Penguin huddle 🐧🐧🐧 TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 35 - time for some sticky BFP's

@Kiki275 Ah yeah, we all know the type, I think...you're right, no sense arguing if it'd be like banging your head off a brick wall! I'm so sorry you had to go through that ❤️ Hope you've got enough other family and friends for support! As for your SIL and co., sounds like you're right and just best to rise above it.

If you don't mind me asking, are you actively now trying again or still just waiting until it feels right for you? x

@KerryW87 she's like my DH and FIL, other people's thoughts just don't occur to them. She probably genuinely thought that sending messages through MIL was a nice thing. MIL is a martyr facilitator for everything family and excuses her saying she's always been bad at communicating 🤨 but the sun shines out of her arse so it'd be a loosing battle for me to argue.
I need to stop being catty now x

@Kiki275 I know, I wasn’t due to be going back to work (Early Years Practitioner) due to being deemed high-risk by our local authority, so going back on Monday does sting a bit now.

Oh I’m so sorry for your loss, how heartbreaking to lose your babies at all, but also to have it prolonged too and need induction - two weeks from finding out to when they were born must have been so difficult ❤️ I hadn’t heard of TTTS before, just read up on it. Makes you realise you naive you are to these sorts of things until it affects you or someone you know.

I cannot for the life of my understand your SIL’s thinking behind that approach?! Did she have a good relationship with you prior to this? To not even send you a message at all...I can’t understand it. Smacks of someone looking for gossip and not actually having a genuine feeling of care or sympathy at all. Absolutely feel for you, as if things weren’t difficult enough to also know there were text chats going on asking for details when they haven’t tried to show you any support! I’m livid for you for that, how awful :(

Not at all, it’s good for us to have this place to rant, vent and talk as much as we need to. Thanks for sharing that, and so sorry about your wee boys. I hope we both have happier times ahead ❤️

@KerryW87 I'm actually not too bad myself now, it just grates that now lockdown has eased it's all systems as normal.
My story is that I was due twin boys and at 20 weeks was diagnosed with Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome. We went for surgery (incredible team at BWH) but my waters broke on the table. Advised I'd miscarry but didn't. At the follow up appointment back home there was no good news so we chose to induce the miscarriage. They were born at 22wks+1.
I was heartbroken but more than anything I HATED the gossip. Lockdown started the week afterwards. My SIL was always ringing my MIL for updates and passing every bit of news onto her wife's family. Never once sent me a message asking me if I was okay or just "I'm thinking of you", sent DH two messages total. Her MIL sent my MIL a card full of sympathy and a story how her daughter went through TTTS too. Not me, I was a footnote (addresses to MIL, FIL, DH & me). My MIL was always passing these conversations on as if I was pleased to hear them, I just smiled and cried inside. Even the day of the funeral she was messaging SIL with the order of service etc. We saw them last week and not a single word was mentioned.

Sorry, that became a bit of a rant but definitely good to share.x

@Kiki275 That's it, everyone in my family jokes that I'm a "people pleaser" and I never really see it in myself but I can hear myself talking a big game to family and friends about how

"I'm so grateful for labour and to have had time with him, luckier than most/I've accepted his journey and we're feeling better about it" etc etc. There is some truth to that, of course but I do cry most days at some point, whether it's remembering his wee face, or the midwife taking his Moses basket away and knowing that was all I was ever going to get, or how heartbroken my big boys are about not having a baby coming in December...just lots of things. But you don't want to be a downer or drain the joy out of folk so you just say you're doing loads better. I really wish I was! I don't want to feel like this forever which is why I think maybe I'm so frantic about trying again, as if that'll cure it all? I don't know.

I'm absolutely here any time you want to talk about your experience too, any time ❤️ x

@KerryW87 it's like every time you mention it, you can feel them looking at you wondering why you're not over it yet? So you never mention it again and all you want to do is talk about it x

@AliceinBunnyland That is exactly it. You wish someone could tell you the future and let you know that it'll happen for you one day, and then the waiting wouldn't seem as painful I think. Wish we all had a wee magic ball!

So glad I've found this forum, though. I know it's only been 2 weeks but everyone's so happy that I'm "better" and I don't want to let them down by telling them about frantically wanting to try again, or that I'm still crying at nights for our wee boy and trying not to think about how many weeks I'd be right now, and all that sort of stuff. Everyone on here is so supportive, and so quickly you find yourself rooting for everyone and hoping for a happy ending for them all ❤️❤️

@KerryW87 Exactly. What gets me is that it's not happening for us and other people being pregnant and having babies just reminds me that we're not and makes me think someone is wrong. I don't care how long it takes as long as it happens but right now it's the worry that it won't happen for us.

@Kiki275 Sorry to hear that but you're not out 'til you're out!

@VenusStarr Ah how exciting! Glad it went well for you! I'm afraid to say I don't know much about IVF in detail...did you mean trying yourselves this cycle and then IVF in September? Ah I have everything crossed for you ❤️❤️ Doing fine too, thanks. My partner's sister got us an overnight stay in Edinburgh so we had a nice dinner and wee night, first we've been out and worried I'd have been too fed up for it but actually really had a lovely time :)

@AliceinBunnyland Oh god, of course! Always happy for anyone who's pregnant and I know myself that back in my early twenties I sailed through pregnancies with my boys and didn't consider the difficulties others go through! Luckily it doesn't hurt too much and I'm genuinely happy for everyone...just anxiously hoping to have that too one day 🤞

@Kiki275 Ah sorry, it's so disappointing :( You never know until AF is here? xx

A BFN for me this morning. AF is due so just have to wait for her now x

That's exactly what we are hoping to do @Kiki275 I got these two from pets at home but they were my first pets so I had no idea and I now wouldn't want to go somewhere like that or to a breeder. I have been looking at local shelters and RSPCA etc to see if there is a suitable bunny at there they needs a home x

@AliceinBunnyland have you any rehoming centres near you who will help and maybe bond the lonely bunny with a deserving bunny?x

@VenusStarr Sounds exciting!

@KerryW87 @Kiki275 I think a few of us are 35+ so we are in good company! I definitely know people who are pregnant or babies in their later 30s and their 40s. It is hard to deal with insensitive comments. I try to remind myself we all have ups and downs and others should be able to celebrate when they are in a good place, just as we would want to, but it is tough. People don't get it until they get it.

@Mumlili9 Sounds like you have a lot on but I love the new car and orchid!

Thanks for those asking after me and my lonely bunny. I think he's ok. They were not bonded rabbits who lived together and snuggled. They did at one stage but they fought so they lived side by side but separated. They've been together four years though and they lived in the garage so I feel bad havin the other one out there alone. I had him in the house a few days then he was back out one but I have brought him back in. I'm going to try to get him a friend. He seems a bit subdued at times so I'm just keeping an eye on him and spent about £60 on Pets at Home yesterday with toys to keep him occupied!

How are you @AliceinBunnyland, sending you lots of love. How's your other rabbit coping? ❤️

@Mumlili9 congratulations on the job! Well done :) love your little orchid too. I've got 3 flowers now

Hope you're both well @KerryW87 @Kiki275

I have some news... Just on our way home from our ivf clinic! Had our initial consultation and scan. I'm cd9 and said I think I'm due to ovulate and she said yes, both ovaries have a 16mm follicle reasy to pop! So we're going to give it one last shot this cycle. All looking good, one fibroid is by my left ovary which may make access difficult but not impossible. So looks like we'll be starting sometime in September. Feel absolutely shattered now, we were there 2 hours!

@Kiki275 Oh, absolutely. It shows you have a good nature that you didn't think badly of her, but it does make you wish you could be that naive in a sense! I actually feel that way about myself a decade ago when I had my boys (now almost 11 and 9).

I fell pregnant with both of them accidentally, and whilst I obviously took folic acid and cut out anything off-limits, I did so because I was told to but didn't really worry about anything, and didn't even consider that anything might go wrong with either of my babies, and I completely took for granted just being able to be pregnant in the first place without trying.

I never would have imagined myself at 33, trying for 7 months just to become pregnant (I know that's very quick compared to some) and then to lose my baby at 18 weeks.

I think with age and, sadly for us, the experience of loss comes all those worries that some are luckily spared. It'll never be a breezy, relaxed pregnancy for any of us but I do hope we all get there...and all the worry will be more than worth it! 💕

Definitely. I think the worse thing about age is the awareness and real-life observations of just what can go wrong.
I remember when I was pregnant with DS, a friends niece was very young and expecting at almost exactly the same time. It got to her 20 weeks scan and she said she'd be devastated if she couldn't find out the sex. I looked at her and kept silent, knowing what others (and since then myself) found out at 20 weeks onwards and what their definition of devastated would be. I don't think badly of her in any way for it. Though, I sometimes wish I could be that young, innocent & totally unaware of the heartbreaking moments that can still happen.x

Thanks @Kiki275 :) It definitely did make me feel better just doing something even if it's preparation for down the line.

I know how you feel, it definitely plays on your mind. I try to think of my friends who are now just starting to have children and are in their mid-thirties too and not worry too much, but it definitely does feel like you want to get there before too much time has passed! Hope you're ok and having a good day? x

@KerryW87 if buying those improves your mental wellbeing, then they aren't daft purchases at all.

I'm 35 and DH is 40 so we're feeling the clock ticking too x

@AliceinBunnyland

Of course, it's definitely very difficult to "be relaxed" about it - it's not something you can fake when deep down you have that yearning to be pregnant again and have everything work out, so I totally understand that and it's how I feel too. I'm sorry you've had to feel that way for as long, I do hope everything works out soon 💕💕

As for age, I'm only a couple of years younger but I know what you mean. My sister in law is 38 with her first so as much as it may not ease your worries, it can and does absolutely happen and be complication-free for women far older than you are! :) Hope you're doing ok today and had a good weekend ❤️

@Mumlili9 I love your orchid! 😍 Happy new car day too!

Ive had a bit of a daft day and spent money I don't really have today on Conceive Plus and ovulation strips and vitamins...not sure why when we haven't had the test results back yet, but good to sort of feel like you're doing something?

@VenusStarr I loved your little orchid so much a bought one too

For got the pics lol

@AliceinBunnyland thanks for asking after me. I'm OK. I got the job but it requires me to have injections next week (10 dpo) that aren't good for babies so I'm actually hoping we didn't catch for the first time in 4 years. Madness. I'm so nervous about this new role as a mental health support worker. I bought a second car for DH to run to and back from work just i little one thats super cheap to run. He's only going 2 miles each way as he's a hgv driver so he's only running to and from the yard so I'm going to have the qashqai because I'm half an hour each way. Its all change in my house.
We are starting plans to change our bath room into a wet room too so that will be a messy house fir a bit and showering at my mothers every day lol

@KerryW87 I met other couples who lost babies when we did and I seem to be in the minority in not having a baby now (and I suppose I would if my second pregnancy had succeeded) so that makes me think many people are fertile after a loss, if that makes sense.

I feel it too. Before we had our daughter we decided to "try" but I wasn't even taking FA yet. I didn't feel we were actively trying so we were lucky from that angle. It was only after we lost her that I felt the need to have a baby and it's really hard when it's not happening.

I'm 36 so I worry about my age but I have to try not to tie myself in knots worrying about the future that we can't predict or control.

Thank you. I hope it happens for us all here 💗💗💗

@AliceinBunnyland Oh no, didn't think that for a minute, really appreciate hearing someone else's perspective on things ❤️ Mine is sort of slowing down a bit but still bleeding lightly every day, hopefully calms down soon.

I've had family/friends tell me that my chances are better after a loss and others telling me it's worse...think the safest bet is to just hope for the best but try not to put pressure on, and just try to stay positive as best as I can. I've never felt a sort of desperation like it and I know that's a dangerous thing when you never know the chances, hoping with time I'm a bit less nuts and sort of up and down.

Oh, I can only imagine you're fed up after 18 months! ❤️ So sorry about your miscarriage too, you've had a lot to deal with and to still be ok here giving others support too is so appreciated ❤️❤️ I really do hope it all works out for you very soon xx

@KerryW87 It's hard and I totally get wanting to try straight away so I'm not meaning to tell you how to feel or make out it's easy at all. We had a PM on our daughter as she was full term and all previous scans etc were fine, although when she was born she was wrapped in her cord so we suspected that was the reason. My lochia finished after a couple of weeks I think because my first started about 28 days after I gave birth. We started trying very loosely (ie first started dtd again) on the third cycle after losing her sk before we got PM results but like you we had an idea of the cause anyway. I got pregnant on the fourth cycle of trying after that and then had a MC and now I'm 11 cycles on. The thing is we just know what the future holds but it is healthy IMHO to see some separation between healing and TTC if you can. I'm probably a bit jaded though as it's coming up to 18 months and I feel fed up now!

@VenusStarr We must have got our BFPs around the same time as mine was 30 July last year 💗

I'm very upset about my bunny. They were well loved and he had a good life. They have always either lived in the house or in the garage so not just bunnies left in a hutch outside that we barely saw. They were my babies. I've got the other one in the house with me now for a bit.

Your orchid is beautiful Venus I believe in signs and good omens

Hope you are okay @Mumlili9