ttc after mc July/August 2007 - shiny new thread as the other was full

katendmom I am really sorry that you M/C at 35wks, I can't even imagine what you've been through!I totally agree with nh101,emotions will be running very very raw at the moment and how both you and your DH feel right now may change as time passes. I wish you both all the happiness in the worldxxx As for the Elephant dose of Folic Acid I picked up the prescription pack today for £6.85 and it has 28 very small tab's in it! I don't know how they managed to squeeze about 12 of the 400 micro grams into the tablet cos it's smaller than the standard one?? Starting to think it's a conspiracy between hosp and Doc's to get people to pay more for FA than they do already!? I'm still going to buy them though!! I have also bought some sanatogen pronatal today, togo with my zinc and Agnus castus supp's, Starting to feel abit like a junkie again!!
I hope everyone else is feeling OK, I am still spotting and am having loads of headaches, don't want to take any more pills though

Your friend is really supportive, she's a good person the have around.

Hey, I promise ? my last post on this topic but wanted you to see it. I felt like crap after overtaking my friend?s great news with my shabby ones. SO, I shot her an apology.

This is her response ? and aside from being an amazing person ? she is also very wise. The way she talks about ?surrendering your heart? made me cry and laugh and get goose bumps all over. Just felt like I need to share it with you guys because you all will hopefully get something out of it

Have a WONDERFUL and SPARKLING day~

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Don't you dare apologize to me. It is never just about me or just about you. We are friends, so it is about US. I'm touched that you shared your experience with me and you know I can relate. I wish we had been geographically closer when we went through our experiences so we could have given each other hugs. Just know I hug you "virtually."

I have always thought that part of the beauty (and part of the pain) of parenthood is that you basically surrender your heart to someone else and that person can absolutely break your heart without even meaning to at any time - Eight weeks, 12 weeks, 37 weeks, 12 years, 17 years, anytime. They can also fill your heart up so full you can't believe it. You and I know that as well as anyone and talking about it doesn't taint or overshadow anything. It's a wonderful reminder of how fragile and magical it all is.

You and DH will absolutely get through this and make the decision that is right for you - no one else.

Thank you so much for your congratulations and well wishes. You are kind of a kindred spirit for me so having you know in the "early" days is a sweet comfort. I know you'll be thinking of me, just as I will be thinking about you.

love,
A

P.S. I will plug in an update reminder along with my monthly status report! LOL

Katendmom, all my fingers are crossed for a happy outcome for you, I really feel that you deserve it. Good luck to you and your dh, I hope the tests are good, and that we are hearing positive news from you in no time.

Thank you so much for listening to me and for all your support and encouragement... Today is shaping up to be quite a day My best friend just told me she is 10 wks pg. I AM SO HAPPY FOR HER because they had a mc a few months back. I was so wanting to tell her about my mc when I was going through it but didn't want to upset her...

Of course selfishly I broke down in tears when I heard her news and she knew right away. SHE IS AWESOME so we ended up laughing and crying and SHE KNOWS how happy I am for her! But it totally brought my yesterday up again for me.

I agree with all of you. Today or even a week later is no time to decide on the future of another baby. We are blessed to have a family of 3 - I should be happy that my DH is so concerned about me and my well-being. I think everything happens for a reason. I think there is a reason why the doc offered to do these tests (which I think are pretty uncommon for mc - I hear they don't start looking into it until you have a couple in a row)... and there is a reason why we have to wait a month to learn about results.

Here is what I've decided - I won't bring the topic of TCC at home until we get the results back. I do want to know what they find out (regardless of how bad it is) and I do want to learn the gender of the baby (I am probably masochistic, now that I think about it)... and with that information DH and I will have to sit down and just make a decision.

I feel like you - when and if we hold a little one in our arms, we will be so happy... But a lot of things might not work out for us here... and then we should be smart to make peace and enjoy what we have - each other and our beautiful DS.

Until mid-Oct - I promise no more from me. I will of course let you know right away when the results are in. I am sure I'll be a mental case then

Hi Katendmom, just read your text re whether dp wants to ttc again and have to say we went through a very similar thing. We had a mc in January and for the first few months after it was so raw neither of us wanted to ttc, and then I really did and dh felt that he just couldn't go through it again, especially as the mc was a 'surprise' pg and we had pretty much decided not to have anymore.

After 6 months though we had a huge talk about whether to ttc and I really wanted to and he admitted that he had really wanted the baby we lost, it was just that he didn't want to risk the pain of losing another. So, we are on the ttc path but if we were unlucky enough to mc again I am very sure that that would be end for him. He's not prepared to let it run our lives or disrupt our two dc's lives. And I have to understand that, even if I know I would find it hard to agree.

oh kateanmom

Oh katendmom - you are going through so much right now. i really hope that the test results mean that you can try again without any shadows hanging over you. you sound like a really tight couple . . .amazing parents.

we have no kids yet and have only tried once, so although my dp tried to be all casual about ttc a few weeks ago, he has since admitted that he really wants to go for it. its a little scary as it would be devasting to go through this again . . .

katendmom - The day before I had my last mc I told dp that if I mc'd I would not try again as I couldn't go through it all another time. When he got to the hospital after I mc'd I told him that I wanted to try again and he agreed to one more time as he couldn't take it happening again. I think it's really hard for them as they can't do anything to help. They will be able to tell you the gender of the baby from the tests they are doing.

kateandmom - poor you to have a mc and then lose a baby at 35 weeks is really harsh I hope the tests come back good for you. I too had a do I want another one after the mc, DP was certain it was me who wavered. I have 2 DDs already and felt like I was really pushing my luck having a 3rd baby. The way I looked at it is in 15 years time will you look back and say what if? I know if we do have another one once he/she is in our arms and is fine I will know straight away we did the right thing but I also know if I do get pregnant again I will worry for the whole 9 months and that terrifies me. Please don't apologise for talking about it, we have all been there with one thing and another and you will always find support on here. I think you and your DH are very raw from the mc right now and maybe wait until you get the results back before sitting down and discussing ttc another. I also find I have really good days and really bad days, just now I think I am focusing a bit too much on ttc to take my mind off my loss.

Hi kateandmom, sorry you're going through the mill. I think every situation is different and the days/weeks after mc are maybe not the time to be making decisions about things like this because everyone has very raw feelings and emotions run high. You are likely to feel very strongly that you want another baby NOW and DH if he is erring towards not going through this again may feel very strongly that he doesn't want to ttc again. But next week, next month and next year you'll both feel completely differrent to how you feel now. So maybe it is best to agree to disagree for the moment but not rule anything out.

Obviously relationships are all about compromise, and the key to a good marrige is communication! So just keep talking and try not to be critical of his opinions (however ridiculous they are!) or force yours on him.

I am sure that he will want to ttc again in the future especially if you want to, because he loves you!

Hi all~

ILTS I had the exact same question and glad I decided to scan the thread before typing it . I have VERY light bleeding and I am SO hoping it will stay like that and actually go away really-really soon. I now realize it might not be the case since it seems that this sucker can actually come back full force even after a small break? How do you know though that it is your after-mc bleeding that came back and not your AF visiting you sooner than you expected?

Cricri really-really enjoy your weekend and try to put as much as possible out of your head. As long as you have your pain killers handy, for just in case, nothing should be stopping you from having fun!

nh101 I hope your friend is feeling better today. What a shame that she had to go through what she went through. I wonder if I went through an experience like that if I would have it in me to TTC again in case I would have another MC and would have to go through all of this again...

Emmsy I am totally going to phone my doc to see if I can get an elephant dose of Folic Acid . 12 pills does seem a bit over the top LOL

Well, last night was a totally emotional rollercoaster in this house. First of all, when my DH and DS came home from daycare/work, DS came walking in with a bouquet of red roses (he is just 19 month but it was made-believe like it was all his idea) to cheer me up for everything I've been through in the last couple of days. Of course I broke down in tears.

Then when I was telling my DH about the doc sending things off to the lab for tests, etc I saw a small shadow run across his face. I thought "uh oh" - so as any woman I began investigating and he owned up that he wasn't sure if he wanted to TTC again!!! He said that at this point he couldn't really say definitively "yes" or "no" and really wants to learn about the results of those tests. I have a feeling that if things come back not good, like if this baby had some genetic disorder, etc... the future for what would be baby-to-be is pretty sketchy...

At first I got really upset (sure hormones had a lot to do with it) but then decided to pull myself together. Yesterday wasn't really the best time to make this decision anyway, so shortly after what we have just gotten through. Plus I do want to see what the results tell us (long 4 weeks wait though...) Maybe after this time and if everything comes back OK he will change his mind... An unexpected twist of events but he feels like I have been through a lot and we have a healthy DS and so... we need to think about it. I don't wanna think about... Now I am just being a baby

He did ask me, right before we went to bed, if they would be able to tell us the gender of the baby, since they will do all these fancy genetic/ chromo tests? I think they can since if they determine if this baby had/ didn?t have Down, it means they?re looking at chromosomes and so should be able to tell the sex of the baby. So then he said: ?I wonder if it was a girl?? My heart just broke apart? I know how much he misses DD that we lost at 35 pg? I don?t know if we will find out the gender of this baby? and I don?t know if this baby was a girl ? if that?s going to change DH?s mind one way or another? Sorry for going on and on? just really am trying to sort it all out since don?t know how to deal with it.

Did any of you experience such a period of uncertainty with your DH/ DP?

Hi all, sorry to see some new faces here

Gilly- The acupuncturist I've been seeing is Suzanne at the Zita West clinic which is in Marylebone. It is pricey though, I guess you're paying for the name, but Suzanne is really kind and supportive- the sesiions have actually acted as counselling as well in my opinion. I had been dithering about costs (its recommended you have treatment for at least 3 cycles so it can have an effect) but hadn't actually reached a decision! Another woman I saw a few yars back for something unrelated also specialises in fertility:
Susan Horrocks
77 Duke Street
W1 K5PB
0207 531 8965
[email protected]
www.fertile-ground.com

She is cheaper and I liked her, but I would have to say I connected with Suzanne better (I've found whatever dark state I'm in when I go to see her, I emerge much more positive- an achievement as I am naturally pessimistic!).

alittlebit- I can't believe dd has chickenpox! poor her and poor you! I am not a natural nurse- I get very impatient with DH. Does it come more naturally with a child? Hope the itching isn't driving her too mad. How did you find an oven man by the way- am very envious!

Kensgirl- I miss you too . I shall be thinking of you in the Lakes- you're like my personal travel agent. Dh is very keen to try the Black Bull! I tried to get into the Drunken Duck- Gilly recommended it too- but accommodation is fully booked until January! managed to get booked in for a meal though so am looking forward to stuffing myself. How is it being back at school? My friend just started her first job as a primary teacher and caught an awful stomach bug on her first day! I hadn't realised the occupational hazzrds!

wheely- hello! It sounds like your house is in total upheaval- you must be very calm and patient. I only had builders in for 3 weeks and it drove me into a tearful wreck with the mess. Very impressed by you giving up drinking at this time!

wmmc- Good luck with the interview next week- have my fingers crossed

nh- so sorry to hear about your friend, it's terrible how she has been treated. I'm glad to hear clomid is doing its job for you though.

Totally agree that you have to be so assertive to get what you want. I will defintely encourage her to write.

Just popped in to let you know my Dr is going to prescibe me the 5MG of folic acid on a repeat prescription! so no more feeling like a junkie taking 12 400micro grams.
nh101 sorry to read that your friend has been treated so badly by the NHS I hope that when she's over all this and she's feeling less vulnerable she finds time to write a letter of complaint to the hospital who has treated her so appaulingly! If she can find the strenght to complain now "even better" It could change the whole system of how they treat potential M/C's, in the future! pass on my love to her and a big squishy hugxxx

Morning all just checking in but I should be doing some housework whilst DD1 is at nursery and DD2 is playing quite happily.

ILTS - how are you doing today? My mc was totally natural I had been bleeding on and off v lightly for a week before the first scan, then the weeks wait between scans then I had 3 really bad days followed but about 2 weeks on and off, I agree with the others it was the total pits, I got really fed up with it and the sodding sanitary towels, when it had finally finished I threw out all the remaining sanitary towels straight away. AF arrived less than 4 weeks after the big bleeds so I was ovulating whilst still bleeding.

nh - good news about the ovulating and bding really really hope theres something magical going on inside you right now.

Emmsy - lol @ you poor DH swimmers and erections

WMMC - glad you are having a good time in Dublin x

cricri - hope you are doing ok as well and best of luck for Holland this weekend

sunshyne - sorry to be so nosy but I'm just interested in what treatment you have been offered after having 5 mcs? Someone mentioned low dose aspirin and the folic acid thing on here, I'm sure theres far more knowledgeable people on here than me who will know a lot more about it.

kasha - good luck with the ttc I have primed my DP that he is on a marathon the next week so get himself ready for it!

I feel a right alkie for talking about booze now but I have had 3 months off since November 2003 from being pregnant/BFing/pregnant/BFing/pregnant/mc and am virtually teetotal now so just fancied a little drink before I get pregnant again this month (positive thinking)

right must go get some work done bye x

Wow, you guys get really chatty at night! I come into work in the morning and there are about a million messages.

Ellie - I am so pleased for you mate. Hope to be joining you soon!

Thanks for your messages re. long cycles. I am on Clomid now so my long cycles are a thing of the past (for now)

My temp chart says I OV'd on Sunday!!! Day 14 and everything. And we BD'd the day of OV ad the day before so fingers crossed.

My poor friend had to go back into hospital last night because she was in so much pain.

Her treatment has been terrible - eight days to wait for a scan after bleeding started, admitted the day before the scan cos of pain/blood loss. Sent home after the scan to let it all happen "naturally" (ie to save the NHS money) and back in two days later in tremendous pain. at the NHS!!!

Morning all
I am sitting here waiting for my telephone consultation with my Dr, he is supposed to phone me this morning, but no doubt that means about 6.00pm tonight! I hope he will prescribe the 5MG folic acid that I was talking about yesterday because taking 12tablets at 400micro grams per tab makes me feel like I'm over dosing! I am also taking agnus castus(2 tabs per day) it's supposed to regulate your body (periods etc) and I,m taking 3 Zinc tabs (plays a role in more systems in the body than any other nutrient and is particularly important in the immune system,sence of taste and in reproductive health!) that was a quote by the way from the health shop leaflet! I'm becomming a bit of a junkie this time round, but I don't care, I will try anything to get preggers and maintain it! Agnus Castus must be stopped as soon as you are pregnant!! Sunshyne and Triggles I'm 42 (and a half!!)I do already have children but the overwhelming urge to have one more is too strong to ignore!! I miscarried on sunday/monday and previously on 30th April,also had a blighted ovum about 6 and a 1/2 years ago, so starting to think my eggs are all knackered, although Dr doesn't think it's an age thing so going to keep on trying!!cricri try and enjoy your w/e away in holland, I hope things aren't too bad for you whatever happens!! My 2 natural M/C were not bad at all (But I was an early miscarrier!)Just back ache and period type painsXXX
ILTSwhen I had my ERPC I bled for about 2 weeks on and off, but with my first natural M/C I only bled for about 4 days and I got my first period about 6 weeks after that! This latest M/C I am still bleeding (more like spotting) as of today! so probably different each time. I'm sure you will soon be +++ again! My Dh does alot of different shifts so it's really hard to BD at the right time, and cos he's getting on abit think the whole baby thing makes it hard for him to produce his little swimmers when I need them! probably a little TMI, no probs with his "erections" though!! He would probably kill me if he read this!
must go now and do some house work, speak soon xx

thanks everyone xx

lcy we were saying that yesterday as we think it would be good that we all stay together wether we are pg ttc or what

My God- you guys were chatty last night. SAdly can't stop- off to clean my carpets. Yippee!!!

Lcy - how is your thrush this morning. Since the start of this year I have had it everytime I'm about to ov. The GP said it's hormonal which is depressing as I can't prevent it I just have to treat it once it arrives but I don't like to use the pessaries until I know I have certainly ov'd so it just gets worse!