Starting TTC again after missed miscarriage

@mrsAndeke how weird that is always my sign that AF is coming too! But also was a pregnancy symptom! So many of them can be either... you could be having implantation cramps, I had them last time and mistook it for period pain!

@Smilingdonkey I’m not totally sure what cycle I’m expecting - pre-pregnancy and MMC it was 25 days, the first one after MMC was only 18. Either way I’m expecting AF sometime this week so will only test if it doesn’t come... fingers crossed! When I had the MMC pregnancy I got a negative test until 21 DPO so... I don’t want to start wasting sticks yet!

Changing topic here but my god I'm so constipated I'm sorry tmi I've been having bad cramps as well only 9dpo but feel like af is on her way!

@Smilingdonkey I am not going to continue and derail this thread but please stop with this Caroline Flack "be kind". You're patronising. Unkind words were said which I've called out. You can't see it this way, I find that surprising. I also find surprising you don't apply the same understanding to me and to how upset it made me feel. It clearly only works one way.

That's ok. You keep this thread open to those who you consider "kind".

@Smilingdonkey I feel you failed to recognise that a woman putting another woman down is not OK.

I would never ever come on here and post along the lines of "I'm likely to suffer from X, I'm now being tested, I'll have the meds, it gives me comfort because I know where I stand [unlike you]". This tone is unkind. Not calling someone out on this type of behaviour, like I did. I will not accept someone posting whatever they feel like to make themselves feel better if it is being done at someone else's expense. You wouldn't do this in RL. Why allow it here.

We're all in different positions and posting something in the tone I took offence with really isn't ok.

If you can't see it and you're still telling me I was out of order then I really think we will have to disagree on this one.

I’ve found this thread as a whole so supportive and a real lifeline for me at this difficult time. I genuinely think that everyone is trying their best to be kind and supportive but we are each going through a different journey, we all stopped at the same station en route but the rest of our circumstances mean we’re all going to see things from a different perspective. The comment about looking at your body in a more positive light resonated with me because I have felt a lot of hate towards my body these past few months. That’s all I took from it personally. But I understand all of our sensitivities are different. It would be such a shame if this helpful thread doesn’t continue.

I actually came on to say that I’ve joined symptom spotting brigade having said I’d be casual this month... 4 DPO and I’m convinced I have sensitive nipples, probably imagining it though...

Wow, @Smilingdonkey, just wow.

Do I have no right to be upset over other poster's words? In no way was it rude what I said. I only stated what the issue is and how I feel about it.

It's not the theory I took an issue with. It's her final comment. The fact you take no issue with it does not mean I have to feel the same way.

But since it's your thread and you feel entitled to tell me off for being upset, fine - I'll remove myself not to cause further issues. I'll deal with my issues on my own. Thank you for your support to date.

@Ranoutofgoodnames You're making out as if I was a bad guy or a thought police. In reality, what you said was inconsiderate, it's as if you were saying that you're in a better position because your body is so keen [whereas others' bodies aren't]. This is not OK. Please do not make out this isn't a safe forum, as this simply isn't true. Indeed, because of the fact it is a safe forum, we're all allowed to say how we feel - so do not grant that right to yourself, but take it away from me, please.

I am upset over what you said because it was insensitive. Ranking people's difficulties always is. Apology accepted and I hope you'll come to realise that what I said in response was in no way against you personally. It is, however, against insensitive comments, and I will absolutely stand by it.

@PurplePansy05 I did have the testing. I am sorry I upset you with my musings - as I said I am trying to distract myself with reading about stuff and have previously used this space as a place to get my thoughts out there. I don’t feel and don’t believe I expressed a value judgement of any sort - I am simply sat here going through my second miscarriage wondering if there is anything that can be done to help me. I had absolutely no wish to upset anyone. I feel this should be a safe space for everyone and I will keep to myself now as I don’t want to risk my approach accidentally upsetting people. Take care all xx

@Ranoutofgoodnames This theory was based on a very small study. It is impossible to say whether it applies to you if you only had one miscarriage and if the products of your conception weren't genetically tested. It might be the case if the genetic testing shows the embryos were not viable in the first place. There certainly should be more elaborate research on this, but the problem is, genetic testing isn't offered after one or even two consecutive losses on the NHS. So as long as this approach continues, many women will never know whether they might be suffering from super-fertility and we won't have the cure.

I must say, I find your comment about the body not being able to stay pregnant a bit upsetting. I might be that woman whose body wasn't able to stay pregnant so far, I'll know that later this year. I don't like the fact there is an implication of guilt and negativity towards our own body in your statement. I didn't choose my body to have issues with the continuation of any of my pregnancies and do not consider myself to be at fault. If you read up on causes of recurrent miscarriage, none of them depend on the woman, they are entirely out of our control. So there is nothing wrong with saying "my body couldn't stay pregnant", indeed for most women this is the case and all we can do is to help our bodies to stay pregnant by getting tested and taking the right medication.

I think all of these issues lead to high risk of miscarriage and I personally would be very cautious in categorising them.

@Starfish762 that's horrible to read!

I like that you guys are having all these exciting symptoms! I've never felt nauseous unless pregnant. As they say in pregnancy threads - baby dust to you all!

So AF is nearly 1 week late and previously this is when I would have tested so wait as long as you need to @SkyBlue20

I agree @Ranoutofgoodnames what will be will be is definitely the way to think to make it through these matters that we can't control, especially TTC and MC/pregnancy.

@Starfish762 I think for me between 2 to 3 days

I am looking into this proposed thing about “super fertile” women - they have lots of miscarriages because they get pregnant really easily because their wombs aren’t so good at rejecting the lower quality eggs that other women’s wombs wouldn’t allow to implant

(Obviously am aware that I haven’t actually miscarried yet but humour me as this is distraction therapy at its finest 🙄)

I have been pregnant three times - the first was kind of planned but not really and ended in a termination. That was a few years ago and I had unprotected sex once not aware of ovulation etc and got pregnant. Then roll forward a few years and am with husband and we agree to try - I got pregnant I think the third month when I did opks. Then miscarriage then waited one period tried again missed optimum time for conception but fell pregnant anyway

So just wondering if there is anything in this. Of course (i) am technically still pregnant and (ii) if I end up trying again it will probably never happen or take me months. But in the interests of distracting myself today, I am finding this very interesting

I also like this generally as the whole approach is less “my body couldn’t stay pregnant” and more “my body is so keen to get pregnant it keeps going notwithstanding very challenging circumstances”

Hey @Starfish762 I had 8 days of flashing this month but I started testing early. Got my static on CD14.

Morning all!

@Ranoutofgoodnames I completely agree - positive week ahead! I went for a run in the rain this morning (couch to 5k, week five, run two for those of you doing it) and felt so good and upbeat afterwards, despite looking like a drowned rat 😂

Here's to a good week for us all! xx

@Ranoutofgoodnames great attitude! I’m gonna try to keep this vibe going!

For those doing CB digital ovulation testing, how long did people generally have flashing smileys before they got static smiley? I’ve had 4 mornings of flashing so far so DTD every day hoping for the best!

Thank you for all the positive vibes xx

@SkyBlue20 I am waiting for ten days and if I don’t miscarry in the meantime I will have a follow up scan

@PurplePansy05 wow yes to those lyrics having a new meaning now

@ everyone!! Let’s hit Monday with positive thinking - what will be will be and we will all get there eventually just need to be patient and keep going xxx

@Ranoutofgoodnames Sending love. What are the next steps for you? Sending so many positive thoughts your way 💕

@Starfish762 Not what you want to read whilst you’re trying to relax! I’d started the Handmaids Tale just before the MMC and continuing to read it afterwards was so hard as is so much about pregnancy and babies, etc. I finished it but I don’t think I took a lot in. In comparison I’ve just read The Testaments and I remember it a lot more clearly.

@Workingmama1 You make some really good points there and tbh if this does go on a while and I get to know my cycles then I may choose to test a day or so before AF is due as, I agree, it would be nicer to know than be taken by surprise. However, at the moment, I don’t know when that may be so just waiting it out as long as possible - not knowing my cycles means I’m scared of testing too early and getting inconclusive lines or an early negative etc.

@purplepansy05 Such lovely lyrics 💕

Oh @Starfish762, that's creepy!

I mentioned one of F+tM songs earlier, it was my favourite for years and only now the lyrics mean something else to me:

And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat,
I tried to find the sound.
But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness,
So darkness I became.
The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out,
You left me in the dark.
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart.
I took the stars from our eyes, and then I made a map,
And knew that somehow I could find my way back.
Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too,
So I stayed in the darkness with you.

I still love this song, it's just made me pause when I watched it at Glastonbury yesterday.

I think the to test or not debate is a really interesting one... I'm pretty sure I'm out this month so will probably leave it until Thursday (think AF is due Thursday/Friday). While confusing and potentially upsetting I think I'd rather know about a CP, particularly as that adds to you miscarriage number for NHS referrals (given I think last cycle was a CP that would see me being referred now, especiallyas I rang the EPU so there is a record of my positive tests as they took my details). But I think everyone has to do what is right for them. Also I think I'd rather be in control of knowing its not the month by getting a BFN rather than the uninvited arrival of AF (I'm a bit of a control freak!). It really is personal choice and I have so mich respect for those of you who can wait it out!

@ranoutofgood names sorry you are now bleeding. Whatever the outcome I hope you can rest and be kind to yourself for the next few days.