TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 34 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's

Hi there,

I hope I can join this.
MMC in October 2019, failed medical management, failed ERPC and ended up having a hysteroscopy in Jan which suggested all was ok. A small amount of pregnancy tissue left but they were confident that would come out with my next period. Period came on 01st feb so TTC this month but CB fertility tests have suggested no ovulation this month 😔
I'm so much more affected by this than I ever thought I would be. Knowing that we will have to wait another month to try again is stressing me out and I am worried that something is wrong. Looking online, ovulation can miss a month but with everything that has happened in the past 4 months, I just feel a bit crushed.

I have read the stories on this thread and I am so sorry that we are all here. I send hugs to you all

Hi ladies, I am just checking in. I am finding things very tough at the moment and feel a bit like I am getting too obsessed with reading things online about ttc! So I am limiting myself to checking in once a week.

@Morganmom @Mumlili8 @VenusStarr thank you so much for your helpful replies when I asked the question about temping and ovulation. I'm on CD 24 today and I still have no idea if I ovulated. I persevered with OPKs and temping. I got a positive OPK last Saturday (CD18) and my app predicted ovulation on CD20, but I still don't have a temperature rise. Basically I have no idea what's going on. Maybe my body is still adjusting after the TFMR in December. There is definitely no point in hoping that we have conceived this cycle.

@mumlili8 i am so sorry to hear your news. I have been thinking of you this week. I hope that you are home and being comforted and looked after.

@MOGMOGMOG85 your post about people wanting you to be ok and to fix you really resonated with me. My parents are the same, they are determined that I should be fixed (or what they think of as fixed, which seems to be never mentioning my DDs ever again, or having any mixed feelings about somebody else having a baby). My dad actually told me he thought there was something wrong with me. I feel like in their determination to 'fix' me they are just asking me to forget my babies ever existed. It's one of the main reasons I am not talking to them at the moment. I don't have any advice on this I'm afraid, I have no idea how to deal with it. At the moment I'm choosing to distance myself because I cannot think of any other way. I'm sending you a hug of solidarity.

I hope everyone has gentle weekends. I am going to see my nieces tomorrow, which is always lovely even though it is difficult. Then a Sunday of mostly pottering about, sorting out general jobs around the house and on the allotment. I have started off potatoes (from seed potatoes) and chillies from seed (they are currently on windowsills in the house). I have no idea if they will germinate but I feel better for having got something started! The allotment has become my place of peace and quiet at the moment, it is like my therapy.

@VenusStarr great News about your biopsy hun hopefully some answers for you real soon x

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue thank goodness for that hun I was starting to think I was being pathetic. I can barely walk at the moment. Going the loo is like running a marathon. Just getting in and out of bed in the morning and evening is an event. I can't believe how the surgery has knocked me around. I spoke to the nurse and she said I have 12 internal stitches and 8 external. She said because I have damage to the muscle part of my uterus it's going to feel bruised for a bit longer than normal. I have to say I'm not enjoying the heparin injections everyday. I'm also bleeding from the d&c too so not having much fun right now.

Hi everyone, it's finally Friday!
@Mumlili9 I hope you're getting lots of rest and that you start to feel physically a bit better soon. Are you back home now?

Good news, I am booked in for my first biopsy on Monday afternoon. I had emailed the secretary my situation and worries about missing the next couple of months and she called me earlier. I wasn't sure if the chemical ruled us out this cycle, but they don't count it as a miscarriage - which I'm conflicted about as it is an early loss to me, but at the same time it means we can get started this month so I should have some results in 4-6 weeks 🤞 someone I've spoken to on Instagram has high nk cells and said her first test was negative but the second showed elevated levels, so found that helpful. I feel much better knowing we're doing something, the worst thing for me is waiting and not being able to ttc.

How's everyone else getting on? Xx

I found it a harder recovery from the surgery than either of my c sections @Mumlili9! I was very weak and wobbly for about four days and struggled to walk. The first week was hard physically and I bled heavily. For about two weeks I was very tender and sore but I can't remember after that. It also took a while for my first period, about 8 weeks. That freaked me out as most things I read said by six weeks. It was quite a heavy period and painful too.

XxxX

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I hope you don't mind me asking but how long after your surgery did it take you to recover.

@Ilithya none of us do hun x it kind of goes against every thing we're trying to achieve. I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you get your rainbow bfp quickly xx

You are right @Mumlili8, I'm so sorry for your losses and the damage, I hope you have a swift recovery ❤. My partner and I tend to DTD everyday anyway so I'll maybe just wait for the tracking and testing until after my first period so i have a fresh start. Still getting strong positives on my hpt so hopefully that starts to fade soon (didnt think I'd ever be saying that). xx

*so sure I will be ready

@Ilithya your opks will not be accurate until you've had a negative hpt. If you can i would advise waiting for a true period if your going to use an app to track because they arnt set up to deal with miscarriage and it may take longer than your normal cycle length to ovulate again. I totally understand the need to ttc again, truely I do. I now have to wait for at least 2 to 3 months due to the damage to my uterus. I'm not so ill be emotionally ready before then any way xx

@avocadoincident @Mumlili9 Thanks for your lovely messages, so sorry for your loss as well, truly unfair and cruel.
I started bleeding on the Sunday so that would put me 5 days into my cycle, I've never tracked before, this pregnancy was a surprise for us so I'm not really sure what to do but this thread is filled with helpful information so I'm sure I'll learn in time. I just wish my hormones would balance out so my hpt and ovulation tests could help out a little! All in time I suppose. x

@Ilithya sorry that you've had to join us.
Our dr told us we could try again as soon as we were ready and my fertility tracking app told me to count the first day of miscarriage as the first day of my period in terms of inputting data on an app.

Rest and look after yourself.

@VenusStarr I'm sorry things are so uncertain you right now. Fx they can get better soon x
@Ilithya hello and welcome to this amazing group of wonderful ladies. I too lost my babies on Tuesday so I understand where you are right now I was 7+1. I hope that you will get the support you need here x

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue thank you. You have put into words what I can't right now. Your story reassures me too. I don't know what or how I'm going to feel tomorrow. I'm just going to take each day as I can. Right now I'm very broken both emotionally and physically so I've a long way to go.

I really appreciate your friendship ladies and this group has been invaluable to me.

Hi all, I hope it's okay to join in. I had a miscarriage with my first baby on Sun/Mon, we were 7w2d, it was especially hard to accept because we just had a private scan on the Saturday and everything was looking great.

My bleeding is nearly stopped but I'm still having quite severe cramp pain, also still showing as positive on hpt and my ovulation tests seem to only show strong positives. We are keen to start trying asap so hoping my hormones sort themselves out asap so I can work out where I am on my cycle. Good luck to you all.

@Mumlili9 I am so sorry to hear that there were 2 little ones 💜💜 it was questioned on my second pregnancy if I was having a heterotopic pregnancy, it's very rare. You sound very sore, I hope dh is looking after you. It sounds like the hospital will look after you too and really good to hear that they're confident that you can carry a baby. Sending you lots of love xx

Thanks for all the positivity. I'm more confused than ever. Even though I said I wouldn't continue to temp, I did 🙄 FF moved ovulation to cd12 instead and set a ridiculously high coverline (as my temp spiked on cd11), I had a small dip which I thought was a fallback rise (and had one last cycle). Plus I've had watery cm today so it's decided its not sure and I now have dashed crosshairs and I'm probably 3dpo again. So bfp unlikely but I'll still probably miss the dates for testing next month.

I'm worried I'm going to miss March and April for testing because of when my cycle will fall - holiday for March and over Easter for April. Am waiting for the clinic to come back to me to see what they suggest.

When I'm stressed it tends to show on my skin and I get a horrible eczema breakout - currently sporting a patch on the side of my nose 😑 just want to fast forward through these next few months.

Hope everyone is OK. X

@Mumlili9 I completely understand your feelings and felt the same way. My miscarriage was so hard but the ectopic brought up new feelings and worries about my fertility, similar to what you have mentioned. I was in shock and the emotional pain and grief was immense. It really felt like there was something wrong with me and my body to "malfunction" in such a way. Yet at the same time, I also had this weird feeling of gratitude, grateful that it wasn't worse and I was still alive for my DD. It's very complex so please do keep talking, letting out your thoughts on here or try the Ectopic Pregnancy Trust. I hope the physical pain heals quickly, the emotional side may take longer. Also, to give you hope, not in a bragging way, I got pregnant again just one cycle after my ectopic. Was waiting for the second period, which to my shock never arrived. The result of that pregnancy is currently cluster feeding in my lap. Keep hopeful and if you can't find the faith to believe, I will hold on to it and believe in miracles for you. Lots of love and strength xxx

Rest up @Mumlili9 and let hubby take good care of you ❤

@avocadoincident Yes abroad is one thing as it is but a week in Dubai?! Not sure I’ll go...

@Mumlili9 I’m thinking of you. You have been so kind to me, many of us, and such a support and I only hope we can provide some comfort to you even if only a place to vent. What @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue is positive and so I hope this doesn’t make things harder for you and maybe closer monitoring will get you where you want to be but I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this

I hope everyone else is ok.

Update

Doc says it was new damage and that my uterus is very soft which is unusual and I am going to be prone to damage easily. He said I can get pregnant again but it will take longer and I will be monitored very closely. Positives both my ovaries and right tube look healthy. I've also got to do heparin injections for the next 7 days or rather the hubby has coz I can't bend right now as I'm to swollen up. I have 4 incisions which as really sore.

@Mumlili9 glad it all went well and now it's time to heal. You've been through a lot! Sending you big hugs

@venusstarr it must be so difficult for you right now and I'm sending you a hug. It's good you and your dh are open about feelings though and can talk about how he/you feel, it is a really difficult time with fertility problems. Me and DH also had many an argument (he thought I was obsessive/wouldn't 'chill', I thought he didn't understand). You'll get through this ❤️

Sending hugs @Mumlili9 , I'm so sorry.... take some time, rest and let your body heal. Great they are testing it, hopefully they will know what the problem is and fix it. Thinking of you ❤️

Hello ladies

I'm back. I'm really not In a good place tbh. I feel somehow less of a women, inadequate doesn't really cover it. Not to mention in a lot of pain. The surgery went well, the surgeon said me fix damage to my uterus as well but I'm not sure if that's new damage or damage from this d&c. It turns out I had two one in my tube and one in my uterus so double whammy. The remains have been sent away for testing. My head isn't good at the minute. I've got a lot of questions for the doctors but was too busy being sick on them all yesterday and I'm pretty sure I've got a uti as well now.

Thank you for all your lovely wishes you've know idea how helpful they have been. And I'm sorry I can't remember who gave me advice about ectopic and tube but it did make me feel a little better thank you x

I'll update more later.

Sorry some of you ladies are struggling, I send you hugs. Baby dust to every one else.
@VenusStarr I'm secretly hoping this chance is your sticky one fingers crossed. We can only hope right xx