Penguin huddle 🐧🐧🐧 TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 35 - time for some sticky BFP's

@Mumlili9 I’m sorry you’re feeling so low, you’ve been through so much and it’s so crap and unfair. I’m so sorry. I know there’s probably nothing I can say that will make you feel any better but we’re all here if you want to offload. I hope you have a lighter day today. Have you got anything planned this weekend?

I’m so glad your consultant appointment went well and was so helpful @VenusStarr it makes such a difference when you feel properly listened to. All sounds really positive , great news.

I too have been growing things from seeds for the first time this year, it’s so satisfying isn’t it! This morning I’ve come down to find my butterfly wildflower mix has come into flower this morning also my new geraniums (not from seed!) have started to flower overnight too. Lovely breakfast in the garden this morning, made up for DD getting us up at 5 again this morning, it’s just so hot bless her.

@Essa have you tested again this morning?

I can imagine @Sakura54 I can’t imagine the anxiety that comes with pregnancy post loss. Try and be gentle with yourself.

How are you @SomeBunnyOvertheRainbow

I had lots of EWCM yesterday so ended up dtd again last night, I couldn’t not when I saw all the top notch EWCM didn’t want it to go to waste! But obviously now worrying that we shouldn’t have done two days in a row and would have been better to go with every other day. Can never quite get my head round what’s best.

@Esssa with aspirin he said that it can affect implantation and have the opposite effect and could be harmful. I think for my case due to the type of MMCs I've had that's why he wouldn't recommend it for me.
A friend has been prescribed aspirin to take for a couple of months by Professor Quenby just to have in her system. She's on the nk cells trial and concieved last month. So I don't think it's a blanket no for everyone, just not for me - he was quite passionate about that.

That's good news, fingers crossed it'll get darker and you won't need to invert 🤞

Good news with the consultant @VenusStarr. I think we work ourselves up over tiny things, some of which aren't anything to worry about. Can I ask what he said about asprin as I'd been tempted to try it this time around as I'll get it at 12 weeks anyway if I ever get there (multiple losses, last was mmc) I know I'll blame me for taking it or not taking it whichever way it turns out.

Other nice ladies of the Internet claim they can see something on my test when inverting the colours (I know, desperate much 🙄) not sure I'd count it as a positive yet though.

Lots of good news @Esssa if you got a squinter on a 20ml I'd be cautiously optimistic @Sakura54 🥰

Hi @Semele5069 I can't take the credit for the orchid, dh has been nurturing it. I've been focusing on growing some plants from seed - only wildflowers and nasturtiums but they've really shot up, hoping for flowers soon :)

You didn't turn it into a negative :) @marmitecheesetoast that is intrusive of the nursery mom ❤️ good to hear that you're getting some positive fertile signs and you felt you wanted to dtd 🍀

Had my consultant appointment - it was so helpful, finally someone talking sense and being direct with us. My nk cells are totally normal and he said that the 2 MMCs I had (no heartbeat, small for dates) indicate that it could be linked to a hostile environment (possibly that polyp was related to my second loss) - it does mean that in all likelihood the embryos were genetically normal 💔 I have been worried about my eggs being old / not good, he said that amh is not an indicator of egg quality. He thinks going down the ivf route will help, but there's every chance we would succeed on our own 🙏 he's given me a letter for my GP to prescribe me progesterone from 7dpo. He's steered me off aspirin too.

Feeling much more optimistic - think we'll ttc again whilst waiting for ivf and try the progesterone 🤞 🌈 xx

Hi ladies honestly I'm not doing so good to be honest. AF DUE but no sign of her and -ve hot so just waiting. I'm just getting so tired of the disappointment every cycle. Then when I do become pregnant I find some spectacular way to lose it . I'm totally obsessed with getting pregnant and then when its test time I'm almost praying its -ve so I don't have to have another loss. The last 4 pregnancies I've not enjoyed a single day of them, just waiting for the loss to start. I'm trying not to think negative thoughts but it's getting harder and harder. I'm 39 in September so time is running out and I'm down a tube with possible scar tissue in my uterus and no way to get any help because of covid . Just feeling very low today

Thanks all!

@FloDaffodil Yes it’s a new line. I thought it was silly to keep waiting like I normally do as the aches were increasing and lightheadedness was still there, meaning I was pretty sure.

@marmitecheesetoast I'm petrified of another MC tbh, but going to have to take each day as it comes. Also going to try to not stay in bed all day when feeling sick this time lol.

Hope the line gets darker next time @Esssa!

I've always said if something can't let me know it needs something its not got much chance. Not good with plants especially ones in pots. Animals have much better luck with me. The orchid story is lovely though. Hope its a good sign for you @VenusStarr.

Congratulations @Sakura54 thats a very good positive test!

Yay for hormones @marmitecheesetoast. I have a habit of telling people the uncomfortable truth if they ask questions like that. Might make them think twice before the ask the next poor person the same question.

I might have peed in a jar (and all over my hand!) this morning. My test might have a super squinter on it. My temps dropped a bit this morning though so even if it is a positive it might not stick. Anyway I'm out of the 20mUI tests now so unless I go get a frer I'll have to wait and see because my others are 25mUI.

@VenusStarr that's a lovely story! I got really into houseplants last year and after one of my miscarriages my boyfriend bought me a new plant to cheer me up. We made a joke about getting a new plant for every cycle I don't concieve- just as well we didn't start that or it'd be a depressing jungle now🤣

@Sakura54 wow that’s a really strong line, congratulations. How do you feel?

@VenusStarr that’s so lovely and not silly at all. I bought a succulent plant when ttc my DS and secretly chose the one that had a little baby as a good omen for getting pregnant. I did get pregnant a few months later although obviously that ended in the stillbirth. I was so ridiculously jealous of that plant still having it’s ‘baby’ when I got home from hospital, but now the bloody plant has died. Who manages to kill a succulent?! So I cried over that. Which sounds unhinged! Anyway sorry that turned your really positive thing into something negative and I didn’t mean to we’ve got lots of plants coming into flower in the garden though and there definitely is something about new life coming through.

One of the nursery mums at drop off this morning asked if we were going to have another baby. I’m friendly with her but really don’t know her very well. It’s so bizarre how people think it’s ok to just say anything so personal in this situation?! And also as if it’s just that simple to just have another baby. Even if I do get pregnant I am of course
Consumed by anxiety over the possibility of another stillbirth.

Anyway. On a brighter front I started to get some fertile looking cm yesterday evening and we dtd (and I actually felt like it - thanks fertile hormones! )

CD 12 today

How is everyone else doing, is everyone else baking in the heat?! It’s unbearable here, impossible to sleep

Wow @Sakura54 that's a very strong positive 💕 congratulations

Thank you @FloDaffodil that's reassuring its within the normal range - on my other results they put the range for reference. So they don't recommend any treatment even if its high?
How are you doing? X

@Mumlili9 and @Esssa thank you both. I had googled but was none the wiser 🤔 how are you both doing?

Hope you're OK @SomeBunnyovertheRainbow x

I've woken up with a sore throat 👀 I did have to have an emergency dental appointment on Tuesday as I cracked my tooth - on a piece of plastic in my peas! So wondering if its related to that as had my mouth stretched open.

I was given a lovely orchid last year after my first loss. During my second pregnancy all but 2 flowers had fallen off but they gave me lots of hope. The day before my scan they also shrivelled. I kept the plant and this month I've seen some new shoots! After 10 months there's finally some signs of life, it soubds silly but it's giving me hope 🌈

@Sakura54 - Do you think that’s new? It would seem strange for HCG to still be that high after two months. If it is a new positive then good luck.

@VenusStarr - Serum prolactin between 100-500mu/L is normal as far as I’m aware. Mine is usually between 650-800 mu/L, which is abnormally high but they always tell me it’s just stress-related so not to worry about it.

@VenusStarr It was due 1-3 days ago.

I started getting cramps last night, so there was no mistaking it.

@venusstarr I'm not sure but this is mine. They said mine is low.

@VenusStarr I've just seen someone on another app say their Reproductive Endocrinologist likes prolactin under 23 so if its measured the same definitely get onto them about treating it.

Thanks @VenusStarr annecdata like that makes me feel a bit more positive. My temps are still on the up but not by much, its not the sky rocket stuff you sometimes see people posting. I'm not out yet but it feels like I will be. I'm sure the first few weeks of pregnancy give me that sort of feeling too though so 🤷‍♀️ I tested at 8dpo to a stark white bfn and I've sworn off until at least Friday which is 11/12dpo. If I can hold out till then I might even wait for af/ till I'm late.

I googled prolactin and it says

Big hugs @Esssa ❤️ I'm optimistic for you 🌈 the first time I was pregnant I remember thinking I'm due on today but don't feel anything, but tested because I love wasting money 😂 and got the shock of my life when it was positive - I had given up tracking and opks by then. We'd just been referred to the fertility clinic. I remember telling dh and he looked at me and said but we can't get pregnant? Since then I've been more aware of what it feels like to be pregnant and convinced myself numerous times that I am and I haven't been. The second pregnancy I had no noticeable dips on my chart, no symptoms other than no af.
So what I'm saying is signs and symptoms or lack of don't really mean much, so you're still in 🤞
Have you, or are you testing early this cycle?

How are you @Mumlili9?

Just got my hospital notes, which is essentially all my letters, which I already have :/ but I have noticed my prolactin was 358 - is that normal?

Hope everyone is OK xx

And there is the announcement that my sil has just given birth and I suddenly feel much more pessimistic about this month. No noticeable implantation dip on my chart, no implantation bleeding but I've never had that, no sore boobs. Hurry up Sunday and on to the next month. Hope everyone else is feeling more optimistic than I am.

That sounds promising VenusStarr. Pleased you've got them on the ball.

I'm 8/9dpo @Mumlili9 depending which app I believe and either by opks tbh so I'll try to go with 8 so I'm not disappointed. I've already tested bfn this morning because I can't help myself. Not touching a test till at least Friday (she says 🙄)

Still feeling uncomfortable with lower abdomen pressure that isn't normal but I'm sure it'll be my brain making it up just to let me down a bit harder when af shows on Sunday(ish). Feels mighty similar to when I've been pregnant before but I don't remember pre test symptoms before until the sore boobs kick in.

I'm sorry @Mumlili9 ❤️ it's bloody shit. Hope you're OK. Have you heard any more about the hysteroscopy?

Fingers crossed we all get some good news and can move forward 🤞 🌈❤️

@VenusStarr definitely a bfn for me 12 dpo and nothing. Hope @Esssa has better luck x
Fx your phone call happens soon then you can get started on making baby venusstarr's.

Thank you @SomeBunnyovertheRainbow appointment was a wash out - the secretary hadn't given the consultant access to my notes so he had no idea why I had an appointment! Luckily he's booked me in for a zoom call on Thursday 🤞
And some ivf news - I sent a message to the fertility team via Pals and the director called me today, there's a delay with the ccg and contracts still being agreed but he's sending me my hospital notes in preparation. I called Create and she's noted my details and essentially we're top of the list so that when it all goes through we'll be contacted - hopefully in the next few weeks 🍀
Been for a walk this afternoon and there were loads of butterflies, felt a bit lighter after that ☺️

@Sakura54 🍀 When's af due?

Hope everyone is OK xx

@marmitecheesetoast I keep saying it but I’ve just been waiting and hoping 2nd AF comes on time so I’m a bit confused/surprised. Probably test in a few days when I'm brave enough, but will wait to see if AF shows first. I’ve only ever tested when AF was completely missed as that’s what I read we were supposed to do lol.

I’m also wary because I wasn’t told to test after my MMC so never checked my HCG as I wasn’t rushing to TTC, although its been nearly 2 months so you’d assume it would have all gone...