Got a BFP, not sure how I feel and DH isnt going to be happy

kinderBOOsurprise - well said!

And hogwarts - if others don't come here as soon as they normally do, it may be as they are trying to work out what the hell is going on with the format It was driving me mad til I found the bit where you could change it back to 'classic' setting!

Hogwarts
Please do not feel that flightypgone is representative of the rest of us MNetters who have been following your journey these past weeks.

I do not feel the need to kick anyone (except perhaps flighty for her lack of empathy) and find it very offensive that FPGO would insinuate that.

Please continue to post here, as far as I can see, it has helped you sort out your feelings. Almost all of the posters on this thread are supportive of you and would like to help you further (in whatever small way we can)

FWIW, I had 2 m/c before I had my DCs and I would never think of critisizing someone who had a termination, one thing has absolutely nothing to do with the other.

She HAS spoken to her best friend and you know what.....I might say something like that NICELY to a best mate but I'd never ever be so harsh with someone who has really gone through the mill in the last several weeks!!! I've been very direct at times, not fluffy fairy cake or whatever you said - maybe I and many other on here are just a bit more sensitive to hogwarts feelings!!! Oh....and it must be hard enough to deal with a big thing like this without the added hormones on top. I really think you were very insenstive and yes, you may have been ttc for ages, many others who've posted also have, she's apoligised if seemed insensitive and all us on the conception board welcomed her to come here for support.

Hogwarts - DON'T YOU DARE go alone on this.....PLEASE.....we'll all worry about you. The rest of us are here for you so keep coming, please don't go because of one thoughtless poster - ignore her!!! You HAVE ASKED for advice about how to handle telling your family and we're going to help you through it all And thanks, whatever happens, happens for a reason. I won't go into my feelings on here as I wasn't looking for sympathy - just wanted to point out that althought I MIGHT loose my baby, I'm still here for you and still really feel for you - you're really going through it right now.

{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}

Looneytune xxx

Sorry to be the bearer of harsh news but I think Hogwarts should just deal with it better - this is not rl we are merely saying what your best friends would be saying (had you told them) after several weeks of dithering over a situation.. yes I feel sorry for you (like everyone else would) but I am merely saying pick youself up out of this self pitying hole and take responsibility for your life now and for the future! I am being harsh as everyone else has given you fairy cakes and tea but probably want to give you those plus a kick up the back side! sorry! Just make a decision and stick with it and for info I have been in a similar situation many years ago and it doesn't help to ponder!

flightypgone - I'm going through a threatened miscarriage right now....shit scared but I'm DISGUSTED in your post!!! You obviously have no idea what this poor lady is going through - just go away!!!

Hogwarts {{{hugs}}} (haven't read your last post, going to now but I HAD to post that first!!!

Just because you may not be able to empathise/sympathise with the situation, does not mean that the thread should not be there.

That's too too harsh Flightypgone. Doesn't seem to me to be in the spirit of mumsnet.
By your reckoning, should there be no discussion of terminations on mumsnet full-stop? Because there have been other threads and there will be threads in the future where it is discussed.

Oh fgs Hogwarts just get a grip and tell people what is going on - tell your dh to go to hell and grow up - you are nearly 12 weeks gone with 2 kids and adult enough to take it on the chin - stop coming on here dithering and just get on with it!!!! I am sick of seeing your story about feeling sorry for yourself - there are people on here ttc for a long time not worrying about whether to have a termination or not!

Oh that's OK then.
That must be tough: waiting for your DH to discuss things, it would kill me to have to keep quiet like that.
Do you think that you are putting off telling other people because then it would be 'out there' and you couldn't change your mind, which would be would be like giving an ultimatum to your DH?
It is such a difficult situation, but as you say, even if you did go through with a termination, you would never be the same with your DH, so either way it will be difficult.
It seems pretty clear to me that you are the strong one here and if you do just go ahead with it, your DH will be forced to capitulate, despite all his protestations. It could even be a relationship turning decision, where you feel more confident and make more demands on him, like; 'Stop making me feel like a single parent!'
Do you think if your DH were pleased with the new about the baby that you would be pleased or still having a tough time with it?
I hope having time off will help to clear your head and relax?
Sending you hugs and a nice cup of tea and five minutes with your feet up.

I agree with the others Hogwarts - tell your mum. Until you do your H will be able to keep at you & grind you down but once you've told your mum you'll at least have someone on side. She probably will be shocked at first & her first thoughts might be about the upcoming wedding but remember this is her grandchild as well as your baby so I can't see her being too pleased at your H trying to make you terminate. A lot of people do wait 'til at least 3 months to tell anyone (I didn't but that's 'cos I'm a blabbermouth) so you could use that as an excuse - or you could just tell her the truth that your H has you so head-fucked that you don't know what to do & didn't know how to tell anyone.

I'm glad the move went well but you shouldn't have had to do it all yourself - get yourself signed off at half-term & have some rest.

FWIW neither dh or I were happy at the start of pg#4 & I spent the 1st 14 weeks mostly wishing it wasn't happening (& feeling bad about that too). dh wouldn't touch my bump to feel baby kicking or anything but he was mostly like that with dd3 too who was his first so I wasn't too fussed. ds will be one a fortnight on Saturday & I honestly can't ever imagine not having him. I've been a single parent to 2 dcs (& if things don't improve I may wind up a single parent to 4 dcs but that's another story) & it is hard sometimes but it's much better than being in a miserable or abusive marriage.

I have been following your thread for the past few weeks, when I was looking for a TTC thread.
I wholeheartedly agree with Expat, and think it will be so much easier for you if you tell you family and get that support. It might help to see things from a different perspective and allow you to take a step back from your marital relationship.
I agree about the taking time off as well, going for some walks in the Autumn and blowing off the tidying and chaos at home might make you feel human again.
It must be weird to receive opinions from people you don't know at all, like this, I hope you don't feel invaded. I feel like a stalker now.

I reckon tell your mum, too. Telling mums stuff is the hardest thing to plan for... telling them any "news" is a bit scary isn't it but you can pretty much guarantee she'll be your best ally. Just blurt it out when you can, making plans for stuff like this doesn't ever work for me and i guess i'm not the only one either!

I like that old chestnut of 'waiting til first scan to make sure everything was ok'
LOL in my case it was waiting for the 22-week scan before telling anyone - so you are much better than me!!

I reckon you need to put yourself first for everything now, and get one enormous rest when you get signed off work. (That's 'when', not 'if') you really do need it.
Take care, i will be back on here mon but constantly in the pockets/bag, remember. Be positive. Having baby number three is hard work, but well worth it. You will cope!

i think you'd be FAR, FAR better off if you told people.

all your DH will do is bully you about termination.

he doesn't see any other alternative.

please tell your friends and family! you really need the support just now.

Hogwarts
good to hear the move went ok, but a shame you had to do it all yourself.

I agree that telling your mum before the birthday celebration would be best, I hope she is a support to you. Do you have an idea how she will react?

It is very understandable that you are feeling unsure about your pregnancy at the moment, you have just singlehandedly moved house, you must be exhausted. Good idea to get signed off work and have a few days to yourself. Try not to spend it all sorting out the house, have a pampering day and spend some time on yourself.

Hope things improve this week. {{hugs}}

Hi, both Hogwarts and sparkle i just have the normal day to day crap of PG and am finding it hard so I have no idea how you guys cope {{{{{hug}}}}}}

Hogwarts i would use the oldie but goodie excuse you wanted to wait until you were 12 weeks to make sure all was ok! Have a lovely birthday x

Hi Hogwarts

You shouldnt of had to do the move on your own thats really not on especially with everything.

I think you have made your decision, and i know that you will probably still be thinking this up until you hold the baby.. i still do it now although im sure im doing the right thing.. It is hard but everyone copes.. and you have been through so much stuff and you're still getting on with life and i think you are doing a brilliant job.

I think you need to sit down and tell your mum before you go out.. your family will support you and it may be a huge release to tell her..

Please try and keep positive i know you probably feel like a yo yo and i really do think my Ex idiot and your H belong together.. under the rock they crawled out from. But you need to really concentrate on yourself.

hope hogwarts is okay and her move went alright.

it stands to reason that you can't go from being so "into" someone and having all those feelings for them, to feeling nothing overnight - no matter how badly he has treated you and is acting like an idiot. there's a whole bunch of emotions stirred up in a - well- let's be seasonal and say cauldron!
Don't beat yourself up for it. Good feelings and bad feelings all come and go, and with a bit of luck when you feel physically well, get over the infection n stuff, you will be stronger in every way for your DC & bump. Keep posting, sparkle!

Hogwarts where are you? I assume moving house? Thinking of you too.

I just dunno.. he hasn't even tried again and for some reason im really bothered by that.. i dont know why i still have feelings for him i know he's an idiot and he's not a man.. but i just can't deal with this.

Im fine until he contacts me.