So will have to wait and see what they say

@mouldygrapes Hope you have a lovely time off and enjoy your meal!

@Tiletiletile1 I'm really sorry to hear that but don't give up hope! Our GP was saying to us that it's not an exact science and there's no way of knowing for sure the 'perfect' day to DTD. I can really sympathise with you though... TTC is not as much fun as I thought it'd be.

@SnowWhite1985 I'm sorry to hear about the BFN - but it's definitely not over yet!! CD19 would be pretty early to get a BFP.

@claireb707 but so positive that your partner is getting a SA. Even if they find something there are likely lots of things he could do to improve it, and so much better to know.

Touch wood AF still hasn't showed up for me. I realised I'd miscounted my days and I'm actually CD32 today, which is still a day longer than my longest ever cycle (since I've been tracking) - and that previous long one was the month we moved house so super stressful. Weirdly the longer it doesn't show the less positive I get - the more I think there's something up with my cycle rather than being pregnant.

@Tiletiletile1 my partner exactly the same. I got static smiley yesterday. Only dtd once. He said im taking the fun out of it. They don't realise we only have a small window xx

Oh sorry about the BFN snowwhite. But it’s only day 19 so you never know...

Partner has just been told they need another sample from him for SA 😢

Thank you!! I really needed to vent that. I feel much better reading your replies. Maybe I should stop telling him about ovulation...

@Tiletiletile1 I’m so sorry :( sending you hugs, that’s really hard. My DP also got upset about it being non romantic, DTD on command etc, so I stopped telling him about ovulation. But then he developed an ability to count lol and insisted I confirm all my OPK results etc. Really don’t know if that’s helping us though, we really flip flop on moods. There’s just a lot of added stress and anxiety and pressure and tension I think. Hoping your DP comes round, it’s horrible when you feel like you’ve missed opportunities.

@Parsleyrose yes I’m glad my DP has come round re: the testing (he was SO reluctant at one point til I lectured him on how much more invasive it was for women in probably too much graphic detail lol). He is convinced his sperm won’t be peak performers due to the gym thing tho!

@Semele5069 - hope the GP appt makes you feel better. Mine really did - they were so nice and really helped my anxiety and made me feel slightly more in control and less worried.

@mouldygrapes hope you can fully relax on your days off!

I stupidly decided to POAS tonight. I shouldn’t have but it was because the doctor said my symptoms could be signs of pregnancy. I’m only on CD19 though (9 days past my first suspected ovulation / 5 days past the second). So it was kindof pointless. BFN, of course. I guess we all live in hope....

@Tiletiletile1 sending you a gentle hug

Keep your spirits up

I'm sure you guys are just feeling the pressure a bit

My husband is the same - so much that I don't tell him when I'm ovulating ...

I’m sorry @Tiletiletile1. That sounds really difficult for you. No safe words from me but sending 💐

Well that’s probably me (prematurely) out this month. DH whining that its not sexy, so he doesn’t want to. We’ve only DTD twice this month and neither on peak days because he couldn’t. He’s just stomped off to chat online with his friends. And he has had a drink almost every day for the last month. I’m so fed up of being the only one in our relationship who is properly trying! Ahh!

Sorry, needed to vent.

@Parsleyrose not much planned. Booked a nice restaurant which is doing the eat out to help out thing - discount isn’t on alcohol so won’t matter if I don’t drink! But mostly just trying to de-stress a bit.
I’ve got 2 weeks off in sept for what would have been our wedding/mini moon

Hi @mummytooneprincess! I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you too 🤞I keep dreaming about how great it will be to surprise everyone.

Hi TTC Twin! @Semele5069 Good luck with your GP appointment. I’m sure it will make you feel better. Our GP was so nice and made both me and DP feel more positive. She actually advised us to just ease off a bit until we have our tests done. So we’ve been much more relaxed about things this month. But now I’m a few days late for AF I don’t feel so relaxed! Can’t stop myself symptom spotting and on the one hand desperate to do POAS to know, but also don’t want it to be a BFN again. Ughhh!

Hi @Parsleyrose! You're like my TTC twin- I'm also 36, TTC number 1 and on cycle 11! I had 2 v early miscarriages in that time though.

I have a GP phone appointment on Wednesday and I'm hoping that will give me a boost of optimism again

@Parsleyrose we haven't told anyone either. I think everyone presumes we've opted to stop at the one. Fingers crossed we'll be able to surprise everyone soon. Good luck for this weekend 🤞🏻

@mouldygrapes you’re right, it’s really comforting to be able to talk to you ladies so openly about this stuff 😊 Do you have nice plans for you leaving annual leave? I booked a few days off this month to try and coincide with potential implantation (I know, a long shot!) but it was so nice just to have a few days to switch off from everything.

@SnowWhite1985 Ha our DPs sound so similar! Mine said exactly the same thing about the gym. I agree that it’s definitely better to know if something is up - then you can deal with it and move forward.

@mouldygrapes “don’t leave it too late/your clock must be ticking/who’ll look after you in your old age/how old are you again?!” commenters.”

@claireb707 oh wow - so many kids. My sister only has one (after long ivf journey). My partner’s siblings have loads but they live abroad.

@Parsleyrose yes this sounds so similar! Likewise my partner also had legitimate reasons for us to wait, but his theory rested upon the assumption that as soon as we were “ready” we’d conceive immediately whereas I argued that it could take ages to conceive then there’s another 9 months of being pregnant so “readiness” only needed to be a year away minimum. Wish he had been right but such is life I suppose.

I felt SO much better after talking with the doctor, and was really pleased they could do the tests so soon. Yes, my partner will have tests soon too (reluctantly lol!). Tbh I think he’s actually genuinely afraid there will be a problem with his sperm. I’ve always been assuming in our discussions that I might have trouble conceiving, given my family has history of endometriosis, cysts, miscarriage etc. Whereas he is from a large family and his siblings have loads of kids so I always though he wasn’t worried. But he made a comment the other week saying what if it’s him. He was also worried he hasn’t been able to go to the gym during lockdown so he thinks he’s less healthy etc. So I think he’s quite afraid deep down. In any event, I think it’ll just be good to have the tests to know where we stand.

I’ve said it before but it’s so comforting to have this thread. Seems a lot of us are in the same boat re keeping it to ourselves re TTC and it’s so lonely.
I’ve told one person I can trust to be discreet but it feels like unnecessary pressure to tell anyone else.

@Parsleyrose I can’t bear the “you’ll be next!!” people - so insensitive. It’s still staggering that people feel they can comment on such personal details (along with the “don’t leave it too late/your clock must be ticking/who’ll look after you in your old age/how old are you again?!” commenters. So fucking annoying.
I’m having to take some short notice AL next week. Aware I’m getting tired and snappy, don’t want to get burned out since stress isn’t going to help! I didn’t get as strong ovulation pains this month and hardly any mucus so not sure I actually did ovulate. CD 17 so very much the waiting game.

@Parsleyrose, not much. A few cramps, a bit of nausea and indigestion type feeling.

I did wake up on Tuesday night at 2am really nauseous and dizzy and nearly passed out... but I think this could all be the heat!

Fingers crossed 🤞🏻 though! For all of us! x

@SnowWhite1985 Yeah it's interesting what people feel they have the right to comment on! It sounds like we're in very similar boats with our partners. My DP was convinced we'd conceive on our first month of trying (ha!). I do appreciate some of the reasons he had for waiting, we are much more settled now, but I still feel like we could have achieved these other things after having a baby. Ho hum - can't change things now. It is difficult not to blame him sometimes though, and I've found myself giving the occasional sly comment on wishing we hadn't waited so long.
It's really great that you've had your first doctors appointment though. I immediately felt better after I'd spoken to our GP - just the feeling of someone else being on our team! Is your DP going to have tests too? That's the one benefit of my DP delaying us so long, he's not complaining at all about having tests done!

My (18 month) younger brother has 3 kids almost 11, 8 and 6.
Partners (2 year) older brother has 2 kids 16 and 14 and (2 year) younger sister has 2 almost 11 and 6.

So we're very much feeling left out, but we've only been together 5 years.

@Parsleyrose, I really don’t know what possesses people to say these things. I had the same when my sister had her baby (...and since), it was truly awful and painful. I’d never say such a thing to anyone (even years before I thought about having children!) I’m in a similar position to you, tried to persuade my partner for years but he expected it to happen immediately when we started trying, now I’m just frustrated with him for making us wait this long! He likewise can’t understand the deep depression I go into every time I get AF / bfns. I’m trying to stay positive and not get mad at him.
@Rumi1 - your results sound really promising! That must be such a relief.
I had my fertility consultation today, and getting the first test (a progesterone test) tomorrow. Very happy with this efficiency! It’s made me feel so much better. I told the doctor about my random severe pains around ovulation this month and the double surge - she said I could be pregnant (!) (...but it seems too early for that), or a cyst or she said I could have just ovulated with pains and didn’t have those pains in previous cycles or maybe wasn’t ovulating properly in previous cycles. I guess it’s unclear. I’ve been feeling really sick today, constant nausea. Don’t understand these symptoms at all (I’m only CD19). This month has been totally different from me (other months I had various mild “symptoms” but this month has been truly awful). But hopefully the tests will at least help me see what we’re dealing with and if there are any major problems.
@FridaKFangirl @Loll35 @claireb707 we haven’t told anyone we’re trying either. @Loll35 you’re so right how hard it is to stop the negative feelings taking over.
Fingers crossed for everyone xxx