I've moved on. I'm having a terrible day today tbh, spoke to a private consultant who completely dismissed my concerns. He said what I've been through at such a young age is "unusal" and "extreme", which was a kind opening, but then he said "oh, but you're so young, I'd bet money that your fourth pregnancy will be successful" and "we can do all the tests you want, but you're probably completely fine". Well, thanks for that. I've had enough of being dismissed by the NHS, he's leading the NHS unit not far from where I live and clearly has the same dismissive attitude in his private practice. He started telling me how he sees patients who had 8,9 or even 19 MCs. No better way of making me feel shit since I clearly have "only" had 3, so why worry.
I just feel there's nowhere to turn to anymore and no one sees the woman, the human being, at the centre of this. Everyone operates on the assumption we're some sort of machines, didn't work out once, thrice, whatever, just keep going. Sacrifice yourself, your MH, your job prospects, your holidays, your money, everything, who cares. Who needs answers when you can just lose yourself and have a baby one day.
I'm so upset. I sacrificed so much to be where I am now and to be a good mum, to be ready, to be someone my children can be proud of, to give them security and life served me a huge slap right in the face. Maybe it's a sign I should just leave it and it's not meant to be for me. I'm just sat here sobbing, waiting for my con call, fgs.