Active discussions

Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Got a BFP, not sure how I feel and DH isnt going to be happy

643 replies

hogwarts · 04/09/2007 11:31

I've also posted on the pregnancy board.

My period was late and yesterday I did a Pg test and got a BFP. DH and I have discussed another child, we have 2 already 5 & 8 and he was very much against it although I was very keen. We agreed that we wouldnt have another child and concentrate on our relationship. Circumstances at the min are not great financially although we had DS when I was 21 so not great timing then either! I havent told him that I have done the test but did tell him yday that it was very late - he has said constantly I hope you aren't pregnant. A bit of background is that DH had an affair 3 years ago and we seperated for 9 months. We are now very much together and have a stronger relationship, I'm just so scared that he will take this news badly and leave as he has been texting me all morning to tell me to get a test and do it and that he is worried sick that it is going to be BFP. I asked him this morning if he loved me which he answered yes, I asked him if he would still love me if I was pg and he said yes but he really did not want another child. I know this may seem insensitive of me when there are so many people trying very hard to conceive, its just such a very very big shock to me. Part of me is so pleased but the rest is shocked/scared/worried about DH reaction. I had my mirena coil out earlier this year, been on Cilest pill since. I am due to be bridesmaid at my brother and SIL wedding next March, by my reckoning I will be around 7 months pg by then - I'm due to go for the first fitting on Thursday - do I tell them or not, I dont want them to pay any money when I know I wont be able to do it but then again as I am only 4/5 weeks I dont want it made public....

What a pickle I'm in .... Please help

OP posts:
Sparkle123 · 05/10/2007 16:03

Sorry for gatecrashing your thread hogwarts.

He just called me and i rejected the call and he sent me a text apologising for not meeting me or calling me yesterday and said that ive publically slated him on facebook (actually i just commented on a mutual friends page having ago at him but hey ho childish i know but) and then he left a message saying this really isn't cool blah blah blah

So ive text back saying Phil you really aren't cool. you don't understand how angry i am.

Sparkle123 · 05/10/2007 13:46

anyone else not like pregnancy hormones in this situation im up and down like a flaming yoyo

beller · 05/10/2007 13:35

Hi Hogwarts-

I posted earlier on about being pregnant and X leaving...Im 28 weeks today! Spoke to him about a month ago, and he was supposed to coome round...didnt of course! Still hasnt told anyone im pregnant..and showing no signs of changing.
You sound so much more positive and good luck for Monday, will be thinking of you xx

Sparkle123 - sounds like youre in a similar position to me..although as far as i know..he dosnt have a Gf.....Be strong, he really isnt worth you...xx

daisyandbabybootoo · 05/10/2007 11:04

hogwarts, good luck for the scan on Monday.

sparkle, hard though it may be, you should leave it to him to tell the ex and get some space between you and him for the time being.

((((((hugs))))) to you both xx

Sparkle123 · 05/10/2007 09:30

Dentist appointment lol.. Doctors appointment works wonders!! Could you not say you have a meeting at work or something?

I dont know if i can keep my mouth shut i feel like just going off on one and him and her.. I dont know if he cheated on me.. but he has clearly on her with me.. which ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i want to say something i really do.. biting my tongue is really hard i just want revenge.. i think id feel so much better. Everyone is telling me to bide my time and what goes around comes around but i just dont think im patient enough.
He never told her about me.. he lied to her the whole time we were together and it caused huge rows between us but i think thats just men.... I sound like a kid right now.

Original poster
hogwarts · 05/10/2007 09:23

I'm hoping that they will Sparkle, but just need to have a reason why I can't. Oh the secrecy!
Thanks Greebos!

Sparkle, if I were you I would leave your ex and his new girlfriend alone. Let him come to you, let him tell her. I understand your tempation to tell her via face book but don't, hold your head high, be a better person that he is being and be proud. I was so tempted when I discovered DH affair to drive to her house and knock the living daylights out of her (i never would have done but was soooo mad), I had access at that time to her parents telephone number and I wanted to ring and tell them just how lovely their lovely daughter was but I didn't. I stayed proud and didn't fall to their level. You can do that too. Let him have time to accept it, ignore his calls (if he calls) and take time to look after yourself and your DD. He'll come to you, they always do. My aunt, who has been through everything imaginable told me that when DH left me, I took her advice and left him. Once they work out that you aren't doing the running they come to see why.

OP posts:
Sparkle123 · 05/10/2007 09:18

He Told me.. and it all matches up.. This is really immature and pathetic.. but he deleted me off facebook.. and added her...! Although i dont know when they got back together we split up a month ago.. he stayed here on the 19th september (i think this is THE night) and i saw him 2 weekends ago tomorrow.. But im just not sure.

He was with her for like 3 years.. and i feel so depressed about it all because my confidence has gone.. apparently she's slightly crazy according to him and his mates.. she's not the most attractive (not that thats the issue but) it has really knocked my self esteem to the floor. I dont know what to do.

When i told him on tuesday all he kept saying was im going ot be single my relationship with Laura will be out the window blah blah like i care about her i dont like her.

Sparkle123 · 05/10/2007 09:11

You'll get your first picture.. i love that! You can take me in your pocket if you want! LOL

Fingers crossed all is okay.. DH may come round once he see's the picture you never know.. Could your parents not pick your DC up?

GreebosWhiskers · 05/10/2007 09:05

Sparkle - do you have proof that he is actually back with the ex or could he just be saying that in the hope it gets to you? Men can be really good at knowing which buttons to push

GreebosWhiskers · 05/10/2007 09:03

I'll be there to hold your hand Hogwarts

Sparkle123 · 05/10/2007 09:02

My sister had a dating scan at 7 weeks (she's 28 now) and that was just a normal ultrasound..

I dispise him.. and his stupid girlfriend.. i dont believe he did tell his mum it all seems a bit wierd and to ask me for proof.. i had to get my doctor to write a letter but due to the postal strike have had nothing.

I really dont know whether to just leave it and ignore him.. Or be really spiteful and tell his girlfriend (the joys of facebook ha ha ha) or what.. i really do not know what to do.. Who in there right mind would stay with someone who's ex gf is 6 weeks pregnant? I wouldnt.. im so confused

Original poster
hogwarts · 05/10/2007 08:59

Sorry I didn't get back on yesterday.

I spoke to my lovely doctor who first thing asked how I was after being in to see him. I have an appointment on Monday afternoon for a scan. Told DH and havent mentioned it again to him. I'm not sure how I am going to arrange for someone to collect DC from school though, need an excuse for being out at that time of the day.

Crikey gigglewitch I hope they don't produce the condoms and KY! I'll be in stiches! I've a feeling the appointment isn't in the maternity ward which I'm glad about, I need to ring up and check where the ward is. I know so many people who are pregnant at the minute its a dead cert that I would bump into one of them

So, Monday afternoon at 245 - Are you all free to come with me????

OP posts:
gigglewitch · 04/10/2007 23:01

hogwarts u r a star. sounds like we're all glad u went, hope u feel much better for it.

My early scans were all internal (b4 12 weeks) and no probs - they kept it dignified. just had to stop myself dissolving into giggles when they slap the condom on the ultrasound probe and squirt KY all over it so funny. at least you have been warned (if a little TMI!)

hey, sparkle! the only baby you are better off without is the big one who helped u conceive the one u r carrying. at least he did something useful?

expatinscotland · 04/10/2007 21:57

hogwarts, I am really, really proud of you!

So glad your GP was kind and helpful.

positive · 04/10/2007 18:15

WELL DONE HOGWARTS,

i'm soooo glad you kept the appt with your gp. You sounds loads more positive about this pregnancy already. Glad that you are giving your DH the date/time of your scan and leaving the decision to him. Even if he decides not to go you know that we will all be there with you and will be patiently waiting here to share your news.

Just wanted to share my experience for an early scan. I had a scan at the early preg clinic unlike you I wasnt sure about my dates. I thought I was 9 1/2 wks but the scan showed I was 8 +2. They tried a tummy scan but as little bean was so small they had trouble finding him (i'm sure its a boy) so they did an internal scan. Try and not worry about a internal scan - I found it loads easier than a smear test if thats any help.

thinking of you x

Sparkle123 · 04/10/2007 15:12

I dont feel strong and mature. Im only 25!!!! Feel like my whole world is crashing down again.. I dont know maybe part of me wants him to be interested, maybe there is questions i want answered? I think im scared ill be on my own all over again.. and considering we'd had hte baby talk before we'd split up i suppose i thought he'd react like a man and not a boy. I haven't seen him since and as we work in the same building and he works with my staff part of me thinks its best to face him before i go back in?

katendmom · 04/10/2007 15:05

Sparkle... do you need to meet up? Do you want to? Are you sure you even need him in your life? You've done so awesome with your little DD... you sound so strong and mature - won't he be just dragging you down and hurting your feelings more? I doubt he'll have anything new to say?

Sparkle123 · 04/10/2007 14:57

Thats a brilliant attitude to have.. I brought my DD up all on my own and have just had my friends and family around me and although its hard it is worth it in the end, ive never felt love like i do for my DD.. She's a little diamond she asks questions every now and then and as much as i dispise her father id never say a bad word (its up to her to make her mind up!) you also have loads of virtual support here.

Me however, has not even had a phone call considering we were meant to meet up.. i feel like calling him and screaming down the phone at him. but unfortunately im better than that

katendmom · 04/10/2007 14:41

HOGWARTS! GIRL! I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!! You did so great! and wow - look how your perspective has changed already . I love your approach about how to handle DH in terms of the dating scan. I think if you can be more "manly" with him now - and that is to pull back all emotions and just leave him with facts - that'll be the best approach for now...

Also as far as your thinking about support that you'll have with the baby versus how you'd be dealing with things after termination - I could not have said it better. I think you have nailed it.

Now just keep strong and continue with the plan. Go get the dating scan, see your little bean and then we'll take it one step at a time, ok?

I am not sure about a dating scan being internal or not. I had both and internal isn't bad AT ALL. You actually get to see your lo so much better~

GreebosWhiskers · 04/10/2007 14:05

I'm glad you went to the docs Hogwarts & are feeling a bit more positive about things. Good luck with the scan - I think you're doing the best thing by just letting your dh know when & where & leaving the rest up to him.

Original poster
hogwarts · 04/10/2007 12:19

tulip You mentioned that you were in the same situation earlier this year. I can't remember if you have posted on this thread, my apologies if you have. Can I ask you the outcome of your story? You can also tell me to mind my own business

Daisy - I don't know if DH will come with me or not to the dating scan. I expect not. Put it this way, I am not going to ask him to come, I will tell him when and where it is and leave it at that. He can then make up his own mind. Do you think that sounds ok?

I was thinking about things on the way to work after the appointment this morning. If I have the baby and DH leaves, then yes, I will be alone as in no partner but I will (hopefully) have the support of friends and family with the kids, so not alone in that sense of stress etc. If I have a termination and then DH and I split up I will be alone as in no partner and have to suffer the trauma and stress on the termination alone. I think that would be the hardest of the two.

Can I ask, a dating scan, is it the same as a normal scan or is it internal at this early stage?

OP posts:
daisyandbabybootoo · 04/10/2007 12:11

I'm glad you are feeling better about things hogwarts and good luck for the scan. Will your DH go with you?...perhaps seeing the baby on the scan will put things into perspective for him.

sparkle...your baby's father does sound like an utter w4nker. I wish you all the strength in the world going through this alone. It's hard, but ultimately very rewarding. I would suggest a clean "break" from your ex, at least for a while until you, and more to the point he can come to terms with things. You have to look after yourself and the last thing you need is additional stress and worry. take care xx

Sparkle123 · 04/10/2007 11:50

You seem to be sounding a bit more positive which is great. I definately agree with twhat the doctor says i dont think a terminatino is the right way unless you are 200% sure thats the way you want to go.

BandofMutantMonsters · 04/10/2007 11:17

Hi, have just caught up with your thread this am.
Glad you went and feel happier about it.
TBH I am quite annoyed at your DH, and I would be quite pissed off that he felt he was in any position to ressure you or give ultimatums after he cheated on you, but that's me.

A dating scan is a good idea, don't worry about your mum. Are you in your own place yet??

Let her judge and look down her nose at you, it wont change anything will it. Don't let her get to you. Just calmly say it hurts you for her to say things like that and you would really like it if she could at least keep any negative comments to herself if she can't be supportive.

Also re your mum being mad at your DH, good for her, and you shouldn't try to protect him from that. He should feel the disapproval, it is a result of what he did, and if he didn't want to deal with the repercussions then he shouldn't have done it. FULL STOP.

I also second everything expat said about joint protection responsibility.

Original poster
hogwarts · 04/10/2007 11:12

Well I went. I thought of you all when I was cowering in the corner of the waiting room hiding incase anyone I knew came in.

The dr was lovely, I wish I had gone sooner as I feel a lot better having spoken to someone else.

We discussed all options, even termination. he felt that talking to me today it was not an option he would recommend for me as I would need to be 110% sure and I wasn't. He is sending me for a dating scan as although I know when my last period was he said that this was a withdrawal bleed and dates may not be that accurate from that. This will also identify any problems perhaps linked to the pains I have been having. I've to ring back later to speak to him and he will have arranged an appointment at the hospital,perhaps tomorrow but likely to be early next week. I am in work at the minute so can't stay on for long, will be back later. Just wanted to let you all know incase you were wondering..

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread