How to manage the monthly disappointment

Yes I agree with a pp always treat yourself if af arrives. Wine/drinks and chocolate and hot bubble baths.

Our first dc was conceived in the first month of not actively trying but the second one took 4 months of actively trying and I mean actively, opks the lot! I think with sleep deprivation and struggling to find the time to dtd the second one can take longer!

That's wonderful @123feraverto. Congratulations! I always think if you see anything that's a good sign - BFNs are so very stark! How many DPO are you?

Same here @IzziC - it is so deflating. We've only just started trying and with DD it took 6months, but that doesn't mean getting a BFN this morning was any easier

Wow no one could have prepared me for the combination of PMT with BFN. I'm a complete basket case!

Nice to see so many other ladies trying for their second. The disappointment is heartbreaking - it's the frustration of having to wait for weeks before you can even try. I'm planning to test tomorrow, ahead of AF on Saturday, but my gut says not this month as my cycle was a bit out of sync
I think the best way to cope is to buy some really nice wine and enjoy the fact that not being pregnant means you can drink it!

*jesus I meant the CLUE app!

I can’t recommend the Calm app enough. After about 3/4 menstrual cycles it “knows” you and predicts well when you’re ovulating as well as providing a good reference point for sense checking if feeling what you’re feeling is likely to be AF or other.

I thought this month may be the month but I knew by the 20th it wouldn’t be. And today, bang on, as predicted.

It’s also good for those with irregular periods too, it tracks you by your symptoms as opposed to your periods IYSWIM?

@HLC24 lol yes totally. Your sperm is useless right now!! 🤣🤣🤣

@Douya it is nice to have little splurge when u know your ‘off the hook’ for another month.

I’m still waiting to test. Oh the waiting! 🤦‍♀️

I empathize. It's disheartening. When AF is due I decide on something I can do if she arrives: can continue going into work during covid as not "vulnerable", can have cocktails, can give blood when on AF, can foster kittens etc. This made it easier for me. I also like to wait a decent time as I don't like negative tests, but just AF doesn't annoy me so much. This may not be what helps for you, but do whatever you need to do to get feeling positive again.

@Bouncytree i think we will be trying the 3 days before and 3 days after... ill give anything's a go... 🙈 except this morning when he tried it on... really couldnt be arsed and in my head am thinking am due on in 3 days whats the point.. ooppsssiii xx

😊. Fingers crossed @EmmaA91. The nhs website is pretty good on the conception facts. Sperm can live up to 7 days, but the egg is more 24-36. So best to do is regularly and defo before u are due to ovulate so the sperm is waiting for the egg. Better than waiting for a direct hit 🤣. Good luck, it just takes time but the wait is hard

Thank you so much, what you said was really kind - I think we'll try the three days before and after, see if that works for us! 🤞

@123feraverto how are you feeling? Hope you are doing ok

@EmmaA91 it is so hard to get your hopes up each month...and you have to have hope to keep at it!! I become obsessed with my body and think every ache and pain could be a sign. I remember from my first that the only sign you can really trust is the missed period...but doesn’t mean u don’t keep looking 🤣. You and your husband obviously really want a baby, and it will happen and they will feel the love from being so wanted. And yes, keep on shagging on! 🤣

@HLC24 yes totally. On my first I was only doing the deed only 1 time when I was ovulating. Tried for 4 months and then As soon as we did it every 3 days before and after ovulation we got pregnant. I always say we weren’t ‘doing it right’ 🤣. It’s a bit of an effort.😅 It’s kinda like the gym, you put off doing it but actually rather enjoy it when you get there 🤣

@Bouncytree its so true i thought it would happen quite quickly and i have 2 get out of the habit of just sticking to ovulation days n showing a bit of interest the rest of the month 😂 as @EmmaA91 says we need 2 keep trying.. were all in this together 🤞

I'm right there with you! 3 days early as well, we were both so certain I was preggy and then BAM AF turned up. Beyond gutted. Feels like it's never going to happen, my husband has been really down today as it hasn't not happened yet so I know exactly how you feel. I just keep trying to think "this time in 4 weeks, we could be pregnant...this month we'll do it more" I know how heart wrenching it is and how you start to think "what's the bloody point" but it will happen. The sadness can be overwhelming and very hard to deal with, we've had a few times now we've thought we are and then we're not and I feel like an idiot. As my best friend said to me when we were discussing it "on we must shag" ❤️

@HLC24 lol Ibiza holiday out the window!! it’s a total change of life perspective isn’t it. It will happen, it’s just a bit more of a process than we expect. I think when you have been avoiding sperm most of your adult life you think once it goes near you u will instantly be impregnated! It’s a dark art really. Im unsure of my dates, but think I ovulated and now in the TWW with very sore boobs that are convincing me I’m pregnant. I’m not even really thinking about it this month, but they are so sore it’s a constant reminder. Fingers crossed. Thanks for your kind wishes and good luck on your journey too!

@Bouncytree aww thankyou.. i have been the same i have lived my life, got the career and loved it all but i feel like this is the missing piece.. i was exactly the same i used 2 see my friends pregnant and id think 'god your Ibiza holiday will never be the same' 😂 but since being with my husband i just knew starting a family was what i wanted... good luck on your journey.. xx