TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 34 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's

@clitterratti I’m really enjoying True Blood and also Liar and Kidding, which just came back for season 2 today!

@MOGMOGMOG85 Thanks. I am still an it hopeful. I’d be happy to be pregnant as it’s something I want and don’t know when or if it will happen but I know it will bring a lot more anxiety with it and I’d probably lock myself in the house to be super safe but then I’d probably be hesitant to see my parents for example (if restrictions are lifted) and I haven’t seen them for months so who knows... Has your boyfriend heard anything about his job today? I wonder if the chambers are just a bit all over the place as none of us really know what’s going on with the coronavirus and the courts. A lot of them are WFH. So no news could still be good news. It is tough.

@clitterati I think my chart would be quite dull 😂 but there is a position called the baby maker I quite like 😬🙈

@Mumlili9 How are you?

Hope everyone is ok

Hi girls,

Should we make ttc a bit more fun? I was thinking of making a chart of the different positions we used on different days to see which ones were most effective for us? Is that lame? Too raunchy?

I think the 'wheel barrow' is what will do it for me. Anyone else want to share?

@BunnytheBee @Mumlili9 fingers crossed for you both this month - you def have a chance at least, even though Bunny I know you're not even sure you wanted to try this month!

@Mumlili9 definitely not less of a woman. I have thought about this a lot because I feel it too, the fact I can't get pregnant (or y'know once in 22 months) and pondering whether I'll ever give birth really messes with my idea of the beauty and the strength you're supposed to have as a woman (going through the pain of childbirth and creating a life). It made me feel useless. But having thought about it, if pain is what I think it takes to make a real, strong woman, I honestly think the emotional torture of infertility and miscarriage is 10x worse. Ask any woman who wants children what would they prefer, of course they would prefer childbirth. So in a way we are the true warrior women, dealing with all the grief, the stress, the dashed hopes, the strained relationships, all the crass things people say, and then for me being hospitalised for my miscarriage and for you surgery and a life-threatening situation! We really are all so strong to be here, to be trying as @clitterratti says. There is no justice in this world and it's all such random dumb luck, so who knows what the future holds, but to say we are less is definitely, definitely wrong! Also I think this journey, as awful as it is, has given me so much more empathy and understanding. I used to think for example "why on earth would anyone be a surrogate?" and now I know how horrific infertility is, I wish I could give that gift to someone in a heartbeat (of course I'm the last person to offer hope in that way!). Don't talk yourself down, you've been through hell and you're surviving and fighting xxx

@clitterratti - it is a nice name! Mb a go-er for when you do get your rainbow baby! I also like the version Sookie from Gilmore Girls :) Sorry about af... I think I'll be there with you in a week, don't feel hopeful about this month, trying not to think about it xx

@BunnytheBee my bf hasn't actually heard whether he's through to the interview stage yet, he was supposed to hear yesterday but didn't so assumed he was out, but then got an email today saying they'd hear today or tomorrow. He still might not hear if he doesn't get anything. The pupillage stage is so cruel! He had anxiety nightmares about it last night and I woke him up trying to get frisky and he was not up for it at all hahah oh dear... !!

@clitterratti thank you for your kind words. Maybe one day I will be able to feel like that x

@Mumlili9

You are just as woman if not 'more' woman with one tube. You have courage and you have plans and you have determination. I've met soo many women who tried once, didn't get what they wanted so they just gave up.

Giving up is so easy to do; you track, you monitor, you write in this thread and you keep hope. You are ultra woman. Please remember that. We're in this together and you will succeed.

...I have been bbqing everyday these past few days. I am a spiteful bitch sometimes.

Speaking of true blood; I have just got af and I'm gutted.

But also, I enjoyed those strange super fast sex scenes in true blood. And I don't know why, but I looooove love love the name 'Suki'

@BunnytheBee hope so hun fingers 🤞. DH is saying to me oh we will try again tonight and I've tried to explain it's to late but he just doesn't get it.

@Mumlili9 Fingers crossed for you. Just be easy on yourself as your body has been through a lot. We barely dtd this month so I think I’m out and it’s not a great feeling but it sounds like there is a chance for us .

@BunnytheBee I hope that's true coz I definitely ovulated last night on the left side (gutted) and oh my goodness both ovulations since my surgery have been so painful. I couldn't dtd as I was doubled up with sharp pains. I hope my body will do me a favour and 1 preform a miracle and catch the egg on the wrong side and 2 that DH swimmers from the night before survived long enough to do there job.
It's really hard to think I'm probably out and it's only just 1dpo.

@Mumlili9 I’m so sorry this happened but you are not less of a woman so please don’t ever think that. I think Myheartisbroke posted some positive info on how an existing tube steps up when one has been removed so hopefully this won’t prevent you from conceiving x

So got a positive opk and cbfm yesterday 29th which is cd9 for me so stupidly early. I can't figure out which side is ovulating as I have sharp pains both sides, praying it's the right side as I have a tube that side. I don't think I will ever get used to the fact I only have one tube it feels like I lost part of me that makes me a woman and now I'm somehow less.
How are all you ladies doing

@MOGMOGMOG85 I used to watch True Blood years ago and then stopped before I got to the end so I started watching again a few months ago. It’s been long enough that I can enjoy it as I don’t remember much of what happened! The Gypsy thing was because I keep seeing a trailer for The Act (I think?) which is a tv series about her and it I tricked me but it’s on Starz TV or something that I don’t have but I saw there was a documentary on YouTube (I think there have been a few!).

I’m glad you enjoyed your walk. I suppose people will hopefully keep their distance from you now anyway

True blood, thats a blast from the past! I remember it being really good though! And wow that Gypsy Rose story is intense, I just looked it up. Did you go down a youtube rabbit hole? I did go out, and it was actually fine because very few men were around and the ones that were kept a really good distance from me - I realise perhaps I usually get nervous if people come into my personal space so actually that's one upside of cov-19 for me! I'm so glad I went out - found a downed bough on a cherry tree covered in blossom and picked a load to put in a vase at home, lovely.

I don't have a garden! If anyone fancies sharing any lovely spring flower pics from their garden I'd love to see!

Hope everyone is having a nice cosy sunday and not mourning the lost hour too much!

@MOGMOGMOG85 OMG that’s awful! I’m not disturbed you don’t like walking alone if you’ve had a few bad experiences. If you’re bf won’t go out for a walk can you watch the sunset from your house / garden? I must confess I haven’t been out today but I’ve tried to have an hour of being active. I feel a bit lazy tbh but I’ll feel better if I get up and do something. I’ll look up Unorthodox. I just watched a documentary on YouTube about Gypsy Rose Blanchard and now I’m watching True Blood.

@Mumlili9 good luck for your appointment. Sorry about your wound :( honestly though what you call your failure is not your failure... we're all here having "failed" in some way, some of you over and over and it's so so incredibly painful, but it is not your failure :( I think Bunny maybe has a point with gp phone consult just to check on things before thursday? Best of luck with it all, and please do continue to get things off your chest here, if it's helping you xx I don't know about thickening lining - I did some research a while ago even though I have no **ing idea what my lining is like, literally every time i go for a scan randomly is at the end of my period and they wont look at my lining until I'm referred to fertility which WHO KNOWS if/when that will be. I certainly considered fertility acupuncture as well as castor oil packs (after I found out they weren't deadly poisonous - for some reason I thought they were ricin lol!!!). there must be supplements you could try? Anythings worth a go right as long as it's not dangerous/going to mess with your cycle! I considered Agnus Castus too but found out thats better for people with PCOS/ovulation issues and I'm pretty regular. As for your ovulation - all I can say is my whole body was all over the place for 6 months after the mc and my period is still not exactly the same colour it was, although it seems to be a lot redder now which is good. With the tube removal that could affect things - I hope someone else will have some answers. Sending love xx

@clitterratti cat lady sounds like a bell! She clearly needs something to feel superior about and she's been clinging onto her standards of cat care for however many years!!! I love Karaoke, and K-pop! You will get your baby shower xxxx

@footprintsintheslow I'm so sorry for your losses. This place is honestly so good for getting stuff off your chest! I love my friends but the truth is there's only about 1 person who's been able to truly be there through me in all this, I think the subject just scares a lot of people off/they don't know how to respond.

@BunnytheBee omg working from the same table sounds horrible, I feel for you! I guess you don't know how to feel in this 2ww then. I'm on day 22 of 28 now and the madness has started, it's constantly at the back of my mind "am I?" sigh.

Def hormonal today, which is not unusual at this time of month. Tried to push past it but was driving to shops to get supplies for an elderly neighbour today and there was a very sick pigeon on the road, not sure what was wrong with it. I came to a stop and this guy came up on a moped behind and started beeping and shouting at me, then bashing my car and coming round to the drivers side gesticulating and shouting, was so scary. I just broke down crying and couldn't drive any more. Then had an argument with my boyfriend, I think because I was so strung out on adrenaline. Cancelled any plans to be productive and hidden in bed all day. Watching "Unorthodox" on netflix, which is really good. Might pop out to see the sunset quickly so that my earlier experience wasn't my only time outside today! I'm not good at going out on my own at the best of times as I was attacked about 4 years ago and since then just avoid walking on my own... but my boyfriend doesn't want to come and I think I'm going to have to be brave. I know I'll appreciate having gone but when I'm walking alone my heart is always going a thousand miles an hour it feels like I'm in a war zone or something just strolling down the street sigh.

Hope everyone had a slightly better day than me with no HORRIBLE men (who should be ashamed of himself) involved!

@clitterratti Your neighbour sounds awful. So have you had the bbq?

@Mumlili9 Can you get a GP appointment tomorrow (by phone maybe) to discuss your wound opening? The last thing you want right now is for it to become infected.

I'm also getting super annoyed now because my largest incision just will not heal. It keeps looking like its healing and then it busts open again and I have to put steri strips on it to heal it again. There's no infection in it but I don't know what to do about it. Any ideas would be great. My appointment with the surgeon was changed to this Thursday so I be able to ask about it then but it's doing my head in right now. I hate my scars they are like a permanent reminder of my loss and failure.

I'm also doing castor oil packs but I'm not sure if it's doing anything. I'm trying to improve my uterine lining as it seems to be really thin. I was 7+4 weeks pregnant with one baby in my tube and a blighted ovum in my uterus but my lining was still only 9mm.
Any ideas of how to thicken it?

I'm not sure what to think with this first cycle. I know when I ovulated after the surgery but my luteal phase was only 13 days when it's normally 15 days without fail. I normally get a high fertility on my monitor cd 10 and peak cd 11 and ovulate the same day. I have a high already on Cd8 so I'm wondering if my cycle will be different now. Has anyone else had an ectopic pregnancy tube removal and what where your periods like after.

@footprintsintheslow hello no it was changed to this Thursday instead. I'm so scared to go on my own but covid 19 has deemed the world unsafe right now. How are you?

Soo let me spill the tea on my other neighbour.

So, I've watched her cat twice in the last 8 years. The first time was fine but it took her 3 weeks to say thank you to us.

The second time, she came to see me the day I was moving in and she asked if I'd watch her cat again. I told her that the house was full of boxes and I didn't know how my family would be with all the upheaval, but if she was fine with it then fine. Long story short, on day 6 out of the 7 I was supposed to have the cat, I couldn't find him for 4 hrs. I told her that I was looking for him. Within 5 minutes of my message about her neighbour had printed a bunch of fliers to post around the street.

I found the cat sleeping in my laundry safe in my house...the neighbour with the fliers demanded to take the cat from me to keep him 'safe'. She was incredibly rude, but why she couldn't take the cat to begin with--I don't know.

Anyway, I never got a thank you. And this neighbour treated me terribly ever since.

I asked in the neighbourhood chat if I could have a bbq as I really needed something to lift my spirit. My baby shower for this baby was going to be Korean bbq and Kareoke (K-PoP till C-Pops). Everyone told me they had no problems whatsoever and some even offered to cook for me. Cat lady however responded with how unhappy and unpleasant the smell would be for her and it would affect her health and her property value in a negative way.

So, I flipped out and told her about how racist and rude she was and how I can have my bbq if I want.

@MOGMOGMOG85 It’s really good that you were starting to feel more positive but I do get that all of what is going on right now is so scary. I hope you’re boyfriend’s interview goes well. I’m working from home full time now and that’s strange. Unfortunately our home office isn’t ready as the lockdown was announced in the middle of us decorating so we are working in the dining room but having that separation is great if you can do it.

I think I’m heading into the 2WW now. I’d normally ovulate around day 14 but I’ve had a couple of longer cycles recently and so Ovia predicts I am due to ov about now but I think I am in the 2WW. We haven’t been trying much this month as we’re sort of in two minds about whether it’s a good time to conceive. I’d be happy to be pregnant and would probably just stay home but going for midwife appointments and scans would be scary. So I don’t have much hope for this month tbh.

@clitterratti It’s really lovely chatting with you too 💗 Thats annoying about your neighbours. I must confess we didn’t go out as I completely lost track of time and I think we were having dinner. No you didn’t say you fought with the neighbour! What happened?

@footprintsintheslow Mumsnet has been a comfort to me especially now when we can feel a bit cut off from everyone. As I said above I’m not sure about conceiving now either as I worry about having to go into hospital etc but I also worry about my age. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer. It’s worse because we don’t know when things will be somewhat back to “normal”.

Hello everyone, I've name changed recently as all my posting added together would be a big flashing sign with my name on it. But I've been here since October after losing my daughter at 20 weeks and another miscarriage at 7 weeks back in February. @Mumlili9 We've travelled this road together. Did you get your appointment on Tuesday?

We are waiting to conceive as I'm so overdue a smear test I wanted to get that done before going ahead. Now everything has been cancelled so i don't know what to do. I'm 40 so can't hang around. I've been thinking of having a private smear test but I think even that avenue is on hold now and we can't really afford it.

I'm also worried about conceiving and not getting the basic care you'd normally get let alone the extra care we'd want after all our horrific experiences. I think we'll wait a few months but I totally understand those going for it.

Baby loss is totally isolating and on top of that we have lock down. We have to remember we are never alone with mumsnet around. I must remember to check in on this thread more often to give and get support. X

@BunnytheBee and @MOGMOGMOG85

It's really nice speaking with you two. You really understand. It's the biggest comfort right now.

We did the clapping last night at 8pm with everyone. All my neighbours were soo complimentary about each other and all the other children in the neighbourhood; but they overlooked my two despite us being the nicest neighbours. We watch everyones pets when they go away and we are always the first to offer help/food/wine. It shouldn't affect me as much as it does, but I think I'm just losing it.

Did I tell you how I sort of started a fight with my neighbour over having a bbq?

@clitterratti I was fuming reading your post where the doctors just assume that your weight is the issue!!! Surely a doctor shouldn't assume anything, it could be literally anything!!! Like you say plenty of overweight people have perfectly healthy pregnancies and babies, I have friends twice the size of me who get pregnant first time without even having to try. I get the opposite annoying comments actually with doctors saying I'm slim and healthy and so I should have no problem getting pregnant, and I feel that my infertility is not taken seriously. It's so backwards, they should think before speaking. Sigh. I hate the pressure that comes with an extended period of ttc in terms of your health and everything you eat or drink. If anything with the depression that I had after the miscarriage I ate way more sugar and crisps than I ever did before, because it's that much harder to eat healthily when you're grieving. I am currently trying to eat a lot more veg and less processed sugar, but I refuse to give up on my alcohol (which is like a beer every few weeks so it's hardly over the top!). Anyway I also laughed at your magpie comment, I never used to be superstitious but this whole baby thing has got me reading tarot cards, magpies, the lot, lol! We just want it so much! Too much, according to my mum, as though me wanting it too much is why I can't get pregnant, which is SO RUDE and annoying - I defy anyone who's had a recent miscarriage to not want it!!! She never had fertility issues, she doesn't understand. Gah being trapped indoors is bringing out all my frustrations haha!!!

@VenusStarr I'm sorry about your period arriving :( and I'm sorry about your test results.. sort of! I know how you feel - when I was told that my fibroids have no impact on my fertility, I couldn't help feeling "but why then?" as though I'd prefer to be told I'm not healthy than to be told there is NO REASON why I'm not getting pregnant.

@Mumlili9 good luck this month. I'm also going to plough on despite what is going on in the outside world - like you I don't feel I have time to waste as it took me so so long to fall pregnant that first and only time. Probably shouldn't have used the phrase "plough on" there lol!

@BunnytheBee heading into the 2ww now, guessing your'e the same? We only managed 3 times this month during my fertile window so doesn't seem massively hopeful..

I'm only allowed into work 4 hours a week now, which is driving me nuts. At least the sun is out. My boyfriend working from home but has moved his "office" to the spare room which is allowing us to feel some separation between work and home, which is helpful! His job interview is not going to be affected by the virus either, it will be done via Skype, so that's good news! I've actually been in a really good mood the last 5-6 weeks, which is a welcome relief as I think I was fully into a depression for at least 4-5 months there. In a way this coronavirus just feels like an extension of the chaos in my mind that's gone on since the miscarriage for me. It's just more uncertainty, more total lack of control, things changing from day to day and not knowing what's going to happen to your body. In a way I think maybe I've been a bit better prepared for the total chaos than some friends, if that makes sense.

Hope you're all well, safe, and staying sane xxx

@clitterratti That’s tough. We bought this house last year when I was heavily pregnancy and then of course the baby died and we ended up moving about ten days after the funeral. It was so tough for life to go on around me when it wasn’t what it was supposed to be. Moving was good for us though I think. I know that’s not the same as having the work done but hopefully having your surroundings done up a bit will help. I feel like I’d have felt better if I could have at least got upstairs done especially as we are all stuck at home!

Are they still doing your works? Everything seems to be coming to a stop here. I was expecting some furniture today but just got a text to say they’re delaying deliveries...