TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 34 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's

@Mumlili9 such a kind & caring thing to do, god I hope you get your sweet baby soon- it’s true this only happens to the best of people.
When would you be due for af? Is it too soon for me to ask are you going to try again straight away? Ouch, that sounds very painful..make sure ur getting pain relief, you’ve been through enough. Are you using OPKs or just temping?
I don’t have a clue how to temp, I’ve stocked up on OPKs, on CD11 now of 3rd month TTC-testing 3 days and blank circles but I’m not expecting my fertile window for another day or so! Hubby’s workin Tomoro n Tue night so from Wed on I’ll be locking him into the bedroom😊

@Mumlili9 thanks for the link. I love crocheting

www.sath.nhs.uk/news/reducing-neonatal-admissions/

Oops wrong link lol

Oh that’s such a lovely thing to do @Mumlili8

This is the link to the hats appeal

www.pat.nhs.uk/oldham-news/traffic-light-hats-keep-newborn-babies-safe-and-well.htm

Hello ladies just checking in. How are you all doing?

Im plodding along. Don't think I did ovulate in the end as I've not had a temp rise at all temps still around 36.25. Maybe my bod will try again later or maybe it will be a long anovulation cycle, who the hell knows anymore. Most of my incisions have healed except the one on my bikini line that just will not heal and god is it sore. Nurse doesn't think it's infected, she says it's because of where it is and everytime I sit or stand up I'm pulling on the wound so disturbing it, but I can't sit around all day.
I am however crocheting red baby hats for Telford maternity ward, they put them on the babies if they need more attention from staff like temperature, slow feeders and it just helps all staff know that little one needs watching. Really enjoying it. I figure if I'm never going to put one on my baby I can at least try and help look after other babies.

@MOGMOGMOG85 No don’t apologise. It was pages back as I think I last posted on p15 or something. I didn’t take what you said in a bad way at all but just thought I’d say I have only been pregnant twice. It didn’t take long the first time and I wasn’t tracking. I was tracking the second time and it took about four cycles. Now it’s been about 5... I know I should be positive and sometimes I am. My period is late but I think that’s just my cycle being irregular as I’ve had horrendous PMT so I think that’s getting me down. I got a BFN a few days ago too. It was my birthday so did a test before I had a drink! I am going to look into freezing my eggs still as I think it will help me feel better if nothing else and I suppose I have full control if they are just my eggs. For example if DH and I were to split or anything were to happen to him, heaven forbid, then I wouldn’t be in some kind of war over his eggs. I haven’t been tested for anything but haven’t felt like I need to but I am at the 6 months point now. I don’t think DH would be up for testing etc although he is v keen to have a baby... I drink v little alcohol and caffeine too but I am trying to eat a bit better generally as I am a half a stone heavier than I’d like so will probably be more active on the fit & healthy thread xx

@BunnytheBee hi xx Sorry I didn't mean to get your pregnancy number wrong, the perils of misreading! I totally understand your fear/anxiety, I think it's a perfectly natural response to what you've gone through. I don't remember what I Said but hope it didn't come across like "just be positive!" as that is the most annoying way to approach someone grieving/suffering fertility issues. I've been trying since October too - I know what it's like waiting and waiting and feeling something is wrong. It took us 16 months the first time to conceive and that was my only pregnancy so as you can imagine I've been in hell just desperate to conceive again... My period is due Monday and I tested Thursday morning bfn. For the first time though after that test I barely cried. This month I am going to try and relax/stay positive, as I've decided it's literally the only thing I can do now. I'm aiming to try it for a whole month, but I'm sure the doubt/fear will come back in no question. My mantra is "I have been pregnant, I will be pregnant again, if not this month it's not the end of the world", maybe it's working or maybe I'm just having a lucky month where I'm not seriously effing premenstrual (I suffer with my hormones too, always have, and combine that with miscarriage and ttc and it's been absolutely awful every month). Like you I haven't any reason to believe there is anything wrong, apart from the sheer amount of time it took to conceive the first time, and the fact I've now suffered a miscarriage. My gyno this week said my fibroids would have no impact on fertility, also that a previous infection I had (where I was worried about scarring) clearly weren't preventing me being pregnant as I was pregnant once. My hormones are perfect, my ovaries are perfect, I ovulate and have a regular cycle, my endometrium looks good (although I haven't had a thickness test yet), and my cervix looks spot on apparently. My partners sperm is healthy, I get loads of exercise and veg, don't drink caffeine or alcohol (well occasionally I do!), and take loads of vitamins... and so I can def identify with that feeling of "something is wrong" despite medical professionals saying there isn't... sending loads of love to you for your recent anniversary that must have been so so tough xxx

Sorry I’ve been away and thank you to those asking after me. I’ve NC again but hopefully it’s obvious who I am

DD’s first birthday and anniversary of her death were tough last month. I’ve got PMT this week so had a tough week with that as everything get to me more. I get really severe PMT sometimes.

@MOGMOGMOG85 I missed your comment before but I haven’t been pregnant 3 times in 2 years. I’ve been pregnant twice. I first found out I was pregnant in June 2018 and lost my DD at full term in Feb 2019 (and then was pg again for 2nd time in July 2019 and MC in August 2019. I’ve been trying again since September.

So yes I’ve been pregnant and I don’t have real reason to think it won’t happen again but I just turned 36 and honestly I’m worrying it won’t happen again. I’m sure that’s party my own negativity / anxiety. My DH smokes which can’t be helping. Lots of people who lost babies as I did seem to be pregnant again within a year so I feel like I’m the unlucky one again because I lost my baby and I haven’t even managed to get pregnant again but then I know my hormones are playing on me.

@VenusStarr What stage are you at with IVF? Sorry I’ve tried to follow where everyone is but I was back on page 15(!) so have skim read some pages.

Sorry to the new people who find themselves on this thread but it really is a lovely bunch

@venusstarr

Hey lovely, think I'm in similar boat to u, I lost my girl at 22.5 weeks on 7th feb and yest I had my first positive on my opks 4 weeks to the day after the loss (yesterday)... we've not been told not to try and conceive as as-long as the bleeding has stopped its safe and it stopped approx 10 days and i had my placenta removed in surgery as i couldn't birth it myself. Can i ask how long its been since ur loss? X

@Mumlili9 it's so hard not trying isn't it. I've stopped for three months whilst I wait for a smear. I'm like you wondering if my last egg is slipping away. We must for us on the bigger picture. Our overall health. It's important to listen to medical advice as hard as that it. X

I've been on this thread for a while but name changed recently.

Tough not to try I meant

Oh @Mumlili9 try and be kind to yourself, everything you are feeling is very understandable from what you have been through! You have had a traumatic experience, it's natural to not feel like having sex for awhile - and I'm sure your husband understands that.
Try and view the positives - the fact that you are ovulating is great news, and it's great your body is working so hard getting back to normal. I know it's tough not to rely but you need to get yourself back up to 100%.

@VenusStarr hello hun sorry your feeling overwhelmed. Its not surprising to be honest hun. You've been through so much in a short time. Be gentle with your self. Can the NHS not hold off until you have the test results?

As for me my body is letting me know it's trying to work properly again. I had a positive opk yesterday and tonight I'm doubled over with ovulation pain but I'm happy because it's on my right side. I always have ovulation pains but never this bad, I hope this is not the new normal now. I can count on my hands the number of times I've ovulated on my right side and I'm praying this isn't a fluke because this is the first time in 3 years that I'm ovulating and not trying ( needless to say it's stressing me out so so so badly) but the surgeon made me promise that I wouldn't try before my first period because of the damage to my uterus during my op. He said it would be dangerous to get pregnant before it has chance to heal. But this is stressing me to the point of tears and feeling sick. I have this irrational fear that this will be the last time I ovulate or this is my last good egg. If I could lock my brain up I would it's my worst enemy. DH is enjoying the break I think but not liking the no sex rule. I'm actually to scared to even try right now incase I feel pain or feel different ( I've no idea why it would be again my brain hates me)

Baby dust to all you ladies x

Has anyone had a septum resection?

Sorry you are both not feeling good @VenusStarr and @misssparkles81 I think everyone is having a bit of a downer week this week.
I gave myself a pep talk yesterday but only worked for the day. My brain is mashed tonight.
Happy Friday everyone - wishing you all a peaceful one x

Just popping in to have a wee moan as im currently 6 days po and having all the cramps😔

I never used to have painful periods but since the MC(miscarriage)in November its been awful. Last month they started day 8 po and lasted all the way through to 8 days after period finished.

My Gp says its just my hormones but I seriously cant deal with this every month. The 2WW(Two week wait)is bad enough without all these symptoms messing with my head and body😔

On the plus side im off work now for a weeks annual leave.

Thinking of everyone in here who is having a tough time. Sorry I haven't replied to individual comments. Big hugs to you all xx

Hi all, sorry for the radio silence, I've been feeling quite overwhelmed with everything. Having 3 appointments in 1 week was too much. Just waiting for my GP to open... My eczema isn't any better. We've also had an ivf appointment and the hospital want to sign consent forms in 2 weeks. I don't even know if we need ivf, I definitely don't want to go to the local hospital, so going to discuss it all today. Definitely finding that I'm avoiding things to deal with the anxiety 😑 plus my period after the biopsy was horrible and I'm still spotting now which is unusual for me. Convinced myself that I don't have nk cells anymore just because I haven't heard anything yet 🙄 the results take 4-6 weeks and I only had it done last week, but my logical brain appears to have fucked off.

Sorry to see so many new people here ❤️❤️❤️

How are you @Mumlili9 I hope you're recovering well. Are you still off work?

@BunnytheBee @MOGMOGMOG85 hope you're both OK

Thanks lovelies @emiliet123 and @MOGMOGMOG85 I’ve just been reading up on success stories after stillbirth and feeling a bit better about things! Gonna start my ovulation tests again from sat instead of Tomoro coz think I’m a late ovulator! Planned a few things for the month to try to take my mind off TTCing so hopefully they will work!🤞🏼How r ye feelin!? @MOGMOGMOG85 any signs of AF yet? @ emiliet123 how r you feelin? Have you had any check ups since your delivery? Has AF arrived?/have you decided on whether or not you’d like to try again soon? X

Ahhh @Ripple2020 sorry you’ve had a shitty day! But I’m with @MOGMOGMOG85 on the dancing! It really works. I had my workout gear on today and smashed out some of my old faves from being an angsty teen - My Chemical Romance, Paramore, Linkin Park, Evanescence etc... blasted it as loud as poss with no concern for neighbours and just jumped and sung and screamed the lyrics as loud as possible. I was DRIPPING with sweat once I was done, had to go and stand in the rain to cool off!
It’s okay to feel really angry because you should be! It’s not fair and nothing anybody can say or do will make the pain go away, you’ve had the rug pulled out from under you and all you want is for your life to go the way you want it. ☹️ Xx

@Ripple2020 don't know if I'm weird but I didn't have loads of pregnancy symptoms. My boobs didn't even start hurting one bit until 5 weeks, and then it was mainly that and tiredness that were my symptoms. It can't have been lack of hormones either as when they tested me even 2 weeks after embryo stopped developing my hormones were sky high - think I'm just skookum at weathering those hormones lucky for me. But means I don't really know when it's started!

@Ripple2020 haha I feel you on the scheduled sex omg! We try to do it when I'm not ovulating too just to remember what it's like to not "have" to do it, it helps slightly! I feel you on the physical pain in your chest too.. think maybe that's something to do with loss generally, but it's awful. Don't let that fear get on top of you though! Your feelings are real, but it's not rational at this stage to think that you will never have children and it's important to note that, or that's what I'm desperately trying to do

@MOGMOGMOG85 you honestly have cheered me up a bit, thank you😊 I don’t know is it my hormones now that my af has finally gone, the prospect of another month of scheduled sex or mother’s day’s and due date approaching but it sucked me in. Just all day at work I’ve had that pain from the pit of my stomach coming up my chest n I just didn’t know if I’d get through without screaming..but I did, survived another day! I know I feel so dramatic saying it’s been 3 months but that fear it’s etching away at me, I still have some weird spotting but it’s brown so hoping nothing to affect conceiving.
How are you doing? You’re due af around now are you? Any signs??

@Ripple2020 just to add 3 months ttc (or 6 months for that matter) is perfectly normal. Sadly it doesn't feel it when you've gone through a trauma like you have and just desperately want your pregnancy back. But it is perfectly normal and good to verbally remind yourself that, even if you're not feeling it atm.

On a slightly connected note, I had a shit day yesterday and when I came home I switched on our disco ball (we have a mini-one!) got my dance ribbons out and danced to disco music for about 45 minutes. At first I was very sad (I was forcing myself) and even crying but after about 15 mins the endorphins kicked in and I cheered up. It definitely helped me be a bit more positive during the evening and stopped me slumping into a despair as I sometimes do. This is my favourite happy song - I'm a sucker for trumpets!

@Ripple2020 ah im so sorry you're having a sad day :( to feel angry is very normal, and even though its not their fault its definitely infuriating that some people have it so easy - or rather, its infuriating that we have to suffer so much when we deserve to have our babies in our arms :'(
I'm 6 months down the line and tbh i don't know if, or how, i'm coping, but I am getting on and surviving, we adapt to what we have to. It is exhausting trying to stay positive and keeping the fear at bay (the fear of being childless) is an impossible task sometimes. My best advice is: accept that you will have negative/angry/depressed times, sometimes daily, but appreciate the times that you have that aren't like that. Don't stop trying to be positive - for me a little mantra is helping. Sometimes it feels pointless but if I keep saying it, it might help to counter that negative voice that is telling me I'll never succeed, I say "I have been pregnant, I will be pregnant again". There is nothing to suggest you won't be and nothing to suggest it won't be successful next time. I have confidence in you if that helps! And yeah, it's not much, but we're all here going through similar things which helps keep a perspective on it. Hope you are kind to yourself today and have a better day tomorrow! xxx