Scan is literally just before Christmas so still over a week to wait.
I know what you mean re going through it three times before getting help. Unfortunately this is a lottery. In my case, three times in a row, I got help but only to discover I am fine and DH is too and there's nothing they can do for us. It just happens.
As it stands, you don't know if it's bad news yet. Try not to put yourself into a frame of mind that you can't do this. If someone told me two years ago what was ahead I probably would have said there's no way I'd survive this. But here I am, wiser and stronger, although more fragile too in some ways. You only find out how strong you are once you're already in a particular situation. Don't put yourself down because you'll surprise yourself, you'll see, even in the worst case scenario.
This scenario may not be unravelling now, remember. What you're describing is still completely normal, but it's understandable you're worried. Distract yourself as much as you can for now.
I think ultimately we're trying again because we still believe there is a rainbow baby somewhere there, waiting. As long as we feel this way, we have to keep trying, otherwise we risk living with this sadness, what ifs, loneliness and guilt. Xx