Penguin huddle 🐧🐧🐧 TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 35 - time for some sticky BFP's

Thanks @VenusStarr and @SomeBunnyovertheRainbow for your kind words.

Fingers crossed for ovulation and smep @VenusStarr

@SomeBunnyovertheRainbow I’m so sorry, your daughter should absolutely be here. I found stillbirth at 6.5 months unbearable, I can’t even begin to imagine it at full term. Its so horribly unfair. And a miscarriage after is completely brutal and unfair. You are amazingly strong to be able to think about it in those positive terms.
When are you due on? fingers very much crossed!

I’m on CD25 of this mad cycle following my 2 week long period. More EWCM today and feeling rather frisky so I was feeling pretty confident ovulation was approaching but I’ve just peed on an OP stick and didn’t even get a whiff of a second line Haven’t been temping as I thought I should try and not get too obsessive but maybe I should. I’ve never got on well with temping though, I find it hard when I’m often up in the night to DD to do it at a consistent time and after a long enough chunk of sleep. It would be good to get a handle on whether or not I’m actually ovulating though. I’ve previously experienced ovulation pain which gave me a really great signal when ttc my son when it was happening so it will be interesting to see if that comes back

Hope everyone is ok and enjoying the sunshine.

Sorry you're feeling under the weather @SomeBunnyovertheRainbow I always think the last few days of the tww are the worst. Glad you're emotionally feeling OK though.

Welcome @chloedancer897 this is a lovely, supportive group ❤️

Good to hear from you @Mumlili9 :) are you testing before af this cycle or waiting it out? Hope you're feeling OK,, I'm definitely brighter than I was, went to a very dark place x

I'm glad it helped to talk and share @ljtw 💜

Thank you @Sakura54 I hope your cycles settle soon

Hi again @marmitecheesetoast I'm sorry you've had a difficult few weeks, it's really hard to not think about time passing and what should be happening. I have been very low recently but it has started to lift a bit, we're here ❤️ Good to hear that your cycle seems to be settling 🤞

How are you @peperethecat?

I think I may have ovulated 🙏 hoping FF will confirm in a day or two as I'm unsure if it was yesterday or the day before as I've not had a big spike, but I've spoked, iyswim. Smep has wiped us out 😑 day off today and I'm so pleased, as is dh, haha. I've no idea if it's a coincidence or it's the evening primrose oil, but this is the first time since I've been tracking in 2.5 years that I've ovulated around cd14, it's usually much earlier (like you @Mumlili9). Trying not to pin all my hopes on that being a good sign and convincing myself that one, I'll get pregnant and two, it'll all work out and be fine. Just need to take one day at a time....
Also, had another GP appointment about my rash - they've decided its probably roseaca, although it hasn't presented typically as its only on one side of my face. But the antibiotics haven't really done much. Been prescribed a gel specifically for it and only used one and already feel like it's less red (woke up early today and went to the loo). So there is a niggle, as I'm sure roseaca is related to immunity issues. But not going to overthink that one (she says!)

Have a lovely day everyone xx

Thanks @Mumlili9

@marmitecheesetoast welcome back and fingers crossed 🤞 for that bfp hun.

Hi all,

Sorry I fell off the end of the last thread and just joining now. Been having a tough few weeks, think the reality of it all is setting in a bit more.

Sorry to see there are a few new members, so sorry for all your losses.

I’m 35, my baby was stillborn at 28 weeks at the beginning of April. I’ve got a just turned 3yr old DD. She’s been asking about him a lot the last week or so which has been hard. Keeps asking to post him toys or asking to go and visit him and it kills me that she thinks he’s somehow somewhere else and we’re keeping her away 😔 We’ve been really blunt about what’s happened and that he died but I guess it’s such a big concept for a 3 yr old to get their head around.

I keep thinking about how this time last hear we started ttc no 2. One year later and I’ve been through 6.5 months of pregnancy and given birth but now back where I started

The good news is that my random second bout of bleeding/2 week long period finally stopped and I’m beginning to get some EWCM today so have been getting on it!

Need to read back and catch up properly but oh my goodness @clitterratti I can’t believe your counsellor said that!!! So unprofessional!

@Sakura54 if I'm honest I've had so many I've become numb now. Even BFP's don't make me jump for joy either, it stupid probably but I just think which spectacular way can i f**k this one up. Fingers crossed you will have a much better time of things

@VenusStarr @Mumlili9 My MMC was one of the worst things I’ve experienced, so I can’t imagine what you've been through with recurrent MCs. Hope you’re having an ok day today?

I’m fine thanks. Another hot day with nowhere to go apart from messing around the local park. It’s been exactly 4 weeks since my MVA so I’ve just been patiently waiting for my period to return and hoping my cycles regulate fairly quickly. Had some spotting yesterday and today right on time so that’s a good sign.

Yes @ljtw they like to make you wait around just to be sure, but it just feels like time wasting and delaying the inevitable. Same here regarding my DH...he’s not one to show emotion either but offcourse they are also sad. I had to break the news to him after, as he was waiting for me for hours in the car oblivious to what was going on, as not allowed into the hospital due to CV. What your OH said is completely right though! FWIW I was angry too; more angry than upset even. It’s the ‘missed’ part of the MMC that pissed me off as this is supposedly a rare thing to happen, whereas a ‘normal’ MC is somewhat expected if that makes sense? I could go on and on but I just try not to think about it anymore tbh.

How many DPO are you, @Mumlili9?

Thanks so much @SomeBunnyovertheRainbow And @VenusStarrit really does mean a lot bar the first day of my bleed I feel like today strangely is probably one of my worse days as in emotions I just feel well abit angry really I can see from other people’s stories this is normal and I really do hope we all get our happy ending because well that’s what gets us through all this isn’t it the hope that we will one day. And a lot of people don’t see this side of wanting a baby the trying to conceive the ovulation but I’m guessing it makes us appreciate a pregnancy more. Xx

Hello ladies sorry I dropped off I've been trying to get my head in a good place.
Sorry to see some new members of our huddle I'm so sorry for your losses.

@VenusStarr I could have written some of your posts myself. I too have taken evening primrose oil this cycle. I believe I ovulated around cd13 - 14 but I normally ovulate cd 9 - 11 so definitely think it delayed ovulation. But I also started, red raspberry leaf tea and a high dose B6 and magnesium so who knows. I have found that my post ovulation temps are the best they have been for nearly a year now. I'm praying for a bfp but not expecting on due to the one fallopian tube thing and my terrible bad luck so far.
How are all you lovely ladies doing today?

Hi, newbie here. I have two children which I conceived without any problems but have been TTC since December 2017. Finally got a BFP on 17th May (my husbands birthday) and we were over the moon. We had been on the list for IVF but it was cancelled because of covid. Miscarried on Sunday and I am completely broken. I have never had a pregnancy loss before so as soon as I got that positive I was over the moon. I’m just so fed up and feel like my body isn’t going to give me any more children

@VenusStarr that would be nice!! My fingers are crossed for you 🤞🏻

@VenusStarr I had a terrible time with temping this cycle. I think because I took the trigger shot I was expecting to ovulate a day or two earlier than usual and so I kept waking up in the middle of the night around the time I was hoping to see a temp rise. I finally got my temp rise a week ago, which is the day I would probably have expected to see one if I'd ovulated naturally and not taken the trigger shot. So I don't know whether the trigger shot worked or not. But for two days before that I woke up at 5am so I don't know whether my temperatures were accurate or not. Of course once I got a progesterone test to confirm I definitely had ovulated, started taking my progesterone pills and stopped temping, I started sleeping through the night no problem.

I'm now obsessively POAS to see if the line from my trigger shot is getting lighter or darker. It's going to be a long week.

That's good @Nannon145 I can completely relate to the obsession! I'm quite used to the temping now, my body clock has settled. In the early days of doing it I'd sleep really badly and I remember crying on dh's shoulder that I was barren as my temperature didn't rise when I expected it to 🙄 so I stopped for about a year. But I'm much more settled with it now. I'm trying to listen to my body too and I've had some good signs this cycle - we might be cycle buddies this month :) 🤞

@VenusStarr yes we have decided to try straight away so we've been dtd lots over the past few days. I was tracking my temperature but got obsessed with everything so decided to just do OPKs this cycle. Got my positive so stopping with them now too

Your miscarriage experience sounds very similar to mine @ljtw, it's really hard in the limbo phase. Definitely my husband was quite shut off (still is to some extent). In the early days I think he held a lot back from me to protect me. But I have had a few moments where I just want to know that he is grieving too, if that makes sense. We all definitely grieve in our own ways. After my third loss this year, dh has been different, he wants to be more proactive about testing and he's more engaged. He's good at pulling me back and not getting too absorbed in ttc / baby loss - ill read anything and everything just for answers.

Thank you @SomeBunnyovertheRainbow. I think being so focus on every little detail isn't that helpful, like you say I'm zoning in on the abnormality (for me) when actually it's entirely normal. I also think if I'm frustrated with my body not behaving as I want it to, it's probably counterproductive! So trying to reason with myself! :) how are you feeling?

I'm sorry @Nannon145 I missed your message earlier. I'm sorry for your loss. I've got the opposite issue this cycle that ovulation is late for me. I never tracked after my miscarriages so I'm unsure if things completely went back to normal straight away (although my period arrived around my usual time, so it probably did). But I think any changes are our bodies adjusting and settling back down. Are you trying this cycle? It's not going to harm to dtd now and keep testing. Do you check your temperature as well?

Thanks so much for your responses it’s so nice to hear off people that know exactly what your going through and I say a week but I had my first scan to show i was measuring 6 weeks when I thought I was 10 but they wouldn’t say anything until another scan was done 2 weeks later then I went to that and they say they thought was was maybe abit of growth so to come back a week later which was last week to which they then confirmed I’d passed it and there was nothing there I knew first the first bleed what was going on so weeks of back and forth did take its toll. Thanks about the advice about basically not rushing grief my OH has been so good but at the same time he is very much shut off in that way so just says it will be fine we can try again just be strong I know he means well but also makes me feel like I don’t want to bring it up. But I’m glad I now have got ladies to turn to. Thanks again xx

Hello to all the new joiners. Sorry you find yourselves here. This is a lovely supportive group and it really helps to have people going through the same journey to talk to.

I'm very sorry for your losses @ljtw. I've had 2 missed miscarriages and one early loss more recently in February. My experience is that it's completely normal to have lots of tears and sadness. Particularly after my MMCs, it was like I could feel my hormones dropping and I'd be very emotional.
I don't know if this will help, but I'm still struggling now with my mood. It helped me to understand that grief isn't linear and I'm not going to wake up one day and be OK and stay that way. The grief comes in waves and some days I'm OK and some days I am not ❤️

How are you @Sakura54? X

Trying not to worry, but it's cd14 and no sign of rising temps yet. Had another positive opk yesterday which is really unusual for me as my surge is usually short. This time last cycle I was 4dpo! I'm reassuring myself that ovulation about now is entirely withing the normal range and I've had positive signs that my body is trying to ovulate. We're still doing smep - it's easier when your cycles are short. We both actually couldn't be bothered last night... 🙄

Hope everyone is well xx

@ljtw it's only been a week since you found out. Know that its ok to get over it quickly and also ok to still cry ages after. Regardless of hormones, there is no right or wrong way to feel. MMCs are cruel...I had one recently too. The worst thing about it for me was the fact that my body was tricked for 6 weeks. It just feels stupid. I had no bleeding or anything and was pleased my pregnancy symptoms got better and that I didn't have to through them ever again but then obviously I went to my scan. You've been through such a horrible thing so don't feel you have to force yourself to be strong. Time is a healer so give yourself a little bit more.

Hi everyone, I found this thread from another one I was reading. I hope someone replies but if not I’m sure it will feel good to rant anyway. So I had an early loss at 5 weeks in Feb and a one at 11 weeks but it had stopped at 6. I got this confirmed last week but I knew as soon as I started bleeding with brown discharge sorry tmi. Anyway I feel like I’ve had a couple of days where I have just cried and cried but now I feel like when people ask if I’m ok they don’t want to hear my big flood of emotions I’m feeling and it’s better to say yeah I’m feeling better thanks which I have tired to make myself think I am and that I should be super strong and that will get me through this which I do still agree with but the last couple of days I don’t know if it’s hormones but I feel so low and it’s so so hard to remind myself to be strong. Is this because my hormones are all over the place still and if so when do your hormones go back to normal after a miscarriage? Sorry for the rant hope to hear off you ladies xx