Penguin huddle 🐧🐧🐧 TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 35 - time for some sticky BFP's

@VenusStarr 💙

@marmitecheesetoast 💙 sending you a big hug xx

So sorry @Mumlili9 it’s an utter shitter. There is definitely a lot more pressure on us I completely agree. I’m quite an obsessive person and I guess when it’s things happening within our own bodies too it’s hard for the men to really get it in the same way.

One day at a time @Esssa everything crossed for you

It’s my DS due date today so another hard day. Well everything is hard. Of course it’s fallen in the middle of fertile window too so bit of a headfuck.

Sounds like a good plan @VenusStarr

It can be really hard @Mumlili9. Dh and I are wired very differently. If you're like me you'll have read everything you can about ttc and pregnancy loss whereas dh hadn't really (to me knowledge looked much further than a couple of articles)

I'm the early days of us ttc he was very laid back so I did feel more pressure to make sure we were dtd at the right time. After our first loss he got more involved and since we've seen a couple of miscarriage consultants he's become to understand more of the process of timings etc. Going to the ivf opening evening, he told me after that he hadn't realised what was involved in making babies.

I've noticed he has a limit though and I now mostly wait for him to raise the subject. All the stress I had about the progesterone the other day, he was supportive, but it was only on a walk later that evening that he started to ask me what it's for and how could it help (he'd been in the zoom call). I have to remember that I know about all the different hormones and what they're supposed to do etc, but for him it's like learning a new language.

We've found that agreeing to the plan for that cycle has helped him get on board, so if it's smep, he knows the schedule and it almost becomes funny, so it takes the pressure off in a way.

Have you considered taking a bit of a break? It's so strange because I'm no closer to having a baby but deciding to not actively ttc, we've connected better and I feel less stressed out and consumed not it all because I've taken some control back, rather than bring controlled by the thermometer or opks. I'm not saying this feeling will last forever but just having a few weeks time out has actually done me the world of good.

I hope you're OK ❤️ xx

Do you ladies ever think that planning pregnancy, getting pregnant and all the tracking and stuff kind of just falls on the woman and it's like were not supposed to put any pressure on our men or were being unfair to them. The whole ttc journey is a lot of pressure but why should it all be on the women if both of us want the child. DH and I had a conversation like this yesterday and I expressed how I felt about it all and he said it's to much pressure having to perform. I replied with yes your asked to perform but it's not like it's painful or anything. He's not the one woken up every day at the same time even on a Sunday just to stick a thermometer in my gob. He's not the one holding his pee for 4 hours every day for a week so as to get an accurate opk result. He's not the one who has to deal with the disappointment of AF for 4 days when it didn't happen. He's not the one that feels more and more like a failure with every miscarriage. He's not the one missing part of his organs (ectopic tube removal) but he finds having sex a few times in a week stressful!!!! I mean really !!!!

Don't put any pressure on yourself to be positive @Esssa, but I guess I'm saying try not to be consumed by the what ifs and bad things that have come before. I really hope that this pregnancy is your bring home baby 🍀❤️

So sorry @Mumlili9 time for wine and soft cheeses. Or tea and cake or whatever is more comforting.

I'm trying the positive thinking @VenusStarr but it had to sink in first I think. I honestly wasn't convinced yesterday. First step is get past when af is due and then onto private scans at 8 and maybe 10 weeks to keep an eye so we can see what goes wrong if it does this time. If not it hopefully means at least oh will get a positive scan experience after the headfuck of last time.

We went with smep as best we could and I did the pineapple core thing too besides conception vitamins for the last year probably. Falling pregnant isn't my problem though, its staying pregnant. It seems weird to say pregnant. Almost seems taboo.

Oh I am sorry @Mumlili9 ❤️ it's really shit. I'm sorry you're in pain too - hopefully you can snuggle up and it passes quickly.

I'm OK, keeping occupied, been decorating this afternoon. I'm due on next week, so think we'll try smep again and use the cyclogest as one final go before ivf 🤞
Are you going to do anything different this cycle do you think? X

Hope you're getting on OK @Sakura54 ☺️

@venusstarr I have been prescribed the pesaries but the only time I took them was the cycle I had the ectopic. I read somewhere after the OP that using them when not necessarily needed increased the odds for ectopic so yeah I don't want that again. I'll test early and if I get a positive I'm going to start it then. Also I'm trying a cycle without aspirin too as I read that it can interfere with implantation. AF came about a hour ago with thunder and lightning. Its really painful and clots not to dissimilar to a cp but it can't be as I never got a positive. Today I believe is 16 dpo / cd1. Anyway gutted isn't the word.
How are you doing?

Ok I now have AF with a vengeance, strong painful cramps and clots so something went wrong I think. Either way I'm now cd1 😪

@Esssa congrats! I get you. I don’t feel happy either, it’s way too early. I usually feel nothing when I’m pregnant but this time there’s some anxiety and disbelief.

@SomeBunnyOvertheRainbow FYI - The midwife told me to calculate my due date from the first day of spotting even though I told her I spotted for 3 days this time!

@SomeBunnyOvertheRainbow no I don't think so according to my temps

I'm sorry you're in limbo @Mumlili9, are you temps still high? What dpo are you now - I remember you thought FF had miscalculated? It's really frustrating. Do you take the cyclogest pessaries? (that's what I've been prescribed), just wondering if they delay af? I've been told to test at 14dpo then stop if bfn.

It's really hard to stay optimistic @SomeBunnyovertheRainbow especially when you've tried so hard and know your timings are good. I hope the pink discharge is positive and not af making an entrance x

Hope you're OK @Esssa - today you are pregnant 🥰 I know it's so hard to deal with the anxiety but you have managed to concieve, that's worthy of a celebration. That's what the consultant said to us on Thursday - next step is to conceive - we explained that we were scared to try as the fear of miscarrying again was huge - he told us the odds are still in our favour but if we don't try that leaves is in the same place.
Someone I follow on Instagram is pregnant for the 5th time and posted that she was trying to focus on the here and now and try not to be consumed by the past - you are pregnant with a new sperm, new egg, fresh lining, different baby. I think when (!) I am next pregnant I am going to try and have a few statements that I can read or say out loud. I appreciate it is easier said than done ❤️ xx

Thanks everyone. Can I hang around here a bit? Not sure I'm ready to commit to a pregnancy thread yet. Don't count your chickens etc... Or quail in my case. I've got my fingers crossed for things to go smoothly this time and for you all to get your bfps quickly and easily.

@SomeBunnyOvertheRainbow honestly I'm pulling my hair out I'm officially late and bfn and no sign of AF at all

Congratulations @Esssa :) I had a feeling there would be good news on this thread. It is terrifying but its good news too ❤️🌈

With regards to aspirin, he said for me due to the type of miscarriages I had - both babies didn't grow beyond 5.5/6 weeks and so we never got to the heartbeat stage, that suggested to him that it was more likely to be my uterine environment rather than an issue with the baby / chromosomes. I think if we'd have had a heartbeat / baby stopped growing at a later stage then stopped, that would indicate something different and for some people aspirin may help. But for us, it could do more harm.

How are you getting on @SomeBunnyovertheRainbow, did you test again?

Hope everyone is OK, I was exhausted last night after the roller-coaster of emotions with the GP. Good news is I've lost 2lbs this week, slowly getting back on track with my diet. Hope you all have a good day.

So it is a bfp.. Don't know whether to laugh cry or throw up. Shit. Now comes the knicker watching for blood every time I pee. I'll do the other in a few days, see if it gets darker. I've never been obsessively looking for pregnancy before so always had near dye stealers due to being late. Shit, thought I'd be happier but, well you all know how the next bit goes.

Dropped off the thread again, didn't see your tag @marmitecheesetoast as I've 3 's' just to be awkward. Sorry. Didn't test this morning but I've been shopping for a frer so should know one way or the other in the morning as I'm 13dpo then and due on the day after.

Thats shit about the gp @VenusStarr wonder how much it would cost to get a private script. Was tempted to take asprin after bfp as I have quite tmi big clots on my period, and if I bruise it takes ages for my circulation to 'wash' them away. My mmc was a no hb at 12 week scan and no obvious reason so I feel it could be worth it. I don't know.

Sorry to hear about the bfn @SomeBunnyovertheRainbow but the frrr tests do need a much higher amount of hcg don't they? Do you have any symptoms of af?

I've had a right morning - my GP refused to prescribe the progesterone and made me cry. Took a bit of faffing calling the consultant and lots more tears and the GP changed his mind. It shouldn't be this hard 🙄😢 feel exhausted now x

@Mumlili9 I'm so sorry, I didn't see your message yesterday ❤️ I kept scrolling back thinking there were more messages but they didn't show.

I am so sorry you're feeling low. Its really, really hard. I can relate to that feeling of conflicted hope - hope for pregnancy but hoping not if it's just going to end in the same way as my others. There's no right or wrong answers. For me, being consumed by ttc and loss it helped me taking back some control but taking a break. I know that isn't for everyone though.
Have you looked into private testing? I know you've previously said that your dh isn't keen on ivf but there may be some other diagnostic tests that can be done? Xx

Thank you @marmitecheesetoast, I think being listened to has helped me massively. My wildflowers have got some tiny yellow flowers, it's been really good for my mindset to focus on them and really lovely to see them flourish :)
I think if there's no sperm issues, dtd every day is OK - I know what you mean not knowing what's best!

I hope it cools off a bit, my home office was too uncomfortable to work in. How are you getting on working from home @SomeBunnyovertheRainbow? I also struggled to sleep last night. Good news on my orchid - it looks like one of the tiny buds has broken through 🙌 it's giving me such a lift.