Starting TTC again after missed miscarriage

@Poppy10121 MVA was 5 weeks ago. I was getting BFNs for the 2 months prior to it and had a positive OPK 1 week before, because I think although my MC was still incomplete my hormones had decided I was no longer pregnant so was trying to cycle? My next positive OPK was exactly 28 days from the first so I hoped that was things trying to regulate, will have to see what next month brings.
@Workingmama1 I'm sorry you've had BFNs so far this month. There is still time, but as @PurplePansy05 says its possibly best to prepare for AF then the disappointment is less and it is kinder to ourselves. I've spent the last week really hoping and symptom spotting, and this morning 12dpo still BFN so I think I'm out this month, and I think I feel better preparing for AF and next month TTC again.
@Smilingdonkey how many days were you when you got your first BFP on an IC? They're all I've been doing because I thought the lower concentration they detect might pick things up first, but I'm probably wrong 🤦‍♀️

7th day of flashing smiley (CD21). I started testing on CD8 so really don’t think I’ve missed it, although maybe I should’ve been testing more than once a day like someone said. I thought the CB digital tests you were only meant to do once a day & you wouldn’t miss the surge as they were so sensitive. Maybe it’s time to put the sticks away & just DTD every other day, instead of obsessing

@Smilingdonkey I’ve also been thinking about it a lot and half the time feel tempted to tell a lot more people in my life because I don’t think it’s right how it’s sort of shameful and secret. I know we have nothing to be ashamed of but that’s how it’s presented. Part of me wants to tell everyone and explain to them what it’s really like, and the other part of me wants to never speak about it again.

@Starfish762 I ended up with a UTI after falling asleep trying to stay flat after sex 🤦🏼‍♀️😂 Twice! I have also learnt recently that I have a tilted uterus, so for me to get pregnant, I genuinely have to have sex doggy style. No other positions work, tried and tested 😂 So I now lie on my tummy with my arse up in the air for 10 mins instead, then off to the toilet for a wee before sleep 😂 (sorry all, waaay TMI!)

@Threnody What did you do to lose weight? I need to get my act together, this extra stone needs to go!

@SkyBlue20 Interesting you say that. I had a far worse experience after my first MMC (long before covid) than my last. I think medical staff tend to be much more dismissive if it's your first MC. The problem is, MCs can affect you differently. I can hand on heart say that my first one was by far the worst, for all sorts of reasons. I saw the real baby at the scan, everything was ok, I had no reason to worry and no idea about MCs, it was something that happens to "other women". Then my world came crashing down and the fact medical staff were cold and unpleasant made it a lot worse. I'm glad you had a better experience during covid. I'd like to think they're perhaps more compassionate now because going through loss in the pandemic is the whole new experience with added hardship for us.

This is probably a better link actually:

www.amazon.com/I-Had-Miscarriage-Memoir-Movement/dp/1558612882/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=i+had+a+miscarriage&sprefix=inhad+a+misc&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1593393318&sr=8-3

Just saw this and thought it may be of interest to some of you:

www.instagram.com/p/CCHMWM5FTss/?igshid=1t1cma0r8trix

Xx

Evening all!

@threnody Sounds really positive with the weight loss and the confirmed ovulation - all set for next month! ☺️

@PurplePansy05 I like that fighting spirit - you will fight for what you need and so you should!

@Sakura54 Merging households sounds a great idea. Hope you don’t feel as poorly this time 💕

@Smilingdonkey very good points - I think literally all of us had some sort of bad experience during our MMCs. I’d be interested to know how much of that was covid related for me though and how much is normal. I must say that the nurses when I had my MVA were incredible - I sent them a card afterwards as they were amazing (one in particular who remembered me from being in for my medical management, remembered little details about me and was holding my hand right the way through).
Agreed about the language, too - one of the ones I find particularly bad is the ‘evacuation of retained products of conception’, how impersonal?!

@Workingmama1 Oh absolutely no going crazy! Couple of glasses of wine here and there and my usual exercise routine. That said, I have my first full 20min run on couch to 5k tomorrow 😬 Going to see how it goes and rest if I need to, just mindful of the fact I’m in the TWW!

@Starfish762 Funny you should say that - the other night I told DH to go to the loo first and I’d wait so ‘everything could get where it needs to go’ 😂 I know it’s stupid but makes you feel like you’re doing something, doesn’t it? 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m sick of the TWW now - I have symptoms coming and going so one minute I think I’m in with a chance the next I don’t. I remembered that during my last pregnancy I thought to myself that if I were ever to get pregnant again I wouldn’t test for as long as possible to make the wait until the 12 week scan shorter and now I look back like ‘what an idiot’ - even if you don’t test, you’re still thinking about it and wondering and concerned! Going to try my best to wait until at least Wednesday next week but preferably the Saturday... 😫

Have been doing more reading about progesterone and apparently other things that can increase it are losing weight,
eating high protein, low carb, and eating more dairy. Which is good, because I'm doing those things. I've lost weight on a low carb diet, eating loads of cheese! So I'll be interested to see how long my luteal phase is this month.

@PurplePansy05 @Threnody wow I can’t believe people who are supposed to be empathetic can say such things, absolutely shocking! My friend is a nurse (a brilliant selfless one), and even she said it’s amazes her how few in her profession have such a poor bedside manner I was lucky the nurse & doctor who looked after me during my MVA were brilliant, the doctor was really young which surprised me for some reason, he spoke lots about his 3 year old daughter as it was something we had in common, being so personable really made the whole thing a lot less traumatic than I expected. I went back a week later with a card & gift for the nurse & thought due to covid I’d have to leave it on reception, but they told me to go through & ask for her as she was working, I broke down when I saw her I don’t think I expected to see her again or have to go into the same place again. She said it’s very rare it happens & she was really touched. I found it sad they aren’t thanked enough for really making a difference.

Interesting chat about being careful during the TWW. I do try to stick to only 1 tea & 1 coffee a day, and I only have a couple of glasses of wine at the weekends anyway so I continue to do the same but water down a bit with soda. After what happened I have been feeing like maybe I should be extra careful, but I’m meant to be at girls drinks on Saturday (socially distanced ones) & it’s going to be a big one for them, so I’m already anxious about how much I should let myself have (I’m a typical northerner who can get carried away lol).

Does anyone else feel they should lie down & not move after DTD, in case you lose some of the magic potion? I know scientifically that’s not actually the case, but I every time I worry gravity would make half of it fall out & lessen my likelihood. Probably just me who’s loopy

@PurplePansy05 I know, it didn't really register at the time, but I got upset afterwards when I realised what she meant. The lady opposite me when I had my youngest had just had her 5th C-section, and I'm quite determined, so ignoring her.

I suppose if I have any further issues I'll see a dr about it, but just hoping at the moment.

@Smilingdonkey and @PurplePansy05 I know what you mean, the language is very geared towards it being a failure on the woman's side, and we're taught not to mention it. I haven't even told my family, or anyone at work other than my manager, just my online friends. And the medical profession are awful, you don't get a booking appt until after you're most likely to have had a miscarriage, so they don't have to deal with you, but that's just wrong. And even when you are pregnant you're made to feel like an imposition - no children in the scans, I had to have a scan at 36 weeks to check my son was OK on my own with my husband and children waiting outside the room, and that took some insistence that they weren't sent back to the waiting room. Some midwives, consultants and sonographers are lovely, but they seem to be the exception.

Completely agree, "miscarriage" linguistically creates a negative association, it's a "failure to carry". I don't consider myself or anyone on here a failure. In fact, I consider women who suffered baby loss stronger than most women who haven't and I think just through that experience we ought to be respected. It's not something to be ashamed of.

I think a woman is never at the heart of it in our culture, unfortunately. We're fed this stereotype of having to sacrifice ourselves for others, men, children. If a woman is paid less, exhausted by juggling everything, given less opportunities, then it seems to be ok because it has been like that for ages, hasn't it. So why put her and her welfare at the heart of baby loss, it's just "one if those things". She might be distraught, grieving, in pain, bleeding. Her uterus might be in bits. She might have issues in work and no personal support. But yet again, it is widely accepted that she needs to get on with it and best not speak about her experience because someone else might be upset.

Well, do you know, I call BS. If no one wants to look after me, I'll look after myself. I'll speak out and make them as uncomfortable as they can be. I'll go and find doctors who are supportive and professional. I won't give up on my baby because of these attitudes.

I'm in a male-dominated environment and had to work twice as hard to prove myself, so sadly, that's nothing new. But I can climb that mountain, and we all can do it. There's no bigger strength in this world than a woman rising up to a challenge.

@Smilingdonkey femometer is just a type of test that goes with their app. Don't think its sensitive...

@SkyBlue20 I don't think you can put your life on hold during the tww. If you didn't conceive quickly you could spend a very long time being very careful! Maybe just dont go crazy? Though last week as I was off work I did have quite a few glasses of wine/gin as I treated it like an abroad holiday when it was sunny!

@PurplePansy05 interesting you only got your bfp at 14 dpo. I'm a bit crampy today so not sure if that's a sign of AF on her way.

@Sakura54 I know. But I won't let it deter me and instead I'll redirect my energy and money to someone who will take a better approach.

It sounds like a plan, good that the bubbles are (or will be, where I live) available. At least you'll have company and support whilst your DH can focus. Good luck to him 🍀

Booking appts are so awkward after loss, I agree. I hate explaining my history to GP receptionists and then the community midwife every time 😕

@Threnody I'm shocked with how shoddy you were spoken to. My mum had 5 C-sections in the 80s, surely they could assist you again in 2020s if required. Don't let that put you off And also there's no judgement on age, crikey. You're allowed to try for as many babies as you wish and when you wish. Even if they're unpleasant to you, at the end of the day, whoever judges you will go back home with their miserable judgements that no one cares about, whereas you'll go home with your new baby. That's all that matters. You should never feel this way, it upsets me to even read it Very unfair.

Re Vit C, I never knew about that. Very interesting. Your BBT increase sounds fine, it is meant to be around 0.5C I believe and stay that way. If it's erratic then I guess FF is telling you this because it might be linked to a drop in progesterone which in turn might be linked to MC. It's a grey area, isn't it, no one knows if it is a cause or a symptom. But then there are hundreds of successful stories online from women with erratic LPs whose pregnancies were fine regardless. I find LP a complete mystery. Even when tracking BBT, I couldn't work out much from it myself before taking hpt, I had some erratic temps too. I envy women who get those beautiful consistent temps and a clear dip at 9 DPO you see on Google, I'm not one of them 😂

@PurplePansy05 thanks! I have all of the vitamin Bs in my prenatal vitamins. Also vitamin C, but only 90mg, studies say you need 775mg to have an effect.
I do track bbt, and yes, it increases in luteal phase by about 0.4 degrees C.

I'm not sure it is a problem, as I've managed to have three children, but fertility friend always tells me it's unusual to have erratic luteal phase, and I read it can cause miscarriage. But obviously I have no way of knowing what caused it.

Bit worried about asking drs to be honest, in case of judgements over my age and wanting baby #4. Especially after the dr after my Surgical management said maybe I should think about ttc since I'd had 3 c-sections.

@PurplePansy05 It’s shocking that the doctor dismissed you like that. How can he think its ok to keep having MCs and that you’re ‘so young’?! He, out of all people, should know that when it comes to pregnancy, over 30 is not young.

I’m ok thanks apart from these pesky cramps. Just waiting for the midwife to call me to arrange my booking in appt. Would be easier if they could just use my details from my last one seeing as it was just the other day lol.

I’m nowhere near a hero, more like a damsel in distress but not when it comes to TTC/pregnancy emotional matters for some reason. I’m probably going to merge households with my family (parents and sis) soon as I get bad symptoms and DH just started a new job on Monday (big career change at nearly 34!) so can’t look after his DW and DS like last time!

As for the pill, I was on it for 13 years! Stopped for over 2 years to have DS but didn’t even use a tracking app until after I had him (probably why it took 5/6 cycles to conceive). Went back on for a year and a half then MMC and here we are, so in total I’ve only tracked my cycle for 7 months not including 1st AFs after stopping pill and MC.

@Threnody I might be repeating myself on this thread, but Vitamin B Complex is helpful with extending luteal phase. Your GP could also refer you for a Day 21 progesterone test if you're concerned and then Cyclogest is probably the way to go if needed. Do you temp? Does your BBT increase in the luteal phase and by how much?

I typed up a proper reply 3 times and accidentally deleted it before posting 🤦🏼‍♀️

@Poppy10121 I too was on a pill for a while, 5-6 yrs and had no idea about my cycles as I had no periods then. Only last year I started learning about my cycle. Some people told me that "all these MCs are a result of the pill" 🤦🏼‍♀️ This is total BS (my consultant's own words 😂) so one less thing to worry about, ladies. One of the people who said that was my own mum who had 4 MCs and was never on hormonal contraception! As if MCs were a new phenomenon!

@Threnody @SkyBlue20 You're right, I'll explore other local consultants and either have a full range of tests done privately or top up what's done on the NHS. Depends on how impatient I am and whether I get pregnant before my NHS RMC appointment. Part of me wants to wait with another pregnancy till I have the results, but it's already taken so long that because of it, time isn't on my side anymore and waiting for months for results isn't ideal. I think I will go with "what will be, will be" attitude, just keep TTC and see what happens. It may be my fourth time lucky, randomly 🍀 It may be that I get pregnant, all my NHS tests will have to be postponed and then I'll have another MC. That is a risk, but then I think I'd have it all done privately instead of waiting for another NHS appointment. I am fortunate to have saved up a bit and it would pay for private tests. instead of paying for my car

Anyway, I think if you go privately then it's reasonable to expect someone to be thorough and trustworthy. I can hold my own hand, but I would like to feel confident my doctor knows what s/he's doing and listens. this should be the NHS standard too

I feel less deflated about it all today. At the end of the day, if I need to fight for my own baby, then so be it, even if some people along the way are unhelpful and the road is long. That's what mothers do and we have to keep going. Bring it on.

@SkyBlue20 I think your attitude to live a normal life in TWW and early pregnancy is very sensible and healthy. I was trying to do the same, but felt too poorly to do exercise as usual and too scared sex would make me bleed and freak out (in early pregnancy). So then I resigned myself to "take each day as it comes", no pressure. I think if you can live a normal life, it's the best thing to do. Generally, it makes the post-loss pregnancy less scary and recalibrates you to a healthier focus, i.e. you don't think about it 24/7 because you have a life. As long as you stay gentle with yourself

@Workingmama1 How are you feeling? Do you feel like AF is coming? I think sometimes it's easier to build yourself up for AF if it's a BFN close to it - it's gentler when it arrives or a big happy surprise if it doesn't. That was my last one, BFN at 12 dpo and a clear BFP at 14 dpo. By the time I found out, feeling low about AF has turned into accepting it and tbh I would have been OK either way. That's what I'll be doing now as well. Fingers tightly crossed for your good news, now or very soon 🤞

Morning everyone. Gosh, so much to catch up on, you wander off for a day or two and it all happens!
So excited by all the symptom spotting and nausea going on, fx for a load of bfps soon.

@Workingmama1 and @skyblue20 I also had no idea how just awful a miscarriage was until I had mine. It was such a shock.

@ew1990 eek, exciting. Everything crossed!

@PurplePansy05 that consultant sounds awful, though as you say maybe he just has a sucky phone manner, I hate the phone and find things much easier face to face as you get so much from body language and expressions. If you're not confident in him, then it might be better to find someone else.

@workingmama1 not out until af shows!

@Chatbash72 sorry af arrived for you.

General big hugs all round, I think we all need them.

I am CD23 and 3dpo today, but no symptom spotting for me as we didn't try this month. Just gathering data for next month, so I'm impatient for af to arrive so we can start next cycle. Though at the same time hoping my luteal ohase isn't too short. I've been reading that Vitamin C can help raise progesterone levels so I might try that. Not that I know what my progesterone levels are.

I had a flashing smiley for 4 days on my cb advanced, then got my static later on on the 4th day - I was also using cheapie opks.

I'm feeling relatively good today in that I did ovulate, so that's good to know, and I'm finally below 9stone!
Fascinating tracking weight alongside everything else, as I can clearly see my weight plateau or go up just before ovulation, then start to drop again afterwards, and the same around af.

@jojo and @skyblue20 yeah ive had a negative test a week and half after miscarriage. Took another this morning and it's still really faint so I'm gonna leave it a week or so.

@Poppy10121 I’m just carrying on as normal in the TWW, just won’t drink to excess (not that I would anyway - I’m not exactly going out clubbing). You’re right, until the placenta has formed, it doesn’t affect anything. I’m beginning to realise that my mindset is that I was overly cautious last time and it still failed so I may as well carry on as normal (within reason) - this will obviously change if I get a BFP but even then, there are things I stopped last time due to nerves, like exercise and sex, that I may just continue (carefully). Exercise especially can only be good for me both physically and mentally.

Morning all!

@PurplePansy05 I’m so sorry, that consultant sounds awful! Would you be able to put a complaint in and find someone else? That’s absolutely no way to treat somebody who is grieving and going through such a difficult time. Big hugs.

@workingmama1 Agreed that I had no idea how devastating miscarriages were before I had one - I knew they were really sad but I never thought past that to realise that it is a full grief and tears your heart out, plus the physical side of it all.
Hope work was ok yesterday! I’m mainly just counting down until the weekend - not loving work at the mo, just struggling to get motivated.

@sabtom congrats on the BFN, it’s a strange feeling to be happy about one, isn’t it? But now you can start to move forward ☺️ Good luck with your journey!

@ew1990 Eeek! Have you had a negative since the MC?

@JoJo58995 I could have written your post - no idea of usual cycle as was on the pill for so long then got pregnant almost right away and was kept waiting for ages for my MVA (via failed medical management) and feel a bit resentful that it’s delayed me. It’s crap, isn’t it?!

@workingmama1 sorry about the BFNs 😔 you’re not out though until AF arrives! 🤞🏼

All of my so called symptoms seem to have disappeared today so I’m not feeling very positive for this month but we’ll see! I just want to know either way now, I’m so impatient!

@Workingmama1 12Dpo is still quite early isn’t it? Fingers crossed for you!

I’m going to try and not test til Friday - I think AF might show up before then and save me using a test! But if not then Friday is when I would like a glass of wine so want to check first!

How careful is everyone being in the TWW about what you’re eating and drinking? I’m trying to cut down caffeine and alcohol anyway for a bit of a health kick. I feel a bit anxious not to do anything that might affect things even though I’ve heard that it makes no difference until the placenta is formed.