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Original poster

All about us ~ MC'ing or MC'ed or TTC after MC or just loves cakes!

905 replies

katendmom · 16/09/2007 21:00

Ok, girls, our last thread did get crazy long so I am starting this one. If you don't like the name - well... too bad You'll get used to it over time .

ILTC, hi there sista! I feel like we're SO alike. Can you believe that my bleeding started again today? I was quite . And out of all places it started in a zoo when we were watching little sheep at the "petting zoo" section with DS and DH. Grrreat!~ Hope you're feeling better and this mess if over soon for all of us .

Rosybelle, hi there~ [sends a wave] Com'on over - sorry you're here but it's easier to get through things together. If you read my previous posts you know what I have to say - ERPC (or D&C) all the way. Good luck!

Scully, hi... you sound like me... actually my DH who is very much doubting TCC'ing again. And that's just after one MC! Well... we did have a stillborn DD1 but went on to have a beautiful DS. What would have happened if we got scared back then and didn't do it. Ooops, promised not to talk about it until mid-Oct. That's when my MC blood/ tissue results are back from the lab to tell us what was wrong with the baby. We agreed we wouldn't make any decisions until we find out.

Cricri, I know you won't be chechking this thread until later but hope your weekend in Holland is fab!

Hugs and smooches to all!

OP posts:
Original poster
katendmom · 02/10/2007 22:01

You make me laugh! Something I didn't think would happen today. Oh what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, ey?

I have to be honest with you ~ DH has been in it every step of the way for me, took it to heart and really didn't want to TTC after mc (you remember!) saying that he can't see me going through it again.

I have to say - he was very short on the phone when I called after the doc's visit today. BUT he said right away - "Please make an appt with a counselor as soon as possible. Don't worry about the time - I'll make it" (he commutes to work about an hour every day)

Now... gosh... what if we managed to get pg... we've been TTC'ing like youngsters...

I guess again - only time will tell - good thing that we will always have cake!!!

OP posts:
RosyBelle · 02/10/2007 21:30

LOL - you have every right to feel sorry for your sorry ass... I think I am feeling sorry for my rather large sorry ass tonight so will call it a day!

xx

ronshar · 02/10/2007 21:27

Crikey love that sounds a huge thing to go through.

I shall not feel sorry for my sorry ass again!

Thank you.

RosyBelle · 02/10/2007 21:24

Ronshar - x posted... sending you hugs... if its any consolation i think most DH's are like that. A little insensative and downright selfish! I know mine is. When 2nd IVF failed he was moody & grumpy & when I asked what was up he said "well I have been through so much"!! .
I realise he was upset but all the man had to do was go into a room one day - look at some dirty bloody mag left conveniently under the sofa - and w**k himself to ecstasy!
I was having operations, 2 injections everyday into my stomach, internal scans 3 times a week.... GGGGGrrrrrrr

Men are so rubbish at sensing our dispair... and even more rubbish at dealing with it. Thats why us girlfriends are so important!

Hugs & more hugs

RosyBelle · 02/10/2007 21:14

Well thats the best way to look at it Kat - We are v lucky to have our DC's - they are little miracles (or a fluke which is what my consultant called my DD )... and our lives are enriched by their presence.
We have scrimped & saved (& have a small debt!)for our 2 attempts at IVF but even if we could afford 10 more goes I have had enough.... I couldn't go through it again. We spent £9,000 in the last 12 months.... & if I was strong enough then i would spend it again if I had it - but I have had enough. And I feel relieved to feel like this. I thought I would just want to keep going & never get off the rollercoaster (SIL had 6 goes!) so its just a relief to not want anymore.

Kat whichever way you decide to go - we will be here for you as you have been for us... and if you are here just cos you like cake... then it will be you & me both hunny!!

On a different note - I work with Radiation in my part-time job so everyone knows when anyone is pregnant cos they immediately have to change jobs... so everyone knew about m/c - apart from 1 girl who congratulated me yesterday . I had to say I m/c in the middle of the office .

Never mind.... onwards & upwards eh?

ronshar · 02/10/2007 21:11

Evening to everyone.

It is a sad day today. I have been feeling weighed down by the pressure and all the sadness. Some times I think I should be really grateful to have two beautiful dds and stop at that. I know that some women on MN do not have any DC and they are so much more up-beat about the whole TTC thing than I am.

My DH was shite when I had my MC. Really shite. I could say worse but that would be disloyal and I'm fairly sure I was not in a balanced place to judge anyones behaviour!!. We are now pretty much ok but he still wonders why I make such an issue of the whole thing.
His best comment was while walking through Brighton one sunny day. He pointed out to me that there seemed to be alot of pregnant women around at the moment!. It was lucky for him he was driving and we had 2dds in the car. I sat and wimpered for a while and he didnt get it at all.

Kat, Jules, Splishsplosh and everbody else having a crap time. We will get through this with Cake, Wine and if neccesary Battered Sausages for the vegetarians

Original poster
katendmom · 02/10/2007 21:01

Thank you all SO much. Being able to post throughout the day and getting your posts back is really helping to get through the day until I can crash on a sofa with DH and DS

Rosy I don't know if it is happening because I can't carry girls... I guess that is what a counselor might tell us...

The doctor who I spoke with today was really awesome. He spent like 40 min with discussing ins and outs... He even said: "If you want a girl, we can do IVF so that they make sure they get the right and HEALTHY cells and implant only girl embryos..." Sounds very futuristic but there is no way we have money for IVF plus with a DS already blessing us with his presence - I couldn't justify taking the money for IVF anyway...

So, we'll do the counseling, the blood work...and then depending on what our odds are - either do a pot luck and hope for the best or call it a day.

ENOUGH about me! I have a DS so should be jumping up and down, counting my lucky starts. HOW ARE YOU, girls? Rosy I do have Mon marked up in my calendar - keeping fingers crossed for your little beauty. Please tell me how things go ~ I'm sure everything will be awesome!

Thank you all once again and I truly hope you're having a great night and an awesome day tomorrow!!!

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RosyBelle · 02/10/2007 20:25

Kat - honey am sending you big hugs... Like Ilts I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry. I haven't read the link that Jules sent but is it because they were girls? I know my brother's wife miscarried 2 girls because of a chromosome problem but carried 2 boys full term with little problems.
Stay focused - you are NOT mad... your time WILL come!

Hello to everyone else...
herb - I had no idea they wouldn't consider different ethnics for adoption - its something I would be interested in the future (they won't even look at us until its been 6 months since an IVF attempt) but i would not have considered it any problem to adopt a diferent race child to us.

Went back to work yesterday & today & now off until after DD has her squint op on Monday.

splishsplosh · 02/10/2007 19:55

Kate - a big hug to you, I'm sorry to hear your news, and hope the appointment on Monday gives you some hope for the future.

Thanks for your thoughs on problems with dp too. I hope you're right, as I would understand that, however his job entails helping people through their problems, so feels hard he's no good at bringing his work skills home!

Justjules, I hope your consultant is soon in contact too, and can help you towards the future you deserve

TJuice · 02/10/2007 19:31

big hugs, best wished, positive vibes for my ladies kate, justjules and splishsplosh

katend, you don't send mad at all to me. i really really hope this is going to work out for you, it has done before so . . .

beckle - that was a really lovely post earlier.

cricri · 02/10/2007 19:27

Kate - I have nothing more to add to what's already been said. Sending you lots of hugs and good luck next Monday. Hope you get some answers. xx

ClairePO · 02/10/2007 19:17

Oh Kate I'm so very sorry to hear your news, I don't know what else to say except hugs and good look with the genetics counsellor

justjules · 02/10/2007 18:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
katendmom · 02/10/2007 18:24

thank you girls... Jules I'd love the link...

and the doc said that Trisomy 4 is so rare that this was just the second time in his 30 year practice... you can google it if you're interested.

Between us (let me just go on a record saying - I don't think I have a mental disorder, I think I am just losing my mind and going mad) ~ it makes it feel like our little girl is trying to get to us and something is stopping her...

Yep, I have officially gone made

OP posts:
justjules · 02/10/2007 18:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

positive · 02/10/2007 18:13

Kate,

so sorry to hear your news, sending you a big virtual hug. I know how hard it is to find out your lo has had a genetic prob after having gone through a mc (our lo also had downs and loads of other problems too). Hopefully Monday will bring you some better news and the hope that you will be able to ttc again.

big hugs,
good vibes and positive thoughts

Original poster
katendmom · 02/10/2007 18:11

Thanks, babe... not much to say ~sad .

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iliketosleep · 02/10/2007 18:09

oh katendmom

i dont know what to say

((((hugs))))

Original poster
katendmom · 02/10/2007 18:02

Splish I am so sorry that you?re having this experience dragged on for longer than anyone really should. Take care of yourself and remember ? every experience is different. I didn?t have an ercp but I had a D&C and it was not bad at all?

Just my 2 cents worth? you DH might be having as hard of a time as you with the loss but men grieve in a such different way that it makes it look at times that they do not care. He might be break up in pieces inside but just doesn?t know how to show it. I also think that not being able to really help you out with this experience ? he feels powerless and when men feel powerless they may at times demonstrate it as withdrawal or anger? Try compromising? try talking? don?t withdraw. GOOD LUCK, girl.

Jules I am reaching out with a huge hug? Nothing to say. You have every right to feel the way you do? and at times you just need to let yourself experience it at full force? but I don?t need to be telling you this ? staying there for too long won?t be good, right?

A quick update on my little world? was rocked a bit today yet again. Just came back from my 2 wks recheck. I?m all good, everything healed? but? it was a girl (taking a deep breath, gulping back tears)? what?s scary is that DH and I knew from the first moment?we were expecting a girl? what?s more upsetting is that she had Trisomy 4? supposedly a VERY rare genetic disorder. Now? given that we lost our DD to Down (another chromo disorder)? they suspect that either DH or I are a carrier of some incompatible genes? that makes our chances of conceiving a healthy baby a very patchy likelihood (Kate reaches out and places a huge smooch on her DS?s picture ? our little marvel).

So? have to be honest with you? TTC came to a screeching halt. We have a consultation with a genetics counselor on Monday? they?ll do blood work on both of us? and tell us what our likelihood is of having yet another baby with genetic abnormalities/ mc?

We do have some options if that?s the case? but this post is long already. I?ll tell you about those if you care in another? I was so strong through this whole experience but finding out we just lost a daughter? again? brought me down to my knees.

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wheelybug · 02/10/2007 14:16

Hi All !

Struggling to keep up on here ! So, just to say hello to everyone and

Torres - hello ! Glad everything is still going ok. Keep in touch.

Hope yesterday was as ok as poss Lissie .... hugs. Hugs too to Jules for your latest news - David is a lovely name. Also special hugs for Herby - sorry to hear about the adoption agencies. I have 4 cousins on one side (in one family IYSWIM), 2 of whom were adopted at birth. Their parents were African and West Indian (they are not bioligcally related to each other). The 2 biological children look nothing like each other (1 is a real red head and neither of the parents are) so all 4 children look completely different. I am fairly certain it has done nothing for their identity and they have never been seen as anything differnet to anyone else in the family. As you say, its such a shame that there are children who need homes and people desperate to give them a home and a factor such as this is standing in the way unnecessarily.

DUSTIN · 02/10/2007 14:00

becklespookle I know what you mean. I keep thinking I am doing ok and then the next minute I either turn into a moody cow or I am in floods of tears.

Back to work today for the 1st time since mc. Someone just gave me a card to sign for a colleague who is leaving to have a baby. Finding it very difficult to put something cheerful in it!

Hope every is doing ok today.

iliketosleep · 02/10/2007 13:26

i've just brought some tests off ebay damn my lack of self control

i will have a testin day every thursday just for the fun of it

becklespookle · 02/10/2007 12:27

It does feel like that sometimes SplishSplosh and I do have days when I still sink a little into the sadness but I have mostly come through it and you will too. It didn't happen overnight but talking on here was the most helpful thing for me. I spent months trying to work through it all on my own without success but then I found MN and a whole bunch of ladies who understood, sympathised and shared their own feelings and thoughts. For me it was the best therapy I could have wished for.
Sounds like you are having a lovely morning with DD - have a choc muffin for me!

splishsplosh · 02/10/2007 11:45

Morning,

Thanks becklespookle, it's good to hearit's possible to make it through all this, because sometimes it seems like I'll always be stuck in this sadness.

I'm having a really slobby day so far. Have stayed indoors this morning reading stories and singing with dd instead of going out to the park. So I'm still in my pjs, and having chocolate muffins - anyone want one? DD is supposed to be having a nap now, but I can hear her chatting and singing to herself instead.

iliketosleep · 02/10/2007 09:22

good morning all