Active discussions

Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

ttc after mc July/August 2007 - shiny new thread as the other was full

756 replies

winemakesmummyclever · 30/08/2007 11:29

Hi,

I hope nobody minds me adding a new thread, but the other wouldn't let me reply.

LadyLush - Sorry to hear about your loss . In answer to your question, I thought I was around 11-12 weeks pg, but the scan said the baby was around 8-9 weeks. When I'd had the ERPC, the gynae reg said the uterus was around 14weeks and the baby was still 8-9 weeks.
I'm sure things do get better with time, but things are still pretty raw and new for me. I'm glad things are getting back to normal for you (and hopefully for others too).

OP posts:
Original poster
winemakesmummyclever · 02/09/2007 08:41

Oh ((SK)), I really feel for you. Are there any toddler groups that you can take DDs to that will help you get out and about? Or can anyone take the dds for a few hours and give you some me time, even if it's only to chill out at home? I'm not the most outgoing person, but I am going to make a concerted effort to take ds to a couple of groups now. It been difficult at times over the summer, and I am going to ensure that I get at least a few hours for me each week in future (and not to do housework ).

You mentioned retraining - try contacting your local lifelong learning centre or college. There might be something you could do there, and they may have a creche.
I hope that you are feeling a little more positive soon. I'm sure you're doing a great job raising your DDs, but do understand how your sense of self & identity can be changed by being a SAHM. I only finished work a couple of months ago and am no longer quite sure who I am anymore .

OP posts:
sweetkitty · 01/09/2007 23:25

WMMC - sorry forgot to say I;m thinking of you too hope you have a good sleep and tomorrow is a better day for you x

sweetkitty · 01/09/2007 23:24

Thanks girls but I don't think this is the mc yes I feel sad at times but it's more life in general, it's DP and I, it's money and never having any, it's my career which I gave up to come back up here but now I am virtually unemployable as my job was so specialised theres nothing like it up here so I'm left wondering what I spent the last 11 years doing before I had children options are to retrain which is costly or minimum wage job which isn't worth it with 2 in childcare so I'm stuck, lack of support over the mc from family and friends well lack of support altogether you know not one of them has offered to look after the DDs for an hour so DP and I could have some time together, we never get out together never have a break and thats not healthy. Someone metioned counselling and I have had some in the past with someone coming to the house as I cannot get anyone to watch the DDs so can't get out, it was OK but hard when you have a toddler zooming about to concentrate on your emotions if you see what I mean? I also get down about driving in that I have no confidence and will only drive roads I know well so I can't really go anywhere with the DDs apart from the local shops (had conselling for that too). So you see I'm a bit all over the place I just didn't see this life for me when I was younger, it's not what I wanted when I had children.

Sorry that was a bit long

Original poster
winemakesmummyclever · 01/09/2007 22:52

Thanks Ellie - it seems to be a pretty common mantra that we are using. Hope you have an undisturbed night tonight. Take care .

OP posts:
EllieG · 01/09/2007 22:48

Just seen from other thread that you had MC very recently WMMC - am sorry for your loss, take time, be kind to yourself and hang on in there ((((hugs))))

EllieG · 01/09/2007 22:47

Hope you feel better tomorrow WMMC x

Original poster
winemakesmummyclever · 01/09/2007 22:34

Sweetkitty, you are not alone. Hugs to you too TJuice & Kensgirl and anyone else that feels the need of one right now.

I have told myself that some days are going to be good, some bad,some just so-so. Also, I think that because I feel ok physically, then I am rushing myself to get over the psychological trauma. I shall have to keep taking deep breaths and reminding myself that things will improve over time.

Like many of us, I think I'm scared of going through anything like this again, and today have thought I wouldn't want to ttc again. Then, I look at my ds and realise just how much I love him and how he's brought so much joy, love and laughter to our lives (not that we were miserable old sods before he came ).

I think there must be something in the air today as I unravelled totally this afternoon. I was tired (bad dreams = bad sleep = )and very very tetchy and grumpy with ds & dh (which I feel so very bad about that just thinking about it is making me cry again). Every little thing that happened seemed to drive me to the edge. I've had a brief nap, hot bath and a good cry & talk with dh and I feel slightly better, but still not like the usual me.

Hope that things are a little better each day for all of us. Off to bed now - sleep well everyone.

OP posts:
EllieG · 01/09/2007 22:27

Sorry to hear you had a sad time Tjuice - it kinda comes up to bite you sometimes doesn't it? Whenever I'm feeling bereft I just keep thinking 'This will pass, this will pass, I will not feel this sad soon' and it reminds me just to hang on in there!
Sweetkitty - hugs to you lady - sorry you're feeling crappy x
Thanks kensgirl and WMMC - good advice re chilling out about dreams.

TJuice · 01/09/2007 22:02

hi sweet kitty and everyone else

sorry you are feeling bad - its really hard and up and down. i feel the same way too right now. i hope you get a bit of space and time this weekend.

i have been trying to soldier it but today was horrible. i went to buy a gift for my friend's baby (that she had two days after my m/c). i though i was cool but in this baby shop, i suddenly spun out and had to hold on to the counter while hot tears just sprung up from nowhere . . .

luckily i convinced my dp to come with me to visit her (with a few others) and together i was able to hold it together and hold the baby for a while without getting upset.

anyway, hi to everyone. hope you are having a good weekend, i am over-eating and watching old dvds. since i just can't get my party buzz when i go out anymore (no matter what i drink), i might as well just cosy up indoors . . .

kensgirl · 01/09/2007 21:18

Oh, Sweetkitty...
It really is the hardest thing in the world, and sometimes, even 8 months down the line, I still feel that there is nothing worth having in my life, without a baby. There is nothing I can say that will help you feel any better, but it is very, very early days for you. Be kind to yourself (and dh too), take time to just allow yourself to grieve without pressurising yourself to be OK. Nobody else really expects you to be OK anyway, I think. Just take one day, sometimes one hour, at a time, doing whatever you think will help you cope best at that moment.

I think we have all probably been where you are at the moment and can only try and offer some support. Take care, xx kg

goingfor3 · 01/09/2007 21:05

sweetkitty I really feel for you and wanted to let you know that you are not alone in your feelings as I feel like that too, I'm sure it's normal to be like this after a mc.

sweetkitty · 01/09/2007 20:40

hi all hope you are all having a good Saturday those at weddings and those not

I'm having a crap time right now I think absolutely everything has gooten on top of me I feel right now I have nothing good in my life apart from the DDs, don't even know if I want to ttc right now, don't know if another baby would be a disaster or not??!! Head messed up so much right now

Anyway sorry if I've dragged the thread down

kensgirl · 01/09/2007 16:18

Definately a kind of exercise! it's what I'm busy doing too.
I'Ve just looked at your profile WWMC, and wow, your little dc is gorgeous! So cute!

Some good advice there, from WWMMC, Ellie. We are all here for you, still.

Original poster
winemakesmummyclever · 01/09/2007 15:54

Ellie - You are not alone on the bad dreams front. Since the mc, I have been having nightmares that something bad is going to happen to my ds/dh. I think the dreams are your brain's way of processing all the things you are feeling, good and bad. It is meant to stop you going completely round the hat-rack when you are awake. Not much of a comfort for us right now, I know, but it has to get better. Don't ignore the dreams - talk about them. It may help you rationalise your fears and feelings and you know what they say about a trouble shared. Hope you have someone in rl you can talk to honestly about how you're feeling. If not, we're always around .

Kensgirl - yes, I'm feeling quite the old lardy-arse myself. Currently obsessed with housework - well, it is kind of exercise isn't it?

OP posts:
kensgirl · 01/09/2007 15:42

And for you, too! Big hug!

EllieG · 01/09/2007 15:38

Course you haven't. Keeping all things crossed for you x

kensgirl · 01/09/2007 15:31

I'm sure it's just hormones, Ellie. I would think you are naturally so worried that anything and everything is analysed. I'm like that now, so I know I'll be 100% worse when I eventually get preggers . I remember the really vivid dreams too.

I'm alright at the moment, thanks. Feeling very hopeful for this next couple of months - hope I havn't just jinxed them now though.

EllieG · 01/09/2007 15:26

Not bad - very nervous, keep having dreams about losing the baby, and crying at little things. Am hoping is hormones and that am not just going mad! Time will tell I suppose. Not having scan for another 5 weeks so trying not to think about it too much. How's things with you kensgirl?

kensgirl · 01/09/2007 15:23

Hi Ellie. How are you doing?

EllieG · 01/09/2007 15:02

How was the cake fest?

kensgirl · 01/09/2007 12:54

Hi everyone, I hope you are feeling very over indulged after the cake eating session !
You are being very wicked Littlebit, by tormenting our poor,cakeless souls...

Hope your Grandparents are OK, Ladylush. I'm sure you will enjoy spending time with them. Are you from Ireland? Thanks for your lovely comments, you have made me , but then I'm in good company on this thread!
Where in the Carribean have you been to- it is divine, you are right! We would love to go to Antigua in the future, but need to do some serious saving up now! Where is dh's family from - lucky you!

Hi there, Torres! yes, I survived the pregnant gf - just! I think she didn't want to chat at first too much, as she was still getting used to the idea of being pg, and she wasn't showing at all. That all really helped, I think, and she's lovely, so after a while I didn't feel too , but it was hard sometimes. Still, she's only 26, so a baby compared to me (old bat), so it will be my turn again one day! Hows things with you?

Ronshar and Lissie, I hope you enjoy your weddngs, if you can! I went one a few weeks ago, and af started just as we were on the way out of the door, and I had high hopes for that month, as it was cd 27 which is long for me. I spent the entire service crying, and trying not to cry, as a friend who I've not seen since March was there, 22 weeks pg, after trying for 16 months. I was pleased for her, but it took every ounce of willpower to smile, and ask questions. Wine helped hugely. xx

WMMC - baggy pants and vests, hmm? I feel like that anyway today, and not in a pg way, just a lardy way. Time I went on a diet, and did more exercise, methinks . How are you?

We were in the sex to get pg phases too, but are more back to normal now, so I'm sure you will come out the other side, Pipsqueak. It is difficult though, for both of you. I've learned to appreciate dh the man again, rather than just dh the sperm machine .

On that note, he is home from stag do today, so I need to go and dig out some matching undies, and make an effort to look less like an old troll.

Hi to sweetkitty, lcy, jules, nh < waves>

lissielou · 01/09/2007 12:07

im going to a wedding too. mines in birmingham. wheres yours?

ronshar · 01/09/2007 11:16

I lost everybody again. I am so crap at finding new threads
How were the cakes ladies. I ate cake and drank too much rose pinot so feeling very sorry for my self.
Hello to everyone.
Off to a wedding today so must go and try to make my eyes less bloodshot.
Feeling very emotional at the monent. Keep wanting to cry.
There are going to be two pregnant ladies today I shall have to stay away from them or I may get thrown out of the wedding for shouting I WANT YOUR BABY.
More pinot thats the answer. I am sure no BFP this month so what the hell.

lissielou · 01/09/2007 09:24

ttc puts an awful lot of pressure on both of you. glad you are feeling better.

pipsqueeke · 01/09/2007 09:20

that's what DH was moaning about. lol. we had a good chat last night (managed to get a new fridge/freezer out of it lol) first time in about 6 months we've had a proepr chat, hopefully things will get better from here - don't feel as weepy which must be good.