Penguin huddle 🐧🐧🐧 TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 35 - time for some sticky BFP's

@AliceinBunnyland I'm so sorry to hear that. Please don't be too upset as there's still time yet. I know it's really easy for me to say and there aren't many words that will help. Massive hugs xx

*hoping not going

@AliceinBunnyland yes and thank you. It took 6 years and 9 months in total of TTC but we got there in the end. So sorry to see you're still on here. I wish this thread didn't need to exist. I'm going you and everyone on here gets your much wanted 🌈

@KerryW87 It's tough. I lost my baby at 40 weeks, my first baby, so I had a pretty traumatic first birth story too but I'm hopeful for the future 🌈 This really is a lovely group 😊

@InDreamland I have NC but I remember you! I take this to mean m everything has gone well for you and I'm so pleased 💗xx

@AliceinBunnyland Thank you so much, I know it's early days for me but I want to feel hopeful and try to look forward to my body getting back to normal and having a happier outcome in the future. I can't stop thinking that my partner's first experience in the labour ward was that one...I so hope to give him a happy one one day. This group seems really supportive and informative too, thanks for replying 🙂 ❤️

@VenusStarr Thank you so much, I think having others who understand how I feel and being able to relate to others will really help me. I am so sorry for your losses ❤️ How incredibly difficult this must be for you. I'm sorry to hear you've had a hard time recently, I really hope counselling helps you process your losses and your emotions surrounding them. Sending you lots of love too xx

Hi ladies. Hope you don't mind me posting here. A couple of you will probably remember me from when I joined the huddle in July 2018 after my first loss (conceived after 5 years TTC and unexplained infertility) and then when I had my second loss in November 2018. It was the darkest time of my life and I felt so inadequate and hated myself. Anyway, whilst posting on the miscarriage board feeling so low a lovely kind MN'er sent me 2 books for nothing on the proviso that I pay forward the good deed if/when I have my rainbow 🌈

The 2 books are:
Taking Charge of your Fertility
Is Your Body Baby Friendly?

So, as promised to the kind MN'er, I just wanted to offer these to whoever would like them. No cost to you, just a promise you'll do the same when you have your rainbow. If you'd like them please PM me and I'll get them posted out to you (first come first served).

Keeping my fingers crossed and hoping you all get your rainbows 🌈 in 2021 x

Sorry you lost your babies @Kiki275 @KerryW87 This is a really supportive group.

You don't need to apologise @VenusStarr but I have thought about you this week. I'm sorry you're struggling. It's becoming difficult for me too to deal with the disappointment each cycle. We're here if you need us but don't feel bad if you need time away from the thread.

I do hope the parcel reaches you x

Welcome @KerryW87 I am so sorry about your baby boy 💙 I'm glad you were signposted to this thread, its been so helpful for me to connect with others, sending you lots of love xx

Welcome @Kiki275, I'm sorry to hear about your twin boys 💙💙 I find milestones like due dates difficult, lots of love to you xx

I hope you're both getting support. I've just started counselling and it's made me realise that I haven't really processed my losses (3 first trimester losses). I had a session yesterday and a lot of emotions came flowing out. I feel like I've not cried that that for a long time (I was quite numb and then angry after my last loss).

Sorry @Mumlili9 and @AliceinBunnyland for being quieter this week. Truth is I'm struggling. I don't think this cycle has worked out and the realisation is hard.
How are you doing @Mumlili9, those flowers are beautiful xx
Hope you're doing well @AliceinBunnyland - I think our post is really delayed, I haven't recieved the opks yet, but thank you for sending them xx

@KerryW87 of course I don't mind. Before I had my DS they were 29 days, then when they returned after BF they were 27-28 days. After having the twins, I had 6 weeks of lochia and have since had 3 periods at 2x 24 days and 1 at 26 days. I think what I'm trying to say is I'm not sure they're typical (as I don't know what that is any more) but they are frequent if that makes sense x

@Kiki275 Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss ❤️ It must be incredibly difficult when the due date passes, but I hope that you're right and perhaps it is a sign. I'll keep everything crossed for you.

Thank you so much, I know you're likely right. You just feel as though you've lost all that hope and happiness and you're sort of desperately trying to look forward to a time when you'll feel that again - but perhaps part of that doesn't come from another pregnancy but just from healing. Just very up and down since it's happened, partner keeps reminding me it's only just been a week. If you don't mind me asking, did your cycles return to how they typically were before? Thanks so much for your message x

Hi everyone,

tentatively joining this thread if that's okay. I lost my twin boys at 22wks on 18th March. Their due date was Monday and I should be/have ovulated this week. I feel like it's a sign or fate, so truly hope I'm not disappointed. TWW has begun x

@KerryW87 I know the desire to try again is strong but please don't rush until you are 100% ready both physically and mentally. I know I have found waiting just a month longer has hugely increased my confidence, although I'm aware I'll be terribly anxious, when I've been one of the most chilled out pregnant people in existence previously. I try not to look at any future children as replacements, as they will all fill an equal sized space in my heart and memory. Room doesn't need to be made for another to fill xx

Hi everyone,

I asked for some support and a point in the right direction after having lost my baby at 18 weeks. He was born on Sunday.

I've really struggled with my guilt since finding out we had lost our baby a week ago, can only describe it as being consumed with both overwhelming grief and also the need and desire to try again. My partner feels the same but we were worried people would feel we were "replacing" our son which, after being lucky enough to meet him and spend time with him before saying goodbye, is impossible. I miss him terribly and wish we could have kept him safe until December, but there's a sadness and a void that we know we can't get past without trying again.

Some lovely women on another thread recommended this one, saying they found a lot of support here so I was hoping I could join? Hope you're all well ❤️

You're welcome @Mumlili9 Those roses are beautiful 🌹

@AliceinBunnyland thank you for the opks and little surprise.

@venusstarr well I'm 16dpo according to FF app but no AF yet and nothing but very white bfn's. I've no cramps or usual signs of AF either except lower temps over the last 3 days. Totally con fused. When Ishowed a fertility specialist my chart he said I ovulated on CD13 which until now I didn't believe.

I've put up a pick of the Rose's from my babies bush I had to give the bush a trim due to it over growing this year meaning I can get in my green house door lol.

How is every one getting on ?

Thank you for posting @AliceinBunnyland, glad they weren't nosey! 😊

How are you @Mumlili9, have you tested again? Glad you did something nice on Saturday, hope you're OK ❤️

@Mumlili9 I think it affect us us more if we don't drink caffeine often. My DH can drink tea and coffee at bedtime and it doesn't affect his sleep. I don't sleep if I drink coke after about 2 pm and when I have it I feel wired too or like I'm having palpitations sometimes

@AliceinBunnyland thank you for the opks lovely. I will not be having caffeine again was totally wired for hours. It's the first time on over 2 years I've had it omg I'm never doing it again. I can see why it sends kids wild lol

@VenusStarr Meeting the ladies from Instagram sounds lovely. I expect it won't matter that you took 200mg progesterone for a couple of days. It was nice of someone to send you some.

Hope you're ok @Mumlili9 Not the point but I buy caffeine free Coke now. I almost never have caffeine and I don't sleep if I have it at night but sometimes I fancy a Diet Coke.

I have posted your packages out yesterday @mumlili9 @VenusStarr Luckily he didn't ask what was in them!

My temps are still high @venusstarr so I'm either 9dpo or 12 dpo. Either way I'm out ☹

Treated myself to a korma and a pepsi to night. Though will as I'm not pregnant I can have a bit of caffeine though I probably will not sleep now

Thanks everyone - had a mild panic. I misread my consultant letter and I should take 200mg twice a day then if I get a positive I should go up to 400mg x2. I thought it was just 200 x1 at this stage! So I'm already behind on my dose as I was going to do it before bed 🙄 luckily someone on Instagram sent me some 400mg capsules, so I'll pop that one in tonight and then do it properly from tomorrow... God, if I can't even follow these simple instructions, what the hell am i going to be like when I start ivf 😳😳
If course I don't mind you asking @AliceinBunnyland ☺️

I'm really sorry @Mumlili9 ❤️ it's shit. When is af due? What are you temps like? Just thought with the confusion over you opks / ovulation?

Oh @marmitecheesetoast I'm sorry you're so anxious ❤️ you're not losing the plot, it's a very overwhelming time xx

I did something scary today - I went and met some women from Instagram. 2 are at my ivf clinic currently going through treatment there. It was only a couple of hours, but it was really nice. What have you all been up to today? Hoping for a sunny day tomorrow ☀

Oh thanks @Mumlili9 I’d found the pregnancy after loss penguin huddle thread but no one had posted since April! So that must be the more up to date one, I didn’t see that thanks.
Sorry to hear about your bfn be gentle to yourself over the next few days.

Thanks @Esssa and @Sakura54 yes I don’t think the mmc thread would be the right place for me, I think I’ll check out dipping my toe in the thread mumlili has linked above. Be lovely to see you both there too if you felt like it.
I’m only just about to turn 5 weeks so incredibly early and tentative but I’m already losing the plot, last night i was vividly planning this baby’s funeral, thinking about how it would be the same coffin, and that I’d ask the florist to recreate the same flowers from DS’s funeral and that we’d have the same reading but different songs and what they’d be 😳 so yeah losing the plot a bit. Hopefully some PaL support will help a little.

Hope the progesterone does it’s thing @VenusStarr 🤞🏻

@AliceinBunnyland thank you xx

@venusstarr I'm ok been licking my wounds. Yet another bfn 12dpo so definitely out this cycle.

Welcome to the new ladies and sorry for your losses.

For those ladies wishing to jump over to the sister thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/3969763-pregnant-after-loss-and-dreaming-of-rainbows-5

@VenusStarr I think mine is a partial septate uterus. It's only mild so I don't think she would have noticed if I didn't tell her. I'm going to mention it at my next scan and then to the midwife as well.

@marmitecheesetoast Yes, let me know and I will join your new thread. I think it may be annoying for you to join a MMC thread, the same way it's annoying and sometimes triggering for me being in a 'normal' pregnancy thread where they haven't experienced MCs before but worry about going to scans alone and having an MMC etc or it can be too happy happy, if that makes sense? By all means join if you want to though!