TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 34 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's

Hi Ladies,

I hope you don't mind me joining. I'm 30 and TTC (trying to conceive) baby number one. I started trying in June last year and got a BFP (big fat positive) in August so was lucky to conceive quite quickly. Unfortunately my 12 week scan showed the baby had died at week 7. I was later diagnosed as having had a partial molar pregnancy which is super rare and unfortunately can become cancerous so you have to go through a period of monitoring by specialists and during that time you can't try again. I've finally been told I'm free to try again but I'd missed my fertile window last month by the time they gave me the green light. I came on my period yesterday so this is cycle one for me.

Wishing you all luck xxx

Thanks for your replies. It is indeed a massive head fuck. This was supposed to be my first "normal" cycle since my D&C in February, and I was trying to get into a healthy and positive mindset. I only started the Clearblue ovulation tests because I wanted to see if I could catch my estrogen surge, because low estrogen is something I'm worried about. (I have a thin lining and I never get much EWCM.) If I hadn't decided to use those this cycle I probably wouldn't have tested until tomorrow and I'd have got a positive on a cheapie and probably thought I was ovulating earlier than usual, and then been confused when I didn't ovulate. My temps (for the few days I took them before I found out I was pregnant) were all clearly pre-ovulatory. I had cycle day 3 testing done and my progesterone level was pretty much zero.

I honestly don't understand how this has happened, and now instead of feeling optimistic and trying to have lots of sex during my fertile window, I am once again going to be getting endless blood tests to track my HCG back down to zero and wondering when the hell I am next going to ovulate.

It is a total, total mind fuck.

@peperethecat our bodies really know how to screw with us don't they. This must be a massive headfuck for you and I'm sorry I can't offer any words of advice.

Hope you’re ok @peperethecat I don’t have any advice but sorry that your body appears to be playing tricks and hope for the best outcome for you

Guys, I think I'm having the weirdest miscarriage ever.

On 13 DPO I got a very very faint line on a FRER, so two weeks ago today on 14 DPO I got a blood test and my HCG was 6. I then had a heavy period and bled for five days (which isn't normal for me, I usually only have very light periods).

Then on Thursday (what I thought was CD10) I did a Clearblue Advanced ovulation test expecting to see a blank circle and got a peak fertility reading. I then double checked with a cheapie and it was also a blazing positive. I never normally ovulate before CD18 and I wouldn't normally start doing OPKs before CD15 so I was really surprised and did a pregnancy test just to rule it out.

The pregnancy test came back positive and I had a blood test that day and found out that my HCG was 383. By Saturday morning (48 hours later) it had risen to 600. I was fearing an ectopic and planning to keep getting blood tests until my level got high enough for something to be seen on an ultrasound and then ask my doctor to scan me urgently. But then this morning my HCG had fallen again to 380.

I think this means that I am having another miscarriage (or if it was ectopic, hopefully it's resolving itself naturally), but the weirdest miscarriage in the world.

I am going to keep getting betas done every couple of days to make sure my HCG keeps falling and doesn't rise again, and then I guess once it's back to zero my cycle will maybe restart again...? It wouldn't surprise me if I don't even bleed, because I'm pretty sure I shed all my uterine lining during what I thought was my period.

I'm so confused, but also somewhat relieved that this very weird pregnancy that I wasn't expecting seems to be resolving itself. I never had any hope that this one would work out.

@peperethecat that's interesting, I hadn't heard that! Maybe I'll skip that when I start trying again next month. Thanks for the info.

I drink raspberry leaf tea and take high dose vitamin E but I don't want to take L-Arginine because I've read that it can have a negative effect on egg quality. The last thing I want is more duff embryos implanting so well that they have to be vacuumed out.

@msanne The hospital sound like they didn’t look after you very well. I’d encourage you to contact the charities if you feel you need more support, if and when you feel up to it. I found Sands meetings really helpful to be able to talk to people who understood (obviously face to face meetings are on hold now) but Sands have a telephone helpline too and ARC may have similar.

@zoomies1 thank you!! and Good luck - you've got this! xx

Morning all.

For those talking about supplements and lining - have you tried raspberry leaf tea and l'arginine as well as vitamin E?

I'm in the camp with those who have light periods - mine are now maybe 1-2 days and I barely need a liner so this is of interest.

Fun job today - re-booking my cancelled HSG and fertility appointments/blood tests. Wish me luck! I also need to take a pregnancy test tomorrow in the hope that it is negative. I will admit that I have been procrastinating in case it still shows something although I am using the cheapest ones. I just couldn't bring myself to spend £10 for this!.

@msanne sorry to find you here - especially as it has been more complicated then it needed to be. Hope you have resolution soon xx

@ BunnytheHoneyBee Thanks for sharing - these moments really are the worst times of our lives but one hopes we come out the other end more grateful for our little blessings and hopefully stronger for digigng deep to get through it. I feel your pain!
I haven't spoken to anyone professional about it yet - tbh - the hospital has been so patchy with support (even for delivery we were left to it after the drugs were administered) and the way in which they even informed us something was terribly wrong with our baby (told us at our 12-week scan in passing and told us to go home and wait until Monday for someone to call us). I have been getting the support I need from some close friends and message boards like this. I felt incredibly alone at the start of this, but now feel supported and in a messed up way a sense of relief that others have gone through similar things and made it out the other end - I live for hope!
We brought our little girl home and buried her underneath a cherry blossom tree in our garden so I look out at her every morning and that gives me some peace.

I am aching for another baby, I really want to try, but am so nervous. So taking the advice and being kind to myself and what will be will be in a happy way- fingers crossed!

@peperethecat I think I've had every blood test possible, I'm waiting for internal tests but that's not likely to happen inside of 12 months now.
@clitterratti I use the clearblue fertility monitor with fmu and premom easy@home opks in the afternoon. I find that I get high fertility (flashy face) in the morning on cbfm but a positive easy@home opk in the afternoon and then cbfm picks up the peak the next morning. It is possible for cb to miss your peak so I recommend using a cheaper brand in the afternoon. Its best to test twice a day when your in fw anyway. Some ladies get a really quick surge and others get positive opks for for 2-3 days. I find that bbt is great for confirming I actually ovulated so I know I tried as much as possible and didn't stop to early if you know what I mean.

Hi @msanne I’m ok thanks. It was just over a year ago and it was obviously tough. I have been through a lot physically as well as mentally and emotionally. My baby was completely healthy and a great weight so it was a massive shock that she had died the day before my due date. I was on mat leave and had everything ready (washed baby grows and nappies etc). Losing your DD must have been a big shock too. No one expects to be the unlucky one.

I fell pregnant again later last year but had a v early MC so it was just a tough year tbh. I hoped for a better 2020 but couldn’t have predicted what is going on at the moment. It just goes to show anything can happen in life but that can mean good things too!

It’s early days for you so be gentle with yourself. Have you been in touch with Sands or ARC?

@BunnytheHoneyBee thank you - I think that is probably the most sensible thing to do. I didn't even think about it - so thank you for reminding me :)

So sorry for your loss - I cannot imagine the suffering you must have gone through to carry to term. How are you recovering now? xx

@msanne I’m sorry about your DD. I lost my DD last year at 40 weeks. She was stillborn. If you’re concerned I’d check with your GP if you don’t have anyone else to speak to like a bereavement midwife or consultant. It might set your mind at rest if nothing else.

Thank you ladies for all of your support.

My HCG is normal again and pregnancy tests are negative - so pretty sure my period will come. However, as I am not due any more scans I am worried whether the retained tissue will come out with the period or not (as it didn't budge for the 2 weeks I was bleeding after the termination). The consultant confirmed that whatever is left inside is the same bit that they saw on my first scan which was 4 days after the termination. However, because my blood flow is normal, he doesn't think I need an MVT or a further recan. He told me we could ttc after my next period, but am nervous as I have no way of telling whether the lone bit has come out. I feel fine in myself though so that is a good sign.

I guess we will just see how it goes -thank you so much ladies xoxo

Good luck to us all! x

@clitterratti When I was using CB OPKs I had a least one cycle where I didn’t get a static smiley at all but about 9 days of flashing smileys however I used some cheap one step OPKs in between and got a positive so sometimes they just don’t pick up the surge. It doesn’t mean you didn’t have an LH surge or didn’t ovulate. I believe the LH surge happens quite quickly so if you are testing once a day on CB you can simply miss the surge.

Sounds like your friends are having a tough time. I think letting them know you are there for them (particularly the one who lost her dad) to talk etc is really important even if you can’t be there.

I’ve been watching Manifest as season 2 is on and I’m enjoying that. I have a few things to catch up on through - greys anatomy and Killing Eve.

@Isittimeforbubblesyes You should use FMU for the ClearBlue ones. I assume that’s what it says in the instructions. I used clear blue connect but think they all use FMU.

Hi ladies, I've been using the Clearblue too (the one that gives 4 days of fertility). Do you use your first wee of the day? All the other opks I've used have said not to use the first but to do it later in the day so I have been confused for a while!

Hello @clitterratti, how many days have you been doing the OPKs?

How is everyone?

@MOGMOGMOG85 How are you?

@BunnytheHoneyBee What have you been watching?

@Mumlili9 I think NHS will have to consider relaxing a bit with the IVF after this lockdown.

@msanne sit with us, we're here for you and each other and I'm the crazy one.

@peperethecat it's such a wild ride, hand holding for whatever the outcome.

Okay ladies, I'm back for another round of 'look at me, I need your attention'.

So both my best friends have now had their babies. Best friend 1 just lost her father yesterday and I am doing a terrible job of being supportive. I can't send her a care package, none of us could go to the funeral as it was in another country (she couldn't either) and I'm close to her mother too..I feel so useless. My other bestie isn't doing well with her new addition and I cannot offer her any help either due to lockdown.

It was my husbands birthday this weekend and I didn't know how to make him feel loved or special. I kind of just burped at him and rolled over whenever he wanted his birthday baby dance with all the extras. (TMI?)

Now, Clear Blue-- what do we all think of these? I've used them twice before (once while ttc dd) I got my static smileys and did the deed accordingly; this past pregnancy I peed on the damn stick when Ovia suggested I was on my highest fertile day and I got a static smiley...

but this cycle, I get a flashing smiley every day and no static smiley. I'm worried. Does this mean my LH is non existent this cycle?

It sounds like you've had shockingly bad medical care. What tests have you had done to try and diagnose the reason for your miscarriages?

@peperethecat I know it was ectopic from 15 dpo due to bleeding and pain but the hospital wouldn't scan me until 6 weeks so had an ultra sound and they found a small sac with a yoke sac in my uterus (baby A but they said I was only measuring 4 weeks but I knew it was all wrong so bugged for another scan 10 days later and that's when they found baby B in my left tube. Baby A hadn't gotten any bigger and baby B was measuring correctly in size and had a heartbeat but my tube was rupturing so I had the baby removed and they cut my tube in half to remove the baby. That tube is useless now but they also punctured my uterus twice removing baby A.

I'm 38 / 39 in September and my AMH is just 5.2 and the minimum is 6 for Ivf treatment at my hospital

@Mumlili9 How was your ectopic diagnosed, was it by ultrasound? Did you not have one before 7+3?

It sounds like you may have low estrogen if you don't notice much of a surge. As soon as I have a normal cycle again I am going to try again with the Clearblue and see if it can tell me anything.

What is your age and AMH if you don't mind me asking?

@peperethecat I use the clearblue fertility monitor but I never get an estrogen surge until the day before I get a peak. So maybe my estrogen is low but that might be because I'm older and my AMH level is low too

@peperethecat when I had my ectopic January /February my numbers doubled every 36 hours and I was at over 6000 at 7+4. So I don't know if its ectopic for you with numbers lower you can have a shot and avoid surgery. My numbers were to high. I also bled (spotted) the entire time I was pregnant. I was told at my scan that my lining was 9mm at 7+3 weeks pregnant. I was doing progesterone pessaries then too so I thought it would be much thicker.