Penguin huddle 🐧🐧🐧 TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 35 - time for some sticky BFP's

I'm sorry you're feeling low @marmitecheesetoast ❤️ and I'm sorry about the bfn today. Even if you're expecting it, it can be really difficult to see.
How are you finding the counselling? Had my first session today, it was more of a background gathering session today. It did make me realise that I haven't really addresses how I actually feel. We're doing that next time, think it might be hard.

Thanks for the link @AliceinBunnyland. How are you getting on? Glad you like the pic, not much to see yet, but there's definite growth :)

Hope you're doing OK @Mumlili9?

I've got next week off, feel like I really need a break, I'm very tired.

How's things with everyone else? X

Love those pics @VenusStarr @marmitecheesetoast

@marmitecheesetoast I'm sorry you got a BFN. I do understand that feeling and it's not nice. It's something I was thinking of this week too. How did all the other bereaved mums get a BFP almost immediately? Is it because it's true we're more fertile after giving birth or because it's just the norm and I'm the unlucky one. I did get pregnant on the fourth cycle but obviously MC so I would have my rainbow baby if not for another loss. I've found it hard because all of the mums I've met through baby loss have either had another baby by now or are pregnant so I don't really have anyone I can even relate to about that. I'm trying not to let it get me down and to focus on me and tbh honest I feel a bit more positive generally this past month. I am starting to realise I have no reason to think it won't happen for us just because it's been a few (9-10) months since my second pregnancy. PM me any time if you want to.

I have set up a thread for anyone interested in getting fit / healthy / losing weight or just to chat. It might be good for us to have something else to focus on

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/3963866--Penguin-huddle-get-fit-healthy-thread?watched=1&msgid=98186986#98186986

Hope the link works

Couldn’t resist Poas this morning as for once I hadn’t been up in the night for a wee and had the bathroom to myself first thing. Glaring BFN of course which I knew deep down anyway. Just wish I didn’t have to wait another few days for my period to start.

Well done for getting out @VenusStarr and sounds like a lovely walk. Good luck for your counselling today I hope it goes well.

I’ve got no idea @Mumlili9 but it definitely looks ovulatory to me even though the opks slightly out of sync? Sorry not to be of more help.

Feeling a bit low. I think the enormity of what’s happened and how much we’ve really lost is only starting to fully hit me now if that makes any sense. Almost like until now I’ve not even fully been able to look head on and acknowledge just how much I’ve lost?! I don’t know. That plus not being able to just get pregnant again immediately like lots of the other mums I’ve come across who got pregnant again a month after stillbirth. @AliceinBunnyland I know you very much feel this and have obviously been here much longer than me, and its really not been long for me at all but it’s hard not to buy into that narrative. 3 out of the 4 other stillbirth mum’s I’ve become friendly with and speaking to got pregnant again Within a month of giving birth, 2 without even getting a period in between. I guess it’s easy to buy into that and think it could be you too. Just feeling a bit desperate this morning.

👏 👏 @marmitecheesetoast

Sunflower!

I will do a proper post later when I have more time after DD bedtime. Sending love to all in the meantime

Hi everyone 👋

Here's a pic of the orchid buds, not much to see yet, but the branch has doubled in size in the last couple of weeks 🤞 I've been talking to it. But this morning I said hello and one of the cats jumped up and started running her face on it 🤦‍♀️ had to tell her to be careful! :)

Sorry your temp stayed low @marmitecheesetoast 12dpo should be conclusive to test. Take a pic of your sunflower 🌻 I've managed to get out for a walk and I saw 2 goldfinches, brightened my day as I've been feeling flat.
Got my first counselling session tomorrow, glad you're getting support xx

Glad you're also getting support @AliceinBunnyland sounds like a good idea to create some distance with that friend. I'd definitely be up for the healthy eating thread, I've still got half a stone I want to get off so that will help.

@MrsK21 I hope you get an answer soon 🤞

@Mumlili9 I'm sorry you're feeling so low. What physical signs did you get like ewcm? It definitely looks like you did ovulate even though it doesn't quite match with your opks. I'd consider yourself in the tww now. Do you get to talk to your dh much about what's happening? I know you said he has Asperger's and just wondered if he understood how much its taking its toll on you and what he feels the next steps are? ❤️

I think I'm going to ovulate early this cycle, am only cd 7 but did an opk this afternoon it's pretty dark already. I might be wrong though. I feel a bit indifferent about this cycle, even though we're doing the smep and I've got the progesterone to try.

I've got next week off with dh, hopefully the weather will pick up and we can go on a couple of day trips somewhere, feeling like I need a break xx

Ok so my last post makes no sense so if you can ladies can you tell me what is going on with me this cycle. FYI dtd AM is 3AM in the morning due to DH work pattern. So according to these pics and tests ect I got a temp rise before a peak opk and cbfm missed it completely. I give up !!!!!

@marmitecheesetoast Good luck for this cycle. Im pleases counselling is helping you. Im having counselling again through work. She's not a specialist but someone local who I first saw after we lost our baby girl. Im finding it helpful to even just have it in the diary and know I have a space to speak freely.

Yes I'll definitely take a step back from friend. I didn't know her well anyway but I'm sensing she is not someone I'll become close friends with and that's ok.

@Mumlili9 💗

@VenusStarr How are you?

It's wet again today which is a shame because I wanted to go for a walk.

Would anyone be interested in resurrecting the health / exercise thread or we could start a new one?

@marmitecheesetoast I'm ok things are just getting me down , my temps are worrying to. I just dont know where to turn now. Theres no doctor to talk to no specialist working in fertility either. I'm just sinking very slowly. I'm not even sure I've ovulated any way because I got the first temp rise before a positive opk so it's all messed up

How are you doing @Mumlili9? Been thinking of you ❤️

Thanks @VenusStarr it definitely is the worst bit. Time just drags on. I have a very clear gut feeling I’m out this time though. Temp the same again today and I noticed my boobs were sore in the shower this morning. I know technically it could go either way on that front. The two times I have been pregnant I’ve always quite strongly known deep down from this point whereas there’s none of that this time. 10dpo today. Might test 12DPO.

@MrsK21 sorry you find yourself here. After my stillbirth in April I had a 42 day cycle, I know it’s frustrating waiting to see what your body is doing but it will just take it a while to settle back down.

I know what you mean about the rain and getting out. We managed to dodge the worst of the showers yesterday and get out for a walk. Today is dry although very grey again. I think it definitely has an impact on my mood and energy too.

I do love the orchid updates. One of our sunflowers has a flower on it now which
Looks not far from opening, I’ll take a pic!

Sorry things are still difficult with your friend @AliceinBunnyland do you think you’ll take a bit of a step back now?

I had my first session with the specialist perinatal counsellor yesterday. It was quite different from the sessions I’ve been having with the private counsellor but I guess good to have a different perspective.

Thank you @AliceinBunnyland and @VenusStarr

@VenusStarr My partner and I are keen to try again so we've just been DTd every few days and tried to keep track of ovulation just in case we manage to catch. Still no AF but had something that looked high on cheap OPKs around 30 June / 1 July along with EWCM. I'm sure this will be an anovulatory cycle though as I didn't get a peak- probably more like my body attempting to right itself.

I'm currently on CD42 so at this stage I'll take either AF or BFP!

@VenusStarr My friend has annoyed me as she's been talking about herself and I haven't said anything. I then messaged earlier to say sorry I relayed she has her scan today and hope it went well and she responded but really vaguely and I just think I've seen another side to her if she can insensitively talk about herself but then not really engage with me.

Please do share pics of your orchids. I know what you mean about the rain. I have been less active because I just don't feel like going out in this weather.

Glad you're on track @AliceinBunnyland. We've got quite a few little buds on the orchid, one bigger one and then lots of smaller ones. Can't wait to have it flower again :) I'll share a picture when it does. Glad it's giving you a lift too.
I'm sorry about your friend, its really tough, you can end up feeling used xx

I'm very sorry for your loss @MrsK21. After all my losses my periods have returned a couple of days later than I'd have expected them to but it can definitely take a while to settle. Are you ttc straight away, or waiting for your first period? X

It's not stopped raining today. I'd got into a good habit of going out for a daily walk but it's absolutely heaved down the last 2 days, I don't fancy going now, but want to get out. Hope everyone is OK xx

So funnily enough friend wasn't as chatty once I talked about myself a bit

Sorry you find yourself here @MrsK21 but it's a lovely group

Hi all, I'm hoping I can join this thread?
I suffered a loss at 7 +2. It was my first pregnancy and we'd somehow managed to get pregnant in the first month of trying after coming off the pill.
My bleeding started and ended on 28 May till 4 June, since then I have negative tests but still haven't had any sign of AF. It's been 6 weeks from the beginning of the bleeding. The wait is destroying me, especially as everywhere on Dr Google says 4-6 weeks for the period to return.
Just wondering if anyone here experienced a longer wait for AF to return? I really want to TTC again X

@VenusStarr Yes I tested this morning so think I'm on track now. I messaged friend but didn't say anything about pregnancy talk. I just talked about me and TTC and see if she engages with that! I think she will. She was trying for a while with her first (who died during birth so was stillborn like our DD) so I thought let's chat about that. Once I've said something about the pregnancy chat it can't be unsaid and I'm also conscious she told me when she was 5 weeks so she probably hasn't told many people.

But I just realised she told me yesterday her scan is today and I've messaged her about TTC (in reply to a message she sent last night). I don't want to text the scan though FFS

I love your orchid updates. I find comfort in little things in nature.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way @Mumlili9 it's really difficult to remain hopeful, especially when you've been through so much. Like the others have said, I can never be certain which side I ovulate from as I tend to get sebsayiins across the whole area. I'd try not to focus too much on that - you've dtd at the right time and your opks and temps are doing what they need to do. It sounds trite, but I'm trying to trust the process, it helps me take a but of a stand back and not get too overwhelmed ❤️

@marmitecheesetoast I wouldn't be too concerned at a 9dpo drop - you'll likely find it goes back up. It's really hard not to analyse the chart looking for clues. This is the worst bit - too early to test but getting close. Hope you're OK

Did you use the CB opk today @AliceinBunnyland?
With regards to your friend I don't know what is the right thing to do - I think that you have to protect your heart in any way that you need. It does seem that she has lost some of her sensitivity filter - or maybe it's because she feels you will understand, but it does seem one-sided from what you said that if you don't reply you're unlikely to hear from her. I'd definitely leave my reply for a few days ❤️

Just been googling how long it takes for an orchid bud to bloom... I did say to dh that I don't think he realises how much that plant is giving me hope 🌈

Quite a big drop

Oh @Mumlili9 I’m sorry you’re feeling like this. I know there’s nothing really we can say but we’re here ❤️ Rant away. It is all so very unfair. As @AliceinBunnyland says you don’t know what side you ovulated from, you can get pain in both sides as the follicles mature also I’m sure it’s possible to occasionally ovulate from both sides on the odd cycle? I think I read that somewhere anyway. It’s all a bloody sh*t show let’s be honest but we’ve got to try and hold on to hope as otherwise what else is there. Hope you are feeling maybe a little lighter this morning.

My temp dropped quite a bit on this mornings reading so feeling like I’m probably out this cycle. It’s down to what it was on day 1 of my cycle. - though that’s still highish as seemed to take a while to fully drop. But yeah doesn’t look particularly positive.

@AliceinBunnyland thanks hope you get your rainbow soon

@Mumlili9 There's nothing I can really say. This journey can be soul destroying. You've had to deal with more than your fair share of obstacles in this but please don't feel defeated. You had pains in both sides so you don't know for sure which side you will ovulate from this cycle. I often think I've got ovulation pains and then have realised it's something else. We are so hypersensitive about every twinge and symptom. It's shit when you're not eligible for IVF either or one of you doesn't want to do it. I'm not eligible as my DH has children and he doesn't think he'd want us to pay for it (even though I'd be the one paying as I earn quite a bit more - so that's fair ) I'm trying not to think about that much as we might not need it. I know people who have conceived after years of trying and failed IVF. I love the Mariah and Whitney song When You Believe and it came into my mind for some reason 💗

Ok I give up completely. I was super excited that I was ovulating yesterday on my tube side (rightside) because I has ovulation pain on my right side now today I've hot a second stronger lh surge with pain on my tubeless side today. When will I catch a break. This ttc is soul destroying. Made even worse by not having both tubes. Sorry I'm just ranting today but I'm just so fed up of this whole journey. Why can't I just go " let's have a child" and bam pregnant with a perfect child no problems and no worries. It getting beyond difficult now to bloody impossible. The docs and google keep tell me that the right tube can flick round and pick up from the left ovary but I fail to see how that's possible with the useless remains of my left tube in the way. I'm not ever going to get ivf due to religious reasons (not mine) and my ripe old age of 39 ( where I live the cut off is 35 for NHS ). We can't adopt due to DH's lung condition, apparently we dont fit the criteria. Unless this works out for me naturally I'm never going to carry and birth a child. I wont even be able to look after nd raise someone else's child either. What the hell did I do to deserve this. Feeling so disappointed with myself and my body.

@VenusStarr That sounds positive 😊 Thank you! Yes I'm thinking test tomorrow.

Thanks @Mumlili9 Yes it's the same stick I used last cycle so hopefully will be ok plus it has my average cycle length set to a day less than my usual cycle length so can probably afford to lose a day IYSWIM.

@marmitecheesetoast I think it's natural you feel that way but maybe the exhaustion is a good sign. I have started feeling guilty as DH is getting into symptom spotting. Last cycle he brought me cushions up to my desk as if said I had backache or something and only later he explained it's cause he thought I might be pregnant. I have only recently realised how much it affects him and how I can get his hopes up with my symptom spotting.

I don't know whether to say something to my friend. She sent me quite a soapy message to tell me she was pregnant "I hope you don't think it's easy for me to tell you this... if you don't want to keep in touch then I understand..." and I feel like she might respond well to a similar one as it's better to be honest than ignore her. I feel like the alternative is I will end up not messaging her as every message refers somehow to her pregnancy. Then it's up to her if she wants to stop talking about pregnancy every time she messaged me or let it go. Then again is that the end of the friendship? But then I wondered had she not told many people and doesn't she have anyone to talk about it to? A good friend I met through Sands has had her rainbow baby already and we've been in touch throughout. I have never once felt she's rubbing my face in it so I know it's not just me.