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Original poster

Partner not ready to try for a baby

32 replies

rosiej95 · 19/05/2020 10:41

Has anyone else been in this situation that can shed a little light? :)
I've Been with my partner for 10 years & a couple of years ago I mentioned that I wanted to think about starting a family he said he wasn't ready, We have had a few chats about it over the years, but he's still saying he's not ready
I need to respect his feelings, I don't want to force him into something he isn't ready for. But at the same time I really want a baby.
We can't be the only couple to have a disagreement on when to start a family?
How have other people got through this?

OP posts:
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 19/05/2020 12:57

Pressed post too soon!

I don’t have any advice as DH was as desperate as me for another baby. We’re roughly the same ages as you and your OH though. I’m 26 (just) and DH is 28. I would tell him to stop giving you false promises of a specified time frame and ask him to be honest with you. If he really really doesn’t want children ever then I know I would rather find out now so I could make the decision to either move on from the idea of children or move on from the relationship.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 19/05/2020 12:52

He sounds like my DD putting off tidying her bedroom. ‘I’ll do it after lunch.’ ‘I’ll do it before dinner.’ ‘I’ll do it tomorrow morning.’

He’s very much saying what he thinks you want to hear to make you stop going on about it there and then.

MissBax · 19/05/2020 11:20

You just sit him down and tell him to be straightforward about what he wants or why he doesn't feel ready. It sounds like he's just saying what he thinks you want to hear and just prolonging it over and over. So sit him down and tell him the conversation isn't over until he's honest with you.

Original poster
rosiej95 · 19/05/2020 11:16

So I'm 25 he's 27 We own our own home & have been living together for 5 years,
Career wise Both in great jobs. Maternity pay would be an issue as I'm self employed but we have savings
He's said he wants kids, but doesnt know why he just doesn't want them now.
Over the years when we've discussed it he's said "after our holiday we will try" after "we've re decorated the house" & then we would get there & he would say he's still not ready. The latest one being we would try in February but due to corona we put plans on hold & said about trying in June.
When I mentioned to him last night about June he said he wasn't ready.
I don't think that helps as it then gives me something to look forward to & then it gets changed :/
Like you all say we have plenty of time,
It's the only disagreement we have. I'm just wondering how to deal with it as atm I'm just a little frustrated.

OP posts:
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 19/05/2020 10:50

I agree with PPs that it really depends on your age and your financial/job situation.

If you’re under 30, you have time still as your body is very unlikely to be running out of time.

If you’ve just started in a new job or have a temporary job, would you be able to afford the reduced maternity pay that comes along with that?

I’d ask him why he feels he’s not ready for a baby at this time and go from there.

MissBax · 19/05/2020 10:46

I think it depends whether he'd like to have other things 'checked off' first. How old are you? Are you where you'd like to be in terms of career/home? Can you afford a child? Has he said he actually wants kids at all??

Sleepyquest · 19/05/2020 10:44

How old are you? Going by your username I would assume 24?
If so, you've got plenty of time to have a baby. Do you own your own home and live together?

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