Losing the will to live with TTC

Hi ladies. Do you mind if injuring you venting group . I'm 36 and ttc 2 years come Sept. I've Pcos also and cycles can range from 30 to god knows when . We managed to get pregnant on our second cycle of clomid this time last year but ended in a mmc also. Think I had it in my head that as I got pregnant then its gonna happen really easy again which isn't the case. Cause my cycles are very long I've only had about 5 cycles since then. I have stopped taking clomid as u found that my cycles were 80+ days with a lot of failed ovulation. Got referred to fertily clinic just before lock down who want me to lose a stone bu june which would be no problem if the gyms were still open. My last two cycles were without clomid and only around 30days so that was good news but I also think I had chemicals with them as I got faint lines that disappeared and then af.

@leodot that sounds so frustrating. I'm based in ireland so I was lucky that I dont have to wait around as my gp could do most the tests as such. I would be pulling my hair out with the waiting .

@MrsLBear

That’s awful, you poor thing. I think some GP’s are just so insensitive. Also I don’t understand how it isn’t for fertility? Surely at this stage, investigating your fertility would be part of checking your periods given the length of time you’ve been ttc? It does amaze me how unhelpful some medical professionals can be when ttc is concerned.

I totally agree. I think the NHS is incredible but they have wasted so much time and money in our case. My fertility consultant at the hospital even said that! She is lovely though and apologised for the mess we’ve had even though it was nothing to do with her. I’m on CD 5 so hopefully getting ready for ovulation again. I’m trying to be really positive this cycle but not get my hopes up.

@MrsChicken89

That is so annoying. Like you said though hopefully it gives you more time to get yourself into that bracket.

@EL8888

Sorry to hear about your experiences. ❤️ I really hope it works out for you soon.

Yep l totally relate to all of this! We have been trying since August 2018, after stopping the pill in July 2018. Never got anywhere with it, literally the closest l have got was being 3 days late once. Had tests both NHS and private, seen a few doctors but they can’t find anything wrong with either of us. Did a cycle of IVF which didn’t work. Not sure what to suggest to you as l have no answers or insights. I won’t patronise you with the “be more relaxed” nonsense

Don’t get me started on those saying they had r been trying to conceive for “ages” and then you find out they have tried for a couple of months!!. I haven’t seen the eBay advert yet luckily...

@MrsLBear same here, my best friend has just had her first baby, & my other friend told me shes 16 weeks, she was dreading telling me because shes knows our situation. Im happy for her but it did upset me to.

@Leodot what a frustrating situation for you, annoying when doctors dont listen to you.
Weve been offered ivf but i need to lose weight first to get me in the bmi bracket, same to get a hsg done. Annoyingly our next appointment at the fertility clinic has been cancelled, it was meant to be next week, but atleast it gives me a bit more time to lose more weight.

@MrsLBear
My temps have also been really high this cycle. Averaging around 36.5 before ovulation then soaring to 36.8- 37 after. Give or take 15 mins shouldn’t make a difference as long as you’ve had 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Let us know how you get on. ❤️

The first time I got diagnosed with PCOS I was 17. They said it was on one ovary. Cue years of long, irregular periods with bad stomach pain on random days. Like I would have a week of constant pain but no period or anything to explain why. Went back again at 21, they said it had got worse and was on both ovaries but as I wasn’t ttc they didn’t really care. Went back again at 25 as I was still having random pain but had now started having random bleeding for the last couple of years. I’d bleed for 3 days stop for 8 bleed for 5 etc. Never heavy enough to be classed as a period but always heavy enough that I’d have to use a thin pad or I’d ruin my underwear. Sex was also very painful. Went back and they said they couldn’t find any of my medical records, did a blood test and a scan, declared I was fine as I have a normal BMI and sent me on my way. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Two years ago (age 28) we decided to start ttc. Went to the GP and asked if I could have something to help regulate my periods as I was currently on day 56. GP said no, you have to wait a year. I explained I already knew there was something wrong as cycles were so screwed up. Got sent away. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Went back 9 months later to ask again as I had only had two periods and was on the third cycle. GP still said no. This continued with me going back every few months until finally, 14 months into ttc he wrote me a referral. This was after insisting that we pratt about for two months investigating my husbands sperm count first (it was excellent🤦🏻‍♀️) yet ignoring my referral.

4 months later, after more scans, more blood tests and an HSG they decided that I did in fact have PCOS and could quite clearly see the cysts. Finally got given metformin and clomifene. 🤦🏻‍♀️

The good news is that I got confirmed ovulation three weeks ago with clomifene and I’m pretty sure I’ve never ovulated before so I was thrilled with that! 😍

Sorry for the essay 😂😂

@MrsChicken89
I’ve not seen this advert yet! Something tells me it’s going to wind me up though 😬 Sorry to hear about your situation ❤️ It makes you feel so tired doesn’t it? Hugs to you. Has your hospital offered you IVF or any other assistance or did you not want to go down that route? I’m sorry to hear that there’s no information about adoption at the moment.

@Mycrazylife85
I’m preparing for rage when I see it now. I’m hoping I’ll be alright as I don’t tend to watch much live tv! 😬

@MrsLBear same I have spent so much money it's ridiculous!!!
It's really hard when you are trying to not think about it, sometimes I wish I could forget I'm trying and then just relax but that's easier said than done!

@MrsChicken89 I feel exactly the same about that advert!! It makes my blood boil 😡

@MrsLBear weve just passed the 2 year mark, on cycle 29. My cycles are very regular 26-28 days. I honestly dont know how im still going. Weve has blood tests, sperm tests and pelvic scans and everything is fine, its just not happening for us.
Weve done the dont stress, dont think about it, get drunk, dont get drunk, do keto etc etc
Ive recently started looking seriously in to adoption, but in current circumstances theres no info nights on.

@Leodot ive lost count of the amount of times ive seen people say i wonder how many people come out of this pregnant
Oh and the ebay advert annoys me! "97 fateful seconds was all it took" is it really! Wish it only took us 97 seconds!

@MrsLBear a friend of mine has acupuncture and she is now half way through her pregnancy! So I thought why not at least try it. I will give that e book a read. I have just had my results from 21 day bloods and everything has come back normal. Have to have a couple more tests early in my cycle then take it from there. It's really frustrating not knowing what's wrong, if anything! X

Totally understand you. We have been ttc for our first baby for 15 months now, I have tried the relaxed approach, I have let it stress me out more than I should and every month af arrives I just feel like giving up!!! Once all of this chaos with COVID-19 is over I am going to try acupuncture, no idea if it will do anything but I am willing to give anything a go. Best of luck to you, I really hope you get your bfp soon xx

I've sat it was CD23 too. It's odd that's your baseline is so high though. Above the temperature usually indicating ovulation. 36.42 I think that is. Do you temp exactly the same time every morning enter the recommended amount of sleep?

Hi @MrsLBear,

So sorry to hear about your mmc. I am losing the will to live with ttc too. Been ttc our first roughly the same amount of time as you. July will be two years for us.

How long are your cycles typically? Mine were around 50-80 days and ovulation was erratic at best. I’m now on my second cycle of metformin and clomifene which has brought me down to a 32 day cycle. I agree about the NHS and corona virus but it doesn’t stop me from feeling desperate and sad because I got my period on Sunday. I totally understand how you feel about that.

I’ve found that for my own mental health I need to keep busy with little projects. Sometime I have bad days but keeping my mind busy and having a goal are helping me not drive myself mad. Have you got anything that you can work towards?

Unfortunately I can’t see your chart as I can’t download it. I use FF and because of my PCOS it kept changing my ovulation day and was often inaccurate. I decided to keep temping just to see but I just make sure that I do it every couple of days until I get my period. Obviously clomifene made me regular and showed a clear ovulation day last cycle so I’m hoping that happens again this cycles. I think for you maybe just keep doing it until you get a positive test or your period arrives. That way you won’t potentially miss ovulation.

I think my current pet hate is all the idiots saying there will be a baby boom in 9 months due to lockdown 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️. I’d laugh if it wasn’t so annoying!

Hey, sorry that it sounds like it's getting so stressful and taking over so much of your mind. I have only been TTC for a shorter time and I'm still frustrated, can't imagine what it would be like longer. You're so strong!!
Is it your first baby you are trying for?
Have you got some other hobbies you could busy yourself with? Maybe work on you health or finances or some sort of craft project for a future baby? I think it can help with the acknowledgement but also steer clear of letting TTC take over your life.