Choosing the sex of your child in the UK - I know this is a weird question but would appreciate genuine answers

Oh dear OP, I’m sorry you feel this way and I hope you find some kindness both in the world and in yourself.

Just one aside - there isn’t much evidence that autism is more prevalent in boys. Just that it’s probably easier to diagnose in boys and girls are perhaps easier at masking or “passing” as neurotypical.

If you have IVF, or go to another country it would be theoretically possible to select the baby’s sex; but I think you do have bigger issues to address first. And I hope you find the strength to do that!

OP says in thread title that she wants genuine answers. Gets them. Flounces.

Oh OP you really don't sound in the right frame of.mind.to consider a child at all..

I'm also terrified of autism

...wow

Like coco response - kindness. It's not that hard, is it?

OP, I’m sorry you’ve felt like we aren’t listening.

To try to explain, I think the previous posters have been saying what they have because your language is not what one would use if they loved themselves unconditionally.

Do you love yourself unconditionally? If the answer is no, then some counselling to assist with this would be the best gift you could give any future children of yours.

I suppose, it would be about being able to model the behaviour of not being affected by the way other people treat you. Yes it is possible.

Good luck op

Exactly sleeven and what if DD doesnt want to trowel on the makeup??

What do you suggest, @partysong? Feed her delusion? Explain how she can embryo select?

OP, I agree with pps. I also wanted to point out that your possible daughter will have a lot of years to live before she can start trowelling on makeup, with a mother twitching to get out the foundation and ‘correct’ her. I’m sorry you’ve been verbally abused for your appearance, but don’t have a child with these issues unresolved.

A bunch of you have been spectacularly rude to someone who is clearly struggling and vulnerable.

I hope it's made you feel like a superior person. Have some fucking compassion!

What about the father’s genes and looks? The baby could look nothing like you (my children look nothing like either me or DH, but are gorgeous replicas of each other).

It’s illegal to select the baby’s sex for non medical reasons and even then, the reasons are specific. You need to either go abroad or take the gamble that you could have either sex.

Mask* it better

Boys are not more likely to have autism. It's just there are more males diagnosed as it manifests differently in girls and they make it better, meaning it's not as easy to diagnose. Having a girl does not guarantee you won't have a child with ASD.

The other stuff - buckets of crazy. You seriously need to seek some professional help and I'm not just throwing it out there lightly.

You're not the only one who's had a hard time of it - lots (if not most) of us have been subjected to abuse at some point out another. I was bullied relentlessly for a medical issue that I have no control over as a child, adolescent and sometimes as an adult too but I was able to talk about it and put it aside.

What you are doing is unhealthy, you cannot project your imperfections and life experience on to a child. Your daughter will wonder why Mummy spends hours trowelling on make up so that she looks different - how do you explain that you need it to make yourself look/feel better about your looks without inadvertently telling her that she needs to do the same because that's what women do. She will pick up on your attitude then if someone innocently points out that she looks like you and so she thinks that means she must be ugly too... And the cycle continues!

No one can predict what a child will look like... it may look a bit like you, your partner, a mix of both, or it maybe it won’t resemble either one of you. You should try not to worry too much about this.

As far as being diagnosed with autism...while it seems to be more prevalent in boys, girls too can have it.

Even when it comes to the best looking, the healthiest and the most intelligent parents having a child is always a gamble and you must be ready for anything (good and bad) should you decide to have one.

Good luck OP💐

I’m sorry you’ve suffered abuse because of what you look like. Whilst it shouldn’t matter what people look like it is true that being objectively good looking makes life easier in many ways.

I can understand worrying about passing a particular trait on to your children that you don’t like having yourself. I carry a gene mutation and sometimes feel bad that I may have passed it on to my kids (not enough to stop me having them though!) It hasn’t affected me but would’ve done if I’d had children with someone who carried the same gene.

It may be worth trying to work through these issues though rather than having a child who you potentially “fuck up” with your own hang ups. Your child is most likely to inherit a combination of your features and those of their father which don’t open them up to the abuse you’ve suffered. I have three kids who are all technically the same racial mix (i.e. all full blood siblings with mixed race parent) yet two are white and one is brown and none of them look related to each other! All very different, all beautiful kind souls!

But to answer your actual question, you can have gender selection IVF in the US or Cyprus but not here in the Uk.

So in other words, you didn't hear what you wanted so you strop off in a huff. Yeah, this attitude is a really positive to have when becoming a parent . . . said no one ever.

PGS- pre implantation genetic screening for genetic abnormalities such as downs, Edwards, turners. No sex would be made available

PGD- pre implantation genetic diagnosis for screening of a specific gene disorder after you have have had genetic counselling and provided genetic reports with information on the disorder you wish to avoid passing on, in some cases if it passes through the female line for eg you could have an unaffected male embryo transferred

So in short no you can't chose what sex embryo to have back

You are in NO position to even consider having kids. You have a lot of issues that are a serious impediment to good parenting.

Please don't have a baby. You have too many issues to resolve first how would you manage if there was an aspect of your child you couldn't 'fix' aesthetically?

Please get help for your mental health, none of what you have written is healthy. Even if you are ugly you would be better off accepting it and moving forward with your life. And I doubt you really are. Just think of all the people you walk past on the street who say NOTHING to you. There are way more people NOT looking at you than there are the few making horrible comments. Please see a counsellor and tell then what you wrote here.

Agree with pps that yes you can do this in other countries. However, that isn't really your issue, is it? Your issue is to do with what you think of your own appearance. You've even spent more time writing about it on this thread than you have spent writing about your possible children. I would seriously look into dealing with that rather than thinking that something which weighs on you so heavily will be sorted by embryo selection.

Agree with others - it wouldn't be good for you or a child for you to conceive right now.

You need therapy to try and sort out your hang ups first or you will just pass those same insecurities on to them. Regardless of how good they might look they could well end up emotionally damaged as a result of this which leaves them in a more vulnerable state.

As for your comments regarding Autism - well, yes. Statically girls are "less" likely to be born with it but the numbers aren't small. I work with people with a whole range of disabilities and a fair number of them are female - quite a few of those have Autism too. There are no guarantees based on genitals!

To actually answer your question it is possible in other countries to test the chromosomes in embryos resulting from IVF. Illegal in the UK.

Agree with other posters you need to work on your issues before considering having a baby.

What about if you have a girl and she doesn't want to spend hours doing her make up?