TTC 35+ Thread 4 Cougar and Silver Fox Club

Looking back seems crazy doesn't it? I know I spent years trying not to get pregnant without realising how hard it actually is. Fingers crossed for us all that our time will come soon.

Hi @Hocuspocusandfairies @selina37, totally understand this too. I’ve had to stop looking at social media entirely as it seems everyone I know is either pregnant or celebrating young baby and toddler birthdays! Or complaining about their kids which is also upsetting. In some ways the lockdown was good as I wasn’t constantly reminded of pregnancy and babies all around me. But they’re always there virtually too! It’s hard when it comes so easy (or even a mistake / unwanted) for others then it’s so hard for us. I feel like I’ve worked hard all my life and supposedly done all the right things and waited until I found a loving partner and been financially stable and in good jobs etc then it just doesn’t happen and I regret all my life choices. It’s hard not to resent my partner sometimes too as I wanted to start trying for almost 2 years before he agreed to, because he thought we’d get pregnant immediately.

Selina, thank you. Horrible feeling isn't it? This lady was on the pill too so a happy surprise for her. Feel like I'm doing everything I can to get pregnant but nothing is working. I know I have the children I have but pregnancy didn't come easy with my first so had fertility treatment. I feel very grateful but also sad that pregnancy doesn't come easy to me. I have bought some myo inositol so hopefully will help me ovulate earlier as I think I ovulate on day 20 plus

Hey @Hocuspocusandfairies I know how you feel. I have a colleague who is pregnant, and I really struggle to not be jealous. She told me just before she got pregnant that her boyfriend 'was awful', 'got drunk and told her he hated her', and she was always partying and smoking - like every single weekend. It's difficult. Just try and concentrate on your own happiness, without worrying too much. It will happen 🙂

I feel like my period is on its way. Feeling very down as will be exactly 3 years this month. Also on Facebook someone has announced their pregnancy. Feel horrible for being jealous. I would never show it though and realise I'm lucky to have the children I do have but feel like I've given up

Haha @Sleeeeeepy I use that too

Old water jug for an iron for me! @M4v3r1ck @Sleeeeeepy 🤣👍

@JustOneMore39 yaaaaaayyyyyyyy so delighted for you!!! 😍😍😍😍😍😍 Hope all you BFPers are doing ok, and please keep us updated! 😘

Welcome to the newbies! 😃😃😃

Sorry I'm catching up quickly, but good luck to those of you waiting re: clinics. I hope you get answers and plans soon. 😘

Cycle 4 starting for me, and I'm going to give these OPKs a few of you have mentioned a wee try! So do I need a pee/lady jar now?! 🤪🤣

🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻 to all the golden ovaries!

Thanks @CC81 for sharing your similar experience. The uncertainty is awful!! I think this is what’s happened to me (possibly caused by my own stressing too!) I’ve always been ovulating around day 10/11 and have consistently had 26/27 day cycles. But this month I had a peak at day 10 and then another (stronger) peak at day 14, so I think it was a failed ovulation attempt the first time. I’m on CD30 now which I suppose is totally consistent with my ovulation being 3-4 days later than normal this cycle. I haven’t had a 30 day cycle since immediately after I came off the pill in Jan 2016 though!
Now I’m also worried that I’ve had my tests done during a strange cycle for me with a double LH surge and that might skew the results.
I’m having some bad cramps now so think AF is likely coming. Either that or I’ve just made myself terribly ill worrying! Need to try and chill out but it’s so hard.

My understanding of low ovarian reserve (which I researched after I got my disappointing AMH results) is that it makes pregnancy less likely each month but also still entirely possible because you only need one good egg to become pregnant. So it could still happen. I read lots of stories on here of women with incredibly low AMH / high FSH who’d still become pregnant - either naturally or via IVF. Hopefully the private clinic can provide a lot more detail / reassurance for you.
I wish this were easier! Maybe best to try and accept it might be a long road and be grateful for other things. I really struggle to get ttc off my mind at all though 😭

@SnowWhite1985 - That happened to me in June/July - my cycle suddenly went long, but I was getting negative pregnancy tests. The uncertainty was horrible.

I realised afterwards that I'd probably ovulated about 10 days later than expected - which in turn had delayed my period. Despite an LH surge at the expected time, I'd had a particularly stressful week, so my body 'tried again' at a later date.

So I'm sure there's a strong link between stress and my cycle. It may be similar for you. The impact of thinking about all this stuff can be surprisingly powerful. I don't think it affects everyone the same way, but I'm a major overthinker at the best of times!

Like you, I prefer to gather as much information as possible. When it's something negative (like a bad result or even something odd, like a late period), I go through a sort-of 'shock' phase for a few days, where my stress really peaks and makes me feel terrible - and it becomes a vicious circle.

I don't think there's any way to avoid it completely, unfortunately... so in between, I'm going to try to be sensible and rational; and hope that it outweighs the bad times.

We're going to get all these tests done and then see what the experts advise. I've panicked in case fertility clinics won't treat someone with bad results (which hadn't previously occurred to me!)... but apparently some places specialise in 'natural' or 'mild' IVF, which is specifically aimed at those with a low ovarian reserve and focuses on quality over quantity. But I need to do a LOT more research, for peace of mind.

@CC81 I’m so sorry about the effects your FSH results have had on you 😭 it’s horrible getting worrying results - it makes everything so much more stressful. I always try to tell myself it’s better to know the situation, though, so that we can do whatever it takes to maximise chances. It’s cold comfort though, and i can empathise how terribly stressful it must be. At least your result is on the borderline though. And it doesnt mean you won’t be able to conceive. Maybe the AMH test will reveal something different as well. Great that you have the private consultation booked 🤗
I just had to cancel my day2-4 test for FSH which was booked for today as AF still hasn’t arrived. I had the most disrupted sleep last night (probably also stress like you say!). It’s frustrating as I know I’m not pregnant (another bfn last night) but my AF is also never late. So not sure what’s going on! My temps dropped again today though so I know it’s terribly unlikely. The lingering hope is a bit painful though.

@SnowWhite1985 - Thanks - sending hugs to you, too!

I've got myself into quite a state over my FSH result on Friday. I'm panicking about pretty much everything - which is affecting my sleep (I go through bad phases anyway)... and then of course I worry about THAT making my biological situation worse

I know I need to calm down and focus on looking after my general health, but it's very difficult. I plan to investigate acupuncture this week... I hope it has a similarly powerful effect on me as it did on you, as I reckon I could do with the release!

We will keep trying naturally, but definitely also start on the path of private treatment. Got an appointment booked in September.

The stats are very gloomy for anyone with an FSH over 15 (and mine is 15.9) - but they're caveated by the fact that everyone is different. Women with good FSH (or AMH) can struggle to conceive, while those with bad FSH (or AMH) can have babies. It's all about probabilities.

But I find the uncertainty SO tough to deal with.

Thanks @mouldygrapes - atm I’m waiting for my progesterone results back and then need to get the 3day hormone test sometime next week (if AF arrives!). Think I’ll send off the other AMH home test this month too, to see if it coincides with the last one I got. My partner hasn’t had any tests yet but hopefully he will schedule the sperm test soon. I think he’s procrastinating 😭 then we’ll see what the doctor says after that I guess! I’ll probably end up getting more tests if I can, as having results/data helps me feel more informed. However I think the problem with this ttc stuff is that even with all the tests it might not be clear why it’s not happening. Just have to do what we can, I suppose. Going to try and DTD more in a wider window this cycle given my dates of ovulation were a bit messed up last cycle. Hope your acupuncture consultation goes well! Let us know! xx

Hey cycle buddy @SnowWhite1985!

I can’t comment on all the hormone tests, but yes, ultrasound is not reliable for diagnosing endometriosis. Laparoscopy is the best test and sometimes it can be seen on MRI. Good luck if you do have more tests, and to you @CC81

Let me know if you do go for acupuncture! And thanks for the warning - tbh I could probably do with a big emotional release given all that’s happened to the world this year. Just need to be in the right place when the floodgates open

Thanks @CC81 - yes it seems we have similar worries over similar but different things! I have the same frustration re: the tests I had a few years ago. The private doctor I went to told me that everything was normal (apart from the progesterone which they said not to worry about because it was likely stress and could be easily rectified). But now looking back at my results I’m not sure that conclusion was warranted. They also didn’t do AMH despite me paying for privately and asking for all the fertility tests. But I guess the only remedy is to get these things done now. I think some of the hormone ones in particular need to be done on the correct day/stage of cycle. Again, mine don’t seem to have been timed right. I have another home AMH test I was going to try this month and I might try and book in for a private one too (they have quite long waiting times where I live). I also had an ultrasound Privately where they told me I didn’t have endometriosis (which my mother and sister both have, and I thought I was likely to have given very painful periods). Now I’m not convinced about the reliability of that either as my research seems to show you need a laparoscopy to confirm endometriosis as it can’t necessarily be seen on ultrasound. I think it’s incredibly frustrating because there’s so many individual components that need to fall perfectly into place each month and it’s difficult to target which, if any, is causing the problem. Hopefully our new tests will shed some more light for us both! It’s also difficult to know - if we’re in the tough but not impossible category - when to take further steps like IVF as opposed to hoping it’ll happen naturally.
My mild cramps have gone away now. So not sure when AF is coming! It’s day 29 for me and I haven’t had a day 29 in my cycle since 2017. Normally I’d get my hopes up but the test I did a couple of days ago was BFN and my temp dropped quite a lot today, so figure I’m out 😭 wish it would just come now so that we could move on to the next cycle of trying. Sending hugs xx

Thanks ladies for your reassuring words! I'm now in the TWW. Anyone else feel like those 2 weeks are the longest ever!

Good luck to all that are also in the TWW x

@SnowWhite1985 - Sounds like your worries over AMH are similar to mine over FSH. They both indicate the ovarian reserve situation, but NHS initial tests only include FSH (not AMH - which is more modern and usually done by private clinics).

It sounds to me like your FSH/LH are good, which is encouraging :)

What upsets me a bit is that when I had tests last year, they said "everything is normal", so I didn't investigate further. Now I think my FSH was done at the wrong time, so I missed a warning.

It might have made no difference if I'd started a year earlier. But I'll never know!

I think my FSH definitely puts me in the "it'll be tough" category, but not the "impossible" category. So it'll be interesting to see how my AMH/AFC shape up.

Sorry @mouldygrapes 😭 think I’m out today too - so we will be cycle buddies. I had a major drop in temp today so I’m assuming AF will show up later today or tomorrow. I figure if I had a drop, that means there’s no chance I’m pregnant? Have some pains and exhaustion too so assuming that’s what it is. I started temping from CD1 - the apps usually splits it into cycles starting from day1. But I guess you can start whenever you want.
I had acupuncture a few years ago and found it amazing! It wasn’t for fertility but rather back trouble. The only drama I had was that the first session made me incredibly emotional. I was in floods of tears unexplainably the night after lol. the physio said it could have been an emotional release if I had loads of pent up stress that the acupuncture somehow triggered. Apparently not common though - but I would have preferred to know beforehand so I didn’t feel like a crazy person! The worst part was that I was meeting an old friend / very distant not serious ex that evening (who I have no feelings for other than friendship lol), then he told me he had got engaged and I just started crying. And he was like what just happened?! 🤣 but then I cried all night when I got home about a whole host of different things it was awful. Not to put you off though - after that first session I found the acupuncture honestly life changing!! I might try it for fertility too 🤔

Spotting today, definitely out.
Do I start temping from tomorrow then - 1st day of proper bleeding, ie CD1? I gave up this month as started at the wrong time and the readings didn’t mean much
I’ve also booked a session with an acupuncturist who comes highly recommended for pregnancy support. Even if it’s just de-stressing and nothing else, I’ll take it! Doing a zoom assessment chat tomorrow then f2f sessions if I decide to go ahead.

Welcome @PrintingProblems @Rusty83, this is a great group

@Sleeeeeepy thank you. Was hoping it might have been implantation cramps but have horrendous mood today so think AF on its way.

Glad I've found this group tho. On to another month! The tww drives us all insane doesn't it!

@CurlyNo2 - I feel exactly the same about the sibling issue. Our daughter will turn 3 later this year and I'd really love to give her a brother or sister.

I now (of course) wish we'd started trying last year... but it may have made no difference. And being honest, I don't think we were ready (or we'd have done it).

It's just so bloody tough. But I'm finding this group very helpful - thank you all. More messages from me shortly!

Thanks @Keepeas

Just wish we could get partners SA results now so we know what we're dealing with