TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 34 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's

@Mumlili9 I've never temped when pregnant, I stopped both times once I'd got a bfp. I think at that stage it's less likely to be the placenta, think that kicks in around 9 weeks? Also, having had 2 mmcs, I think there's a chance the body is still thinking you're pregnant so doing what it needs to do to sustain that?

I don't know if this helps, but in therapy this Friday we were talking about anxiety management and some of the things I do that have been feeding my anxiety. Sometimes our behaviour - taking a pregnancy test or temperature checking etc can take away that initial anxiety quicker than it would normally do but that means our tolerance for dealing with or sitting with that anxiety reduces so we need to do more reassurance behaviour to get rid of it. I've been trying to practice controlling my breathing - it's hard - but that's one way to help manage the intrusive noise that my brain feeds me. Like I said I don't know if it's helpful to think of it like that but I feel I understand why it's happening a bit more. X

Questions for you lovely ladies that temp. My temps are still high 36.60 today they haven't dropped yet. This would mean that my ovary is still producing progesterone or would that be a placenta by 6-7weeks. Just trying to prepare myself for Mondays scan. I know there's no baby but Im trying to figure out what could be happening and get my head round having medical management again. I'm really anxious about getting this scan.

Sorry your appointment was a bit confusing @MOGMOGMOG85 but glad you're feeling OK. I had a subserosal fibroid that flared up in my second pregnancy (the epu nurse told me it was squashing the baby 🙄) which has been discounted by the rmc. I have around 9 fibroids but none in the cavity. I had a hysteroscopy (camera in uterus) in December and the only saw a polyp and removed that, no sign of any of my fibroids. I think they'll only want to remove them if they are affecting the internal structure of your uterus, so fingers crossed. But if you are concerned maybe see if they'll send you for a hysteroscopy?
Had a negative opk earlier but I'd drank a bit, so doing one again later. There's nothing we can do, but our timing would be spot on - typical! Dh said what if you do get pregnant and it's all fine? I don't have his optimism though.
I've only skimmed the article but I think there's a link between delayed fertility and miscarriage too, so it makes sense to me to rule it out.

@avocadoincident let me know which podcasts you go for, I'd like to listen to more! I definitely understand about the lack of connection. I'm just avoiding people because I don't want to have to pretend to be fine and I don't want to deal with their discomfort that I'm not fine.

I had my scan today. Asked my partner to take notes but sadly he didn't - I think he was a bit overwhelmed by the whole thing - the room was very small so he had to sit at the end of the room ie in full view of my vag and the woman sticking the internal scanner inside. He said he didn't know where to look, was trying to look at the screen (which I couldn't see) but felt uncomfortable and he didn't take any notes.

Anyway she said I have 3 5-5.5cm fibroids, and possibly 2 really small ones. She said 2 of the big ones are in my womb and one is pedunculate. I started crying because I know that protruding into the womb is bad and I thought pedunculate dangling into the cavity of the womb is definitely bad. She asked why I was crying and I explained. Then she said "oh no, they are not interrupting the endometrium, that looks smooth, that looks good". She said they are in the muscle wall (I think that's what she said) and she said they were sub-something, either subserosal or submucosal. The pedunculate one is outside my womb altogether so I'm hoping that's not bad? I got home and googled subserosal and submucosal and it looks like submucosal is bad so now I'm desperate to know which one it is. She did say it's not affecting my endometrium so I hope that means subserosal? Damn do I wish I had those notes!

2 weeks to see the gynaecologist who can hopefully explain. If the NHS manages to get my notes over in time, it said it takes 10 days to get the notes to the GP and then who knows if they will get it over to the gyno... sigh

I think I feel positive after the appointment? I definitely need clarity but the positive words she said about my ovaries and my endometrium are surely good?

@VenusStarr sorry you ovulated (weird to say!) and good luck waiting for that test. I read this article today, it mentions NK cells, is this anything to do with the type of test you're going for? www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3713575/

@BunnytheBee I know it's not ideal you're over 35 but try not to worry about it too much, you're only just over! If I haven't conceived this year again I am going to get some embryos frozen and I'll be 35 1/2 by then so in a similar position. I think it's a good idea to get it done so that you can have a bit of peace of mind of alternative options - let us know how it goes in the decision xxx

Hi all sorry I’ve been quiet. I’m trying to get a bit more back to “normality” now

How are you @Mumlili9? I’m sorry you’re dealing with this again and that you don’t have a supportive employer

I’m thinking of freezing my eggs. I’m 36 next month so it might have made sense to do it sooner but I never thought about it. I was 34 when I got pg and had DD1 and now I’m nearly 36 and very aware I might not have another baby within a year or 2 years. I don’t want to feel under pressure because of my age. I also don’t want to put up with crap from my DH because I’m so desperate to have a child. I think my head is a bit all over tbh

Blowing a gale here in South Wales. I've sent my husband to do the food shop whilst I go back to bed as feeling drained and don't want to see anyone out and about.

I've decided to try and work on my self esteem as it's a bit crappy anyway and the losses just add to the issue. I'm going to listen to some podcasts for a magic fix.

@MOGMOGMOG85
I'm sorry to hear that even your mum has backed off from you. That must be tough. Not sure if you or anyone else feels like this but I just can't connect to people anymore.
All my friends are just happily going about their lives and I'm pretending to be fine. It's exhausting.
Really I just want to live in a commune of women who understand loss!

Best wishes for today @MOGMOGMOG85, let us know how you get on 🤞

@Mumlili9 I had acupuncture early on when starting ttc. I barely felt the pins - only on a couple of occasions when she was putting one in my feet it felt sharp, but it's a completely different experience to having blood taken or injections.

Thinking of you @BunnytheElephant x

So my temperature had a big drop, my opk was darker and I felt definite pulling near my left hip last night so think I did ovulate or am just about to 😑 we'd planned to dtd again today but we've agreed to stop ttc this cycle so I can get the biopsy done next month. We'll just use condoms from now on.

Hope everyone is OK. It's very grey and wet here today.

@Avocuddles thanks for that I'll check it out. I know it won't be cheap, but I meant in comparison to surrogacy for example which is something I may well face in the future! We're not high earners at all but I always find a way for the most important things in life. Re: needles, I'm ok with acupuncture - as you say you don't feel anything or even look... but I have a blood test today to check my thyroxine and need to psyche myself up. Main thing is I need someone to drive me there/back and my boyfriend is deathly afraid of needles - he needs to psyche himself up just to drive me there knowing what I will be having done!!!

@avocadoincident I don't think I replied to your message from Tuesday but have been having a conversation with OH this morning about the expectation I am feeling from others to be positive. Don't get me wrong I know I really need to be more positive, and I'm trying my best and hopefully getting better at it little by little, but I feel that my Mum and close friends have backed right away because there is no easy way for them to "fix" me and I just seem to be stuck in a hole. I understand where they are coming from, its very difficult to be around someone who has an ongoing problem that there is no solution for. But I also understand where I am coming from - I will try my best to be positive but don't expect me to be carrying on as normal or for my life to be just the same without children as it is for people who have children easily. If that makes sense.. just trying to say we should be kind to ourselves that we can't be positive all of the time, and that we should def be trying to be positive, but for our own wellbeing not because other people expect it xxx

Thanks for the tip ladies I'll have a think on it x

@Mumlili9 I used to be like that but then I had deep vein thrombosis which meant lots and lots of blood tests. I have to inject myself daily now with blood thinners for the duration of pregnancy - I honestly thought I'd never manage but when it comes to it you do learn (even if there are quite a few tears to start with....). If you ever find yourself prescribed enoxaparin / clexane then I can share plenty of tips...... in terms of acupuncture the best way is to try not to think of needles at all - they're incredibly thin and if you're lying down for the treatment there's no need to see any of them at all. I was very nervous initially but in the first session the acupuncturist literally just stuck a couple in (whilst I laid down with my eyes closed and fists clenched!) then took them out a couple of minutes just to see how I coped. Other than a slight tingle sometimes you don't really feel much.

My top tip for blood tests again is to tell the nurse that you don't want to see the needle, stick your arm out and then focus as hard as you can on something on the opposite wall! When I was about 18 I refused to let them take blood from and they had to call my mum at work to come pin me down! 😂

@Mumlili9 my husband is crippled with fear of needles and it's horrific.
But you can do it as it's worth it in the end.

@Avocuddles unfortunately my horrific fear of needles might get in the way of that. You should how long I have to sit in the chair crying before they can take a blood test lol I'm such a baby

@MOGMOGMOG85 google zita west acupuncture and you can find a list of practitioners across the country who specialise in fertility. I go to a clinic in leeds which focuses primarily on women's issues so the ladies there are very knowledgable and sympathetic - the walls are lined with books on fertility, pregnancy and miscarriage. The first half of the session involves talking and understanding your situation, your cycles etc and the second half involves relaxing for around half hour with needles that have been put in place tailored to your particular needs. The majority are in the lower leg and the stomach but I've had them in wrist, ears and the top of my head too! It took me a year to conceive naturally the first time, I started acupuncture immediately after my first loss and have since fallen pregnant twice more within nine months - it's impossible to say if the acupuncture has contributed to that but similarly it's impossible to say that it hasn't! Its not cheap if you go regularly but I signed up to a 'medicash' scheme which enabled me to claim back 50% of the cost which worked out pretty well financially, especially as I could also claim back dental and optical under the same scheme. I would definitely say that (other than the money) there's nothing to lose and there are many, many success stories that suggest it's worth a try.....

@Avocuddles - where about do they give you the acupuncture - is it in your belly? Sorry - clueless but very interested to give it a try! At least it's at the cheaper end of things to try!

@Avocuddles how do you get fertility acupuncture? I asked an osteopath and she said she didn't know..

@Mumlili9 I'm thinking of you

@venusstarr keep us updated when you go for your test. I'm really hoping this could be an answer for you.

I have my scan tomorrow - finally finding out where my fibroids are, how big, and whether they project into the womb or not... wish me luck. Interestingly my fibroids are (I think) 5-7cm which my consultant yesterday classified as "medium" - I've always been told they are "large" so "medium" is a great label as far as I'm concerned.

@avocadoincident not really where I live it's a small town and jobs are (excuse the expression) dead man's shoes

@Mumlili9 your boss sounds awful. Any chance of a job change?

@Mumlili9 they saw a sac on the initial scan, they didn't say where it was, just that it was a week behind my dates (which I knew were right) and they tried to fob me off with late implantation etc. I bled bright red for four days, much like a period, quite heavy and I thought that was that. I then tracked that cycle and when I started OPKs they were blazing positive. After three days of positive OPKs I took an HPT which was a strong positive, so went back to GP. I was confused as at the consultation after the scan I'd had an almost negative HPT so I knew my HCG levels must be rising. They took bloods over five days and they were doubling, so booked in for another scan.
Scan couldn't see anything this time, no sac, I was sad but not surprised. When the consultant made me do another HPT after the scan and it came back blazing positive, he got someone else to scan me again the same appointment, this time they worked at it for about 40 minutes and found a small retainer product - too small for surgery but large enough to cause my hormones to build. I waited another two weeks before I started to bleed again, much lighter this time. I've just looked back at my diary - I started bleeding on 17th Jan and I finally got my BFN on 2nd March. It was the earliest out of all my MCs but drawn out the longest. I really hope if it is the worst news for you, that it passes quickly. The waiting is just the worst, I'm so sorry you're still waiting for your rainbow xxx

@frillyfarmer thanks hun x did your mc resolve its self and how long did it take. They said mine was a cystic sac in the lining, lining measures 9mm. Was this what yours was like. Also how much bleeding did you have. Sorry for all the questions. I've not had a mc like this one. I've had multiple extremely early mc and multiple mmc but this one is totally different. I'm not sure what to expect or what to do. I know if this is not a viable pregnancy I want it over as soon as possible though.

@JuniperAndRose I’ve had the same thing this cycle! I had my peak predicted with my app actually occur one day early. Then even though I picked it up with opk. I usually see my temp drop but this cycle only a little. Like 3/10th a point. Then it took 4 days for my temp to rise so I guess I didn’t actually ovulate for 2 days later? I’m not sure! But I’m god I finally went up because I was thinking this is anovulatory cycle. I say keep waiting hopeful for you the temp will go up

@mumlilli9 @venusStarr I did take a few months off of trying to conceive for my diagnostics. From recollection you need to be not trying to conceive the months you have the biopsy and I think you need to be a cycle at least post miscarriage or something like that.
I completely understand anxiety about not trying and missing a good egg though, I was exactly the same, although I think in the end it did me good mentally I think. I got married whilst we weren't trying so kept myself distracted on positive things, it was still hard but helped me cope. I have realised on this journey that the only person that can decide what's right for you is you. Xx

@Mumlili9 have been following your story so just wanted to say that I've been thinking of you and hoping for the best. After my second miscarriage I had retained products over a week on, I had an acupuncture session to try to get things moving and it worked as I passed them naturally the following day. I'm not sure if you've tried or considered acupuncture but I would definitely say it is worth it. I've been having sessions for 9 months now and it definitely helped my cycles, my miscarriage process and - hopefully - is helping to support my pregnancy now (though I'm still very much in my 'danger zone')

Wishing all of you all of the best xxx

@Mumlili9 I'm so so sorry you are going through this, you honestly don't deserve any of it.

I just came back on to say I've read your latest posts and it sounds horribly like my MC at this time last year. I had bleeding but then they saw a sac - a 2.3mm "mass" and my HCG kept increasing. Sadly for us it was retained products - it's so cruel how the body can hold on and give you false hope like that. I debated whether to post the above but my doctor convinced me it was all OK because my HCG was rising again and the false hope was utterly utterly crushing. I have everything crossed that it's all OK for you, I really do. Xx

I totally get that @Mumlili9 I have definitely driven myself crazy trying to find the one story where things have a happy ending. X

@VenusStarr thank you for your kind words but I find that hope is dangerous territory for me x they found a 2mm by 2mm sack which is 4weeks just by ovulation dates but I was 5+4 so very much off dates wise. If it was to be OK I would have had to conceived at 7dpo but as I temp I know that's not possible. I think DH is grasping on to this article he read about late implantation but he forgets I got a positive at 12 dpo which if I was a week out on ovulation that would have been a positive at 5dpo (not possible me thinks)