Got a BFP, not sure how I feel and DH isnt going to be happy

Spot on, expat. It's a man you married, right, not a boy? Time he acted like one.

Totally agree!

If he doesn't want to own up to his responsibilities and the decisions he chose then he's not worth having.

Harsh. Everyone will jump on me as usual.

But fucking hell, honestly? You lay, you pay, as the saying goes.

Just a quick reply whilst I wait for my mindee to arrive.....

Please don't feel bad for me...I'm fine, HONESTLY, I just wanted to show you how a termination you DON'T want can really screw things up. I wanted to make sure you don't go ahead with something you don't want!!

Also I agree with what expatinscotland just said!!! Oh.....and please go to EPU as you want to make sure YOU are ok at least!!

You probably need the sleep HW! Am glad you managed to talk about some of it anyway without it turning into an argument. Maybe now the shock has worn off slightly for dh he has started thinking about things. Do tell him about the call to FPA - it will help him understand why you are so upset.
But please - get to an EPU if you can

'We had a chat about it on Sunday evening, both quite calm and I managed not to cry. He explained his fears: that I planned this, '

What is it with all these wanky men blaming women for getting pregnant when they had sex with them and left all the birth control to them?

Sorry, but how wanky can you get?

Don't want kids, guys? Use a condom every time, get the snip or don't have sex!

HW - I really think you should get to an EPU asap and check out the pain - it could be nothing but it might be ovarian cysts or an ectopic pregnancy.
Yes - it is perfectly normal that you keep changing your mind, your hormones will be all over the place.
Keep posting on here - that's what MN is great for, you can say anything and be much more candid and open than perhaps you would be in real life. Has DH said anything more yet?
In the scheme of things, don't worry about the bridemaid dresses! A dress can be altered and you can always tell SIL you didn't know at this point - it's still early enough to get away with that.

LT - so sorry to hear your story hope it helped a bit getting it off your chest

Sorry to be blunt but I couldn't get a termination for your dh, no way. He's being a horrible, horrible man and to be honest, I'd rather be on my own than with someone like that!!! . I do understand he's just lashing out like men do when they are not in control over the situation. I could tell you more about what I think but it's basically been covered by the other posters.

Can I please share my story with you though.......

I've wanted children since the age of 13. When I was 16 (nearer 17) me and my long term boyfriend had a problem with a split condom. We were worried but then thought it would be very unlikely that one occasion would make me pregnant. Well....between Christmas and New Year I found out I was pregnant. We were both in a right state and didn't know what to do. We both loved each other (like you do at that age ) and both loved kids. Anyway.....went to Family Planning Clinic to talk through options. When I left, I didn't feel I had an option at all. WHY????? Because the B*TCH who spoke to us went on and on and on telling me 'if you keep that baby, you are very very selfish people who will only make the poor baby suffer'.....'what can you offer a baby'.....'what kind of life would the poor thing have' etc etc.

Anyway....ended up having a termination. I did speak to my mum (as if it were about my friend) and bless her, not knowing she said 'well, I don't agree with abortion but I wouldn't be happy being a grandma yet'. We did it alone, we walked miles and miles home after the procedure and had to try and act like I was just late back from college. Having this termination SCREWED ME UP BIG TIME for quite some years. I didn't forgive myself for ages, I went wild and dumped my fiance a couple of months later, things got very deep where I wanted to kill myself and was secretly drawing awful awful pictures (don't want to share). I'm now 31 and am over it most of the time. I had a MC at 26, before we conceived ds. This is when it first came back to haunt me - I thought it was all my fault because of what I'd done. I know that's not the case but it just shows how long something like this can stay with you.

Now, I don't want to make anyone feel guilty if they CHOOSE to have a termination, I'm for freedom of choice HOWEVER I was only a kid and you're a grown up with a family. I reckon if I found it THAT hard back then, you'll find it soooo hard and I really believe it would end your marriage anyway. I've never ever forgiven the people at the FPC and still to this day believe they were using me as a guinea pig (I didn't have an op, something else which is no longer legal I believe).

Oh.....and to top it all. When I was 5 weeks pg back then, my aunt phoned my mum to say she was 5 weeks pg. Had to keep my feelings in. They all know now but it took some time for me to be able to deal with my cousins birthdays etc. Look.......even 14 years later it's brings me to tears thinking about how I was forced into this decision.

Please please choose what's right for you and ONLY go ahead with an abortion if you decide it's what YOU want.

[off to wipe tears ]

{{{{{ HUGS }}}}} to you as you are going through a SH*T time!

Oh God 18 weeks

Hogwarts, I really feel for you. I've been writing on another thread about how my sister is in a very similar situation - although this is her first child and her DP has two from a previous marriage - she is nearly 18 weeks pregnant now and still considering a termination because her DP said (in a roundabout way) its him or the baby. You're the same age as her too. I can't really offer any advice I just wanted to send you hugs, I know it must be a very difficult time.

Please Ring Marie Stopes you can have a counselling session with them over the phone. 0845 300 80 90. Just don't tell them you live in NIreland (for the moment) and ask if you can have a counselling session.

Oh Hogwarts they sound horrible. is there anywhere else you can get some advice? How has the pain in your side been by the way? It might be worth seeing if you can get an early scan at an EPU just to check all ok.
Your dh sounds like he is just lashing out and saying you planned it as he doesn't like not being in control of the situation. You know you didn't plan it. And in answer to 'could you do it on your own if it came down to it'? Absobloodylutely you could (although I hope it doesn't come to that) and am sure there are lots of mumsnetters who are good examples of this and would help you through it.

"The latest is that DH thinks I planned this"

Hogwarts - is your DH my DH's twin? That's what he said too - tbh I think it was all part of the "shock" process - as he very recently told me that he knows it was just one of those thihngs that happens in life (to lots of people).

Can't believe the FPA, I'm so sorry, as if things aren't hard enough! I hear Marie Stopes is very good for counciling but don't know if there are any near you. I truely wish you all the best. Just remember you are a strong person who has survived so much all ready and you will make the right decision for you at the end of the day. Take Care.

I'm sorry you are in this situation .

I was in a similar situation 41/2 years ago when I fell pg with ds2. Except I felt like your dh. We had talked about having a third but had decided against it. I fell pg the next month. I booked a termination and dh talked me out of it. I resented the baby and my dh for the whole pregnancy. Dh and I were unhappy and having problems before the pg and I felt panicked about how I was going to cope with 3 dc and how we would cope financially. Of course, the minute ds2 was born I fell instantly in love. There have been times over the past few years I have resented him and wished we had stuck with two, but most of the time I love him to bits and know that he makes the family complete.

In a long winded way I guess I am saying it is early days. Your dh is in shock and angry and upset. I felt exactly the same way. He will come around he just needs time to adjust.

hogwarts , you sound much like me last year when we ofund out I was PG with number 3. i had always though tit would be nice to have 3 but DH was always adamant he only wanted two and somewhere along the line i had agreed. anyway when we found out DH was furious, angry and blamed me - so i do know how you fell. at one point it was he wants a termination and i wanted a divorce as i wanted the baby but i didn't want him to be around to resent me and her. to cut a long story short it was pretty terrible on and off throughout the 9 months, i even spent a night in a hotel on the M25 as i walked out, i was about 7 mnths by then, but now we have another beautiful DD who is 8 months old, and DH more than adores her, spends the whole time saying how gorgeous she is and how lovely it is to have 3 DC.I was worried that i would feel bad that she was an accident, when the other 2 were planned and so wanted - although I heard someone refer to it on MN as a bonus baby, but 2 get one free!!! which i thoguht was lovely - but i don't feel like that now. so hang on in there it will take time, especially if your DH is like mine, but he will probably come round in the end, it's early days and its been a bit of a shock for both of you. you need to have some time to decide how you feel about it too.
one last thing, my dad said there's a reason that pg takes 9 months, its because it takes 9 months to get used to the idea, i think he has a point. i hope it all goes well for you, i know its hard and will be thinknig about you. but i'm sure it will work out
oh and do go to the GP and get yourself checked out.

not sure how you could get yourself pg without your DH being involved??? or is it that contraception is totally your responsibility???? just like everything else it seems..sorry i feel and for you

hogwarts, I am so sorry to hear of your situation. If you have a termination to please dh and later regret it you will never forgive dh and it will be the end of your relationship anyway. You said you want to keep this baby - that's the end of it. Your body, your baby. You will always have the chance to repair your relationship with dh or move on if necessary - ou casn't reverse a termination.

All contraception can fail. If your dh didn't want to risk another pg then he should have had a vasectomy or not had sex.

I don't think you should have a termination purely in order to keep your DH. Even if you do, there is still no guarantee that DH will stay.

You should only have a termination if it is the right decision for you personally. You will be the one having to cope with the emotions.

Given his attitude, you should tell him to book up for a vasectomy immediately. It takes 2 people to make a baby and if he felt so strongly, he should have done everything he could to prevent a pregnancy. Now that it has happened, he cannot absolve himself of responsibility by telling you to have a termination.

of course it can happen twice to the same person, especially if you are taking the same pill.

If your dh really didn't want another baby then he should have taken responsibility himself for contraception.

It's horrible for him to blame you and put you under this pressure.

It sounds like you want this baby, so don't have a termination, you will only resent your dh forever if he pushes you into one.

All you can do is suggest some sort of marriage counselling.