Starting TTC again after missed miscarriage

@PurplePansy05 thanks, you're right, good things take time, I wanted children for so long, and I was 35 when I had my first. I know I am lucky to have 3 beautiful children, and I do feel guilty for wanting more, knowing that it's so much worse for other people. This MMC has been the worst thing I've had to deal with, and I know I'm lucky on that score too.
Re the supplements, thanks, I'll have a look. I've not had trouble conceiving before, but I have read that short luteal times can cause miscarriage.

Thanks, just annoying really as I desperately want another child, and just want to get on with it and start doing all the normal pregnancy things. But I can't, and then I can't even have a glass of wine to calm me down just in case!

I've got all the normal symptoms, sickness, sore boobs, those weird bumps on the nips, bloated. But if I was 5 weeks, surely all tests would show pregnant, and not just the odd one? Some are very clearly positive, some are very clearly negative and then there's the odd ones that are super faint.

Slowly going absolutely insane!

Sorry about all your losses too, it's really hard, you get so hopeful and then feel completely let down by yourself. They really should teach you how difficult it is when you're at school, always got told it was easy and could happen like that...

@Threnody Re your short luteal phases, has anyone told you to try taking Vit B complex? Lloyds Pharmacy sell a good one, with 100% recommended daily intake. It might extend your LP. You should also have your progesterone levels checked, if they're too low, progesterone pessaries might extend it to allow for implantation. I'd get it done privately if you don't qualify on the NHS yet xx

@Workingmama1 Much love to you ❤️ We all get it.

@Threnody Dates are constant reminders of what would have been. I look at the calendar and it's depressing to see I'm at the beginning of the journey again, for the fourth time. I try not to do that. I keep telling myself that it won't matter when you have a baby. As long as everything goes ok, who cares about your age, the time it took etc. Your baby will be there. Looking back at the hardships never helps anyone. In my job, it took 12 years to qualify and be where I am now. Would I do it again now looking at the time it took and all the effort? I'm not sure. But I am happy and comfortable where I am, so it was worth it. Equally, you'd take anything else, recovering from an illness, saving up, losing weight, school and exams, learning a new manual skill. They all take time and it's not an easy process. Not many of us would want to go through it all again, but it feels good to achieve these things and be where we are now. Now, grieving and TTC are incomparably harder for obvious reasons. They are also largely outside of our control and that's a big difference. But I guess the point I'm making to myself is that all things that are meaningful in life don't come easy and take time. You are on the right journey and you'll get there. It never helps to focus on how long it's taking or on the fact that some people were lucky in life and had it all easy, served on the plate. We have to take things the way they are and keep going. You might think you're not closer to your happy ending, but you really are. You've also learnt a lot through this experience and I strongly believe it makes you a better person, stronger, more confident and compassionate. Chin up. There will be a happy end. Xx

@SkyBlue20 @Threnody thank you. I had similar thing last month, tiniest bit on tissue when wiping then bled for a full day after and then back to almost nothing. I'm 15dpo today so would have got a definite line surely? Not even a squinter!

Morning all! How're we all doing?

@AlisonLew15 Sorry about the negative 💕 You're not out until AF arrives though so fingers crossed she stays away.

@RosieJess91I'm so sorry for your loss and for everything now, too - very frustrating that they won't see you for a couple of weeks yet, the waiting is awful. Sending you lots of strength and hoping for the best 💕

No updates here, period is all but gone (still have a teeny tiny bit of brown when wiping) so now waiting until it's completely gone then we can start trying. This is only my second ever month of trying so not knowing my cycles anyway plus MMC is making it all very confusing. I don't want to do ovulation tests and temping and stuff just yet so I guess I'm best just to DTD every other day or so from as soon as poss and see what happens? I've read about people having really early ovulation after a MC so wouldn't want to delay and miss it, I suppose?

@SkyBlue20 I found the driving ok, there were a few dodgy people about, but mostly it was clear, it took me 15 minutes to get to work, instead of the usual 45!

@Sakura54 I'm on AF #3, and it's all still a bit messed up, though I've always been irregular, I'm having late ovulation and very short luteal phases at the moment.
@PurplePansy05 @Workingmama1 I had a sudden realisation last night that I should be into my third trimester by now, and instead I'm on my period, and back to temping and it just felt so hard all of a sudden. It's definitely a process of ups and downs.

@AlisonLew15 sorry to hear that, is it definitely af, or could it just be spotting?

@RosieJess91, welcome, I'm sorry for your loss, and for what you are going through now, it must be so difficult having to just wait.

Hope it's okay for me to join. I found out at 12 weeks at the end on March that I had a blighted ovum and sadly no pregnancy. I miscarried naturally a few days later. I had my first AF 3rd May, almost normal, but quite light and over 3 days. We started TTC. Then on 31st, realised I was late, took a few tests, all came back positive. Was so excited, then on 4th June, I had a light bleed that lasted for 25 hours, but was too heavy to be IB. Now I'm getting a wide mixture of negatives and positives. And GP and EPU have both told me they won't see me until I'm at least 7 weeks as they won't be able to see anything.

So now, I'm going to sit here and go insane for another 2 weeks, spending all my money on pregnancy tests. Help!

So I caved and tested this morning at 15dpo, as I wiped I had a tiny mark of spotting on the tissue. So pissed off. Suppose just waiting for AF to fully arrive now. Did a test anyway and is of course negative.

Thank you for those words @purplepansy05, so true x

@Workingmama1 But someone died. Your baby. You're always be his/her mum and your grief is perfectly valid. You're grieving the loss of your baby, the loss of your pregnancy and the loss of what would have been. In terms of its enormity, a mother losing a child is the greatest loss of all. The fact you couldn't touch your baby or have no photo album of him or her growing up doesn't matter. Your grief is real. In fact, the grieving process after someone who has been alive and with whom you spent time in your life, who passed away in adulthood is often easier because it feels like a natural turn of events. People get older and they die. We have an inherent expectation of it happening. What has happened to us is not natural, it's a shock to the system. We can read about all the statistics in the world, about being 1 in 4 or like in my case, 1% of all, but it doesn't matter. Losing a child isn't natural, it is an extremely difficult experience and it's important to acknowledge it. The healing process only starts when we're ready to face and understand what's happened. Sending you lots of love ❤️

I've also had a short period, normally its 5-6 days, but finished abruptly after 4 days. I'm not complaining, I was expecting it to be worse than normal! So I guess I'm into cycle 2 now, husband is still feeling awful after his operation so we won't be dtd for a bit...

I think until now I've appreciated this happening over lockdown, I just wanted to hide away and think seeing pregnant women or newborns would have been really hard when everything was so raw. But now I'd quite like to get out of this bubble and we can't. I feel like it's all been like a bad dream, went into lockdown worried about the virus and pregnancy, it took 5 weeks from my first bleed to the actual miscarriage, getting physically over the miscarriage then counting down to my husbands operation. We've not had a "normal" lockdown.

I was speaking to a friend the other day when I was feeling a bit sorry for myself and said it's not like anyone has died, thinking about people who have lost parents, siblings and friends, but she reminded me that just because I hadn't met it, my baby had died and that was important, along with my dreams for our families future. She was trying to be kind and validate my feelings but it really hit me to think about it like that.

Also if anyone is feeling low and likes reading or might benefit from support on social media, give me a shout, I've got some books and Instagram accounts that have helped me in the past year, happy to share xx

@Poppy10121 Thanks lovely, it's actually from Mumsnet 🙈 Here it is, copyright belongs to the author, I can vouch the loaf is beautiful and even better with a bit of strawberry jam! It takes 15 mins to make, if that, and then mine took 65 mins in the oven before it was ready. I didn't have any chocolate chips so I chopped a bar of dark chocolate into small pieces, it worked really well. My husband had 3 slices today 😂

Regarding holidays, we missed out on two this year because of covid, it just felt right to book something we can look forward to in the future. I think 2020 in many ways is a write off, but we can do our best to become stronger and healthier and hopefully next year will bring us more blessings.

@PurplePansy05 that sounds amazing!! Is the recipe online?
I feel you on the carbs on carbs, it's tough to re-transition when you are feeling low and also with the extra challenges of lockdown and not being able to shop for fresh food so frequently. Your ideas for treats sound great, especially the holiday!!

@SkyBlue20 I'm better today, thank you. I made a lovely peanut butter and chocolate loaf this morning and had a slice for breakfast It may have helped!

I'm trying to eat better, although it's a process. I had carbs on carbs when pregnant so I need to re-adjust to my usual better diet. Also only doing walks this week, I need to take it easy after how I felt last night.

I understand what you mean re lockdown. I think we can only focus on the positives and that is that we can go through it more comfortably, we don't have to face crowds of people or multiple pregnant women daily. That's a real blessing, these things can be extremely anxiety inducing when you're grieving. Don't hesitate to treat yourself and DH, order some nice food, drive for a nice walk, book a holiday for next year - with free cancellation, just in case. I did just that and it has helped a bit 😘 xx

Hi @Sakura54 I got my first AF 4.5 weeks after the main bleeding of miscarriage, I got a positive ovulation test on day 8 of that cycle but then my second AF on day 18 - about a week earlier than I was expecting it.
I’m bummed about it because we definitely tried at the right times and before I got pregnant within 1 month of trying so I guess I thought it’d be that easy again but cycles are clearly a bit whacky and I suppose will take a while to settle.

@Sakura54 My cycles were messed up by up to 11 days. Bit of a nightmare. I had acupuncture which helped with regulating them (and generally made me feel better) - although not sure if it's offered anywhere now. It's also rather expensive, but at the time I felt so rubbish that I really would try anything - and I'm quite a fan of it now.

I don't use tampons but I think we aren't supposed to use them incase of infection? It should be ok to use now though.

I know I keep mentioning 2nd AF, but I'm expecting and hoping it will arrive in about 2 weeks. Since last night, though, I’ve had a heavy feeling down below that I usually get when AF is about to come...interesting as my first just finished last week or it could be ovulation!? I'd rather AF came early than late though, so that there is no confusion about pregnancy as I certainly haven’t been preventing it lol!

I’ve read that it can take 2 months even if the 1st one came on time. Did any of you have very messed up cycles after MC? I didn’t even care about when my 1st AF would come but 2nd one is a little different due to using a new eczema cream for a month, that shouldn’t be used when pregnant.

Afternoon all!

How odd about the tampons advice - surely these things should be communicated?! Wasn't mentioned to me at all. I only used one tampon anyway as flow was too heavy, thankfully.

@PurplePansy05 Hope you're feeling better today?
I found lockdown a blessing and a curse whilst going through all of this - I wanted to just hide away with my husband so it was nice to just be able to, I know our mums would have been straight over if it weren't for that. On the flip side, there were times I would have loved a hug from my mum, or just to go out for a drink with friends to take my mind off it, etc, and we obviously couldn't do that.

@Starfish762 Sorry you've been struggling also, sending love.

@Snausage Hope the timings work out for you. Fingers crossed!

I think my period is over! I was still bleeding quite heavily yesterday morning then come the afternoon, boom, there was nothing on the pad. Seemed very quick - wouldn't be surprised if it comes back a bit and is just having a break as to go from such a heavy flow to nothing seems odd. My periods were only about three or four days before MC though so the length is about right. We shall see, I guess!

Ladies, I feel for those going through their first loss in lockdown. I thought about it the other day. I remember withdrawing myself for a few weeks directly after my first miscarriage, but then I felt I needed to get out, have spa days, cinema, eat out with my husband etc. Eventually, I needed to be with other people and simply have a hug off my friends. Although not being able to do this now is still hard for me, in a way, I'm perhaps used to the feeling of loss, as bad as it sounds. I think experiencing this for the first time in lockdown is pretty awful and I do agree that it will build up your resilience big time. Hang in there. The reality is things are unlikely to be worse going forward, and you'll be stronger to face them. Xxx

Morning everyone, I hope you're all ok? I'm on day 7 of a flashing smiley on the Clearblue ovulation monitor. So frustrating. I don't know if I'm actually close to ovulation or my oestrogen levels are just high after MC. I'm so hoping for a static smiley, and soon. DH is working away this weekend, so if I miss my peak I'll be very unhappy about it!

Sorry to hear you’re struggling emotionally too @Starfish762 - I like the positivity of coming out of this hard as nails though! I’ll think of that next time I’m struggling with the day :-)

I’m the same with the crazy hormones & emotions! Almost 4 weeks since the MVA and the last week I’ve been SO moody & burst into tears a few times. Going through this at any time must be awful but during lockdown, we’ll be hard as nails after all this ladies!

I wasn’t told not to use tampons for my first period, but then I didn’t specifically ask....

@Poppy10121 Thanks lovely It crossed my mind, but no other symptoms, so fingers crossed! Maybe hormones going wild! Xx