TTC 35+ Thread 4 Cougar and Silver Fox Club

Sorry you're going through this @Hayley19835. I've been in your situation and my DH has low sperm parameters and nhs consultants weren't interested in investing him any further.
However we did follow things up and found out he was suffering from a varicocele and had this operated on and took a whole load of vitamins and his sperm has improved dramatically.
My DH was also suffering from prostatitis which was dealt with antibiotics.
So do speak to your gp and ask him to refer your DH to a urologist to investigate further because the fertility clinic won't do it.
I do think it's worth looking into and remedying.

So sorry @Hayley19835, you’re right, that seems so unfair.

@SnowWhite1985 this is SMEP... spermmeetseggplan.com/smep-step-by-step/

CD12/2DPO here. We have been trying to follow SMEP most months but couldn’t DTD last night as we both felt under the weather and like you said @LT103, we don’t want it to become a chore...

We did manage on CD8 and CD10 when I had my peak and will give it w go this evening too.

We’re both absolutely broken exhausted and stressed this last couple of weeks with works going on at our house so really not feeling it this month! I don’t hold out much hope this cycle. Never mind... baby dust to all Golden Ovaries!

Well we didn't get good news yesterday. Seems IVF is now our only option which as OH already has a child from a previous relationship we have to fund ourselves and right now that's not an option.
They want to repeat his SA again for a third time I'm not sure what they are expecting to see and then talk to us again in 2 months at which point she'll point is in the direction of clinics in our area that can help us further. I'm just feeling like life is pretty unfair at the minute as they can't give us a definitive answer as to why his SA is so bad as everything else came back normal. I'm trying to stay strong as OH feels awful as he is the issue but inside my heart is breaking 💔

@Elspethelf - congrats! Lovely news.

@SnowWhite1985 @CC81 good luck for your tests and results. I know it’s easier said than done but hope the appointments bring some positive news/relief and don’t stress you out too much.

I had a weird period this month - not that I’ve had many since off Mirena, but still don’t know what’s normal! Much lighter spotting than usual before it started, one day of moderate flow, one day of light and then that seems to be it!
1st acupuncture session on Friday (and no plans for the evening in case it sparks an emotional release!). I’ll let you know how it goes

@CC81 - good luck this cycle! I’m trying my best to relax too (I’m a bit behind you on CD2) since last cycle was so weird and out of sync. Easier said than done though! Im wondering if I should go on some sort of fertility diet - want to maximise chances lol. Im also waiting for progesterone test results this week (have call with the fertility nurse on Friday) and I’m getting my day3 hormone tests tomorrow. What’s SMEP? Hopefully the GP will give you some helpful info tomorrow - it might put your mind at rest rather than being depressing 🤗

@Elspethelf - That's great. Did you have any tests or anything?

I'm on CD8, so time to start DTD every other day (in line with SMEP). Also started the daily OPKs.

I'm worried that this cycle might go weird because I've been so bloody stressed about this sodding FSH test result!!!

Got my phonecall with the GP tomorrow afternoon, to discuss the test result. DREADING IT, as I know it'll be depressing. But once it's over I'll try to focus on other things, until my private tests in September.

Congratulations @Elspethelf fab news.
All ok here have had a couple of down days because we were really making the effort to dtd this month but the last couple of days we havnt because dp has been out and just so happened it was when i got my peak Day 16 now so going to remain positive and get back to it lol!
Hope you are all good ladies x

@Elspethelf great news. Congratulations!!!

@selina37 I’m in a lull in my cycle. I usually ovulate day 14 but I’m now day 17 and only just starting to see a little colour on my opk sticks so hopefully ovulate Friday or Saturday. Really struggled this month. My poor OH has been super stressed with work exams so don’t even know what we’ll manage. Dtd Sunday but I have no idea if we’ll manage again, just need to wait and see. Not wanting to put any pressure on him and it’s hard to focus on it being about us and not about making a baby. I don’t want it to become a chore so if he’s super stressed this month, I think we’ll wait and try again next month.

All a bit quiet today... how are we all?

I'm trying not to think too much about TTC this month. Off camping today and we're in the midst of selling and buying a house, so my mind is pretty focused elsewhere at the moment 😬

Congratulations @Elspethelf wonderful news!

@CC81 I've been trying since November last year with a two month break when covid hit.

@SnowWhite1985 - Sorry to hear about AF. It's just so crap. But onwards and upwards. I felt the same when I had my weird cycle... at least you know where you're up to. And yes, I've had nausea and general horribleness with mine - I think the stress makes everything worse.

Re: "Collective disappointment is worse than secret disappointment!" // "adding her disappointment and worry into the mix would just intensify everything so much more." - THIS IS EXACTLY ME.

I don't want others looking at me with worry (or pity), especially if this journey doesn't lead anywhere. It would actually increase my stress. I need respite from my own overthinking and don't want to be defined by this.

I might secretly tell one friend about it, if I seek treatment, as she's a completely non-judging type and has been through IVF (successful second try). But not sure yet. It's too soon.

I'm trying to be strict and actively distract myself from this subject for particular times of the day. Not being terribly successful so far, but will keep trying...

Well AF arrived in full force this morning. I’m disappointed of course, but also glad it’s finally arrived this month so I can move on to a new cycle. I’m feeling rotten today, worse than normal (which is normally pretty awful). Weird AF symptom I’ve never had before - I genuinely thought I was going to vomit in the bathroom this morning. I was incredibly queasy and nauseous. Has anyone ever had this with AF before? Today is going to be a total write off for me as I feel so ill. On the plus side I guess I can now rebook my 2-4 day hormone test for later this week which will be my GP tests completed.
@CC81 yeah it’s amazing how little we know / how little we’re taught about our own bodies. I guess they’re too busy putting the fear of pregnancy in us as teenagers that they fail to mention all this other stuff! Like you I think I need to try and move past all the stressing and take the action needed. I guess once we get all our test results back I’ll (hopefully) know what that action is. Regarding telling others, I don’t think I can! Maybe it would help to have some real life support but I honestly think for me it would make it worse. Collective disappointment is worse than secret disappointment! I’m incredibly close to my mum so I feel horrible not telling her but adding her disappointment and worry into the mix would just intensify everything so much more. I already worry enough on my own!

Congratulations @Elspethelf !

Congratulations @Elspethelf that's lovely news!

So today's the day we get OH further test results looking into his low count 😬 counting down the hours until we get our phone consult!

Congratulations @Elspethelf! So happy for you!

@Elspethelf congratulations- wonderful news!

@claireb707 @Hocuspocusandfairies @SnowWhite1985 - With you on the life choices and general craziness thing.

I look back just a few years and wonder WHY I didn't find out more about the whole picture - and maybe get the right tests every 6-12 months, so at least I was monitoring my ageing process.

The truth is, I've never known much about any of it and completely winged it until now - so all this new knowledge is crushing me with anxiety and regret. But at the same time, it helps to know; and at least I'm investigating now (and not a year from now).

I feel that I need to get through this phase of feeling particularly worried and stressed about it, then focus on being positive about taking action - both natural and assisted, probably.

The other issue is whether to discuss it with others. I really can't bear to have people feeling sorry for me...! I think it would make me feel worse.

@Elspethelf - That's wonderful! Congratulations! How long had you been trying? x

Yep think I took the map about 4 times with ex. Looking back now it was very very unlikely I would have got pregnant at those times 🙄😩

Hindsight is a wonderful thing..... 😢

@SnowWhite1985 Thank you! I have a pretty irregular cycle, and I spotted and had some premenstrual symptoms for three days. When AF did not happen I used a test and the control window didn't work. It was a two test box so I waited until the next morning and same thing happened. I have no clue why neither test worked. I ordered a different brand on Amazon. As soon as the package arrived I tested and the test immediately showed a strong positive. This definitely delayed my news and I'm going to test again first thing in the morning to be extra sure - it all still feels a little unreal

@claireb707 - at least you didn’t stay with your ex forever! And you found someone great soon after. I too find the regrets overwhelming, though. I used to think everything would work out and now I really don’t have that sort of faith anymore. We’re close to hitting the 12 month mark as well. But I guess often it can take longer and it doesn’t necessarily mean it won’t happen. There’s just so much uncertainty.

It does seem crazy @Hocuspocusandfairies - feel like most of my life I was told that getting pregnant would ruin my life and now it feels like not getting pregnant is. All the focus on education and career. On finding the right relationship. On being settled and ready and financially stable. I have school friends who had kids who are teenagers, who got pregnant young and now have really large families. Maybe they have different sorts of regrets, who knows.

I feel like this cycle is torturing me. I’m like 99% sure I’m not pregnant. Now on CD31. I haven’t had this long a cycle since early 2016. I can’t even bear to hope pregnancy might be a possibility because I know I’ll likely be crushed yet again. I had cramps yesterday and this morning which I thought was AF coming but they’ve gone away now. Haven’t had my usual AF symptoms, but then it’s been a really strange cycle entirely.

@Elspethelf - congrats on your BFP, you must be thrilled! How did you manage to wait that long before testing?! I wouldn’t have nearly that level of self control lol. Happy tears I’m sure!

I tried to attach a pic of the positive test but I don't think it worked... I should post more often so I'm better at it lol

I read more than I chat so I'm sure y'all don't recognize me! But 38, ttc baby one and today this happened... DH and I won't share the news with family until week 12 but I needed to tell someone!!

I am 5 weeks exactly based on my last period date. No symptoms that I can tell except I'm frequently crying for no real reason.

Baby dust to everyone still playing the waiting game this month.