Just want AF to arrive so new cycle can begin...

@CaribouCarafe ha, I don’t even get two lines on them sometimes 😂
I don’t know whether I was just happy to play pretend for a bit longer. Like I knew it was going to be negative but I hadn’t had it confirmed so could pretend the possibly of a positive was there! Just feeling really crappy. Husband is being fantastic as ever, and I think I’ll do a vat of macaroni cheese for tea, that’ll cheer me up 😂

Caved and POAS this morning... BFN don’t even know why I’m surprised. I don’t think it would be quite so bad but this next cycle could be another 100 day one and I hate that uncertainty. Fuck sakeeeeeee.

Glad to see you back @CaribouCarafe 💕 thanks for the kind words.

I'm still waiting to find out wtf is going on but I'm not bleeding so I finally caved this weekend and we DTD Saturday and Sunday - sooooooo needed! Was really missing the closeness with hubby 🥰

Would be fab to get an Xmas BFP but I don't know what my chances are...I'm gonna be taking a much more relaxed approach for a few months.

@CaribouCarafe I literally laughed out loud at this, acting like Gollum 😂

Oh seriously @LS2020?! What a pain!!

Day 31 right now @CaribouCarafe so in theory, and judging on when I think I ovulated, AF is due Wednesday. I guess I’ll wait as long as I can and test, but I’m trying so hard not to be too optimistic!

I’m already dreading Christmas, my family all know how I love the booze 😂

@Ughmaybenot they forgot about me and it’s been pushed back to the 23rd 😂 hope this is a shorter cycle for you 🤞🏻

@CaribouCarafe it’s wonderful to hear from you but sorry to hear you’ve had such a tough time of it! I’m fully with you in the trying to enjoying out to the new year camp. We’re not trying this month and then I’ll be due to ovulate over Xmas week next cycle so going to aim for that so can drink and be Merry after this v shit year!

How did your appointment go @LS2020? Hope you’re okay!

Hi @CaribouCarafe been a while 😊 I totally understand needing to take a step back from the thread tbh, I admit feeling the same way re positives but I guess all of this is part of the journey, one way or another. Sorry to hear you’ve had such a terrible time recently, sending love to you and your family.

I’m daft, I really am. I actually got a positive OPK this cycle, around when it ‘should’ be, for a normal person, with normal cycles, and I had the EWCM and all that jazz and now I’m getting annoyed with myself for getting my hopes up.. again 😂

@Ughmaybenot I hope you do manage to hear soon. I’ll let you know how tomorrow goes 😊

@mrswilso doesn’t sound like nonsense lovely, I did the same thing as I bled, I kept calling them poppy and I said my goodbyes and thank yous, it’s all about the grieving process so you do whatever is right for you!
Have you thought about having a drink of wine or anything? I’m wondering if doing something physical will help you come to terms with it a bit subconsciously. I hope it comes soon so you avoid the procedure. My only encouragement would be (and this depends where you are mentally to TTC again) but you probably won’t ovulate next cycle so it’ll be another 6 weeks til after the bleed (if your cycle regulates) before you can try again. Want you to be aware - obviously take all the time you need to heal if it’s not the right thing but want you armed with as much as possible

Ugh! We really are all having a shitty time of it right now aren't we? 😔 hope everyone's feeling okay today 💕
@LS2020 - I think they would have had me in the day after the scan for the procedure if I'd have accepted that...it's me that's pushed to wait a few more weeks. I'm so keen to let it happen as naturally as I can but felt I really needed to set a cut off date because I do need to move on physically sooner rather than later. I'm totally acceptant of the fact that I'm definitely not pregnant now too so I'm hoping that the body follows the mind - I even had a word out loud with "Bub" last week when I was alone for a bit, telling them it was time to go etc. (I know it sounds like a load of nonsense, but the mind is a powerful little ball of gloop)
Three weeks seemed reasonable to us and the midwife - I don't have any signs of infection or anything else concerning so they were happy to wait. I think they push for sooner for the mental health side of it really.

@LS2020 oh I hope it will be less of a wait then. I’m hoping they just told me absolute worst case scenario tbh!
It’s a lovely little support system this isn’t it? 😊

@Idreamof2more hmm that’s strange - maybe it’s the website playing up! Hope that your appointment goes well and they might be able to find something. Part of me was relieved when mine came back normal but on the other hand the unexplainedness made it feel like it will never happen 😔

It won’t let me tag you? I have a medical appointment this month to discuss it actually so fingers crossed it’s something they can identify and remedy. Some days I think I am happy as I am my boys are my life but other days I get that ache for another xx

@Idreamof2more have you been to your doctors for bloods? A CP counts as a miscarriage so as you’ve had 3 in a year you qualify for a test - might be a slight imbalance somewhere that can be sorted for you 🤞🏻 If the wicked AF can show, you’ve deffo got time lovely ☺️ I’ve heard coq10 is good when you’re TTC at an older age as improve egg quality too. But if you get to the place that two is enough, that’s okay too, some times life has funny plans for us all x

Hi lovely, no I have 2 children so I am blessed just always dreamt of 4. At nearly 41 I’m asking a bit much xx

@mrswilso what rubbish news for you and I’m so sorry to hear that it’s being dragged on for so long 😔 I can’t believe it raises 3 weeks to get one when you’re in so much pain too! How is your OH doing?

@Ughmaybenot yes it is a very strange time we’re in at the moment! Hope you get your positive OPK soon 🤞🏻 Hmm that is a fair wait. I think we had our referral in mid august, got a letter mid sept for some details and then got a call last week with a telephone consult for Wednesday (why) and got some eforms to sign for fertility treatment so hoping we’ve got some of the ball rolling. I assume the call is about my scans as only me on call.
Sorry to hear you’ve had a tough time too so grateful to have you all ❤️

@Idreamof2more sorry to hear about what you’ve been through, it’s a very tough journey. Is this your first child too?

Hi I’m sorry I forgot to come back to this!!
I’m sorry to hear you are struggling @mrswilso what a horrible limbo to find yourself in 😔 I really hope changes happen soon, it’s so cruel the way it goes sometimes.
@LS2020 that’s so sweet of you 😊 it’s a shitty old rollercoaster this isn’t it? I’m sorry to hear you’re finding yourself getting upset and sad, but I think that’s probably very normal. With any grief, I think it comes and goes in waves. Problem is having more time to think about it maybe? Or the fact everyone is flat as hell with it right now. I had a full meltdown a few nights ago, full snotty sobs about the whole farce tbh, and that’s so, so unlike me!
Oh @Idreamof2more 😔 I’m so sorry to hear of your struggles, that’s so tough. Sometimes I think it’s good to give yourself a break, mentally and physically, from ttc. It can definitely become all consuming.
I’m doing okay, really. Waiting on my referral. Spoke to the gynae dept yesterday and theyre saying now it’ll be probably early next year before I get my initial appointment which sucks, as I had been under the impression it would only be about a month from referral to initial appointment from what my gp and what the gynae dept initially said. So that’s grand 😂
I’m (very cautiously) hopeful for this month tho, I even had a positive opk on Friday which was CD21 which, with any luck, means I might have a half-normal cycle this month if nothing else! Seeing as the last one was like 102 days or something, anything would be an improvement 😂

@LS2020 thanks sweetie 💕🥰 it's so nice to have people to talk to - especially people who know what you're going through. It looks like I'm having a bit of a longer, drawn out process ☹️ went back into EPU on Thursday there for a scan to check up and NOTHING has changed despite more bleeding and pain 😭 I've booked in for a MVA in three weeks time which I'm dreading so I'm really hoping I can pass it naturally before then...the thought of going in makes me feel ill, but at the same time I really really want to move on now.
@Idreamof2more I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through 💕

Hi ladies hope you don’t mind me joking the gang. So sorry @mrswilso for your loss. I lost 2 babies during lockdown and had a cp last month so know how you feel. I’m starting to consider hanging up my ttc boots for a while it’s ruling my life xx

Hi ladies @Ughmaybenot @mrswilso been thinking of you both today and hope you are both getting on ok. Don’t know why but started having a proper cry about my CP which I haven’t really done since shortly after my bleed which is strange. Maybe it’s to do with being in lockdown again?!

@Ughmaybenot glad you’re getting somewhere with it - I need to chase mine but keep forgetting! Also absolutely amazing on the weight loss, well done!! though now I’m feeling guilty as I’ve just cracked opened the Halloween haribo we bought for any trick or treaters 😂😂

@mrswilso been thinking of you so much. I’m glad to hear that it’s started naturally so you don’t need intervention. I’ve heard d&c isn’t a great procedure so hope you avoid that ❤️
CD1 is your first day of full bleed but my cycle was out of wack totally and never found when I ovulated the month of the bleed.
It sounds strange but the bleed helped me a bit mentally to process it as it was something physical to see but it’s taken me about 5 weeks now to not think about it and immediately cry so it takes time so it’s important for lots of self care 💕