Got a BFP, not sure how I feel and DH isnt going to be happy

I mean, he keeps saying it's not what he wants.

That just sounds infantile.

I mean, no one gets what they want all the time.

Not even babies. Not even my cat.

Isn't that something people learn when they're toddlers?

Hell, if I'd have been as stroppy and nasty every time I didn't get what I wanted in this life I'd have long been locked up in jail. Shit, I can count on one hand the things that have gone how I wanted them to in this life. That's how it works!

'I may not have gone where I intended, but I think I ended up where I was supposed to go.'

Can I just ask though....was it YOU who wanted the termination? Hogwarts said she wanted another but H didn't and then she got pg by mistake and only thinks of termination because of her H. This is the ONLY reason I said those things. I had a termination because I was BULLIED by the FPC, it was NOT MY choice. If HOGWARTS wants one for HER then I say do it. But that's not what's happening.

Hi Hogwarts, have been following the thread, and my heart goes out to you.

Just wanted to give a slightly different viewpoint on the termination.... I had one about 6 years ago, and it worked out for the best. It was f*ing horrible, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but when it was over I just felt relieved that I could deal with the other issues without the massive, looming issue of being pg.

Hand on heart, I've never once regretted it. Yes, even though I'm here having trouble ttc (the trouble ttc now is nothing to do with the termination btw) The time wasn't right then for zillions of reasons, but it is now.

I went to Marie Stopes, and the women there were incredible and didn't try to influence either way.

I barely told anyone at the time, as it brings out all sorts of emotions in people, and the decision was about me and my situation at the time, not anyone else.

Although clearly many women DO regret terminations, I just wanted to let you know that it doesn't HAVE to be a source of regret.

Oh, and one thing that struck me at the time. The waiting room was full of women who had small kids with them. I'd expected it to be full of teenagers 'in trouble', but it was ordinary, grown women who'd found themselves in a crap situation.

Sorry for long post, all my best, best wishes to you, whatever you decide.

Hogwarts, glad you are okay.
It sounds like your H is starting to come around a little, he is admitting he doesn't know what will happen in the future but is not saying he will leave immediately if you keep the baby.
You are not too far along to be telling people you are pg and they need never know the indecision you have been facing if you choose not to tell them. Some people do not find out they are pg until later on (I was 10 weeks with my second) and some people don't tell until later on. I did not tell many people before 20 weeks with this pg as I was terrified of something going wrong, I just hid it with clothing (although I was quite big).
Good luck x

Oh Hogwarts.....I just knew you were hiding....didn't you see our messages saying it didn't matter??? Anyway, I totally understand why you wanted time on your own and that's fine, just make sure you keep in mind how you will feel after if you were to terminate, I'm pretty sure the answer would be you couldn't forgive your dh and would end up on your own with the kids anyway and probably suffer a major breakdown or something. Don't underestimate the power of regret like that, seriously, I've told you before and I'll tell you again, it totally fucked messed me up - BIG TIME!!!! If you decide YOU want to not go ahead with the pg and you are 110% sure your head can survive then fine, I'm pro choice. I'm just worried that it affected me so bad, I was unable to function and I didn't have kids - if you end up on your own and in that state, I worry for those kiddies.

But.....I'm sure if you go ahead, you H will turn around one day and be pleased you stuck by this baby!!

Lots of {{{hugs}}}

I really don't know how you've managed to hide it tbh, I'm only 8 weeks tomorrow and already getting comments!!

Thinking of you still. LT xxx

I think you've summed it up perfectly, expat.

Good to see you post again Hogwarts!

i guess i just don't see where a grown man could resent his wife and the mother of his children who is pregnant with a child he fathered.

that just seems really whacked and immature.

Hi hogwarts. Glad to hear you're ok if a little confused still. Could that be the understatement of the year?

Hogwarts, you said this in your last post: 'he doesnt know if our marriage will survive the pregnancy or after, thinks he may resent me but he has said that he wont leave straight away, but doesnt know how things will work out.'

That is so similar to what DS's dad said. Unfortunately I couldn't see anything positive in that and didn't want to wait around wondering when the resentment would start so after a while of waiting for him to decide whether he wanted to be involved or not I made the decision for him and decided not to see him any more. He didn't object. I did it out of self preservation.

However I do understand how very difficult it is in your situation with him being your long term partner and you already have children with him. Would be better if he moved out or stayed and supported you rather than leave you hanging on not knowing how things will work out though. I think that is so unfair on you.

Saying that, I would have done anything for my marriage to DDs dad work out. I so wanted to be a proper family and so I can understand how you are feeling about not wanting to give up on him. I still would love to be a proper family so I really hope things work out for you.

Please stop fretting about it being 'too late' to tell people. If you announce it then you could just say the pregnancy took you by surprise a bit so you thought you'd get used to the idea before telling people. Nobody will remember details like that in the future and lots of people wait until past 12 weeks to 'come out'.

It sounds like you want the baby more than you don't want it (not trying to influence you of course) and I went through a similar period of indecision. I decided that the only reason for terminating was all to do with his feelings and was not something that felt right for me. I still have moments of worry about whether I did the right thing but these soon pass.

Sorry for yet another long post talking about myself again. It's just your situation strikes a chord with me. I'm so sad that what should be such a joyful time is causing you so much stress and unhappiness.

You're doing so well, stay strong and keep in touch x

So glad to hear things are going well with your tiny beans looney and expat I'd do it all again if I could find a donor and win the lottery :D

DH has no mixed feelings about it, thankfully.

My third baby was the first one I ever planned!

all third babies i know were, erm, the 'bonus' variety. do not know why it's always number three good. luck with yours expat!

great post, giggle.

yes, it is a very mixed up feeling, the 'bonus' baby.

hope you can get things sorted in your own head soon. you are in such a difficult place - we had a 'bonus' baby which i felt quite mixed up about too, i think i have posted about it before. i really wanted her, but thought that baby number three would be the end of the tiny bit of time i did have to do things like play in an orchestra that were solely for me.
Yes it is hard, and yes there is even less time to fit everything in than before, but I can still do 'my' things occasionally ... it just takes organisation of military proportions to do it
I know your reasons are completely different and it is (?D)H that is the factor in it for you - but don't let him keep you hanging on a thread to play mind games when he feels like it. Feel in control, and if counselling somewhere helps, as expat suggests, do it. I can recommend it - it helps you figure out what is making you tick and is me-me-me time

i'm only 5 weeks along but am starting to thicken already round the waist, as it's our third.

FWIW, yeah, of course i think you're affect by your DH's reaction.

i mean, that's been very obvious from this whole thread and it would be what's changed you from wanting another a few months ago and now. all the more so because i know what it's like to get a surprise like this.

it's very shocking and hard enough to come to terms with without having a partner like that.

hope it all works out for you, hogwarts!

i think you need some counselling no matter what, though.

hope you can find a decision that brings you peace soon, however.

Be proud darlin'.

Wear your tight top tomorrow, take your friend with you to the school playground & shout it from the rooftops.

You're going to be a mammy & you are carrying a wee life inside you xxxxxx

Remember though some people don't tell anyone until 12 weeks anyway, I know it's hard but you know deep down you have to do it as you are going to start showing soon and they will guess anyway.

Good to hear you are ok, Hogwarts.

I think that you were right to have a while to yourself. I have said before, it is easy for me to give you advice, it is not me who has to live with the consequences of your decision. I do hope that you can use us as a sounding board, to get your feelings into order. Do not feel ashamed that you have not told your mum, it is clear to all of us that this will be the point of no return. It is a very important decision and you need to find the right time to speak to your mum.

I am hoping and praying that your husband comes around to the idea of a 3rd child.

hogwarts - I have followed this story from the beginning and believe you are a very strong woman. This is what I think for what it's worth, you will have this baby and when your DH claps eyes on him or her he will fall in love with them, it might not happen straight away I know some men don't really bond with newborns but when he or she is toddling around calling him Daddy, his heart will have melted and he will realise what a complete scumbag he was and hopefully he will be man enough to say to you that he was glad you stood up to him and had the baby and it was the best decision you ever made.

And if it doesn't happen like that and he leaves you anyway you will still have your beautiful children and they will have a fantastic, caring mother.

TBH if it were me I would be telling anyone who would listen that I was pregnant but my DH didn't want it and was trying to make me have an abortion. He wants you to keep it a secret then he doesn't need to be ashamed or explain himself to anyone.

I really hope it all works out for you, take care of yourself x

Well I love my dh but I don't make excuses for him when he behaves like a twat - and he does, in fact he has been right now. He's very likely to loose his job and there's lots of stress but I'm his WIFE and I will not have him take it out on me!!!

Sooooo, expat, I agree with you!

You're consistent

yeah, i know that, ff, but he's still a low life.