Starting TTC again after missed miscarriage

@SkyBlue20 You definitely have to tell him not to organise anything now. You are at the centre of this, remember, and everyone, particularly your DH and your friend, should understand that these things take time. You don't have to put the brave face on and die inside just to please someone else. You've gone through something very hard and it's for others to support you to rebuild yourself, not for you to sacrifice yourself and your own MH right now.

A year ago I was literally on my knees in my lounge, sobbing my heart out because my other friend got pregnant at the same time as me and told me (gently) not long after my loss that she was expecting. All I needed was a hug from DH and he couldn't get why I was so upset either. I had to talk him through everything and I still think he didn't fully get it. Anyway, I just made it clear that I'll tell him when I'm ready to see her and her partner. It took 5 months. Now, I don't particularly care about all this and wouldn't mind seeing her son, it feels like such a long time ago.

My heart really goes out to you, last year I was exactly the same and to make it worse, the whole world around me seem to have got pregnant all at once. Obviously not true, but it seemed that way. It's a very difficult thing to digest on and you're not alone with this feeling. Xxx

@SkyBlue20 yes still in 2-3 weeks 😡

I don’t have any friends who are pregnant but I am a religious celebrity side bar of shame Follower and it seems all of them are pregnant at the moment. I literally caught myself muttering recently “oh fuck off you and your perfect chromosomes”

But no shame. None of us would ever say anything out of line to anyone or wish them ill. But we can’t deny normal reactions to things - it’s healthy to experience the not nice feelings and then they can just go away

@PurplePansy05 than you for such a thoughtful post xxx

Totally didn’t mean that I don’t want advice from you btw - your advice is so invaluable and really appreciated, it’s just from your husband sometimes you just want a big hug and an acknowledgment of your feelings. Xx

You’re so right @purplepansy05, of course. I’m so thrilled for them and this hit me a lot harder than I expected - other pregnancies haven’t. I think it’s just the timing - this is our first month back trying, I don’t think it’s been successful, they got married at the end of last year and it just all seems so easy. I wish them all of the luck and hope they come out with a beautiful, healthy baby at the end of it, however it just feels a bit shit for us at the mo.
Husband gave me a hug but then was there with all of the practical ‘don’t compare this’ ‘don’t do that’ type advice and sometimes you just want a hug and an acknowledgment about how shit it is from your husband - it didn’t even seem to affect him. He’s also trying to organise to see them. I don’t WANT to see them just yet but I don’t think he gets it - it’s not the same for the men as it is us. I don’t know, just feeling a bit sensitive. I’ll be ok.

@SkyBlue20 One of my closest friends gave birth less than a week after my MVA. First month of TTC, first pregnancy, success straight away. Most of the pregnancy with no issues either.

I congratulated, but haven't spoken to her since, just sent her some happy birthday wishes not long ago on her birthday. I think it's best to acknowledge things by congratulating and then stay away for a bit.

It does get better in time. But there's no point in punishing yourself now and other people need to respect your feelings and boundaries too.

I tend to tell myself that I can't change the past and I'm on my own path. My energy is best used if I focus on that instead of worrying about everyone else or putting pressure on myself by comparing someone else's situation to mine. Thing is, it's completely normal to be upset with this kind of news now, but the fact of life is there's no guarantee she'll end up with a living, healthy baby just yet either. Things can and do go wrong, in pregnancy and in life generally, it's just how it is. Hopefully she'll have a great pregnancy and many happy years ahead. I know you wish her well, of course. But no one knows the future. I think the best thing to do is to separate her path from yours in your head. Her pregnancy may result in her baby. You don't want her baby, you want your own. And it will come, just give yourself a bit of kindness and time to get there xx

@PurplePansy05 I love Songbird, such a great song! 💕

One of husband’s best friends has just text to say his wife is pregnant, they found out a couple of days after we found out about the MMC. I burst in to tears. This is all so shit. (I’m happy for them of course)

@SkyBlue20 My DH and I have "our" song by Oasis, Songbird. He says he was listening to it all the time when we met. I adore it ❤️ Very special.

@SkyBlue20 My DH is watching football downstairs too. Looking at my Instagram, all of my friends' partners are 😂

@Workingmama1 The recipe I posted before was for a peanut butter & chocolate chip loaf, no bananas.

The simple banana loaf I usually make is this one:
www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/easiest_ever_banana_cake_42108

And my favourite ever banana loaf is this one if you have the ingredients for it, it's amazing with a cup of coffee:

www.nigella.com/recipes/chocolate-tahini-banana-bread

I think I like cake a bit too much 😳

@PurplePansy05 We had to turn off just after Live Forever as husband wanted to watch the football but it was a great way to end our viewing - it reminds me of our wedding (was the last song on the night) 💕 Will watch the rest later!
You’re making me want Jaffa Cakes and I have just remembered we’ve got some in the cupboard 😆

@Workingmama1 Will be strange to be home alone! You looking forward to it? What plans do you have? A pamper day is calling!
Glad your friend’s pregnancy didn’t hurt too much ☺️ Reckon I’m out this month too but we shall see. It’s only month one! I keep thinking we’ll have an April baby so maybe next month is the one...

@PurplePansy05 random question but if I remember correctly you posted a banana cake recipe previously, ive looked but can't find it and have two over ripe bananas staring at me that want to be made into a cake!

Have had a productive day of tidying and sorting as my husband goes back to working on site on Mondah so have moved his working from home stuff of the dining table and have so much more room! My daughter is starting full time at nursery on Monday too so I will be home alone for the first time in months!

@Smilingdonkey your sex timing not completely perfect for ovulation can give us all hope when we havent managed it! Im 99% sure im out this month though giving our timings and my lack of symptoms so at least won't be too disappointed when AF shows her face.

One of the ladies I did pregnancy yoga announced her pregnancy yesterday, i took that a lot better than i did my friend the other week so hopefully dealing with it a bit better now

I've run out of orange juice! Jaffa cake loaf will have to wait till our shopping day, this Tuesday 😊

@SkyBlue20 I said these exact words to my DH! I was too young to appreciate them when they went really big, but my DH is a bit older and he's been a fan since their early days and saw them live many times. He thinks they'll reconcile. I hope so!

I absolutely LOVED Live Forever at Glastonbury, it's one of my favourites anyway 💕 I forgot you're a Manchester girl, I should have guessed this would be your top choice 😊

Watching Oasis now, @PurplePansy05. They’re so young! (To be expected in ‘94 I guess 😂) Wish I could see them live just one more time 😫

@PurplePansy05 Jaffa cake loaf sounds amazing, did you make it? I’ve not been watching Glasto, no - managed to get a couple hours without rain to go meet a couple of friends in the park, who I haven’t seen for months. As we drove from north Manchester to south it was THROWING it down but then when we got there it was sunny! Left just as the rain started again, so lucky timing! Will defs go and catch up on some now - definitely Oasis!

@Ranoutofgoodnames I absolutely do not blame you for having a lie in! Did you use your clear blue? Good luck with the house!

@JoJo58995 Sounds like there may be some promising signs there for you, fingers crossed 🤞🏼

@Balajake So sorry for your loss, good luck this cycle 💕

@Starfish762 We’re usually pretty good at doing it even if we go to bed late but I think last night he was just really full and uncomfortable and overly tired so didn’t want to. Maybe tonight, though I do feel (but don’t know) that I’m probably past my ovulation anyway. Can’t hurt to DTD just in case though!

@SkyBlue20 Are you watching Glasto? I've just finished watching Oasis, 1994, I'm too young to remember this performance. Currently loving F+tM, I'm watching her singing Cosmic Love which is one of my favourite songs. Lungs has always been my go-to therapeutic album in times of heartbreak ❤️

@SkyBlue20 Totally understand your frustration with missing the moment to DTD because it’s late & you’re tired. We had this the first time & missed lots of opportunities so this time we’ve been doing it early morning or soon as our daughter’s asleep at 7.30/8pm! Obv it’s scheduled which isn’t ideal, but it is what it is, we still enjoy it So maybe try doing the same around key ovulation dates, rather than waiting till you go to bed.

Lost a baby girl on March 13th to Edwards Syndrome. TTC again and I’m on cycle 3. Got my positive OPK last night and another today

Doing SMEP this cycle so fingers crossed

@Ranoutofgoodnames I really hope the doctor is wrong. 10 days is a heck of a long time to get a final answer! No, don’t worry, it’s not making me extra worried, I am realistic and understand. In reply to what you said the other day, I stay calm by detaching myself from the baby and remembering that MCs are common and it’s out of my hands. I literally felt nothing until the day of my scan where I thought I was being silly for being so nervous. Deep down I did think I had made it past the first trimester and surely I wouldn’t have a MMC, something I had never even heard of until recently. It’s a bit different now as I really don’t want to go through it again. All of us deffo have reason to be anxious after what’s happened, it’s horrible.

Wait @Smilingdonkey so you’re definitely pregnant? Yay congrats! Yes, please do make another new thread soon. I’ll be waiting for all of you. We can all be nervous together! I went ahead and booked my booking in appt the same day I tested even though it feels too early. This feels a bit surreal/unreal seeing as I was just in this position not long ago. When are you booking yours?

I’ve been needing to go to the dentist for ages and they have agreed to see me. I hate going near people but need to get checked out badly but couldn’t because of CV. I suppose I can use my maternity exemption certificate, but hopefully they won’t ask why the dates don’t match. It’s annoying enough having to tell midwives about the MC and it being on my records forever.

I agree, the MC odds calculator is absolute bollocks. For those of us that had no bleeding, gosh imagine we didn’t have our scans, we would’ve continued being oblivious for how much longer I don’t know! I didn’t see the point of an early scan but in that instance it would’ve been beneficial for me, oh well.

I know I haven't posted for a while but I've still been following and keeping up with everyone's stories. Just been processing post MVA, and have found so much comfort in keeping up with how everyone is doing. It is so great to hear such positive news starting to come from quite a few of you, and fingers crossed that positive news is on the way for everyone else.
I had positive OPKs last Fri/Sat - 28 days from the last one (MVA was between them so wasnt really sure what that would do to my cycles given that I had already been getting BFNs for 2 months before the MVA...) so hopefully I have some resemblance of a cycle. Me and DH dtd every day leading up to and after ovulation, and now 7 days later I'm getting slight bouts of nausea and I'm sure I have subtle period pains, but I do have a lower back problem and it might just be that flaring up..... I tried not to test, was adamant I wasnt testing until at least 10 days post ovulation (my job means I would have to tell at least 2 people as soon as I know to be able to avoid certain things that arent safe if pregnant, and if I do get a bfp I ideally want a few days to process before I have to say anything) but hubby persuaded me to start last night, which are of course bfn because it's way too early. I'm sure my brain is making up these symptoms because it wants to be pregnant but I guess I've just got to wait and see....
Just in reference to the odds going down after healthy scans, I also had a healthy professional scan at 8w, then scanned myself (have an ultrasound machine at work not as good as the hospital ones but still good enough....VERY challenging not to constantly scan after a bfp!) and had a definite heartbeat at 10w so thought I was at much lower risk of miscarriage at that point, and then was told 1w later that baby had died and was only the size of 9w, so clearly wasn't big enough even though still alive at 10w. So the odds don't reassure me at all, I just have to think if it is meant to be then it will be.
Keeping everything crossed for you all and sending positive vibes.

@purplepansy05 yes you’re right, there’s not much reassurance in knowing that 99 other people didn’t go through what we have had to!
@SkyBlue20 I was the opposite last time because I didn’t find out I was pregnant immediately so then when I did find out I was obsessed with whether I could have done anything wrong (ie drinking caffeine/alcohol etc) before I knew that might lead to miscarriage. Everything I’d read said no! But I must’ve had low HCG as didn’t get a positive for weeks after ovulation so perhaps it was always doomed.

@Smilingdonkey so happy for you!

I understand everyone’s OH frustrations, I walk a fine line between wanting to share the experience I’m having and also trying not to make sex feel too mechanical/related to fertility calculations rather than desire! Find it better to keep it to myself til after the window has passed ... although I think my OH can guess!

I’m not sure what to do with myself today, once it’s raining there’s not many choices these days!!

Ok full disclosure I am still in bed and that is my only plan.

We are also in the middle of trying to buy a house so stress levels need to be managed!

I may possibly get up to pee on a clear blue digital test to see if I have got to 3+ weeks.

@SkyBlue20 I'm writing a post-pandemic business plan and watching Glasto too. Might make another loaf, found a nice idea on BBC, a Jaffa Chocolate Orange loaf 😊

Thanks @Smilingdonkey - making me feel much better! I think it’s just annoying how we take the mental load of all of this, all the planning and organising, tablets, symptom checking, etc. Know some of it can’t be helped but it’s still annoying! Need to just try and chill out and wait and see...but I’m very impatient 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

What’s everyone got planned this weekend? I had lots of lovely outdoor plans today but it’s just started throwing it down so my plans go to absolutely zero - might just clean the house, do some exercise and watch some Glastonbury on TV!