TTC after loss penguins get fit & healthy in 2020

@Seahawk80 finding out the sex of the baby is overwhelming sometimes. We lost a daughter too. Will you choose a name now?

I hope you are healing generally.

As for counselling @tortiecat mentions SANDS phoneline and I might try that. I went to my first counselling last week and now they've cancelled for the foreseeable future so I don't know wether to put the feelings back in a box for now or ring SANDS. It's good to know we have the option.

@tortiecat thanks for the message. I think visiting the grave is a good idea. I like to know the grave is looking tidy. Last week was our due date so we went and had breakfast with our little one. A flask and some croissants. I felt calm on the day. The week leading up to it was worse as I felt frozen.

@Mumlili9 any news from the hospital yet? I feel angry on your behalf to be honest.

And as for keeping fit I'm worried about how staying home in these strange times will affect my weight loss. I know that's a tiny concern compared to others. But I'm trying to not lose sight of my goal by munching all day and not walking. I have a hula hoop so trying to do extra with that to make up for being inside.

@Seahawk80 I'm so sorry for the loss of your DD. I'm not surprised that you're feeling overwhelmed at the minute with everything else that's going on. Are you able to follow up with the hospital on the counselling, as they haven't come back to you?

@BunnytheBee how are you feeling?

All - I'm sending you all love and hope that you and your loved ones can keep well during these worrying times xxx

@Seahawk80 I’m so sorry you’re feeling down and overwhelmed and I’m so sorry you lost your little girl. Why would your DH lose his job? I really feel like I don’t know what’s going to happen at the moment.

I’m feeling down too and I feel a bit guilty because I’ve basically had an easy day where I’ve done as I’ve pleased - run, cleaned a bit, cooked dinner and watched a fair amount of TV

💕

Thanks @BunnytheBee we prob won't be able to go but we'll get a refund. I work in travel and it's crazy at the moment. I'm lucky, my job is secure but on top of everything else DH will probably lose his job.

I've been feeling really down and overwhelmed. This is the last thing we need and the hospital haven't been in touch about the counselling despite me dealing with the head midwife last week. I also found out that the baby was a girl and it's just made it so real.

@Seahawk80 I hope you’re able to go on your holiday or have insurance. I know so many people going away at the moment and everything is so uncertain.

Hello everyone @Shefliesonherownwings @tortiecat @84TinsOfBeans @Mumlili9

I hope you’re all ok. I’m feeling a bit down. I thought it was just PMT but that has gone and I still just feel a bit meh. I have lots to be thankful for but I just feel a bit depressed the. Hopefully it’s temporary...

I keep wanting to eat though!

I did go out for a long run / walk - got a bit lost as I was trying to find my way and almost wading through mud at times but I was out around 1.5 hours and did 5 miles.

I think I’m going to try to avoid the gym now.

@84TinsOfBeans I am sending you love - I remember how exhausting that first session of counselling was. You have been so hugely brave in putting these feelings aside so that you can carry on, it's so painful when you revisit them and process everything - I hope you are OK, I'm thinking of you x
My baby arrived in early April, but it's next weekend that I am dreading as 20th March is the anniversary of the awful 20 week scan and 21st March is Mother's Day. Last year's Mother's Day was horrendous too, I just cried all day and read everything I possibly could about my baby's condition (the more I read, the worse it got). If you'd told me then that I'd be a year down the line and not pregnant again, I don't know how I would have coped!
I don't really have a plan except to cling to DH, have a cry to my own darling Mum and visit baby's grave. We want to plant some flowers, and I think we'll make some donations to charity. Thanks so much for asking.

All - I hope you're all doing OK. I'm trying to eat healthily - today's soup is leek and potato! - and do pilates today and yoga tomorrow.

@tortiecat thanks for the lovely reply. I started counselling today and I can't away so angry. The counselling went well but bringing it all up was exhausting and uncovered emotions I'd put away in order to get on with daily life. I haven't wanted to speak to my husband since this morning as I'm just so angry and tearful. I'm in the spare room having a little cry.

When is your anniversary @tortiecat? How do you plan on getting through it?

@Mumlili9 Please don't beat yourself up about the last few weeks - you've had such a horrendous time! Be gentle with yourself - make sure that you make choices so that you get the nourishment you need but don't beat yourself up. Additional weight is only temporary! x

Hello ladies I'm back. Unfortunately after my ectopic I have binge eaten my way through the last 3 weeks. I have just eaten when ever and what ever I like. I've been living in leggings because of the stitches and put my jeans on this morning (I say put them on, I tried) but couldn't do them up 😔. I have to get my act together. I can't really exercise yet due to my incisions but I can make healthier choices with meals from now on.

@Seahawk80 I'm so sorry for your loss, totally gutted for you. Will you be joining us over in the 🐧 huddle again. Be gentle on yourself xx

@Seahawk80 I'm so sorry to hear that they told you the wrong diagnosis - that must be incredibly tough on top of everything else, and I really hope that they hold their hands up to it. Very glad to hear that you have support around you in real life and that you have a holiday booked for next month. Are you back at work tonight?

@BunnytheBee that cake looks beautiful and utterly delicious, you lucky thing. I hope you enjoyed it! I'm struggling with the snacking thing too, I think we spoke about that when you first started the thread. I eat very healthy main meals but just fruit in between doesn't really do it for me unfortunately, I just feel very deprived and sad that it's not a cake! I'm not letting myself have anything after dinner... I read somewhere that you should combine carbs + protein in a snack so as to feel satisfied, so I am going to try packing something for mid-afternoon in the office, an apple and cheese or smoked salmon and an oatcake or plain yoghurt and blueberries. It's just hard turning down the treats that my lovely team bring in! I wish I liked nuts and seeds more, I can put them in porridge but just don't want to eat them on their own.

@84TinsOfBeans your plan sounds very good and sensible. I am definitely going to eat more soup and try not to eat too late. Thinking of you as your due date approaches, in case of use the SANDS telephone line was a godsend for me in August last year, I spoke to the same lady twice for half an hour each time and she was so understanding, it helped me get through it when I felt I couldn't bear the pain anymore. Counselling since has helped too, I hope you find it useful too, although I am a bit wobbly with the anniversary of my loss coming up.

Hi all. @Seahawk80 I'm so sorry for your loss, life is so cruel. I'm glad your doing well physically and we are all here for you, whatever you need. Spain at the end of april sounds lovely, a good tonic for you both hopefully.

I'm feeling better thanks, I think I it was a shock to my system having been healthy for a few weeks and then consuming so much naughty food. I'm back on it this weekend, currently enjoying a WW lunch. We are going away at the beginning of May for our anniversary so I'm hoping to be fitter and healthier for that. We've agreed this time will be a relaxing beach holiday. We were knackered after NY! Hope everyone is having a good sunday.

Thanks @BunnytheBee . I'm very lucky to have a great support network in real life. My family and friends have been amazing. I had almost 2 weeks off work and I feel ready to go back now. I'm working nights so it's quite nice to not be in my usual routine when I go back.

Don't beat yourself up about losing weight. You (and your body) have been through so much. Holiday sounds like good motivation. We're going to Spain at the end of April. We booked it as the early scans were looking so good and we had originally planned to go in September but thought we wouldn't be able to go as I'd be having a baby the week we'd booked off. I'm so glad now that did book it as it's something to look forward too and hopefully we'll go away in September too. We've got a villa with a pool just the 3 of us so should be some lovely family time.

@84TinsOfBeans I often find a banana can fill me up on a morning and then I have lunch at 12 but then I snack in an afternoon and I like something sweet after lunch and after dinner 🙈 I have got better but I need to do something. I feel like I’m getting slimmer as I’ve gone down in jeans sizes but my weight has not changed!

Sorry @BunnytheBee I should've mentioned I snack on fruit, nuts and seeds. No limit to those.
I find I'm snacking less as my porridge fills me up so much and I'm trying to drink water.

I drink a massive mug of decaf tea when I get up which gets me to near enough 10 without being hungry

Do you snack @84TinsOfBeans?

I think snacking is my issue

@BunnytheBee I know we are in the keep fit thread together as well but I can tell you what's working for me if that helps.

I have a similar amount of weight to lose as you. I have a Monday to Friday rule of eating porridge for breakfast (massive bowl full of nuts, seeds and dried fruits). Then soup and one chunky piece of bread for lunch and a normal meal in the evening. I start eating at 10 am or later and I finish eating at 6pm.

I do what I want on the weekend.

I've lost around 2lb a week for the last three weeks.

It’s awful that they gave you the wrong diagnosis @Seahawk80 I think a lot more care needs to be taken by the health professionals and I think you’re doing right to have it investigated if you’re feeling up to it. Even not having the anti D is not good enough. I’m glad you’re feeling ok physically but take it easy. I hope you have strong support in real life. Do you have some time off work?

I hope everyone else is ok

I really need to get my act together and try to lose a bit of weight. I’m not overweight but I’m still about a size bigger than I was before I had my DD, a year ago now, and I think I need to lose at least half a stone. I was thinking a stone but that’s probably a lot...

I’ve had excuse after excuse with Christmas, DD anniversary and my birthday but I need it do get on it now.

Especially if I’m going to Dubai end of June that might give me something to aim for to get in shape... I don’t feel like I’m eating that badly though and I’m a bit reluctant to go in the gym as much due to the germs (won’t go on about CV but it is a consideration)

So will try to do little things:

• Cut down on treats / unhealthy snacks

• Take a walk at lunchtime / get up throughout the day so I’m not constantly sitting (by taking lunch into work, which was part of being healthy, it ends up meaning I don’t go out and just sit at my desk)

Sorry for the long post

Thanks @84TinsOfBeans - I think she was looking at the wrong notes. She called me with the results but I was driving and called back. The head midwife is following up on it. Let's see if they hold their hands up or try to deny it and say it was a misunderstanding- which it couldn't have been in a million years. I'm going to see how she handles it and if I'm happy with it and if I'm not I'll make a PALS complaint. I did last time about the awful sonographer at my nuchal scan and to be fair they were excellent this time but then it all fell apart after that.

It's good the hospital put your suggestions into place. At least you will be helping other people in a very sad situation.

The counseller is going to contact me. I'm still not 100% decided but I think it will be helpful. Especially as I think we will try again but I can't even think about that at the moment. I hope that yours is helpful and that you feel ok over your due date.

Physically I'm fine, being v careful not to overdo it and end up in pain. Mentally I'm not great. I've been ok pottering about at home with DS and DH and seeing friends. Went back to work for my night shift last night and the person I was working with is an old friend, he asked if I was ok as I'd been off sick on Friday and I just burst into tears. I think it was partly because it was someone I'm close to if that makes sense.

@Seahawk80 that's absolutely dreadful giving you the wrong diagnosis. How could that have happened? I'm glad you are following it up as it will help the next desperate person in this situation as the staff will tighten up procedures.

When I lost my daughter at 20 weeks it was a catalogue of awful but easily avoidable scenarios and comments by staff. I wrote a letter detailing what had happened and how easily things could be tweaked (for free in a an underfunded NHS) and they've put all me suggestions in place. It made me feel like I'd changed things for the better for the next woman. I found comfort in that.

@Seahawk80 are you physically recovering and are you able to access counselling? Mine starts on Tuesday which has is timely as my due date is Friday.

Thanks everyone for the messages. I'm doing as well as can be expected. Had the termination on Thursday and it went fine. I have to say that last time was much easier, the wait was too long at hospital so they referred me to Marie stopes whereas this time it was at hospital and it was so frustrating. Waited around for hours, then my waters went from the meds and luckily they took me straight to theatre as I was scared I'd start to have contractions (had a horrible labour with DS and it makes me sick to think of it). They then didn't have my anti D even though I'd been told it was ordered so had to either wait around for hours or go back the next day. Then got home to find the letter with my CVS results. The baby had Edwards, not Patau as I was told on the phone. It's made me so angry, yes they both have a similar prognosis and we knew anyway that the heart problems were fatal but it's not the point. To be given the wrong diagnosis is unforgivable. Also at my hospital there are a specialist team of midwives who just deal with "abnormal" 12 week
Scans and follow up so they should know what they are doing. I called them and they at first tried to say it was a misunderstanding but I remember it so clearly and even said to her was it def not Edwards as my odds were 1/11 and the markers all pointed towards that diagnosis. I'm now dealing with the head midwife who is going to investigate. It's the last thing I needed but I couldn't let it go.

Other than that I feel fine physically. I'll give myself a bit more rest and then get back on the couch to 5k. I'm also getting myself a new bike once I'm back at work and I'm looking forward to cycling to work again - one way to avoid coronavirus!!

@tortiecat I’m sorry you’re feeling down. The anniversaries are hard and I found the lead up to it v tough too. Well done on going to the gym but don’t be hard on yourself if you haven’t been eating too well.

I don’t think I’ve lost any weight since Christmas. Im going to try harder from next week. I know, I should start today. But I still have birthday sweets and cake! Also I still have PMT and feel a bit crap.

Here is a pic of one of my cakes

Hello everyone,

I'm sorry I went AWOL once again. I have been having a Pity Party for One recently - it's almost a year since I lost my son. I'm taking tiny steps to climb up from rock bottom but it's hard, Eeyore would have nothing on me these last few weeks! Just struggling to take pleasure in anything or feel hopeful about the future. I've been carrying on with my 4 / 5 gym classes a week so feeling fitter and stronger, but the diet has gone to pot so I've put on weight again - I'm definitely checking in more often now!

@Seahawk80 I can't even say how sad and angry I am for you that this has happened to you again - I am so sorry. I am thinking of you and sending lots of love.

@Shefliesonherownwings I am glad that you enjoyed NYC, and hope that you feel better soon.

@VenusStarr well done on your weight loss! Where are you off to on your hols?

@BunnytheBee happy birthday to you! Please tell me all about your cakes from this week and I can dream about them whilst I make some soup :D

@Seahawk80 how are you coping? (I'm not new here but I've name changed).