Starting TTC again after missed miscarriage

@Smilingdonkey That’s fab news! Glad all seems to be ok, hoping for a healthy and sticky little one for you 🤞🏼

Got annoyed at DH last night as we went to bed late but really should have DTD as it had been two days without doing so and I don’t want to go any more than three, but he was ‘too full’ and ‘too tired’. I know I can’t be annoyed and it’s his right to and I also know I’m probably past ovulation now anyway but I just need to feel like I’m doing something as right now, I really don’t think I’m pregnant. He was just like ‘it’s fine, we’ve already got a winner’ because I told him about my nipples the other day so now he’s convinced that I’m PG because that was the sign last time but I’ve not really noticed them for a day or so, so I don’t think I am. I don’t know, I know I’m being ridiculous but I think we all go there during this process, don’t we?! 🙈

@Threnody lovely to have someone who gets my various age related worries here with me (apologies if others are around my age and I have momentarily forgotten). I feel like it just takes more luck for us to get a good egg!! I seem to have lots of them so have decided to strap myself in for the long haul and have accepted this may mean lots of sadness along the way. But overall so worth it.

I too saw a heart beat last time - twice in fact the last one at just over nine weeks. I am happy though that I had a couple of “happy” scans before the bad news though if that makes sense?? They are some good memories.

Am convinced now that if I move I will provoke the bleeding and dislodge the baby. So have sent my husband to make me tea and toast. It’s the least he can do. To date his contribution has been to have an orgasm...

[quote Poppy10121]@purplepansy05 Even those stats feel meaningless to me now - both me and another person in this thread (think maybe it was SkyBlue but apologies if not!) had an early scan with heartbeat at 8 weeks which is supposed to make the risk of MC super low and yet here we are, the 2 in 100 people that it didn’t work out for!

If I am lucky enough to get pregnant again I think I’ll try and avoid reading too much this time![/quote]
Yep, it was me.

I was OBSESSED with the miscarriage calculator (I was SO worried I was going to have a MC - turns out sometimes you just know) and it turned out to just be false reassurance as, like you say, here we are - the 1%.

@Poppy10121 Well I'm in the 1% of women who went through it three times in the row, so here's my take on the statistics too. For each and every single one of us there's a 50/50 chance, we'll either be in the lucky group or in the unlucky group. Personally, acknowledging this has helped me to stay grounded about things. Statistics are meaningless if everything goes well and I dislike people who have never been through it quoting them, rubbing it in my face that "I'm still young" and "my chances are still good"etc. In RL, they a personal tragedy to all of us who make up the unlucky numbers.

@Ranoutofgoodnames I’m sorry you’ve not got any answers just yet, I do love the sound of your doctor though, she sounds like a reassuring person to have around! Fingers crossed you have lots of lovely distractions for the next 10 days and come back to good news.

@purplepansy05 Even those stats feel meaningless to me now - both me and another person in this thread (think maybe it was SkyBlue but apologies if not!) had an early scan with heartbeat at 8 weeks which is supposed to make the risk of MC super low and yet here we are, the 2 in 100 people that it didn’t work out for!

If I am lucky enough to get pregnant again I think I’ll try and avoid reading too much this time!

The MC odds reassurer site should be banned, it's misleading and does more harm than good.

In reality, the odds of MC only decrease if the embryo is attached correctly which can be detected from 6 weeks and when hb can be detected at an appropriate rate during the scan, which is best to check around 8 weeks because at 6 it might not always be caught and waiting another 2 weeks allows for a very significant drop in the likelihood of miscarriage. It is then around 2%, whereas by 13 weeks it drops gradually further below 1%. This is the case for all age groups, but the older we get, there are more non-viable pregnancies from the start because of poorer quality of eggs and/or higher likelihood of chromosomal issues.

Some of the stats online are ridiculous especially in the context of MMC. It happens a lot more frequently in real life because most women do not have early scans and therefore discover weeks after the event that the pregnancy won't progress.

@Smilingdonkey your plan sounds great, do stick around, love a bit of positivity, and would love a pregnant after mmc thread to hopefully join one day.

@Ranoutofgoodnames sorry your scan was inconclusive, you are handling it all so well. I hope the next 10 days go by quickly for you and end in good news. I will be 41 soon as well, I hadn't realised the risk of miscarriage was so high just by age. I spent last pregnancy obsessing over the miscarriage odds reassurer site, watching my odds go down every day, obviously meant nothing since I had a mmc.

@Workingmama1 you can have a luteal phase longer than 14 days, according to my research it can be 11-17 days. (Mine varies and is between 7-11 days, which fertility friend keeps telling me is unusual!).

@Ranoutofgoodnames sorry your scan was inconclusive. You’re right 10 days is a very long time to be in limbo like that. Everything crossed for you that things improve xxx

@Ranoutofgoodnames Sorry you didn’t get any conclusive answers but there’s still a fighting chance and I’ll be crossing my fingers for you. Agree with @workingmama1 that you seem to be very pragmatic about it, which is great, and that even day counts at this stage. Hope the 10days fly by for you and we’re here should you want to talk. Great also that you do conceive quickly and that if the worst happens they’ll do the tests for you right away. Wishing you the best of luck with everything 💕

@workingmama1 I too have a super bloated tummy - I’m blaming the wine, the biscuits, the curry I’ve just inhaled and the fact I keep eating things I know I’m intolerant to but ignoring that fact 😂🙈 Not too much longer to wait now and hopefully we’ll get some answers... 🤞🏼

Also for the symptom spotting brigade my only two symptoms of anything has been being super irrationally grumpy. I'm suspecting PMS for this one.

Then secondly a really bloated tummy, I'm suspecting eating all the cheese and cake for that one 🤣

@ranoutofgoodnames sorry the scan couldn't give you an clear answer, I had everything crossed for you. You seem to be taking a really pragmatic approach which is good. From memory you are less than 6 weeks in which case every day counts in terms of what you can see on the scan.

@Smilingdonkey your testing plan sounds sensible and useful if it will help you feel in control. Does your partner suspect anything yet? Getting your first BFP on a IC is a good sign as hormones must be getting stronger.

I've realised I have no idea when AF is due... a 28 day cycle would put it at next Friday, but i think I ovulated Wednesday or Thursday last week so guessing it won't be more than 14 days after ovulation? I've never had a cycle less than 28 days though, pre baby they were 29 or 30, then the cycle before miscarrage were 31. Took an OPK today to check if the LH level had gone down from last weekend and it had so guessing I ovulated before the weekend? Also chucked HPT in the wee for good measure, obviously a BFN at 7-9 days DPO on the femometer tests that are only 20ml, but good to know what a negative looks like on one of them, stark bloody white!

Hello!! Scan results were inconclusive - gestational sac but too small to see anything else. But there is blood in the womb and sac measuring small so the doctor said I am most likely having a miscarriage but if I have not bled before ten days time I will have another scan.

I don’t know how I feel - this doctor really has this way of putting it that makes me feel like everything is ok even if it is a miscarriage - again it will be a pregnancy that is never going to result in a baby so need to get it over and done with and then move on so I can get to my baby!

Ten days feels like a long time to wait but I think maybe I will be able to crack on and just wait and see a bit more than I have been able to this week.

I don’t want to cause worry and concern for you ladies who have had positives!! I am turning 41 very soon so a miscarriage for me is almost at the point where it is more likely to happen than not.

Doctor was initially like “right I wasn’t expecting to see you again so soon” 😂😂 which is basically her saying “so you must have been at it like rabbits as soon as possible after miscarriage 🤨”

She said if it is a miscarriage then we shouldn’t try again straight away (which actually makes me feel a bit relieved) and she will do the blood clotting/immunity cell and genetic testing to make sure it is not something other than bad luck with my older eggs. I think if there is nothing else going on then it is still positive for me because I seem to get pregnant quickly notwithstanding my age so I just need to steel myself for disappointment but can keep going and hope i get lucky

For now I will just hope that this little bean is just a little bit small and the bleeding is not a bad thing. But I actually feel ok - if it is bad news then I will be ok - just need to think positively about the future

And @Smilingdonkey please do stick around! I’d love a ‘pregnant after MMC’ thread eventually - hopefully we’ll all get there very soon 🤞🏼

@mrsAndeke Let’s go through this TWW together! I have no idea how many DPO I am or when AF is due or anything but by my estimations, if there’s no AF in two weeks or so, I’ll test (depending on symptoms - may not bother if I don’t have any!) - I’m a late tester rather than an early one.

@Ranoutofgoodnames Thinking of you 💕

Everyone looking forward to the weekend? Xx

[quote Smilingdonkey]@skyblue20 I did exactly the same thing with frequent urination (which is my tell tale sign!) It's so easy to over analyse but I don't see how one can avoid it? If anyone knows please tell me!!

I got an obvious (but still light) line on and IC for the first time this morning (i.e. not a squinter!) So I'm just praying this one doesn't become a chemical 🤞

I have a plan to help me with this pregnancy which might seem mad but I think feigning some sort of control
will stop obsession and minmise anxiety - if that makes sense:

• tomorrow 11/12DPO FRER to check progression
• Sunday IC for progression
• Monday AF Due IC for progression
• Tuesday CB digital and if positive 1-2 weeks tell DP
• finish of ICs by taking one daily (let's be honest I'm gonna keep going until the pack is empty!)
• Next Tuesday CB digital to check progression to 2-3 weeks
• Tuesday after CB digital to check for 3+ weeks
• book early scan for 7-8 weeks
• book second early scan 10 weeks if I need it (I'll see how I feel)

[/quote]
Exactly! So hard to make yourself stop doing it - it’s your body so you’re bound to notice these things!

I have a good feeling about your pregnancy, fingers so tightly crossed for you. Your plan sounds good - do anything you need to to feel secure and better, it’s so anxiety-inducing going through pregnancy as it is, never mind after a loss 💕

[quote PurplePansy05]@SkyBlue20 Thank you ❤️ I'm still scared that it will keep happening over and over again and that my strength won't last for long enough. I just try not to think about it. I found it so easy to go down the rabbit hole of negative thoughts after my MCs, it's hard to keep yourself in check, isn't it.

I hate all symptoms! They tell us nothing, we might be pregnant or not, we might be miscarrying or not, we might be having a perfectly healthy pregnancy and no symptoms at all... it's bonkers! Wish I could have an off switch for symptom spotting![/quote]
Yes, so hard to keep positive but it might still happen and when it does, it’ll be amazing. I really really hope it does happen for you and am sending so many positive thoughts your way 💕

Yep, symptoms are a bloody nightmare. Today I’m annoyed because my nipples have stopped hurting. FFS 🤦🏻‍♀️

@SkyBlue20 I'm in the Dreaded TWW! 9 days until AF keep getting mild cramps and pulling sensations but think I'm just over thinking it.

That's really interesting @PurplePansy05 , thanks! Yes I'm definitely having thyroid checked, will let you know what else!

*testing not resting, my spelling is abysmal today, I just polished my nails 🤦🏼‍♀️