TTC after MC - July 2020 (Part 5)

@SmileyT that’s really sweet. I hope it’s working hard on the right things! Feel strangely at peace with either option at the moment - sure it won’t last. I just cried at the most random bit of New Girl 😂😂
OH found it very entertaining.

What do you mean your bfn?? You don’t know that yet. Do the test when you think is best, no rush here. But you don’t know what it’s going to say....could beat your august deadline after all 🤞🏼
Also, it’ll be hard and lovely whenever the picture comes, don’t feel bad about finding it difficult. It’s really shitty sometimes, and that’s ok xx

@MichT4 well I hope you are resting as much as you need to 😘 your body is working hard it needs a break sometimes x

@Mommybear05 yeah you are right about milestones, when I said August a few months ago it seemed so far away and completely achievable but now not so much. What are you doing for your birthday? xx

I'm pretty sure my friend has gone into labour so I can just imagine her sending me a pic of the newest addition to our group just after I get a BFN tomorrow can't decide whether that will make the day better or worse - I know that makes me sound awful but hopefully you ladies understand the mixed feelings 😩

@Nellle I'm sorry you're feeling so terrible. I'm nearly 40 and I definitely get that 'it's never going to happen feeling'. Sometimes I feel more positive, then other times I feel like I need to prepare myself that it just isn't going to happen for me. It's horrible feeling like that. You're only 34 though, you really have got plenty of time yet, but I would definitely speak to someone to get the ball rolling at least.

@mrsssk @Northernsoul90 after my tfmr in November, I was sick with worry about why I hadn't had AF. It took 11 weeks before I finally got a proper period, with on off bit of bleeding around the time I would have had a cycle inbetween. I had a tiny amount of retained tissue that was just taking ages to shift. But I understand the anxiety, that was one of my lowest points, just wanting to get TTC again and worrying what was going on x

@CasperFlamingo I totally know what you mean! I was SO CHILL about TTC until MC! Now every day is like a damn science experiment! 🤣

@Mommybear05 I feel so much better for not tracking everything this cycle. I've told myself though that if I don't catch I'm going to get back in touch with the fertility clinic to see if there is anything they can do to help.
I get it about wanting to know when you ovulate etc and now that af has came you are one step closer to tracking. Xx

@CasperFlamingo I get quite bogged down with things in general and overthink so I’ve been a nightmare when ttc and then even more so after mc. If you can avoid falling into a rut with testing I would as it made me worse with my nerves for sure x

@mrsssk thank you! yes we do! It is difficult to stay positive sometimes but at least on here we are all in it together. I hope your cycles get back to normal soon. We will be getting our bfps soon 🙏🏼🤞🏼

@Nellle I’m also 34 and had a MC July 2018. I also feel like it’s not going to happen again. I have been tracking last few months but this month I’m not going to track at all. I haven’t contacted my gp about it, just keep thinking this month will be it or will give it one more month! Have your cycles been regular? Mine were but this month and last haven’t. X

@Mommybear05 AF is a bit heavier but still lighter than normal. I have been having regular cycles but last two were early and now later than normal which is annoying. I have been using CB opk to track last few months but not going to use anything this month. Felt I was getting stressed waiting for my peak and then not seeing it as running out of sticks! Hope you get on ok tracking. They are useful if they work ok for you. X

@Northernsoul90 thanks for the recommendation! I think I could get really obsessive about testing, and I really don't want to be. So weird, because prior to getting pregnant I was very very relaxed. Since being pregnant and MC, I'm almost desperate to get back to being pregnant.

@Northernsoul90 it's just crap there is no other way to put it. Though I'm glad I called now, I'm sure if I called next week I would've been told to wait another 2 weeks! I hope you get some decent advice and clarity tomorrow.
I've not been trying long either but it's tough regardless - we will get there soon with our sticky beans! Need to stay positive X

@mrsssk it’s honestly so frustrating, sorry you didn’t get anywhere with your doctor and thanks for the heads up! 6-8 weeks of being in limbo feels like forever when all you want to do is try again. I wish there was something you could take to speed the process up... I honestly thought having the mva would mean I’d be kind of back to normal within a couple of weeks as everything was removed at once. Most things relating to fertility and ttc seem to just drag on forever I’ve only been trying since last November which is nothing compared to some but it feels like a lifetime xx

@SmileyT glad to hear you are feeling such positive signs lately! I really hope you get bfp xx

@Northernsoul90 totally with you on wanting cycles back. It's the feeling of being helpless against my body right now that is getting to me. I feel like I'm wishing the days away just so I'm closer to that elusive AF 😑
I hope your appointment goes well tomorrow and you can get some answers.
I rang my doctor earlier who told me to wait and see for another 2 weeks (8 weeks total). Apparently 4-6 weeks is just "the average" for AF to return so it can be longer which is still in the realms of normal so I guess be prepared for the hospital to say something similar to you too.
Have to say it didn't give me much comfort as just want to properly TTC again

@ManchNic that’s good to hear about the spotting. It seems pretty normal and others have a similar experience so I feel better now.

Sorry to hear you have been down with it all. It’s pants when you can’t even have felt like you had hope of waiting! I really hope you feel more positive again soon x

@SmileyT totally with you on not making it life’s focus! But yes it’s hard sometimes. I hope you catch so you are last that 12 weeks for your holiday too! But it’s horrible setting these little milestones if they don’t happen. Like I was really hoping to catch for my 30th this month and it’s just not happening and it puts more pressure on. Work is picking up more for me now and that helps us to have it not the main focus but it’s hard!

Af came in full flow yesterday. So that’s cycles of 31, 26, 30, and 27 days now. And each time spotting a few days before that. Not regular! Have yours been regular? So the clear blue ovulation should help this time! X

@HE88 it’s great to do that sometimes, just take a break. I’ve been doing that since the mc and have just dtd every other day but I’m kind of the opposite to you now because I’m now at the stage where I want to track a little more. I’ve invested in some clear blue ovulation sticks this time.
Good to hear about the spotting. I was on the pill for years so I don’t know what’s normal. Would be good to get my ovulation day confirmed so I can check luteal phase isn’t a problem!
I think it’s good for you to take a step back from monitoring for a while. It’s possible to catch that way of course so fingers crossed! Xx

@Wishingfornumber2 wow cd 42? That must be so frustrating with all the negative tests too! Mc can really mess with the hormones. Has af come in full flow now? X

@CasperFlamingo I use one step pregnancy tests the 10miu ones from Amazon they are really cheap for a pack of about 30. If I got a positive on one of those I would probably wait a week and then do a clear blue just because I’m a bit of an obsessive tester 🙈. Last time I conceived I only used clear blue opks but I have also bought some cheap one step ones also from amazon to try this time but I’m yet to find out how good they are xx

@Jazper yes going for bloods tomorrow, I went last week and back again to see what hcg level is so I’m really hoping it’s significantly lower. I just want my cycles back so I can ttc properly again. I would be the same and not test until then and if it makes you anxious it’s best to wait xx

@MichT4 thanks! That's so much cheaper than buying the Clear Blue ones!

@CasperFlamingo I use the Femometer ones. On amazon you can get a box of 50 OPKs and 20 PG tests for about £15. I know @VP91x has started using easy@home - we are waiting for the verdict!

@SmileyT thank you for your positivity. Let's see what happens Friday 🤞🤞🤞🤞
I'm tired too, have spent my afternoon occasionally finding myself staring at my screen - feels like I'm asleep with my eyes open 😂

Thanks @SmileyT@HopeForRainbowbaby@Northernsoul90 for the info. I have to admit I feel totally un-pregnant, even though it was only a week ago when it happened. The temptation is definitely there.

What do people recommend by way of cheapie pregancy tests and OPKs? I've only got Clearblue pregnancy tests in the house - and was using Clearblue OPKs prior to getting pregant.

@MichT4 yeah I think if there was any big issues before 5 weeks then the rest will go negative opposed to a later loss where it would need intervention and hcg has risen much higher. But you don't need to worry about that as I'm sure it will still be a nice strong line for you ❤️ no couldn't face a coffee this morning but having some lunch now and had to grab a Diet Coke as I'm shattered even though I was asleep by 9.45pm 😴 xx

Thanks @Jazper x

@CasperFlamingo i was 9.5 when I had surgery but pregnancy had stopped progressing at 7w4 and I got a faint positive after 2weeks and didn't test again until my period was due (4w after surgery) and just used a cheapie and it was negative x

I'm really sorry you're struggling with the ttc journey @Nellle . I totally get the obsession - and the need to step away from it!!
What @fafi said - I agree with the advice to look in to testing. I understand your fear of admitting there's a problem, but equally, you may find there isn't. Either way, it's better to start the ball rolling sooner as the process through the NHS (if that's how you intend to go) can be so lengthy. And you may find that you fall pregnant during the wait.
If you scroll back, you'll see I've had my own little meltdown over the last couple of days so know that you are not alone in your feelings of despair.
How did you find managing to switch off from the obsessively testing this cycle? I want to take a more relaxed approach going forward and am genuinely curious how you even manage to ignore cycle days, fertile week etc etc. Did you force yourself? Or did you feel ready to accept what will be, will be?

oh ok @chloedancer897. Thank you. Fingers crossed that's what it is 🤞🤞🤞🤞