Got a BFP, not sure how I feel and DH isnt going to be happy

There are alot of what if's when you are making this huge decision which i am sure you are aware of . DO you think your relationship will survive which ever choice you make , all i know is regretting something as big as this is is a hard thing to live with on a daily basis ,your DR is so right you need to be 100% .I went ahead with my third pregnancy & i am so glad i did but the relationship did not survive which i wrote in my previous thread .I had a termination in my late teens & i am still not over it i can relieve that day like it was yesterday but at the time i felt it was the only path i could go down.So i totally understand the turmoil you are in, just do what feels right for you .You will make the right decision

Oh Hogwarts, I have come across your thread and have been sat here for well over 40 mins reading it all. Even the poor kids have had their tea late tonight because of it lol!!

I don't have anything new or inspiring to put as everyone else has already said it. However, I just needed to say that your DH and mine have alot of similarities. I got pg back in 1999 with then DP and and it was a huge shock. He too said that he in no way wanted it etc and after getting to 12 weeks I finally succumbed and had a termination. I thought I would hate him forever BUT I didn't. In fact looking back it was the right thing to do even though I wasn't sure of it. We then went on to get married and have two beautiful kids (both planned!) and things are great.

Sounds all very rosy etc but those 8 weeks were hell hun & I know all too well the feelings you are going through. You are much braver than I was back then and I think you are amazing. Do what is right FOR YOU and if that means keeping the baby then do just that. Things work out one way or another, and if it is being alone with your 3 beautiful children then you go for it. You will get help & support and if DH does leave then you are better off without him.

My DH is adament that we are to have no more children which is not my ideal choice but thats ok. However, will he have the snip?? Will he bo**ks!! So annoying it really is.

Stay strong and follow your heart. Do not seek approval from people who will not/cannot give it and instead turn to yourself for the approval and strength you need. You will have everything you need in yourself. People wil follow your lead and example and if they see a strong confident person then they will be far more happy for you. If they see you unhappy/depressed then they will try to make you think about a termination so that they can see the old you come back iykwim. It may even rub off on your DH if he sees you postive and planning ahead and it may put some of his fears aside.

I will keep this thread on watch and check in to see how things are doing. BIG BIG hugs, wish I could come and help you. Lots of love Debs xxx

Oh Hogwarts, I am so sorry that you are having to go through all of this without the support of your husband.

I think that you didn't feel any better when you told your friend because you can't help but connect everything about this pregnancy with the situation at home (well, one is a result of the other) and until everything gets sorted out, they will be one and the same.

I think that you have been very brave TBH, having read the thread but not commented before now. I cannot believe that your husband would speak to you how he has or think that it is acceptable to treat you like this. You are supposed to be someone that he loves!

I can't help but think that you are feeling the way you are due to the uncertainty at such a wobbly time. You need to know what is going on. The back/forth, hot/cold is unfair on you. I couldn't stand to be living in limbo and trying to get on with my life as well.

I would say that your DH needs to make a decision because living like this is not doing you any favours. He needs to either live up to the consequences of his actions and be a father again, properly. Or he needs to just leave. I think that having some sort of certainty might do you good.

At least you have MN!

oh hogwarts, ((((hugs))))
it sounds like you are depressed - medically etc i mean. I had this through (stressful) pregnancies, and am still having treatment for PND. The things you are describing are exactly the thoughts of a very depressed person. Please remember that your children need their mum, not that you can cope with the idea of being 'needed' just now, i guess? There is a lot of insight in your post, and still to put this so eloquently, whilst feeling as cr@p as you do, is a positive thing - in that you have a really good understanding of what is going on... can you be brave enough to go and share this with your GP or midwife? We all think we're being silly or purely have lost the motivation to be bothered doing anything when in a situation like this, well i certainly did. Counselling or support from somewhere might help, what do u think?
Just please keep talking here, you still have lots of real friends in a 'virtual' place (with lots of funny names this time of year..)

Im seriously upset today.. don't know if its the hormones or the fact that girl is so Narrow Minded. She sent another message to my mate (have told my mate not to bother replying) and either she's a div and he's filling her head full of lies or she is a narrow minded nasty little madam.

Hogwarts how are you feeling? Hows the symptoms have you got bad morning sickness or anything? I feel like im going to die on a daily basis and forgot how much my body doesn't like pregnancy.

Hello,

Just popping into say Hello and give big to Hogwarts have been watching the thread and you sound so much stronger I really hope it works out for you and glad that you are able to chat to ladies who understand what your going through on here. I still think you should confide in someone in RL so that they can give you a proper hug.

Really hope it works out for you. x

The silly girl has contacted my mate again saying.. what do you suggest i take it you agree with her?

Well after she's slated single parents she needs to take a long hard look at herself.
Ive decided im going to completely ignore the Not so Dear Ex and just send him the scan picture then maybe he'll have an ounce of decency and realise my bean is growing??

just popped in to say hi and see how everyone's doing...

nothing useful to say except

bump

Sparkle, i forgave him because of a few things.. its not been easy though.
The main being that as i've chosen to stay with him, to continue our lives together with our daughter, i had no choice but to forgive him really. Its too destructive if i hadn't. there would be no point, i'd be constantly making him 'pay' for what he did, we would never move on and forward. I doesnt mean i've forgotten though... if i never let it go, it would just become a terrible underlying thing, constantly there, in the back ground, chipping away at everything that was left. does that make sense?

SO many people say he doesnt deserve it, he doesnt deserve to be forgiven. but, he was confused, depressed, had so many things happening in his mind. I'm not excusing it at all, but just as i had my problems, he had his too. He had no control over what was happening, i was having a baby he wasnt sure he wanted is the bottom line.

He is still here, we are together, he is being a brilliant dad and as for being my partner, well, we are getting there, he's getting better at it and I do love him SO very much.

It takes alot of strength, all of which i didnt think i had. but like i said before, i really think so much of my strength came, and still do come, from my baby girl. SHe's my biggest motivation in all this. and i guess, the most important thing really too.

Sparkle - it must be so hard having to see him at work. I know it can't be easy but just try to blank him. If you have to speak to him about something work-related just keep it short & business-like, just treat him like all your other colleagues & if he laughs, comments etc ignore it. FWIW when I left ex-h it was because he was having an affair with what I thought was my best friend. It was so hard seeing them together, knowing that when my dds were at his house she was there & hearing them talking about him & her when they came home. It does get better though - as time goes on it matters less & less. You just concentrate on you, your dc & your little bean.

Hogwarts - I am so at your H saying he'd hoped it was a mistake. I know you say you love him & that you can't help how you feel but he so doesn't deserve to have you. After having his affair forgiven (and I know how hard that is - I forgave ex-h's infidelity twice but found I couldn't do it a third time - all with different 'women') he's now treating you like this? He doesn't deserve to lick your boots (and if he ever tries to please kick him in the teeth). You really have to tell someone in RL - preferably your mum. She's bound to have sussed something is up & it might come as a relief to her to know what it is - she could be thinking all sorts. Just explain truthfully why you haven't told her sooner as I'm sure she'll understand. If you're worried about ruining her good opinion of your H you shouldn't be as he doesn't deserve anyone's good opinion at the moment.

Sorry that was so long girls - take care, both of you.

Thank you.. I just feel lik eim talking total shit most days.. its like everyone has there own problems and heres me thinking my whole world is coming to an end.

Loads of people on this site have been trying for so long to concieve and theres me pregnant twice with contraception and 2 different fathers who have both turned out to be complete wankers!

Its hard at work seeing him he laughed at me coz i went for a cigarette at work and he just laughed as if to say and youre doing that but i cant give up yet i too stressed i have cut down then.

Do you mind me asking how you forgave your DH i dont think ill ever forgive him for this he could promise he'd never talk to the ugly one again and would be there for me 200% and id just think it was lies.

Sparkle, it will get better truly it will...

I was just lying here thinking, i'm here with the same back pain i had exactly a year ago. I am so sore it makes me cry, but a year ago i was pregnant, in hospital, in utter agony,depressed, sobbing and alone.i was so devastated. i was dealing with my problems, and grieving for the loss of my relationship.

This time, I am lying here now, with my gorgeous Isobel, playing on the floor, smiling at me. laughing and clapping. Giving me cuddles and kissed, making me feel so much better.

I have Dh home tomorrow night for the weekend. He's coming home to look after me and our girl. He just called to say how excited he was to be coming to be with us for 3 nights.

I didnt believe i'd be here, like this. ( of course - the bad back! ) I didnt think i'd ever be so happy. I have to accept and put up with a hell of alot still, but, its ok. its getting better, week by week.

I did start anti depressants too. I relented after she was born. it was when we were waiting for her hip diagnoses. I knew i didnt have the emotional reserve to deal with anything else. I do now wish i'd considered them when i was pregnant. just like you two, i had SO much to deal with. it really does help you know. that and councelling.. have you thought abut that at all? I was SO against it, but did go , and did feel better for it too...

keep posting hey, like i said, we are all here. If you want any other advice and maybe dont want to post you can mail me, anytime. just ask for my add...

Im up and down all over the place today.. Bumped into his boss in marks and sparks.. and i think im paranoid as he made a massive effort to say hello (this bloke never normally batters an eyelid at me)

I want someone to tell him to start acting like a man.. He was taking responsibility til the wobbly trout got involved. urgh urgh urgh i feel like my heart has been pulled out and torn apart and now they're stomping on it

Hogwart and Sparkle: ou are both doing so well. the fact that you are talking about it is a really positive thing, and will help you no end. truly it will.
I shut my self away, literally. didnt speak to anyone, turned of my phone... REALLY bad way to do it. made me feel worse for sure. but i couldn't face talking to a soul... wish now, that i had. SO you two are making good steps.

I did feel so different as soon as I saw the bean on the scan. I know just what you mean about hoping it may have all been a mistake.. but having thought id already lost her to find i hadnt, kind of changed how i felt about it. it was a strange feeling. OS tarnished by worry about how i was going to tell him.

keep going how you are. and HOgwart, I strongly strongly advise you to talk to a friend, or even just you mum. you dont need to make a full announcement to the world yet. lots of people dont until they have the 12 weeks scan do they? s its a fair excuse if you tell people after,they'll understand if you give that as a reason..

If you talk to your mum, r a friend i think you will feel SO much better.I really do. I know I did. You cannot go through this alone sweetheart, without having someone to give you a real cuddle. please think about telling someone you are close to? i worry that you are internalizing far too much, you have so much going on in your mind, you will feel better for off loading a bit of it love.

hope you are both ok today. let us know hey? and we are all here for you.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Susie xx

Why does life have to be so hard? If this was 2 months ago everyone would be congraulating me and i'd be over the moon?

Its like a no win situation for both of us.. I just keep concentrating on ive done it once i can do it again..

Ive had to wait to see my actual GP coz the other one winds me up.

My 12 week scan is 16th November.. which is to the day when ill be 12 weeks.. so will wait and see til then!!

Has your Hubbie said any more since the scan??

To be blunt Shit would be the best word to use right now. I just feel like i want the entire world to open up and swallow me up.

Eventually spoke to him last Friday and he came round to the idea wanted to see me it was all fine.. Then he goes round to tell his new/old whatever she is i dont like her girlfriend.. Apparently Laura is gutted i couldnt care less if she's gutted or not.. And then i get this phone call still harping on about a termination.. i told him i see it as murdering my child.. which i do.. no offense to anyone whos had one its just my view sorry . Apparently according to them its just a ball of cells so i can have a termination.. UP TO 24 WEEKS.. You can tell they've never had kids.. they dont deserve to

So then my mate decides she wants this idiots view so sends her a message and she comes back word for word exactly what the Ex has said in a text after seeing her.. so now im thinking its her putting her foot down.. He doesnt want the baby i do.. I can't cope with being on my own again at 25 and i just wish everyone would give me an answer and fix my problems.

Im going to my GP next week.. one coz this sickness is getting beyond a joke and i need something before i collapse.. ive lost over half a stone but i think thats stress related and im all over the place like a freak.

Susie - i have an awful lot of respect for you.. You sound like a very strong lady!

Hoggie - You hang in there you're doing so well.. Does it feel any easier now reality has hit and you've seen the baby?

No not at all. Why would you stop loving him. It's just the way he feels and you can't help that any more than he can. Though I think he is BU about the whole thing refusing to even discuss it, or try to accept it, after all it was his fault too.
I think it is harsh to lay it all on your doorstop tho and give ultimatums, but I think you are being very brave and strong.

Hogwarts, I can't believe what you H said to you when you got out the scan MEN, TUT!!!!

Will he definately leave, or do you think he will come around???