TTC after loss penguins get fit & healthy in 2020

@BunnytheBlueWhale I personally disagree with the staggered leave concept too, it still is quantifying parental grief by week of gestation to me. People react differently and are often severely affected following an early loss, it all depends on the circumstances, prior experiences, how the loss occured etc. The entitlement to bereavement leave should be equal. Whether someone chooses to use it in full or in part, or not at all, is a personal choice, not a matter of law. But that's just my personal opinion.

Hi girls! Busy, busy day today, only now catching up on the thread. I've decided I will be writing to my local MP to suggest further changes. They may not listen, but at least I am in a position to put together a convincing case.

I've had a pretty good day, 13k steps and my back is much better. I might start exercising again on Thursday. Still no AF, bit frustrated, it should be here tomorrow but it felt like I'd come on early. Fingers crossed it'll be out of the way soon xxx

I completely agree that berevement leave should be offered to any couple who suffer a mc as its devastating no matter what gestation you are. Its a difficult one I guess.

Ive managed to get back on track with my eating yesterday and today so feeling a bit better with that.

We also managed a successful babydance on Saturday night. Unfortunately its too far away from ovulation to count but im hoping this bodes well for this weekend. Im in my fertile window and due to ovulate on Saturday I think so hoping our good luck continues!

@tortiecat thank you, I've just read it too. I agree with you all, it is a step in the right direction but as you have all said I don't think it goes anywhere near enough.

Had I not been on maternity leave or entitled to sick leave there is no way two weeks would have been enough time off for me. It's almost 12 weeks since we lost Isla and I don't feel anywhere near ready to go back to work. I'm very lucky that I get 6 months full maternity pay and then 13 weeks statutory but many other people aren't so lucky.

Similarly, I agree also that there has been a huge missed opportunity here for those that lose a baby before 24 weeks. Perhaps there are wider conversations happening about this but it seems a real shame nothing has yet been done.

@BunnytheBlueWhale @Shefliesonherownwings here is the government summary: www.gov.uk/government/news/uk-set-to-introduce-jacks-law-new-legal-right-to-paid-parental-bereavement-leave
It is good as it gives parents who have lost a child after twenty four weeks' gestation two weeks paid leave. It will cover people who aren't on maternity / paternity leave already (as it's any child under the age of 18).

What @MrsMGE and I are saying is that it doesn't go far enough, as it doesn't grant any paid leave for loss of pregnancy prior to twenty four weeks.

Hi all, hope everyone is ok.

I'm also guilty of not being up to date on the new law, does it mean parents who suffer losses before 24 weeks get 2 weeks paid bereavement leave? Currently they get nothing? Sorry to be ignorant about this but keen to know more.

I'm booked into a spinning class tonight, first one in over a year! I'm a bit nervous but my PT is taking the class and has promised to save me a bike under one of the fans and near the door in case I need to duck out. Hopefully I survive it. I also have a friend visiting tomorrow so am planning to do some baking for that, probably some WW rocky road bites. We'll see how they come out.

Yes @MrsMGE! I feel much the same at the moment - it just feels like a 'normal' period. Don't get me wrong, I still have bad days, there are times where my arms and heart just ache uncontrollably for my son - he would be five months old now. When I think of all DH and I went through last year, I could - and sometimes do, howl at the unfairness of it all, particularly as I don't know if, when, we might be able to have another baby. But the support on this thread has helped me to help myself, I feel much less alone and am well on the way to stabilising my weight which will help with TTC, and I just have to plod (or spin and zumba??) on and keep hoping! I hope AF comes soon for you x

@tortiecat I believe it is coming into force this year in NZ. I have exactly the same thought re writing to my local MP. I think I might do it this weekend.

I'm still waiting for my AF, wish it'd come now as I'm all crampy and bloated. Although nowhere near as bloated as usually, do you think our healthy lifestyle might have helped?

I also agree with you re overall wellbeing, AF was very triggering for me for months after the MMC and I'm so pleased that I was able to take a step back from TTC and also just await AF like I used to before all this. It just feels so... normal? Obviously I might feel worse next month if it doesn't work again and if you're still feeling a bit lower because of this, I think that's totally normal. But I sense from your post that this isn't as bad as before?

Yay to Pre-Seed month next month 😂🙌

Xxx

@MrsMGE I feel similarly. I definitely think that miscarriages ought to attract at least some paid leave on a statutory basis, as employers vary so hugely in how they treat women prior to a 24 week loss. Partners need consideration too. Has the NZ law actually come into force now? I might write to my MP about this, I do feel strongly about it.

I'm glad your smear test results came back clear. My AF has arrived today! I am not as devastated as usual, like I said it would have been a miracle had we conceived. I have suffered very little this time with PMT symptoms (normally I suffer horrifically each month with bad bloating and very low mood and irrational tears) and having other things to focus on meant I didn't symptom spot at all! Bring on the pre-seed this month ha ha x

I just read about the introduction of Jack's Law in April 2020 (i.e. the right to paid bereavement leave for parents who lost a child including parents who suffered stillbirth after 24 weeks of pregnancy). Whilst this is a step in the right direction, I can't help but feel really angry that the entitlement has not been extended to parents who suffered a miscarriage. Not only is this quantifying parents' grief by week of pregnancy, which is wrong in principle, but also a wasted opportunity to finally start a proper public dialogue about MCs. As always, they've brushed us under the carpet and for a good few years nothing will happen now. I am frankly fucked off. Somehow New Zealand can draft some decent legislation, but the UK apparently cannot.

Sorry about the rant, I had hopes to finally see some progressive legislation, but this doesn't even scratch the surface.

Xxx

PS - I had my smear test results back and everything is fine 😊 I'm so happy. Getting back on the TTC bandwagon trying not to talk too much about it not to pressurise myself...if possible in Feb 😊

Happy Monday, girls ❤️ Let's all have a healthy week! Xxx

@BunnytheBlueWhale You're on fire, girl 🔥 13k if you didn't go out out is hell of a result. I did 2.5k yesterday because of my back and felt physically awful. I'm in the healthy routine now and I didn't enjoy doing nothing at all. Pleased to report I'm much better today, my back is not right yet, but I'm getting there. Cancelled my dance class tonight (devastated) as Beyonce moves would have been too much... but I'll go out walking on my lunch break and maybe after work too. Get back on it gradually!

I weighed myself and I've put on a bit, however I'm around 3 days before AF and feeling the bloat is coming on. Very crampy too since about 5-6 days before AF so it might be making an appearance early. I feel like the mother of all AFs is coming 🙄

@EssJayyCee Welcome 😊 It sounds like this is the perfect thread for you, we're all mummies who lost their babies and are trying to get better physically and mentally. It's a warm and supportive place encouraging to do your best, even the smallest positive step, every day 💞 xxc

Is this thread open to Newbies?

I am 27 years old, been TTC for 19 months now. (I have irregular cycles and ovulation comes rarely so it's been impossible to conceive)

I Conceived in december but had an early miscarriage 2 weeks ago now at 6 weeks pregnant.

I am feeling alot more normal and positive about the next steps in my journey than I did this time two weeks ago.

I need to lose a stone and a half to be at a healthy weight and I have just joined WW to help with that. Fingers crossed I can keep it up!

I want to feel good in my body and gain some confidence and self-esteem!

I vowed 2020 would be mine and DP's year... so far it's been 💩 crap but hopefully the next 11 months will bring some good news and happiness!

@tortiecat thank you. We're still reeling from it all but I'm glad we do have some answers even if it's hard to hear that more could have been done.

It's been a pretty unhealthy weekend food wise. We went to 5 guys yesterday and had ice cream at the cinema. We saw The Gentleman, the new Guy Ritchie film. It was good, we enjoyed it.

I went to the yoga workshop today. It was nice, very serene and peaceful. I struggled to relax and switch off but it was a nice couple of hours with tea and cake at the end. I'd like to try some more yoga like that so am going to look into a few classes. I've also booked into some spinning and LBT at the gym this week and still try to get back into healthier meals. Here's to a healthy stress free week for us all.

@BunnytheBlueWhale They're gorgeous ❤️ I had a gorgeous cat that was my closest companion when I was going through the MMC. Sadly she passed away days after and I was crushed to bits. I still cry every time I think about her, miss her so, so much ❤️ They are our babies and family members, definitely xxx

@BunnytheBlueWhale your bunnies are gorgeous!