TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 34 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's

Hi All,

Really struggling today (although I may just be procrastinating).

I am still in the angry phase after the ERPC before moving into the sad stage and am finding it really hard to keep my temper. Every bloody Teams call we have has a new pregnancy announcement or photos of someone's new born or someone's toddler pops up on screen to say hello. I just want to hang up the phone.
Anyone else getting this at the moment?

@Mumlili9 I'm sorry :( ok to hide from the thread for a while, and to hide in your greenhouse. It's so much to process :( xxx are you growing anything nice? xxx

@BunnytheBee after about a week I texted her again just talking about something totally random like our pets (I think it was) and she replied straight away. I guess we're not going to talk about it. I understand, she has her own anxieties about her pregnancy, especially at this time, and I think she doesn't feel she can talk to me about her pregnancy any more since she sent me her scan photo and I had a complete meltdown (like fell on the floor weeping) and later had to ask her not to send me any more. It's just very sad, there's a big distance between us now. I wouldn't even tell her that I've conceived again because I am too scared the same thing is going to happen and I know that if it does I'm only going to feel 10x worse than I did before which is frankly terrifying. Infertility putting a distance between you and friends is one of the worst consequences for me, but I've learned not to fight it, it's inevitable and theres nothing you can do. I tried to push myself to ignore my own feelings for the sake of trying to preserve that closeness with pregnant friends, but it was too painful for me. Thank god for non-pregnant friends and friends who don't want children (although they can be a little insensitive too!) xxx

@zoomies1 @clitterratti @BunnytheBee @MOGMOGMOG85 hello ladies so sorry I've been awol. My head isn't doing so well tbh. I'll catch up with the thread tomorrow. I've been hiding in my green house. I don't think it's worth trying to sue the NHS. Who the hell is going to help me go against the NHS after covid-19. I'm just going to have to live with the heart break and pray fora miracle
Hope your all safe xx

@zoomies1 I’m sorry you’re back here

@MOGMOGMOG85 Didn't your friend understand at all? Strange she didn’t text back.

@clitterati Not this week but have you been on the health and fitness thread?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/3781794-TTC-after-loss-penguins-get-fit-healthy-in-2020?pg=1&order=

We post more recipes and stuff on there

We have a moan and a rant too lol but there are some recipes on there

@clitterratti thank you. Your feelings towards your friends are totally understandable. Its one of the worst consequences isn't it? I've never been jealous of my friends ever and the last 6 months I can't stand people announcing their pregnancies. I even tried to push past these feelings and went to stay with a pregnant friend who had previously been experiencing problems ovulating and we'd felt like we were confiding in each other a lot before her pregnancy. As soon as I saw her bump I started to feel so depressed and the next morning I just couldn't stop crying and had to come out of my room with a swollen face and admit I felt like crap before going home again. I've never felt so ashamed it was awful. I messaged her to apologise but she didn't respond. I've learned my lesson - not to push myself. It does feel like we're kind of doomed to always be the one with terrible luck, but it's not true - the luck is all so bloody random and one day we'll have our babies and we won't feel that way any more :( xx @BunnytheBee that sounds really intense at work as well, especially the woman already pregnant again, anyone of us would find that so difficult to deal with!

@zoomies1 I'm so so sorry that you're back here :( also that negligence case sounds really interesting and relevant, I do think @Mumlili9 it sounds like negligence to me but I'm no expert xxx

I'm not sure I should still be on this thread, I just don't feel safe to leave yet xxx

@Bunnythebee
I am so sorry that you are here with me, that all of you are here with me.

I cannot wait till we graduate to the other thread, and graduate again onto the thread where our babies are born, all perfect and healthy. Bringing an end to this need for validation that only peeing on a stick will give us.

I don't like being the unfortunate one.

Meanwhile, I am sooo bored I'm thinking about cooking really complicated recipes. Anyone else trying new foods/recipes?

Hi All,

Well I'm back on the conception board after my second MMC and ERPC last Tuesday. If you'll have me, I'd be glad of the company as I brace myself for attempt number 3. (I was sooo happy to get off the rubbish baby making sex train).

@Mumlili8 I haven't read the full thread but saw your update and I am so sorry that this has happened to you. There was a case in the press recently where the NHS had to pay for someone's IVF because there was negligence on their part. Perhaps its worth looking into.

@clitterati It’s so shit to feel like the unlucky one. I don’t feel unlucky generally but when it comes to DD and having a baby I do. My team at work (it’s about 25 people across four offices) it feels like 2+ people always on mat leave. Me and 2 others off together. Ofc my DD died. Came back and someone else went on mat leave. Another went a couple of weeks ago and today the announcement email went around (I really like the girl but didn’t feel up to it so deleted it) and one of the girls who was off when I was came back from mat leave the month after me already pregnant again. We always joked there’s something in the water with pregnancies but I feel so unlucky to be the one whose baby died. It’s nice that your sister is thinking of you though and i hope you find comfort in your friends’ babies. I have loved baby cuddles with my friend’s baby and cousins baby, both girls, who were the same age as my DD. I really hope it happens for us soon🤞💕

So my best best friend gave birth the week before I had the stillbirth; and now this friend will have her darling little boy tomorrow.

...I will have to love both these babies like I had planned to. Both of my friends and I had planned to get pregnant and have our kids around the time because we wanted our kids to be close and go to the same schools. I suppose I can't do much about any of this at this point. Both of these girls are very dear to me and have been part of my life for well over two decades. One chose to move to London to be close to me and the other was here until she married my husbands best friend. She is planning to move back to London as soon as lockdown is over. She was supposed to move back on March 15th.

My little sister (29) is trying to get pregnant soon too, and I know she is just waiting for me to announce my pregnancy before she gets a bfp.

My entire life, I am always the really unfortunate one. I hate this. I am lucky to have dedicated friends and family but the fact that my loved ones always feel they have to tiptoe around me.

Not just me thenn @Mumlili9 Hope you’re ok!

@clitterratti Oh it’s so tough. I’ve been thinking so much about how DD should be here and how different life would be. I think having more time at home doesn’t help with that. Will you see your friend’s baby? I have a friend who was pregnant same time as me and had her baby less than a month after I had DD. I was fine with seeing her etc And made a real effort to show her that but friend was a bit of a rubbish friend and caught up in her own issues so I don’t really see her now.

My periods are not that heavy these days. Not sure if that’s something to worry about. They used to be five days and heavier. About 5 years ago they changed a bit. Now they’re about 3 days but then it’s only since I started tracking properly that I realised the difference between spotting and AF. That might sound silly but in the past I’d have considered AF had arrived when I started spotting so maybe that’s why I thought they were five days...

I do like that the cup is reusable and you can keep it in for 12 hours etc.

Hope everyone is ok 💕

CONGRATULATIONS @MOGMOGMOG85!!!! I am so happy to hear your news, It lifts our spirits and encourages us all to keep going.

@BunnytheBee just on day 8 of AF which is irritating because it had stopped yesterday for a bit and I thought it was over. It's my first AF after my postpartum bleeding which lasted a bit over a month. You are a strong one with this cup business. She swears by them, I honestly wouldn't be able to get it in the right position without bleeding all over my hand/arms so I just wear giant pads the size of mattresses...and I waddle around like a big fat weird penguin. I'm quite tragic like this.

My best friend (who I had timed my pregnancy with) is a master with moon cups and coincidentally will be delivering her baby tomorrow. Our boys were supposed to be best friends. I want to be happy for her. I also want to be 8 months pregnant like I was supposed to be.

@mumlili9 I agree with the other posters, it's your body and you should have been informed asap. Also, incineration shouldn't have happened if they lost a form, they should have contacted you and redone the form on the phone.

@VenusStarr I am glad that you are following through with a plan, and that you planned to have a plan. It gives me something to consider.

Love to you all. I wish everyone a bfp in the coming months.

@BunnytheBee yes hun I often feel like that. More so after the 2nd mc.

Does anyone else have periods where it just seems to bother them more - period pains, low mood, feeling exhausted and weak? I don’t always feel this way so not sure if I’m coming down with something

Thank you @TheFoz - you will get your bfp too xx these things take time and just be kind to yourself in the mean time xxx

@MOGMOGMOG85 delighted for you! Congratulations! I sincerely hope everything goes smoothly

Thanks @MOGMOGMOG85 It’s ok. I knew it was coming and trying to work out new menstrual cup has made it slightly more interesting! 😬

@BunnytheBee oh I'm sorry your af arrived xx

Thanks @MOGMOGMOG85

I’m navigating day 1 with my cup BTW... I’ve had a leak but it was my first go so we’ll see...

Thanks everyone. I have joined the other group but might skulk around here for a while too as actually even seeing baby scans is giving me anxiety (such a snowflake!!!)

@BunnytheBee www.fluxundies.com/products/flux-bikini these are the ones I use. They are great, fit well, look good. I have a medium flow I'd say but it can be heavy at the start, and I can wear these all day even on my heaviest day. They somehow keep the moisture locked down so it doesn't feel too gross!

@MOGMOGMOG85 that's amazing news hun. Don't feel bad about tell us that's the point of this thread xx your welcome to hang out with us here for a bit or you can jump over to the sister thread below

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/3835015-pregnant-after-loss-and-dreaming-of-rainbows-2

@MOGMOGMOG85 First of all congrats on your BFP! I wish you a healthy pregnancy xx

Thanks for the tips on the cup. I got this one as it had good reviews and was a bit cheaper. I’d consider period pants too for lighter days. Which ones have you used?

@BunnytheBee I had a bad experience with the moon cup, basically I kept it clean and hygienic, boiled it after my period etc but I kept getting thrush infections. At the time I also had the copper coil and one nurse told me it was more likely with the both of them so hopefully you'll be fine! I use period pants now as they're external and they work really well. However I'd prefer the moon cup so I hope it works out for you!

I have news - I did another test this morning and it was a fat stonking bfp. It's such positive news that I can get pregnant again as I was giving up all hope! For anyone who's been trying for a long time it took me 16 months to fall the first time, and 7 months the second and it's felt like an eternity. I'm trying not to think too far into the future, not to worry about miscarrying again etc, I'm just focussing on "I'm pregnant, I can be pregnant".

I actually feel really emotional to have to break the news here as I know some of you are going through such a hard time, and in particular you @Mumlili9, I am just so heartbroken for you at the moment :'(

I hope that everyone else gets their positive news soon, and I hope I'm able to stay off this thread for a while and don't end up back here, but if I do have to go through that it makes me feel so much better knowing that you wonderful women will be here for me.

I'm feeling very emosh right now but sending lots of love to everyone xxx

Thanks @Mumlili9, I didn’t think of that! If it works, I won’t have to worry about buying buying sanitary products during lockdown!

@BunnytheBee I have one it's great once you figure it out. Advice lube it up the first time.