Penguin huddle 🐧🐧🐧 TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 35 - time for some sticky BFP's

Hello ladies bfn this morning but it's still early I'll try again in a couple of days. How are you all getting along?

Morning ladies. I got faint bfp this morning. I'm 42 and lost a baby in March at 16 weeks to trisomy 9. I've been really taking care of myself these past months so I'm praying for a healthy rainbow 🌈 baby. 🤞🏻. I'm 10dpo today and used digital opks this month. I'm going to surprise my fiancée on Father's Day with the news assuming the line keeps getting darker. Xxx

@marmitecheesetoast I hope them not finding anything wrong means it was a one-off and that your next pregnancy will be successful. I can’t imagine the pain you must be feeling and what you’ve been through.

@VenusStarr For me, I think I would feel weird trying to prevent getting pregnant as it’s not that simple, so would probably DTD casually and not worry about tracking? But of course if using protection will make you feel calmer then it’s a good idea for you to take a breather.

@Mumlili9 FWIW I find it reassuring that sperm can live up to 5 days, but can understand your frustration after all your efforts tracking. Lovely rainbow pic! It’s great that you guys are going to be more positive. Personally, I detach myself emotionally when pregnant. Being realistic really helped me protect myself. It’s just the whole ‘missed’ part of the MMC that messed things up. At the same time, though, I didn’t really believe I would MC seeing as my SIL and brother just had one a few months before me.

Good luck for Friday @FloDaffodil I was alone when I found out about my MMC the other month and waited a while to see the doctor afterwards, while DH was jamming in the car for hours completely oblivious. I suppose I preferred being on my own as it meant I was able to keep totally composed as I’m not the type to show emotion in public. So it was ok that he wasn’t allowed in, but obviously not an experience I would like repeated.

I’m on CD24 so still patiently waiting for 2nd AF to show...hopefully on time so that I know what's what. That heavy feeling down below I had last week disappeared so who knows if it was ovulation or just a weird, dodgy tummy lol.

Im in the boring bit after the required effort has been put in but before the crazy symptom spotting has kicked in. I'm 3dpo today so far too early for symptoms. I'm just waiting. Still slightly peeved at oh and only dtd 3 times and only 2 of them at a good point in my cycle. But it's better than nothing.

@FloDaffodil I'm hoping they've lifted some restrictions by the time I hopefully get to scans . I had a mmc picked up at my 12 week scan and can't imagine being there on my own. I really hope its not as you think.

@VenusStarr hello I wish I could be as sensible as your being. Not long to go now though.
@FloDaffodil fx crossed it's not what you think hun. Would you consider putting in a complaint?
@SomeBunnyOvertheRainbow glad your session went well x

As for me I'm 6dpo and have nothing going on except very high temps, I hate the two it gets my brain.

I'm sorry you've had poor care from your recurrent miscarriage clinic @FloDaffodil - have they arranged the scan or is that eith your epu? I hope that Friday brings good news 💕

How is everyone? @SomeBunnyovertheRainbow @Mumlili9 @Esssa @marmitecheesetoast xx

The other thing I’m so angry about is that I called and emailed the recurrent miscarriage clinic a week and a half ago asking for the results of tests I had done in March which they never gave me the results from. They finally called me back yesterday, after it was already too late, and said I should be taking heparin. If they’d told me that a week and a half ago maybe I wouldn’t have lost this baby.

I’m going to go for a 7 week scan on Friday but I already know it’s game over for this pregnancy. I had some spotting and cramps last week which seemed to settle down but yesterday I woke up to more spotting and all pregnancy symptoms had gone. I called two EPUs and neither of them will let my husband come in the room with me for the scan. I cannot imagine having to get the bad news on my own. It’s going to be awful. Especially as this is my 7th miscarriage.

@marmitecheesetoast - so sorry to hear you didn’t get any answers. Uncertainty about something so fundamental is very hard to deal with.

I am so sorry that yesterday didn't give you any answers @marmitecheesetoast ❤️ it's absolutely heartbreaking. Please don't apologise - you really don't need to, this space is for us all to safely share how we feel. Don't feel you need to put a brave face on this, not for us or for anyone else. As @Mumlili9 said, we're all here for you xxx

Thank you @SomeBunnyovertheRainbow and @Mumlili9 for your thoughts - it's been whirring round my head. I called the clinic this morning and the contract doesn't start until August, so having a bit of clarity helped. I know we won't start straight away as my period will be due the last week of July (typical!) but I really feel that I need a ttc break. When I think about a break I feel calmer, when I think about ttc I feel anxious. I don't want to jeopardise this opportunity and having ivf will give us a chance to look in detail at my eggs and his sperm (well not us, but you know what I mean) and I'll have progesterone, which the rmc and my GP won't prescribe until I've had another loss, having that support is something we've never tried before. So even though there's no guarantees it'll work and it's more of a wait, I'm feeling that it is the right thing for me right now.
So, I've got around 6 weeks to lose 8lbs to get to my target weight and focus on myself.

Hope everyone is OK xx

@Mumlili9 @SomeBunnyOvertheRainbow
Thank you for your kind messages, you’ve brought me to tears.
❤️

@VenusStarr I am the very worst person to answer your question as I was stressed out that we weren't trying while recovering from my ectopic surgery. I couldn't have "tried" because I could barely walk let alone anything else. I think you are going to have to think which is going to be more stressful for you and your DH, waiting an unknown time for ivf or missing possible chances naturally. I probably have no helped you one bit. I guess what I'm saying is personally I would keep going trying on my own . Sending you a hug

@marmitecheesetoast I'm so sorry that you got no answers at all. I really can not image how you must feel. Please don't apologise for anything, this thread is for exactly this reason. Is a safe place to Express all feelings good, bad, positive and negative. Sending you a virtual hand hold and a hug. It's not surprising that your hormones will be a bit wack, they are very much linked to your emotions. Stress and I imagine you have been under so much stress waiting for the PM of your beautiful little boy can really mess with your cycle. I wish there was something more I could say to help you just know were all here for you x

Thank you @VenusStarr
It was inconclusive. They could find no reason whatsoever. DS was ‘a perfectly developed little boy’, a good size. Placenta was ‘perfect’ bloods all totally normal. The pathologist could find no reason whatsoever. Which is just horrendous. How can a perfectly healthy baby die for no reason so late on in pregnancy??

Feeling very low tonight. I would rather they have said it was X condition with the placenta which we can treat with X drug in any future pregnancy and close monitoring of the placenta, or whatever. Instead I just feel we’re completely in the dark and what’s to stop it happening again.

I don’t know how I’m ever meant to even begin accepting or processing he died when there is no reason for it.

Sorry for the big long miserable message. Struggling tonight. Doesn’t help with you all being more positive, sorry.

Also, my temps have barely come down yesterday and today despite AF starting so now I’m convinced my hormones are out of whack too

They're so cute @Esssa! 😍

I hope today went OK @marmitecheesetoast, been thinking of you 💙 sending a big hug

Good luck @Mumlili9 🤞

I've definitely been very negative on and off the last few months. With my first pregnancy I truly felt like it would be OK when I got that positive tests, but I do remember thinking if I see blood I know it's over and I was right. My second 2 pregnancies I felt from the beginning that I wouldn't get very far. I like the idea of focusing on and attracting positivity @SomeBunnyovertheRainbow

I heard from the hospital today, my notes are bring transferred on Wednesday. I'm leaning towards stopping ttc naturally to give me a break. But part of me is anxious about doing that. I don't want to have another miscarriage and delay things further, but I don't know how long it'll be before we can get started at the clinic, so worried about missing chances? Kind of like the idea of not putting pressure on us this month. Ugh, undecided. Dh feels the same.... What would any of you do? Xx

Well its official I'm in the two let the crazy begin

@VenusStarr I have 25 chicks at the moment from 38 eggs which isn't bad for a first go at hatching. They are super cute and fluffy. Theres a couple needed little boots made from tape to straighten curly feet but most are thriving.
I know what you mean about the whole happy accident thing. My mmc was an accident while using a diaphragm (badly apparently) and I've hoped it would happen again as its taken 2 years to get OH to try again.

Sorry AF got you @marmitecheesetoast. I was the same with my last pregnancy and walked into the 12 week scan hoping everything was alright but expecting the worst. Sucks to be right. I've never seen a live baby on a scan. Definitely trying the positive thinking. There was a 1% chance of mmc so we had shitty luck to fall in that bracket. We should be due some luck so this next time will be fine fingers crossed. Hope your call goes as well as it could.

@SomeBunnyOvertheRainbow I'm trying not to think too far in front in any concrete sort of way. If we conceive this month we might have a baby in March but other than that I've worked out nothing but ovulation.

@Mumlili9 I have OH issues too. Hes a twice/three times a month kinda guy so 4 times in about a week is taxing. He's arguing hes 40 not a teenager but I told him thats not an excuse unless he wants it to be. I have first hand knowledge age isn't really a factor in enthusiasm.

I've unfollowed a few friends due to announcements and both my SIL as one has 2 small children (3 & 1) and the others due date was a few days ago. I'm now 1DPO according to all apps and opks seem to confirm that too but I think I missed my peak as it went from low to high and back again. The high was only a couple of points off peak though so I think it happened and I just missed it. We bd'd Saturday and Sunday morning so that should have covered it with ovulation on Sunday I think. Will proposition OH after work for a last try today as I still have ewcm. Onto the tww! Though I'm trying not to think about that either. At the moment a positive is about as scary as a negative.

@SomeBunnyovertheRainbow exactly my thoughts hun. Fx it works for us x