TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 34 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's

Still thinking on you @Mumlili9

@BunnytheBee arghghgh stag and hen do's abroad do my head in. So excessive and so entitled regarding the environment.

@MissSparkles81 @VenusStarr thanks lovelies! I’m so glad I’m not alone in finding those things hard ❤️

No they’re not and also I only know the hen so it’s not even as if I’m going with loads of people I know well and know I’ll have a great time... I’m hoping other people push back a bit on it!!

@BunnytheBee yes that is def excessive! Unless you are all bankers or oligarchs but for normal people def a lot to ask for a hen do!!!

I have a friend getting married this year and the MOH messaged me earlier saying they are thinking of a week in Dubai for a hen do. Is it just me or is that a bit excessive? Also, again don’t want to put things off just in case I get pregnant, but if I were pregnant by then (and obviously I hope to be) I don’t think I’d want to go to Dubai...

Oh I barely look at Facebook or any SM as I find the pregnancy announcements really hard to take sometimes. It’s completely natural.

@MissSparkles81 we've all been there... I am visiting a friend this weekend who fell pregnant shortly after my MC. To make it worse she had been having fertility problems too so we were kind of in the same boat but now I am alone... She sent me her 12 week scan of her perfect baby and I just broke down literally fell on the floor when I received it thinking of the one terrible picture I got of my little embryo in my wholly insufficient womb :( I'm not a jealous person either but its entirely natural to feel that way at a time like this xx

@VenusStarr I'm so sorry you're having a bad day. Gutted that you ovulated... but as your partner says - maybe this time will be the one?? Otherwise I'm crossing my fingers for you that your timing is off next month so that you don't have to wait. It must be really hard not to TTC but it is for a good reason you're doing it - you've been through so much xxx take care xxxx

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue what a lovely message to @Mumlili9 - I'm very aware I'm only offering platitudes now. I don't know what it's like to have ectopic but I had suspected ectopic for 2 days and it was awful. Please do come and update us when you feel ready, we're all here for you and so sorry for what you're going through. Lots of love xxxx

@BunnytheBee it sounds like you're in a slightly different boat to me. You've fell 3 times in 2 years including your DD... to me this means falling pregnant is not an issue which is really a positive thing - not that I'm trying to minimise your pain at all because you've been through an awful lot :( I have a friend who has been on a similar journey as you. Sadly her 1st passed at 10 weeks old from SID. She fell pregnant shortly after but miscarried, then I think about 5/6 months after that she fell with her DD who is now 2 and healthy and happy. I can't fathom what she's been through, but in he insight it all just seems like such incredible bad luck - her fertility and her ability to carry to term were not an issue but at the time she must have just been so desperate and so anxious... I think freezing your eggs sounds like an idea worth pondering - at the very least would it take a weight off your mind? You're right its not as good chances as embryos but if OH isn't on board there's not much you can do about that. Although I seem to take a long time to fall pg (16 months the first time and I'm on month 6 now) I'm trying to be positive about my chances, but have put a time limit in my head (if nothing happens this year) so that I will know I have a back up plan and can then move for surrogacy in the future safe in the knowledge I have embryos frozen. Having this plan is helping alleviate some of the pressure and I'm hoping that it all might just happen naturally in the mean time. GOD I hope so, it's such a desperate need - for all of us!

My counsellor has recommended positive visualisation and I'm going to try some of that this evening. I'm going to repeat to myself what the ultrasound tech said - "my ovaries are perfect, my endometrium is smooth and good", and remind myself that my body did a good job miscarrying, that I have been pregnant once, and I will be pregnant again, that I will get my baby, either naturally or through surrogacy - visualising these things as I go along. She pointed out that our negative thoughts and worries are like weeds, popping up all the time without invitation, and we need to nurture our positive thoughts like ornamental plants - as a gardener this really spoke to me! For me I've been thinking of myself as broken, failed, and my womb as a rocky place, and I didn't realise how much my thoughts are within my control to change and hopefully make me feel better. I'll let you know if it works, I think it's going to take some effort for me... xxxx

Sending lots of love to all of you on here tonight, it's tough for us all and I just wanted to say you're all doing really well! xxxx

I agree, people tend to say hurtful things without really realising 😔 @TerribleImagination @MissSparkles81 hope you're both OK

Dh messaged me earlier to say he's struggling with my moods (in response to me asking if he was OK, he didn't just randomly message, that would be worse) - feel horrible and don't really know what to say. I'm so absorbed in this, I'm really struggling to live my life - it sounds dramatic but it's taken over everything :( :(

@TerribleImagination Im so sorry lovely. Thats the thing isn't it ... people just dont think. Before my mc I was prob one of those people. Im finding my jealousy really hard to deal with at the moment so trying to stay off social media as much as I can but it's literally in my face every day at work so as much as I am hating AF right now she is giving me some mental relief in not having to see it. Im off sick again tomorrow and then have annual leave on thursday and friday.

It's my mums 2 year anniversary on Friday aswell ... 🙄🙄

Thanks for the messages ladies ... it is literally a case of the green eyed monster. I am so grateful to be able to vent on here in a safe space. Love to you all 🌈

@Morganmom @MissSparkles81 It gets worse 🙈 My Mum just messaged me that one of her friends is going to be a Gran cos her daughter is pregnant, and then said ‘my knitting needles are going to be red hot’ 😐 Not from knitting anything for me Mum... thanks for that 🤷🏻‍♀️ I know she didn’t mean anything by it, but you wonder why people don’t have a good think before saying things sometimes!

@MissSparkles81 and @TerribleImagination I understand both of you too because I can barely look on social media for fear of another announcement or birth. I look kinda with one eye and I avoid those who I know are expecting . But I have seen it get better ! So here’s hoping for that day when I won’t be bothered.
@Mumlili9 still thinking of you.

@MissSparkles81 Sending love ❤️ I know what you mean about the pregnancy announcements too, I’ve seen loads lately. One the other day was about the same weeks as I should be as well 😢 I feel like an awful person for feeling bitter towards them, especially as I have no idea what their fertility journey has been to get to that point, but the jealousy is hard to control eh 💔

@MissSparkles81 ❤️❤️ there's nothing I can say to help you feel better, but you're not alone x

Thanks for the advice ladies ... period in terms of flow seems to be easing off but the cramps are still there. Ive took another day off sick today. I feel so bad but emotionally just not in a good place.

Cried myself to sleep last night after seeing someones instagram pregnancy announcement 😔

Thinking of you @Mumlili9 ❤️❤️

I'm 3dpo, confirmed by fertility friend solid crosshairs, meaning when we last dtd unprotected there's a chance this cycle. Feeling conflicted, but bugger all I can do about it now. I've realised I'm in a really unhealthy emotional place right now 😔

Sending love today x

@Mumlili8 really so very sorry to read your update. Thinking of you and hoping the procedure went smoothly xx

I haven't been on this thread in a while but I always check in to see how you're getting on and I couldn't ignore your update @Mumlili8. I'm so sorry you've had an ectopic and had to go through this. Almost a year ago to the day (20th Feb 2019) it was revealed my pregnancy was ectopic and I was rushed into surgery to have my left tube removed. It is a loss like no other and I really feel for you having to experience it.

I'm sure platitudes aren't enough to ease your pain and fear right now, but one thing the Drs told me after my surgery was that tube removal doesn't actually effect your fertility. Apparently as long as you still have both ovaries the remaining tube "swings round" to catch the egg. Knowing that helped me somewhat and I hope it does you.

Aside from that, I'm sending virtual love and hugs. I'm so sorry xxx

@Mumlili9 how has the surgery gone? It's such a horrific thing you are going through.
Don't rush to recover, we are all here for you.

I have had cramping too at different times in my cycle and my body is different eg I didn’t used to have sore boobs except when I was pregnant and now I get tender boobs especially when AF is due so I just feel like my body reacts differently to my hormones or something

@MOGMOGMOG85 Yes the NHS days every other day so I’m just trying to be relaxed about it in a way. Of course I am roughly aware of when I’m fertile but for example - Sorry TMI - we dtd on Saturday night and Sunday night. I’m exhausted tonight so probably won’t bother but then will try to dtd tomorrow. I’m not being too prescriptive with it though if I can help it.

Weirdly I hadn’t thought of freezing my eggs until just these past couple of weeks but I’m going to find out what it involves. Presumably I would have to put off TTC for a cycle or couple of cycles so I’d have to plan it. I’ve read that freezing embryos has a better success rate than freezing eggs but I just feel I want to cover every eventuality. But then I’ve mentioned before DH has said he wouldn’t want to do IVF. I wouldn’t rule out freezing my own eggs for later though even if he didn’t want to be involved now. So much to consider. I’m going to make an appointment.

I haven’t been TTC as long in strict terms but when you factor in everything it is 2 years + since we started trying. We were v laid back about it to start with and I fell pg with DD without even knowing when I was fertile and I wasn’t even taken FA but of course that didn’t end as we’d hoped. After DD I fell pg for the second time after the fourth cycle of actively trying but MC. Since then I think this is the 5th cycle of trying. There have been breaks in that time and of course I was pregnant for 9 months of it but it’s over 2 years which is weird and why I just can’t help but be conservative about my expectations.

Thank you @MOGMOGMOG85 I'm not feeling that positive now. My body was screaming at me that I was ovulating this weekend and I immediately just wanted to ttc and not miss our chance. I'm having to keep reminding myself of the reason why we made the decision to stop. Frustratingly, my next ovulation date would mean 7-10 days after ovulation means we'll be away 😔 booked a holiday because we need a break but might mean we miss the window for the nk cells tests. I'm really hoping that af is a day or so late this month or my ovulation is delayed next month. It will literally only be a day or so out but really don't want to wait until April / May to do these tests. Think that's what is making me feel anxious - I had a plan and felt in control but now I feel out of control again.
I think repeating the positives about your scan is a good tactic :) xxx

Sending love @Mumlili9, hope the surgery went OK and you're getting some rest xxx

@BunnytheBee and to add every doctor I've ever spoken to says every 2-3 days is absolutely fine. I'm not zen enough to do every 3 days, but I try to relax about it if we are having a bad day and OH is feeling the pressure. Feeling that you have to schedule sex takes its toll particularly after 2 years!!!!

Also @BunnytheBee I've been ttc for 21 months now and the only time I caught we literally only dtd CD12, CD14 and CD16 - the least effort we've ever put in. Prior to that I'd been trying from CD7 to CD21 every other day. Since the miscarriage (and knowing that I got pregnant by having sex literally 3 times) I am more relaxed - aiming for every 2 days from Day 10/11 until day 17/18. I ov day 14-16 and I don't track as I find it too stressful. As long as I AM ovulating (which every time I check, I always am through temping or tests) and I have sex every couple of days I figure that's ok. I've had people quiz me over how I'm trying as if the answer to my problems is that I'm not doing it right, and last month I did get anxious and we dtd daily but guess what - it still didn't work. I can only imagine trying to relax about it as much as possible and doing it regularly is the only good strategy rather than timing it exactly - making sure you cover the range of possible ovulation times. This month I've bought preseed just in case its my magic answer, who knows!

@VenusStarr yes that second one was the one I meant to send. It says that it may not be as simple as that fibroids are a physical impediment to implantation and that there is a study which suggested that women with fibroids have reduced glycodelin and cytokines in their uterus - which help fight off NK cells. It was because you'd mentioned NK cells that I thought of you. Unlike you I've only had 1 miscarriage, but because it took me 16 months to catch that first time, and I'm now on month 6 afterwards, I am just so anxious something could be wrong. I'm trying to repeat to myself that my ovaries are "perfect" and my endometrium is "smooth" and "healthy" as I was told on Saturday by the ultrasound lady... so hard to stay positive in the face of the terrifying unknown. Mb it's a trick of this forum but you seem to be so positive considering what you've been through - it's admirable! xxx

@BunnytheBee of course everything has changed for you since your DD. I've not gone through what you have, but even after one miscarriage I can't take anything for granted anymore. I'm roughly your age and trying for No. 1, and with my fertility problems I'm feeling that fear of not even being able to have 1. I've always wanted more but I would settle for 1. I can't make your decision for you but for me I want to get some embryos frozen at 35 so that I have some breathing space and take some of the pressure off me... xxx