Trying for a kid Aged 20?

The next big step is getting a house together ready for having a baby grow up there with you both in due course.

But before that have a life. Once you have a baby you will get very few nights out together as one if you will be watching the child to give the other one a night out. If you have the energy to even go out!

Babies also destroy relationships. Sometimes people have a rosy tinted specs view of it ‘I love him so much I just want to have his baby and we all live happily ever after’ type idea but the sleep depravation, insane costs involved, the hard work, the being tied to the house as the baby’s sleeping etc can destroy relationships rather than cement them.

Plus you change a lot in your twenties. You could grow apart. You could end up a frazzled single mum to twins with hardly any money as you can’t afford childcare...

Take some time to enjoy being together and going fab holidays after lockdown. Live your dreams. As once you have a kid you won’t be able to!

You have the rest of your lives together. There’s no rush to procreate!

I would say live together and enjoy that for a few years.

Once everything has opened up take some time and see the world a bit.

I'd say wait until at least 25. Enjoy the time and extra cash for a while but most importantly enjoy each other alone before you have to share each other with a baby. Still lovely but different.

Honestly, I get it, I went through a phase of feeling the same at a similar age, 20/21. It would’ve been the worst mistake of my life, that relationship wasn’t forever, and it took time for me to see that.
Live together first, see how that goes for a few years. If he’s the one, if it’s forever, what’s the big rush?

Gosh there's lots of people here telling you what to do.

In our defence, OP did ask...

Why miss out on all the early years and teens - isn’t that the sweetest part? Don’t have a 20 yo

Gosh there's lots of people here telling you what to do. Enough to make you dig your heels in and say 'What do they know? My DP and I love each other. We feel ready so we've going to have a baby.'

Well, making a positive choice to have a child at 20 is a world apart from a unintended pregnancy. Having babies is hard for everyone regardless of their age or circumstances.

Younger mums have loads going for them. Life is still there for the living once you're a parent and perhaps that perspective nurtures well balanced children.

That said I would want to be really really really really certain the relationship was going to go the distance so moving in together and practicing sharing big life decisions like how you split your money before you have a child together is super-sensible. Good luck OP I bet you make a great mum when the time comes.

It doesn’t sound good. Can you see how things don’t always plan out. Would you not prefer to save a deposit for a house and buy? Think about the future long term. The chances of you both been together till your old and grey is unlikely.
What about holidays with your friends? Nights out? Just the simple things in life if someone txts you, you can instantly up and go as you have no real responsibility.
Would your salary be enough to provide a good life for a baby?

Don't you have any career ambitions? Or travel plans?
It's a big world out there.

Gosh no, once children come along life is all about them, and it's relentless when they are tiny.

You don't even live together yet. Have a read around MN, there are a lot of threads written by women who settled down quickly with a partner only to discover they are not the prince they thought they were. By then it's too late, they have a child and are left on their own, tied to a guy forever who is shit.

Properly get to know your partner, live together, get married, buy a house, invest in your future, develop a career. Kids are expensive.

I had a baby at 20. Wasn't on purpose. She's 14 now. Bloody hard work. Love her to bits but wouldn't recommend it. Especially if u live with ur parents and not together.

Yeah, the next big step is moving in together, OP. Not procreation.

How long have you been with this guy? For reference, I met DH at 18 and we had our first kid when I was 27. Generally when you meet earlier on its best to wait longer before having children- people change a lot in their twenties and your partner's brain won't be fully matured until he's 25/26 years old. You may find that you're less compatible as you age.

You need to see how you cope with stresses and strains that come with an adult partnership while living together long term.

I think having a baby is a truly monumental event in your life. You essentially cease to be the main character in your own life- it's now all about the little one. It takes tremendous sacrifice to do it well and it's easy to resent that if you've not given yourself the time pre-kids to do what you want to.

Live a bit first, get a decent job, have fabulous holidays, enjoy nights out with friends. After this lot is over of course

Shouldn't the next big step be living together whilst you finish your education or training, enjoying a few holidays together? Then saving up for a mortgage whilst getting established in your job, getting married, planning how you'll afford maternity/parental leave and divide the duties of running a household and bring up a child and the costs of childcare, making sure you are both on the same page and agree to all this before even beginning to think of TTC?

Are you and your partner in stable jobs? Do you not want to study anything or further your career?. These are all important things as a woman if you split from your partner a few years down the line you most likely will be left to support and look after the child and possibly alone if things change.

Don't do it op. I fell pregnant with my first at 21 and had him at 22. As much as I adore him, my life has been consumed by my child.
I have no career as I've had to take masses of time off due to him having additional needs, it takes up every moment of my life.
I have no memories of holidays and trips with dp because we were so young.
I've dealt with nearly losing my life and my son due to pregnancy related illness.
Babies are not sunshine and rainbows, they are hard work and are most certainly not gaurenteed to be healthy and without additional needs. Can you honestly say you can deal with all of that right now.
I know this seems all doom and gloom but it is my reality. We had ds after being together for 9 months and he was premature. It changes everything.
I know I'm extraordinarily lucky to still be with dp after 5 years and our 4 year old is happy but it is very rare.
Take more time, have a life before children. There is still plenty of time for babies when you are more stable

We are looking to take the next big step in our relationship and we are ready to try for a baby.

The next big step is living together permanently.
What do you both do for a living? Why do you still live at home if you can do it anytime?

If you’re thinking that the ‘next big step’ and right thing to do in your relationship would be to have a baby, when you don’t even live together, tells me very much that you’re not mature enough to do so. Sorry to be harsh, but you did ask!

Spending 5/6 nights together a week is in no way the same as being together all the time, sorting out bills, food shopping, cleaning, etc
Having a baby together before you’ve found your footing on any of this would be a disaster.

Well, I had my DD at 22 so not much older than you. But my partner and I had been together for 6 years, were engaged, and had lived together for 3 years. I think it’s not necessarily your age that may pose a problem, more that you two don’t live together. Trust me, you see a WHOLE new side to someone when you live together. There’s also a whole heap of new responsibilities like bills, upkeep of a house, ect.

You don’t say how long you’ve been together but I assume it’s not all that long if you don’t live together. Having a baby is not the next step in your relationship. Moving in together and experiencing what it’s like to live with them 24/7 is.

Living together is more than spending time together. It’s about splitting the bills, sharing the chores, picking up the slack when the other is ill or out of work. Get that boxed off first, make sure you’re compatible and equal, able to really support and care for each other.
Only then can you think about bringing a baby into your relationship.

Gosh I do think it’s too young. Appreciate that plenty of people have them at your age but honestly go and enjoy your life as a young adult. Even just for a few years first. A child changes everything and although I love mine to pieces I’m so so glad that I gave myself a few years first. When the time is right you will know but I wouldn’t recommend it now especially as you aren’t living with your partner.

With all due respect, spending 5/6 nights a week together is not the biggest of tests. I assume you have no moneyworries (your parents provide room/food), not many chores as in a normal living at home late teen life?

Imagine spending the last two months discussing/worrying about paying bills, shopping, cleaning, cooking - all the boring things that are so not romantic, but really show if you are on the same page.

Please take your time to move out, get to know each other in this new set up, enjoy being young. And again get to know each other, not the person you are now but when you are faced with all these responsabilities.

The next big step? Going on holiday, living together... not creating another human. Slow down and enjoy all the stages.

You are both pretty young - why can’t you simply enjoy each other’s company without bringing a baby into the mix so soon? I think young couples who jump straight to ‘I love you so much, let’s have a baby’ don’t actually love each other that much at all - if you did you would cherish a bit more carefree alone time with each other before inviting a baby into your lives.

Oh my love there are so many cons! Of course you have to do what feels right for you, and you will be able to do it if you decide - but why now. Save up, travel, study, fulfil your dreams! Do you even know what your dreams are? I’m really serious - it’s a good idea to really spend time thinking about what you want in life, for you. Kids can be on your wish list but you need to know what else makes you happy, otherwise it’ll be hard to be a good mum. Having kids to make you happy is a bad idea - they bring a lot of happy moments but they bring a shitload more work, exhaustion and boredom in the preschool years. I spent a lot of time around kids before I had them and thought I knew - honestly it’s so much harder than you could ever imagine. And like others say, you’ve not lived with your partner - it’s good to try this for a couple of years to know how things work out through the ups and downs over time.