Penguin huddle 🐧🐧🐧 TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 35 - time for some sticky BFP's

Great news on the flashing smiley @AliceinBunnyland

Ah I’m not surprised @Sakura54 it’s all so terrifying. I’m a bag of anxiety already. It’s really hard knowing that odds of stillbirth are increased after having one already. Is there a pregnancy after loss thread on here? I’m sure one was mentioned a few times previously but I’ve just had a look and couldn’t see one.

Hope everyone is doing ok and having a good week

I’m ok thanks @Mumlili9 just trying not to think about my 12 week scan next month. Petrified after what happened at my last one and I know I’ll have to be on my own again. Hope you will start to feel better soon.

@Mumlili9 @VenusStarr I have PM'd you.

@marmitecheesetoast fingers crossed you bring your rainbow baby home this time

I got a flashing smiley today so feel a bit better. Slightly later than last month but seems like Ovia is almost exactly right again which is weird considering I'm not ovulating on the same cycle day.

Thanks all. Yes @VenusStarr it would have started yesterday I think or today.

I’ve spoken to the rainbow clinic midwife and I have a telephone appt next week with a consultant to set a plan for this pregnancy based on PM results and Protocols for pregnancy following stillbirth. It’s all just very scary and daunting. Trying to just think today I am pregnant. I have no expectations beyond that.

@AliceinBunnyland yes please if you wouldn't mind sharing some of the opks with me.
@Sakura54 hello hun how are you?
@venusstarr I'm glad your feeling hopeful and feeling more confident.
@marmitecheesetoast great news about your darker tests.

@Rundle90 welcome and sorry for your loss.

@AliceinBunnyland would it be possible to join this group what's it called.

@marmitecheesetoast gentle congrats to you!

Welcome @Rundle90 I'm very sorry for your loss ❤️ its a lovely supportive group that's got me through some tough times xx

@marmitecheesetoast I'm pleased to hear that your lines are getting darker, have you missed your period now? It's really hard not to be stressed or worried, but today you are pregnant 💕 congratulations.

Honestly, I'm seeing signs of hope everywhere. I've got lots of buds on my orchid now and can see growth, do hoping it'll flower very soon. I entered a competition to win a framed rainbow picture on Instagram and I won! 🌈 Even if it doesn't mean I'll have my baby anytime soon, I'm starting to be open to the possibility that it can happen for us. It's a contrast to how I've been feeling since my second loss last September really, so I'm going to try and enjoy this feeling ❤️

@AliceinBunnyland @Mumlili9 @VenusStarr thank you lovelies. All feels very surreal and very mixed feelings obviously. I really really didn’t think it was going to happen this cycle.

It’s very early days but the line is getting darker the last few mornings. I know this isn’t the odds, but I just feel like it’s basically 50/50 whether I get to bring a baby home this time. Will it be my first miscarriage or another stillbirth?. We’ve not even fully finished the post mortem process for my son. A lot of emotions and feelings. But there is some tentative hope in there, although that feels hard and risky to have.

Anyway, thank you all so much for your well wishes. I have everything crossed for you all that good things are coming your way. You all deserve it so much. @VenusStarr I am sure those orchids are a sign.

The one thing I did do this cycle which DH made endless fun of was get through I think 4 pineapples in the tww including gnawing on the core 🤣🙈

I might lurk here for a little while longer if that would be ok.

Much love to you all xx

Hi can I join? I had a miscarriage in April, lost baby at 10 weeks sadly, had to go to hospital due it. After 8ish loong weeks AF finally turned up 2 weeks ago (only time I have actually really wanted her if I am honest). DH and I are TTC our rainbow baby! Wishing you all lots of sticky baby dust!

@AliceinBunnyland I could use the opks if you don't want them - although maybe don't need all of them, maybe half?
I'm sorry you're feeling a bit stressed out by tracking. I've never used clear blue so unsure if missing the first day would impact significantly? My ovulation has been a bit mixed since February (the chemical loss), early as day 9 and as late as day 15 I think.

@Mumlili9 I know, we've been here a long time ❤️ I am genuinely hopeful that we will all get our little ones xxx

@Mumlili9 It's a Facebook group that was set up following a thread on here about friendships, wanting to make more friends, feeling like you're always the one making an effort, not having a "best friend" or group of close knit friends as is portrayed on TV... that sort of thing. There are some chats in the group, a book club, a quiz most weeks...

@venusstarr @marmitecheesetoast @AliceinBunnyland is there really only 4 of us soon to be 3, gentle congratulations @marmitecheesetoast.

Well my chart is all over the place but at least I ovulated I'm just not sure when or if we could have caught the egg.

My garden isn't doing great. My veggies are dieing as it's just too wet. Theres so much rain it's just washing all the nutrients out of the soil and the roots are just to wet they are drowning.

The rain isn't so good for me either its dragging my already low mood down more. I need something good yo happen now.

@AliceinBunnyland what's this group your referring too?

Also I'm getting slightly stressed with tracking as I'm on CD14 and haven't even got a flashing smiley yet (last month got flashing at CD12 and static at CD14. I realise it changes and I also started testing a day late

@VenusStarr That's good. I was reading a study yesterday about how women ovulate (and has successful pregnancies) at various stages in their cycle and it's not always the small window that were taught to believe Is the norm. Apparently only 50% of women ovulate then. Something like that. Sorry that's not helpful but it is supposed to be encouraging

The group is really good. There are about 90 people as some have come on from subsequent threads and asked to join. If any of you want to join just let me know / PM me.

Yes I think that's exactly it with the OPKs and I don't use them as it is so happy to pass some of them on to use before they expire if anyone on here wants some?

Morning all, I had a big temp rise today, so I think I did ovulate yesterday on cd10. We're definitely in with a shot this cycle, but was hoping it wouldn't be this early.

@AliceinBunnyland I forgot to say how lovely it was that you've got a little group going from a thread on here :)
With the opks, I really don't know about expiry dates, it might mean you wouldn't trust a reading?

How are you doing @Mumlili9 @marmitecheesetoast?

@marmitecheesetoast Sounds positive. Gentle congratulations to you 💗

@VenusStarr Please do join the other thread

Ladies I have 63 (I just counted) One Step OPK tests. I bought them last year when I started TTC but their end by date is October 2020. I'm not using them currently but even if I do use them I'm unlikely to use 63 in a couple of months.

Does anyone know how accurate those expiry dates are?

If they are useable after October then I'd be as well passing some of them on if any of you are likely to make use of them.

Ah, gentle congratulations @marmitecheesetoast ❤️ when are you testing again? Hope you have a lovely break xx

Thanks @AliceinBunnyland and @VenusStarr that’s a good way of putting it. Yes you’re right Alice, there would never be enough time, and it’s something that you could never in a million years prepare yourself for.

So we arrived in Norfolk for our week’s holiday yesterday which is a very welcome change of scenery. After my squinter which I thought was probably an evap line on a cheapy yesterday morning, I grabbed a frer yesterday afternoon and tested again this morning. There’s a very faint but definite second line.
I can’t believe it. I was so so convinced I was out on Friday I had a good old cry about it all. Very mixed feelings obviously. My grief for DS is still so raw. I’m already wondering at how many weeks I’ll miscarry or of it’ll be another stillbirth.
Such goes pregnancy after loss I guess...

Good luck with the next 4 days @Venus!!

@VenusStarr Yes please join the other thread. I am going to make a real effort to lose a bit of weight now.

Wishing everyone well for this cycle 🙏

💙💙💙 @marmitecheesetoast thinking of you, it's really hard. I can't remember if I shared this here before, but I read something that said grief is love with nowhere to go but we often reject our grief because it's uncomfortable (and others feel uncomfortable with us grieving) but we can allow space for grief xx

@AliceinBunnyland hope you're OK, I need that other thread, had a small gain yesterday. Feel like I've plateaued, still 1st down but would like to get a bit more off.

@Mumlili9 your veg looks good, I'm slowly getting into growing things and finding it's quite enjoyable.

I'm only cd10 but think I'm ovulating today, just had a pretty strong opk, will test again later. Bit scared to try the progesterone, but willing to try anything at this point. Was kind of hoping for a slightly later ovulation this month and were out of sync with smep now, meaning we'll need to do 4 days on the trot - not sure we'll manage that, we'll see. So Alice, think we'll be due af around the same time.

Hope everyone is OK, pleased to see the sun is back ☀ xxx

@marmitecheesetoast 💙 I didn't hold my DD much just after she was born as I had had diamorphine (no epidural) and was a bit out of it. I remember holding her briefly and then putting her back in the Moses basket and she was in that for a bit til my mum came up. Really I have no idea what time and passed and maybe it was only a couple of mins til my Mum came (as she was in the hospital the whole time) but I sometimes feel a bit guilty about not holding on to her when she was first born. My DH never held her as he found it all too hard and I think he'd have maybe chosen not to see her if not for me. The thing is no matter how we spent that time with our babies it would never feel like enough 💙

Thanks @AliceinBunnyland ❤️ And same to you (and everyone)

This might be a bit triggery/uncomfortable reading so skip if you want... but I can’t stop thinking of those hours I spent lying next to him on the bed in the bereavement suite, I so wish I could have just been lying next to my sleeping baby listening to his snuffly sleep noises, reaching out for his warm hand, rather than lying next to his dead body and how icy cold he was to the touch. So cold. I had a huge bleed at birth and was a bit out of it and had 3 doctors and a midwife fussing around me and I don’t remember the moments holding him when he was still warm DH remembers holding him when he was warm but I can’t and its so very hard.

We are just finishing packing up for our week away in Norfolk. Hopefully a change of scenery will help us all a bit.

I love the look of the veg @Mumlili9 what are you growing?

That’s so lovely @AliceinBunnyLand and love the sounds of the murder mystery.

Week off sounds good @VenusStarr have you got anything planned other than a bit of a rest? Glad the first session was ok.

So I’ve done something a bit I’ll advised. I left the IC test on the side yesterday instead of binning it. Looked at it again yesterday evening and holding it up in the light of the window and squinting a bit there’s a very faint shadow. Most likely an Evap line as it wasn’t there when I did the test. And it says clearly on the box not to read after 5 minutes. But couldn’t help myself. I’ve not used this brand of cheapy before. Did another one this morning and nothing on it again. I do have some FRERs in the drawer but they are 3 months out of date so too scared to used them as wouldn’t trust the result. I don’t feel remotely pregnant. With my previous 2 pregnancies I knew deep down I was pregnant at this point. I actually already had nausea with DS. I should have just binned it and left well alone!! 🤦🏻‍♀️

@VenusStarr I'm okay thanks. Just about starting fertile week. CD12 today and got flashing smiley this time last month but haven't got it yet this cycle.

I did the Macmillan murder mystery last night with some friends I made on Mumsnet so that was nice. I started a thread a while back about having friends but not a best friend I can just call to do something or close knit group ala Sex & the City and lots of us got chatting and we ended up starting a Facebook group and we have a book club and weekly quizzes) I even had an alcoholic beverage for the first time in months and that was nice.

@Mumlili9 Your veg looks great. I haven't temped so don't really get the charting. Does your temp spike before ov and then go down again? As for DTD, it only takes one time in the days up to ovulation for you to catch.

Random but does anyone check their cervical position to help predict pregnancy? I've read about it but haven't felt like trying it!

I'm a little anxious just because I haven't got a flashing smiley yet!

Hope your ok @marmitecheesetoast

Have been thinks about @peperethecat too

@VenusStarr @AliceinBunnyland @marmitecheesetoast I'm sorry were all feeling so low. It's just so unfair that were all struggling like this.

As for my charting temp went up really high so I agree that it is an ovuluary cycle, just not sure we dtd enough before I ovulated.

Love the pics of your flowers. I've been growing veg but I think they are going well.