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Original poster

Got a BFP, not sure how I feel and DH isnt going to be happy

643 replies

hogwarts · 04/09/2007 11:31

I've also posted on the pregnancy board.

My period was late and yesterday I did a Pg test and got a BFP. DH and I have discussed another child, we have 2 already 5 & 8 and he was very much against it although I was very keen. We agreed that we wouldnt have another child and concentrate on our relationship. Circumstances at the min are not great financially although we had DS when I was 21 so not great timing then either! I havent told him that I have done the test but did tell him yday that it was very late - he has said constantly I hope you aren't pregnant. A bit of background is that DH had an affair 3 years ago and we seperated for 9 months. We are now very much together and have a stronger relationship, I'm just so scared that he will take this news badly and leave as he has been texting me all morning to tell me to get a test and do it and that he is worried sick that it is going to be BFP. I asked him this morning if he loved me which he answered yes, I asked him if he would still love me if I was pg and he said yes but he really did not want another child. I know this may seem insensitive of me when there are so many people trying very hard to conceive, its just such a very very big shock to me. Part of me is so pleased but the rest is shocked/scared/worried about DH reaction. I had my mirena coil out earlier this year, been on Cilest pill since. I am due to be bridesmaid at my brother and SIL wedding next March, by my reckoning I will be around 7 months pg by then - I'm due to go for the first fitting on Thursday - do I tell them or not, I dont want them to pay any money when I know I wont be able to do it but then again as I am only 4/5 weeks I dont want it made public....

What a pickle I'm in .... Please help

OP posts:
kinderBOOsurprise · 30/10/2007 20:39

Good posts expat and bec.

you lot don't half drink fast. Extra choc for looney as she is not having wine.

bloodsuckingLOONEY · 30/10/2007 20:37

Just wanted to say I agree with Bectheneck - none of us are waiting for you to make a decision or anything, we're sending messages to make sure you're ok and to let you know we're here, that's all!

expatinscotland · 30/10/2007 20:36

great post as usual, bec

Bectheneck · 30/10/2007 20:32

Hi hogwarts, you haven't let anyone down don't be daft.

I agree with the others that telling your Mum can only be a good thing. Can you not confide in her that you're pregnant but not sure what decision to make? Or do you feel that you have to have decided what to do before you tell her? From what you've said it doesn't sound like you're afraid of her reaction but more that telling her would mean you couldn't change your mind. Why is that? I can't imagine her being anything but supportive especially if you tell her about H's reaction. Or maybe you don't want her to know about that? I can understand that although I don't think his behaviour should be defended.

Anyway don't stop posting. Noone thinks your dithering at all. It can really help to write down all the conflicting emotions you must be feeling and we are all rooting for you whatever you decide. Stay strong.

If we bump the thread it's not because we want to hear what decision you've made or anything but just because we want to hear how you're doing. You have enough pressure without feeling you're under pressure from us as well.

So, has all the wine gone? I've brought more choc. Shove over you lot

expatinscotland · 30/10/2007 20:17

'Why am I even considering this, why does it have to be like this, Why is my husband being like this, is a baby really that bad?'

Because unfortunately, you're married to a disgusting, low life emotionally abusive bully.

You're dithering because you don't want to have a termination. You never have or it would have been finished business weeks ago.

So everytime you wobble, come back and READ this thread.

Diets is right, you can't make a balanced decision so long as you've got this millstone of a 'husband' on your back all the time.

Best of luck.

bloodsuckingLOONEY · 30/10/2007 19:41

kinderBOOsurprise - oi, don't shove me, I was JUST getting comfy then As for wine.....if only I could!! Until my scan on Friday, I'm still being careful!!

Hogwarts, as kinderBOOsurprise said, if you feel you need to step away from this thread then do BUT please don't let that H of yours bully you into not speaking up and make sure whatever you decide, you are SURE YOU want it that way!!!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

kinderBOOsurprise · 30/10/2007 19:34

Do not add worrying about letting us to your list, we are the absolute lowest on your priority list.

The important thing is that you make the decision that is right for you. Noone on this thread thinks that you are dithering for the sake of it. This is a crucial moment in your life and it is understandable that you need to take your time to decide.

If you want to step back from this thread and have some breathing space then do that, we are all going to be here to support you no matter what.

bloodsuckingLOONEY · 30/10/2007 19:33

Hogwarts - You are NOT letting us down!!!! I totally agree with what Dropdeadfred. I STILL think you should speak to your mum. You imagine if she ever found out, she'd be so upset you didn't feel you could go to her!! My mum was gutted that I went through my termination alone and wished she'd been there for me to help ME decide rather than being bullied by the family planning people! I think you should go there and let it all out, then as Dropdeadfred said, you will know you sought all the advice you could and explored the options away from your dh's childish bullying!!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGE HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Dropdeadfred · 30/10/2007 19:27

You haven't let anyone down. This isn't a soap opera whilse we're waiting for the next instalment...this is your life, and you baby's life.

Please tell your mum...she can help you. Even if you ultimately decide not to keep the baby at least you will know that you sought all the advice you could and explored the options away from your dh's childish bullying...

fawkeoff · 30/10/2007 19:26

HOGS you are not letting anyone down
(((((huge hug)))))) at the end of the day none of us are living your life or being bullied bya complete wanker.you need to do what is best for you.... not anyone else and we will all be here when you make the choice x x x x x

Original poster
hogwarts · 30/10/2007 19:23

Didn't do it. Really sorry to you let you all down. Been wobbling all day -Am I ever going to make up my mind. How do I know whats right or wrong? You are right though, my reluctance to tell is because once I do that then thats the final choice. And thats what I am afraid of.

I know that you are all bound to be getting sick of my dithering by now and I am truely sorry. I think I'll stop posting for a few days, see if I can force myself into a decision. The poster from the other day was right, I am dragging this on, I know that. I cannot bring myself to commit to a decision. Therein lies my problem. I'll be giving birth and still dithering at this rate. I so wish that the circumstances were different. FGS I am 31, married, have 2 kids and a semi-stable home. Why am I even considering this, why does it have to be like this, Why is my husband being like this, is a baby really that bad?

Once again, sorry to let you all down.

OP posts:
bloodsuckingLOONEY · 30/10/2007 18:57

Yeah, hope so!!

WitchesEverywhere · 30/10/2007 18:53

laods loads

WitchesEverywhere · 30/10/2007 18:52

I have to go food shopping but I'm hopeing that Hogwarts is missing as she is getting laods of support and cuddles from her mum

bloodsuckingLOONEY · 30/10/2007 18:49

Just wondering the same hunny, hope all is ok. xxx

WitchesEverywhere · 30/10/2007 18:02

Bumping to find out how things went today with your mum ?

spooklesandwhine · 30/10/2007 17:42

Hogwarts - I hope things went well for you today, let us know won't you

Bectheneck · 30/10/2007 17:24

Hope it went well today hogwarts. Have been thinking of you. I'm still in your bag - can I get out now? Am dying for a wee

beller · 30/10/2007 16:01

Thinking of you today hogwarts...feels a bit crowded in the bag hope it all goes well xxxxxxxx

expatinscotland · 30/10/2007 15:34

thinking of you, hogwarts.

ernest, well said and spot on.

bloodsuckingLOONEY · 30/10/2007 13:47

Hogwarts - just wanted to let you know I've been thinking of you all day, as have many others. I hope talking to your mum helps, I'm sure it will be like a huge weight being lifted off you! xxx

ernest · 30/10/2007 12:47

Hogwarts, I have just seen this thread. Am so for you and so at your H.

My dh also had an affair, and I forgave him and took him back. I recently have also found myself pg and was dreading telling him. Thank God he took it brilliantly and is really looking after me - bloody hell, he even cleaned the toilets at the weekend!

I'm not saying this to piss you off, I'm saying this becasue it's how your H should be treating you. I cannot believe he didn't take any time of work and let you do the move on your own, pg or not, but esp pg, whether he wants the baby or not, he should nevertheless show lov and concern to you. Does he not alos live in the house? So why should he not also help?

I'm afraid I'm also with the others who've said 'fet rid' OF HIM!!!!!!!!!! Mutuallly agreed termination is one thing, but this isn't the case here, and how can a man ask you to kill his baby cos he doesn't want it???????????

I am so shocked to read this. I really hope you've told your mum. You've said many times previously that your family have been supportive, eg when you separated. How much more supportive will they surely be to hear of the way you are being treated. I cannot imagine anyone being anything other than thoroughly disgusted by his horrible, scummy behaviour. I would seriously pack a bag for him and change the locks.

Earlier when you said about coming in and finding his drawers empty and you thought he was packing but really he was "just rearranging his drawers". That struck me as very odd. I really think he was playing games. Ok, I don't know him, but how many men rearrange their drawers ffs? I've been with my dh for about 16 years and he's rearranged his - er never. I think he's playing games with you, makng you think he's leaving and scaring you into doing what he wants.

He is a low down piece of shit.

I bet your mum will want to beat him. And support you 100%

herbaceous · 30/10/2007 12:27

Hogwarts - I've been following your thread, and really feel for you. You'll feel so much better after telling your mum. I've got a feeling that one big reason you're dreading it is because it will mean there's no turning back. The dice will be cast. But that's a good thing! You can then get on with having a happy pregnancy, and (non-D)H can go his own sweet way.

cadelaide · 30/10/2007 12:25
TLSM · 30/10/2007 09:37

Good luck today I am sure it will be half as bad as you think it will be

You will be ok and believe me you will feel a huge sense of relief once you have told her!