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Original poster

Nightmares about MC/MMC is worrying me sick!

31 replies

Rainbowm · 22/05/2020 09:09

Just what the title says really . I’m currently 9 weeks pregnant and are having reoccurring nightmares about being told at my 12 week scan the baby has died 😢. I currently have a beautiful toddler which I know I’m very lucky to have but cannot help the current anxiety and sadness im feeling. I had quite a lot of light brown discharge at 7 weeks pregnant which lasted half a day with stomach cramps that lasted the whole day (The cramps were very mild) and although my pregnancy symptoms were not that strong to begin with they seem to have now totally disappeared (including the increased clear discharge I was getting) which is also a concern. Before my little rainbow baby I suffered a MMC so this heightens my anxiety even more. My local hospital doesn’t accept walk ins until you are 20 weeks pregnant & as I have had no actual fresh red bleeding or pain that’s unbearable I don’t know if I should be trying to get a referral from the doctors. Just to add I did have a scan at 6+6 as id messed up on my pill so they had to date the pregnancy! Am I going insane or would anybody else have any concerns with what I’ve explained, I just need to reassurance really!

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Original poster
Rainbowm · 26/06/2020 04:46

@Sunshinelove8 thank you ❤️ Xx

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Sunshinelove8 · 25/06/2020 07:40

@Rainbowm just read your news , congratulations! ❤️❤️❤️

Sunshinelove8 · 25/06/2020 07:25

Hi hun how are you doing? Xx

Original poster
Rainbowm · 17/06/2020 10:01

@HoldingOn2Hope oh dear you poor thing you must be going out your mind. Praying for a healthy pregnancy for you 🙏🏻🤞🏼Let me know how it goes Friday xx

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HoldingOn2Hope · 16/06/2020 23:07

@Rainbowm I'm in a bit of a limbo tbh. First scan went well but suspected heterotopic pregnancy. A week later had a 2nd scan which showed no ovarian pregnancy and a normal pregnancy but no heartbeat, 3rd scan showed heartbeat but faint. I have another on Friday. I'm somewhere in btw holding on to hope and it repeating for the worst.
Just trying to keep positive until Friday x

Original poster
Rainbowm · 16/06/2020 21:56

@HoldingOn2Hope thank you lovely ☺️ How is everything going with you? How did your last scan go? X

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HoldingOn2Hope · 16/06/2020 19:37

@Rainbowm Awww over the moon for you! Wishing you a healthy, happy and anxiety-free pregnancy!

Original poster
Rainbowm · 16/06/2020 18:24

@HoldingOn2Hope @Ranoutofgoodnames @adventurer2020

Thank you all, I’m over the moon to tell you that all seems well, I just can’t believe it, it’s took until today to kick in. I’ve still got to wait for my blood results for the combined Down's syndrome, Edwards syndrome and Patau's but the fluid behind the baby’s head looked healthy and they measured me ahead which puts me at 13+2 today.

I got myself so worked up yesterday in the hospital waiting, I’ve now promised myself to try and enjoy this pregnancy as much as I can and not let my anxiety control me 🤞🏼.

Thank you all so so much for your support xxx

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adventurer2020 · 16/06/2020 08:27

How did it go @Rainbowm ?

Ranoutofgoodnames · 15/06/2020 23:13

All best wishes and positive vibes for you xxxx

HoldingOn2Hope · 15/06/2020 21:08

@Rainbowm sending you lots of positivity for your scan tomorrow. I pray it all goes well for you 🙏🏽

Original poster
Rainbowm · 14/06/2020 22:18

Just an update.....

So tomorrow’s the day of my 12 week scan and I am so so scared I just haven’t been able to think straight all day!

Luckily I’ve had no more bleeding/discharge but I am just so so scared they will give me another ‘I’m sorry your baby died at so many weeks’ message 😟

Luckily my toddler has been keeping my mind off things the past few weeks but now I’m less than 24 hours aways from finding out if I have a healthy little bambino in there it’s getting really scary ahhhhhh !

Thank you for all your support so far ladies!

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Original poster
Rainbowm · 26/05/2020 22:49

@Elouera so sorry for the late reply, I somehow missed your response. Yes I seen a heartbeat when they scanned me at 6+6 however the brown discharge occurred about 5/6 days after the scan.

I didn’t attend hospital as there was no fresh bleeding or intense pain, my hospital will only see you after 20 weeks otherwise it would have had to mean me sitting in A&E which I didn’t feel I could justify at the time with the current climate and the current strain on the NHS.

Yes I was on medication before for my anxiety however have not been on that for a while now.

since last mentioning about my symptoms I have still not had any return which I’m still very paranoid about.

I’m just hoping these next couple of weeks go fast so I can know either way.

Thank you for your advice x

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Sunshinelove8 · 25/05/2020 10:09

I’m glad you’ve made a decision . Everything crossed for some brilliant news soon ❤️ X

Elouera · 25/05/2020 08:20

Sorry, its a bit hard to follow. Did you see a heartbeat on the initial 6 week scan OP? Did the EPU recommend a repeat pregnancy test a few weeks after the bleeding? I had my 3rd loss 2 weeks ago. I called 2 EPU's when the bleeding started and they wouldn't scan me, as not deemed an emergency. I then MC whilst at home! I realise a scan wouldn't have changed the outcome though.

Have you had an counselling/CBT for your health anxiety? Have you mentioned it to your GP to get some help and put things in perspective? Hopefully things will be fine, but there is info on the miscarriage association website, leaflets and info for subsequent pregnancies after a loss. Also a phone contact if you need to speak to someone.

I too was going to suggest a private scan, but sounds like you are waiting for the 12 week one now. Best of luck x

Original poster
Rainbowm · 25/05/2020 08:07

@Sunshinelove8 thank you for checking in on me ☺️ I wouldn’t be able to get a private scan till at least a week and half however my NHS scan is booked for 3 weeks today so I’ve decided to just wait for that one. I’m very apprehensive but trying my best to stay positive. I will update you all once I’ve had my scan Xx

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Sunshinelove8 · 24/05/2020 19:34

Hey how are you doing hun ? X

Sunshinelove8 · 23/05/2020 15:44

Scans not scans x

Sunshinelove8 · 23/05/2020 15:43

Hey sorry I never commented back , I couldn’t find the thread again . All your fears are like mine . After second mc , I had awful insomnia and had to take time off work I’m still not recovered months later and lose a nights sleep a week ( I think because I’m ttc again and it scares me ) , my last mc was over Xmas too and was staying with my in-laws so was pretty awful.
There’s really nothing other than scams I think to help because you need to see reality to feel better. Again, I wouldn’t worry about loss of symptoms. It happens about this time any way. I had strong symptoms both pregnancies even when I knew I mc so I don’t think it’s a signal either way . Hope you get the scan soon and can take a big sigh of relief xx ❤️

HoldingOn2Hope · 22/05/2020 23:13

@Rainbowm keeping fingers crossed for us both. Stay positive and positive things will happen. Will keep you updated.
Baby dust and positivity xxx

Original poster
Rainbowm · 22/05/2020 22:41

@HoldingOn2Hope it’s just terrible isn’t it I know it’s never a good time to have a MC but Christmas time is when we should all be happy but I just ended up hating everyone including every pregnant woman or a new mum with a baby which makes me sound like a awful person but I guess the grief just over took me .

Yes you’re nurse is right and the symptoms are all similar it’s just a horrible trick our bodies play on us, I guess it’s just a waiting game now.

Yes I should be 9 weeks today fingers crossed that my bambino has hung on in there however I would say the loss of symptoms started just before 8 weeks maybe a few days after I had the loss of discharge and stomach cramps. I think that’s what worried me because with my MMC i started bleeding at 11 weeks but the sonographer said the baby had actually died at 8/9 weeks which would be at the same sort of stage I am now.

I know this sounds stupid but with my rainbow baby when I went for an early reassurance scan I remember the lady in the room saying to me all pregnancy’s are different she had a MC then healthy baby then MC then second baby and I keep hearing those words in my head and thinking that is what will happen to me as my last pregnancy was successful.

Keeping fingers crossed that we both get a positive outcome xx

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Original poster
Rainbowm · 22/05/2020 22:26

Hi @yellowbelliedcreature it’s great to hear you had a positive outcome after experiencing bleeding in your pregnancy.

Im just really hoping that it’s my anxiety that’s causing me to have these terrible nightmares and horrible fears that something has gone wrong with this pregnancy but battling with your own mind is so tiring especially whilst putting on a brave face for my toddler as I know how lucky I am to have my little rainbow baby and I will never take her for granted.

I guess what’s worrying me if the total loss of symptoms, even the excess white/clear discharge I was getting has completely stopped now which rings alarm bells with me , are my pregnancy hormone levels dropping hence why the discharge has stopped? I just don’t know!

Getting it off my chest and hearing from all you lovely ladies today has actually made me feel a lot better so thank you so much to everyone for your kind words xx

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HoldingOn2Hope · 22/05/2020 22:22

@Rainbowm thank you for your kind words too. My 2nd loss was over new year too and I started bleeding over Xmas and just didn't want to be around ppl. I hated anyone coming over as I just wanted to be home alone so I could go to the toilet as many times in an hour as possible. It's awful isn't it.
Let's try and keep each other positive. One thing the nurse at my fertility clinic told me on Weds when I went for some blood tests was nothing can change the outcome of a pregnancy. Symptoms are the same for AF, mc, and pregnancy so she told me not to focus on them and take a week at a time. I do feel more positive about this one maybe because I'm on meds but sometimes those horrible thoughts just creep back upon me.
I'm only 4 weeks. how many weeks are you now? 9?

Original poster
Rainbowm · 22/05/2020 22:06

Hi @HoldingOn2Hope :-) Thank you so so much for your kind words. I’m so sorry to hear of your previous losses, I don’t think anybody can truly understand the loss until they’ve been through it their self can they. Congratulations on your BFP, I’ve got everything crossed for you that you will get your rainbow baby Smile. My second pregnancy I spent the whole time worrying and paranoid I would lose my precious baby but luckily I now have a beautiful little girl who I am so so grateful for so I know every pregnancy is different and I wish I could have just enjoyed that one. In the nicest possible way it’s refreshing to hear that I’m not the only one that’s overly anxious and there is probably loads of us out there. I could have wrote the bit about going to the loo myself that’s another one of my horrible OCD’s as with my previous MMC I felt a little damp down there however by the time I had got to the loo the amount of blood was horrendous! . I keep replaying the moment in my head when the sonographer told me my baby had died, I’ve honestly never felt so empty in my entire life, Unfortunately it happened to me on New Year’s Eve and returning home late that night to see people partying and having fun, I was just so angry with the world. That loss was followed by bad depression and constant panic attacks, i don’t think I have ever truly got over that, which is probably why I have got myself in such a state now. I am definitely going to have a look at a private scan to try and calm me down a little. I am also in the same boat as you we haven’t told anyone until I am at least past 12 week stage, I just couldn’t face telling everyone the bad news if I was to receive it again. Please let me know how you get on with your reassurance scan it’s so good to speak to other people in similar situations xx

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yellowbelliedcreature · 22/05/2020 21:51

Sorry to all of you worrying. I well remember the feeling of dreading every toilet visit and obsessively checking how sick or not you’re feeling.

In case it helps (as I used to google nonstop for positive stories) I had brown/pink/red bleeding on and off 7 weeks - 20 weeks with my pregnancy (now a healthy hardy toddler!). I also hardly suffered physically at all while pregnant, so no sickness or anything - feel very lucky about that now but at the time felt sure it was a bad sign. Everything was fine but I remember the mental anguish well. Sending lots of love!